Episode 3

Vic and Nic - Sober, Alcohol Free Stories and pyjama armour!

Published on: 4th October, 2024

Today I talk to Nic about her realisation that thinking about drinking had crept up on her and inhabited way too much head space! She shares her story, and how Pyjamas, books and some serious decision making have supported her for 4 fabulous years of alcohol free living!

Transcript
Speaker:

Hi, everybody.

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I'm Victoria and I don't drink.

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Today, I'm going to be talking

to Nick about her journey to

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over four years of sobriety.

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She was shared with you, her story,

the insidious nature of the increase in

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alcohol intake and how pajama armor really

can fend off that whispering line, which.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Hi Nick,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Hi Vic, lovely to speak to you.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: lovely

to speak to you Thank you podcast.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

So exciting.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: And I want to

congratulate you because I saw on our

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WhatsApp group today that you are 1, 550

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Sober today, which is phenomenal.

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I did the maths on my calculator

and that's over four years,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Four and four years and I think it's

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four years and three months at the end

of the week or something like that.

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Mad when you think about it.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: So Nick and

I met through Saberistas, which is an

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online community that I've mentioned

in previous podcasts, probably will

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mention in every podcast because

it was such a great tool for me.

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and it was one of the first people

who really helped me to just get

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my head around that I had to do.

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Something about this myself and

gave me a good talking to at the

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beginning, said, right, this is,

this is up to you, Vic, like, crack

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Commit,

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: and

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

commit Vic.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: That was it.

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And we'll look after

you, but you gotta do it.

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And I have told you before that I will

always remember that because it made me

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really take responsibility for what I

wanted to do, and I've never been happier.

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So thank you.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

We've had a lot of fun haven't

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we getting to know each other

over the last few years.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

We have had a lot of fun.

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We've been on little

away trips and all sorts.

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It's been really great.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Lots of adventures.

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Don't mention the cows.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Oh

yeah, don't mention the cows.

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You can maybe tell them

about the cows later.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Maybe, yeah.

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,

-:

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all about,, people's stories.

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So I just want to know a bit more

about you , and hopefully there's

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someone out there who will resonate

with you , and it might just help

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them on their journey to sobriety.

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So tell us a little bit about

yourself and your decision to

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become sober over four years ago.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Okay, so I am probably fairly and

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squarely in the category of what

people would call a grey area drinker.

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So somebody who has not had a huge rock

bottom, hasn't had any dramatic traumas

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around drinking particularly, my friends

and family, I think, would have said

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I didn't have a problem with drinking.

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I never had issues with my job.

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I never had issues with my family.

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I just used to use wine in the

evening as a way of relaxing after

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a busy day, as a lot of people do.

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And it's something that was always

recreational and felt very safe for me.

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In the sense that, you know,

I don't didn't come from a

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family where alcohol was abused.

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It was literally very middle

class glasses of wine with dinner.

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So it was extremely normalized.

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and just part of, , a civilized

evening and a lovely dinner.

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So it, that's why I say it felt

safe because it was, , very

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much in the background.

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Nobody talked about the dangers of it.

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Nobody talked about it being addictive.

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Nobody talked about it

being a toxic carcinogen.

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In fact, the headlines would be

things like, Oh, a glass of red

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wine is good for your heart.

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And so, this was the background

of my drinking and it never

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occurred to me, really, to

question it until,, quite late on.

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So I started drinking, probably

at university, like a lot of

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people, didn't overuse it.

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Carried on drinking when I

started work, didn't overuse it.

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. , but the amounts steadily

crept up over my 30s and 40s.

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Again, probably within a lot

of people's normal limits.

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And it was only when I was in my

late 40s, that I realized that I

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didn't like the fact that I was

looking forward to wine in the

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evening too much, if that makes sense.

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So, I think, it's a story that's familiar

to a lot of us, but you go on holiday and

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you're looking forward to the holiday,

but you're also more than the holiday,

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looking forward to the glasses of wine

in the evening, or you're looking forward

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to seeing friends, but more than that,

you're looking forward to the glass of

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wine that you're drinking with friends.

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And so I gradually realized that I was.

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Looking forward to the wine more

than all the other good things.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: I

have this dawning sense of unease that

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something wasn't quite right if it was

such a huge focus and yeah, it's something

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that it took me a long time to grapple

with the fact that it was a problem.

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And like a lot of us, I kept.

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Because I wanted to normalize it and I

wanted to carry on drinking, I clung onto

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the headlines that were,, saying that

a glass of wine is good for your heart.

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And I tried to minimize the headlines

that were saying you must not drink more

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than 14 units a week, which I was doing.

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So, yeah, I had a lot of sort of

mental to ing and fro ing over

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this, , for quite a few years.

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And part of the issue for me

was I just didn't know a lot

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of people who didn't drink.

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Everybody in my friends and

family was a moderate drinker.

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Nobody had tremendous problems, but

nobody was completely sober either.

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So I didn't have any good role models.

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Equally, there was nothing

really scarily off putting.

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So I was almost allowed to carry on

this middle way of, , bimbling along

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thinking it was safe when of course,

for me, it wasn't really, and it

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wasn't much fun either because , you

start to get very obsessed by it.

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Um, you, you know, you're

obsessed by, is it six o'clock?

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Can I have a glass of wine?

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And then.

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However, many units this week,

so I mustn't lose track of the

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units and I mustn't go over 40 and

it's just, it becomes so boring.

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, and I had more and more of these

thoughts that it was taking

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up far too much headspace.

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, and I could also see that

I had, very demanding job.

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And that was great because it kept.

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Me within very clear boundaries.

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So I had to always be up early

in the mornings, and I had to be

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always on my A game, and I had to

be, thinking about things and making

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good decisions, and da da da da da.

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Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't an option for

me to get trollied and get hung over and,

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be a disgrace in the mornings because,

my job was very important to me and

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performing well was very important to me.

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But I could see that, once I got to the

point where I hit retirement, which, it's

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still a way off, but it's not that far

off, those boundaries wouldn't be there.

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And I was thinking, hang on, I

can't go through my life when I'm

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retired or when I'm on holiday.

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And, Just obsessing about

wine the whole time because

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

to be more to life so for me It wasn't

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a it wasn't anything catastrophic.

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It was just taking up far

too much time, far too much

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money, far too much headspace.

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And I'm getting the feeling that it's

diminishing my life to a point where,

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you know, I'm going to have to say I've

had enough of it diminishing my life.

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But of course, the flip side of that was,

I thought I absolutely loved drinking.

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And I thought I absolutely

loved a nice glass of wine.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Mm

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Uh, and the thought of having to

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stop was just really depressing.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Well,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I thought, well, what am I going to do?

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

something, don't you?

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yes, exactly.

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You think it's going to be deprived

and boring and blah de blah de blah.

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Uh, and if only I'd known that it wasn't

gonna be any of those things, I would

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have made the decision much, much sooner.

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But as it was, I sort of got forced

into it by the fact of my Sensible brain

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going, this is getting ridiculous.

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There is so much more to life, and

it's completely disproportionate the

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amount of time you're spending on it.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: it's so great

though, that you have that sensible

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brain and I think like the story

that you tell is really interesting

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because there are people who have a

rock bottom, of course there are, and we

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know people who've had a terrible time,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Mm-Hmm

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

and have lost everything, um,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

mm-Hmm.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: but there

are probably a lot more people

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who are sitting in that gray area.

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Drinking and, , and, you know,

we all probably know them.

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, I was also one of those people, I

wasn't getting up in the morning

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and drinking, but I don't know

if I ever would have done that.

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You don't, you don't know where it could

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: No.

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You don't know, do you?

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You don't know.

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Mm-Hmm.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: and I had

the chatter that you're talking about,

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so, you know, the, what time, what

time can I have my glass of wine?

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And then,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah,

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

quickly have I drunk that?

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Oh, how

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: glass of wine?

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Am I quicker?

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Are they slower?

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Why aren't they getting

another glass of wine?

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It's that whole

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

like having a nagging toddler, isn't it?

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That, , you're trying to have a sensible,

adult life with lots of fun, fun things

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in it that are all bright and shiny.

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And there's this little voice

pulling at your RBA, Is it

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time for a glass of wine yet?

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I put up with it for years.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: And

I think it's difficult because when it

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starts off, , when you start off drinking,

particularly if you're just drinking

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with friends at university, it starts

off very, for me, it was very occasional

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and it really wasn't a problem and I

could completely take it or leave it.

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It started off completely peripheral to

my life, and then it gradually became this

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huge thing in the middle of my life and

it moved very quietly from peripheral,

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, and it took decades to get to the point

that it was, taking up too much space.

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Really.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: And that

does make you wonder, doesn't it?

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What then would have happened

in the next 20 years?

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Exactly.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: sort of

feel, I often feel a bit saved by this.

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So people will say to me, Oh,

well, why did you stop drinking?

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Or were you an alcoholic

or did you have a problem?

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I don't really like the term alcoholic.

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I think it puts some weird label on it.

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It makes you feel uncomfortable.

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It actually blames the person.

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You know, this is.

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a substance that is addictive that we all

drink and all started drinking probably

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at, well, legally 18, probably for me

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Mm-Hmm.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: friends.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And also, none of us, , if you'd

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said to me like four, four and a

half years ago, was I an alcoholic?

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I would have said no.

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And I think you would have said the same.

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And probably on a lot of tests

of, , is somebody alcoholic?

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, I wasn't physically addicted.

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I stopped , without any

physical withdrawal whatsoever

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: yeah.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

stopped drinking.

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So I think it's not a helpful label as

well, because a lot of us don't feel

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when we stop, we were in that category

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

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It

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: or

that we had that, that sort of problem.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: label

stopped me stopping because I

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: well, this

is so normal and, there's nothing

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wrong with having wine every day.

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, I mean, I wouldn't, I don't think I'd

ever drop my kids off at school without

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somebody saying to me, Oh, can't wait for

my glass of wine tonight at five o'clock

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,

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

so, you know, that

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

It was really, it's normal.

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It is normalized in society.

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, But yeah, it does start to have an impact.

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So , you just slowly and surely

realized that it was not serving you.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yes.

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And, and , the reason that I got how

I got to that realization really was

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because like a lot of us, I tried to do

the whole, I think I'll have three days

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a week off, or I'll never drink more

than 10 units a week, or, whatever it

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was, we make all these rules, don't we?

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: was

incredibly difficult to stick to them.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: It's

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And even when I was doing that.

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, so I suppose what I was trying to do is to

get it to take up less space in my life.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Mm hmm.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: And

the problem was that although I put in

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place all these rules, and I could keep

the amount I was drinking within limits.

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It was still taking up the same amount

of space in my life because I was still

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thinking about it and about the limits

and about the how many days I'd, you

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know, if I'd had Monday and Tuesday

off well that meant I could drink on

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Tuesday blah blah blah blah blah and it

didn't minimize the headspace at all.

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So it hadn't solved what for me

was the real problem which was the

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amount of headspace it was taking up.

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And I think for me that the absolute,

You were asking, before about what

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was the critical moment for me.

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And I had a really clear memory

of when I was at university.

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And we would drink regularly, but it

was completely take it or leave it.

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And I just didn't care, , if we

went out to a great event and

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there was , nothing to drink, but

cups of tea and sparkling water.

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I was completely happy.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: hmm.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Whereas nowadays, if you went out to

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an event in the evening, you would be

pretty miffed if there wasn't a decent

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glass of wine and I thought, hang on,,

I used to not even think about it.

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And now I spend so much time, , there's

so much headspace taken up by it.

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That is not, , I, I've had enough of

the amount of headspace it's taking up.

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And that's, that's what I

was wanting to get rid of.

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I was wanting to stop, , it's the

classic, the Bell Robertson phrase,

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tired of thinking about drinking.

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I just had enough of the amount of

space it was taking up in my life.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: I

completely agree with that.

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I was very tired of thinking

about drinking as well.

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I mean, my story was slightly

different in that my university

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days were full of drinking.

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They were a little bit crazy, but

actually, I almost don't look back

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on those and feel like I've changed.

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Bad about that because it sort of,

that was the environment and it

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah,

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: don't really

regret, I don't regret a lot of, , stuff

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generally, because I just think you

learn from things as you go anyway.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Exactly.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: regret that.

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I made some amazing friends.

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, squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: I

know you're a bit younger than me, but it

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was still, , we was within the same sort

of generation of, , that really, , boozy

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down the college bar type existence.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: yeah.

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It's a bit different when you reach

your late 40s though, isn't it?

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And perhaps it doesn't

look quite the same.

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And for me, there was just few moments

where I probably thought, Hmm, but

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I probably wish I hadn't said that

to that person or what was I saying

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Oh, yeah, no, absolutely.

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Yeah, I totally agree.

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I totally agree.

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But, but I think also the

qualitative difference for me was

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that before, certainly the sort of

first, first 10 years I was drinking,

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it was very take it or leave it.

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And it was only, much later

in life , that , it became

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more, I was more addicted.

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Let's, let's be honest.

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That's what had happened.

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It had moved from being, , something that

I wasn't addicted to, to something that

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I was addicted to, even if it wasn't.

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to the level of physical withdrawal,

but mentally , the dopamine

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dependence was definitely there.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah, and I

mean, that's, I'd say that's the .Same

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for probably more than half of the

population to be honest today who have

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not decided that they're going to stop.

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So, I don't see any shame in that.

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Like we've made a decision

to stop doing something that

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was making us feel miserable

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

and I'd grown up in this sort of

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culture, the whole, just say no,

you know, don't do drugs culture.

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And that really had an impact on me.

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So.

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Other sorts of drugs.

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I was, I've never have been interested

in at all, but for some reason

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I never thought about alcohol.

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It just didn't occur to me we weren't

taught about it which is stupid because

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the information's always been out there,

but it just didn't occur to me that it's

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basically a, a drug in a class of its own.

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So, , for me, the gateway to

making sobriety stick was to read

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up on it and go, Oh yeah, it really

is an addictive toxic carcinogen.

328

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

329

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

literally had no idea

330

:

until I was about 48.

331

:

I mean, it's just hilarious, isn't it?

332

:

When you think about it,

333

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

334

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I really was that ignorant.

335

:

Yeah.

336

:

Totally, totally, but it doesn't start

you feeling a bit of an idiot when

337

:

you do suddenly start reading up.

338

:

You know, you start reading the quick

list and, ah, yes, that'll be why.

339

:

Yeah, exactly.

340

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: on offer.

341

:

But yeah, you're the same

as most people, aren't you?

342

:

That's not surprising at all.

343

:

Um,

344

:

yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

345

:

Yeah, absolutely.

346

:

, and so what, what Quiklit did you read?

347

:

What would you recommend if someone

was looking for a book to help

348

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: Wow.

349

:

Oh, I mean, as you know, Vic, none better.

350

:

Old William Porter, good old William

Porter, , is a massive favourite,

351

:

isn't he,, and I, he wasn't the

first quick lit book I read.

352

:

But he's one of my favorites

just because I do like the whole

353

:

straight talking, no nonsense.

354

:

Plus I'm a lawyer as well by training.

355

:

So, lawyer speaks to lawyer and I

might tell it like it is William.

356

:

, so I, I love Alcohol

Explained one and two.

357

:

I love them both.

358

:

, and their books that I, I do go back to.

359

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

360

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

he'd be, he'd be in my top list.

361

:

Annie Grace as well.

362

:

I love this Naked Mind.

363

:

That was, that was for me a real

gateway into, into other Quiklet and

364

:

I found that really helpful initially.

365

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

366

:

Yeah.

367

:

And I think she also actually has

a Facebook group, This Naked Mind.

368

:

I think you can join a

Facebook group of hers as well.

369

:

there's loads of those out

there now as well, isn't there?

370

:

What I liked about Alcohol Explained,

which I won't go into in too much

371

:

detail because obviously I'm going

to be speaking to William in a couple

372

:

of weeks, which is also exciting.

373

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I'm very envious.

374

:

Yeah,

375

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: she?

376

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

well we all are Vic, we all are.

377

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: but yeah, I've

been re listening to his books and, and

378

:

just some of the, the really obvious.

379

:

Things that, you know, you

think, that's why that happens.

380

:

Stupid things like the water drinking.

381

:

I was a fanatic water drinker.

382

:

If I drink water before I go to

sleep, I'm going to like feel

383

:

much better in the morning.

384

:

It, you know, won't be impacted

by the, Seven large glasses

385

:

of Pinot that I've just had.

386

:

And then, and then the next day I'd

wake up feeling terrible and just

387

:

having gone to the loo all night.

388

:

And he explains all those

things really well, doesn't he?

389

:

About, you know, anyway,

we'll let everybody

390

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah.

391

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Great books.

392

:

Read them if you

393

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Highly recommend.

394

:

Yeah.

395

:

Highly recommend.

396

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Me too.

397

:

, so it's not the easiest of things to do.

398

:

Stopping drinking in this booze

soaked world we find ourselves in.

399

:

What was your biggest challenge

400

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

my biggest challenge undoubtedly was

401

:

getting through the first six weeks.

402

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

403

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: And

the times in the six weeks that I found

404

:

most difficult were the evenings because

I was so used to, a routine of, finish

405

:

work or finish whatever it is you're doing

and sit down and have a glass of wine.

406

:

So that was the most difficult

thing for me was developing a

407

:

routine that didn't involve that.

408

:

And once I cracked that, then

that made a massive difference.

409

:

, I vividly remember the first, probably

at about six weeks in four to six weeks

410

:

in the first time I had an evening and

I suddenly realized just before bed, I

411

:

haven't thought about drinking at all.

412

:

And it was just such an exciting,

moment because I knew then that

413

:

it was possible and I was going

to, I was going to be free of it

414

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: yeah.

415

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

soon.

416

:

Uh, that was a fantastic moment, but

I had to put in place other stuff.

417

:

So, I gave myself a pass to buy

whatever books I wanted because I'm

418

:

a massive reader and every night I

would basically go to bed very early,

419

:

the old pyjama armor,, which You know,

is a luxury anyway to be able to jump

420

:

into bed with a really good book really

got me through the first six weeks.

421

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

For yourself, isn't it?

422

:

And just

423

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly.

424

:

Yeah.

425

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: enjoy.

426

:

I

427

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And it was locked down.

428

:

You see as well when I stopped.

429

:

So, you know, that you couldn't go out.

430

:

And do that much.

431

:

And, I do a lot of exercise anyway, so

it wasn't, I didn't want to be going

432

:

out for runs in the evening because

I'm already completely knackered

433

:

by the time I get to the evening.

434

:

Yeah,

435

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: There

was something about in the early

436

:

days, I actually, there was a song

that I kept playing because it

437

:

feels a bit like a breakup, right?

438

:

When you go through that beginning bit,

439

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

yeah,

440

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: like

a little relationship breakup

441

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

yeah, yeah, yeah.

442

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: your love.

443

:

Your friend there who used to

hang out with you all the time.

444

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And you do have this emotional yearning,

445

:

don't you, for your glass of wine?

446

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: and

I remember part of, there was a

447

:

song that I was listening to and

it said something about the day.

448

:

day kind of blurring into nights, I

really felt like that because for

449

:

me, that, between the daytime and the

nighttime was opening the wine time and

450

:

then, and that's how I defined it's now

the evening and I can wind down and

451

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah,

452

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

so I agree with you that

453

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

same here.

454

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: big challenge

for me just to, it's actually, and

455

:

now, it's, it's, It's okay that the day

kind of goes through into the night.

456

:

You've just got more time

and space and you can

457

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Oh, it's brilliant.

458

:

It's

459

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Like you've just said.

460

:

Yeah.

461

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah,

462

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

completely understand that.

463

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And to have that freedom, , all the way

464

:

through the day and into the evenings, and

, there's never a time when you're not free.

465

:

That's the beauty of it.

466

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

467

:

Isn't it?

468

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And it's such a fantastic gift.

469

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: It really is.

470

:

You kind of wish you could bottle

it up and just give it to people who

471

:

are thinking about it and go, this

is what it's going to be like, do it.

472

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

It's going to be magic.

473

:

It's going to be really magical.

474

:

Yeah.

475

:

Yeah,

476

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

477

:

And you'll know yourself and you'll

care about yourself and you'll love

478

:

yourself and all those things that

maybe you don't right now because of,

479

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly.

480

:

Yeah.

481

:

Yeah.

482

:

You've got all this great

stuff to look forward to.

483

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Hopefully

somebody will listen to that and

484

:

go, right, I'm definitely trying

485

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Well, , a way I always think about,

486

:

and like I said, the way that

was the window in for me was to,

487

:

was to think back and recapture.

488

:

That feeling you're a child or whether

it's , when you were at university,

489

:

that carefree feeling that, , the

whole day is yours and the evening's

490

:

yours and you're completely free.

491

:

Yeah.

492

:

If you can cast your mind back to whenever

that was for you, it's such a powerful

493

:

motivator to be able to reclaim that.

494

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Oh, absolutely.

495

:

So, I was going to ask

you about your tools.

496

:

,

-:

497

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: have

any particular tools that you use?

498

:

And if you do, would you share

them so that others can try them?

499

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I found reading the Quibblet

500

:

incredibly important because , it

worked really effectively for me

501

:

to reframe not drinking as not a

deprivation, but actually freedom.

502

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yes.

503

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

that's something that I wholeheartedly,

504

:

, believe now and , I'm so pleased that

that's my mindset because I think without

505

:

that mindset, if you're always feeling

deprived and always feeling that you're

506

:

missing out, it would be very difficult

507

:

and actually, I don't feel

I'm missing out at all.

508

:

And you could not pay me to

make me start drinking again.

509

:

Yeah, that was, that was a

really powerful tool for me.

510

:

And it's something that if ever I

feel myself getting complacent, I

511

:

will go back and read some quick lit,

512

:

,

-:

513

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Whether it's autobiographical

514

:

quick lit like Claire Pooley I love,

Catherine Gray I love, or whether

515

:

it's something a bit more factual.

516

:

, David Nutt's book, , Drink is another

really, really good factual one.

517

:

So I'll go back and read

something like that if I ever

518

:

start feeling a bit complacent.

519

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

520

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I don't do it so much now, but I did to

521

:

start with and I gave myself permission

to spend, , all the money I would have

522

:

spent on wine, on books, so that I always

had great stuff to read because for me,

523

:

if I've got Some fantastic novel to read

that I could just dive into it's just the

524

:

best mind altering drug Of all for me

525

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

526

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

was such a fantastic thing to have so

527

:

those were my big tools I think and

also I mean the other thing that you

528

:

and I talked about initially which was

vital for me was I said to myself, I am

529

:

not going to drink for a hundred days.

530

:

So no matter what happens, I'm not

going to drink for a hundred days.

531

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Mm

532

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And so every time I had, , one of

533

:

those cravings in the early days,

what I said to, what we call the

534

:

wine, which was, you couldn't, You

might have to bleep this bit out.

535

:

You can fuck off and come back

on day 101, but you're not, I'm

536

:

not discussing it with you now.

537

:

It's not happening.

538

:

Day 101, we'll have a discussion, but

we're not having a discussion now.

539

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: I

540

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: So

it was absolutely cast iron for me that I

541

:

wasn't going to drink for a hundred days

542

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

543

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And of course, by the time I got to

544

:

the hundred days, I was really keen

to carry on with it, but it meant

545

:

that I'd made that decision once

and , I wasn't trying to stop and I

546

:

wasn't wondering whether I could stop.

547

:

I had just said to myself, this

is happening for a hundred days.

548

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

549

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: it.

550

:

No, no more discussion.

551

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

552

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

decisions.

553

:

The decision's been made.

554

:

So yeah.

555

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

freeing about that as well.

556

:

when you said to me, cause I

remember coming on a zoom call very,

557

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah.

558

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: four

559

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I remember that Zoom call.

560

:

Yeah.

561

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: And

I said, what if I slip up?

562

:

What if I, what if I have a drink?

563

:

And you just said to me, well,

you're not going to, this, you

564

:

said this isn't your fault,

565

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

You've committed.

566

:

You've committed for a hundred days.

567

:

Yeah.

568

:

I don't think, I don't think

569

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

quite strict, but I like that.

570

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

it necessarily works for everybody, but

571

:

I know I knew it worked for me and I

thought it would probably work for you

572

:

because I think in that sense, we're

quite similar that, that we are very much.

573

:

You make the decision , and then

you park the decision that's

574

:

been made and then you move on,

575

:

um,

576

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: from any

577

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly,

578

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I, it's done now,

579

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly.

580

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: And that's

581

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah.

582

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: on

to develop my, I don't drink.

583

:

Like there's no,

584

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

It's brilliant.

585

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: here.

586

:

I don't drink.

587

:

It's that simple.

588

:

So there is nothing that you can

589

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

It's clear cut.

590

:

Yeah, it's so clear cut.

591

:

And, and , the other thing is that a

hundred days isn't that long, and I

592

:

knew for me, , I knew for me that after,

decades of drinking, more often than not,

593

:

as in I had more days when I drank than

days where I didn't, I really deserved

594

:

to give my body a hundred days off wine.

595

:

it's not much to ask, is it?

596

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: it's

597

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

days off.

598

:

So yeah.

599

:

That's how I looked at it.

600

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: that you, I

love that you got yourself booked, but if

601

:

anyone's not a big reader who's listening,

I saved up and got myself a diamond ring.

602

:

So, you know, you can

choose what your thing is.

603

:

Oh dear.

604

:

But we

605

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah, but I think anything,

606

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: isn't it?

607

:

To treat

608

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

yeah, it's, it's having a

609

:

reward , and having a, having

something you've saved up for.

610

:

I think that's really, really important.

611

:

That's really important.

612

:

Whatever it is, it could be a holiday,

it could be books, it could be beautiful

613

:

food, it could be perfume, it could be

whatever floats your boat, , some amazing

614

:

piece of clothing or some amazing handbag.

615

:

I mean, whatever it is that,

that you think, oh, I could never

616

:

afford that, but I can if I stop

drinking for a hundred days.

617

:

Yeah, go for it.

618

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: adds up.

619

:

If you add up

620

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Really does.

621

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: like

622

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

It really does.

623

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: got a

good chunk of money that you can

624

:

go and get yourself something nice.

625

:

Even if it's just a nice pair of

pajamas and a bit of skincare and

626

:

get into bed and read that book.

627

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Anything like that.

628

:

Yeah.

629

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: not to

630

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Never underestimate a

631

:

good pair of pajamas.

632

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: No, we all

get new pyjamas, don't we, round about

633

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

We did.

634

:

I got some with lions on so that I could

be as brave as a lion in my pajama armor.

635

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Nothing beats it.

636

:

No one can come and get you if you've

got your PJs on and you're just

637

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly.

638

:

If you're under your duvet

in your pajama armor,

639

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah,

640

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

the world is, the world is a good place.

641

:

Yeah.

642

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: is.

643

:

It is.

644

:

So, well, that time has zoomed past.

645

:

Which I knew would happen because

once we get chatting, we never stop.

646

:

, but a last question for you, , if

you were gonna speak to Nick five

647

:

years ago, so thinking about this

whole thing, , would you say to her

648

:

about what it's like to be sober?

649

:

Yeah.

650

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Oh, I'd say do it quickly.

651

:

Do it as soon as you can

because it's so great.

652

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

653

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

great.

654

:

I, like you, I'm not a great one for

regrets, but the only thing I regret

655

:

is that I didn't do it years ago or

actually even that I started drinking

656

:

at all because why did I even bother?

657

:

Because actually it's

so great not drinking.

658

:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah,

659

:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

You can't convey apart from remembering

660

:

how free you were before you started

drinking and how happy you were.

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:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: yeah,

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:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

bottle that in, you know, go

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:

back to that in your head and

think, I can go back there.

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:

Do it

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:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: done it.

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:

I've done it.

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:

We know hundreds of people who've done it.

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:

So, so if anyone's thinking about

it, take Nick's advice to Nick

669

:

and, uh, get on the sober bus.

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:

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

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:

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I've really enjoyed it.

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:

Lots of love.

673

:

Take care.

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:

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Bye.

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:

Bye

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:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

Thank you for listening to our

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:

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

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:

If you felt that it helped you, make

sure that you like, share and follow.

679

:

And leave a review on podchaser.

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:

com.

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:

And remember, make your

catchphrase, I don't drink

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About the Podcast

Sober, Alcohol Free Stories
"I Don't Drink"
If you’ve ever googled “do I drink too much” this podcast is for you!

This is for those of you who end up wondering what’s wrong with you, questioning how your friends can possibly drink so slowly, or worse can just have one with dinner (aliens). For those of you who have tried to moderate, just a Thursday, only red wine, not before 6, not after 9, not if I’m wearing blue 😊

For those of you who secretly don’t enjoy the theatre because you know the show will be an interruption to a booze filled evening. For those who fall out with loved ones, lose handbags, feel lonely or shameful the morning after, wear sunglasses on the school run, or enjoy way too many mints for an average human. For those who need something to change but feel it it’s impossible to break up with their loyal companion – booze.

The good news is you are NOT weird, or alone, there’s millions of us, just like you. You CAN stop drinking alcohol. I know this because until Jan 2022 I was all the above, and now “I don’t drink”.

In this podcast we will delve in to what it takes to become alcohol free in a society that’s quite frankly obsessed with drinking! I’ll talk to people just like you and me, some near the beginning of their alcohol-free life, and some further along, but all with one thing in common, the courage to stare booze in the face and say NO, NOT ME, NOT ANYMORE! They will share their sliding doors moments, regrets, loves, pink clouds and the tools that have helped them to succeed.

We will show you that life without the “wine witch” is actually pretty amazing, how we all thought we were losing something, but what we have gained is insurmountable. We will share how our lives transformed, skin began to glow, sleep became deep and relaxing, bodies became healthy, relationships flourished, careers progressed, and our minds were at peace. WE will show you that you deserve the chance to be happy and free and turn what may seem impossible into possible.

Listen along and join me in making your catchphrase “I don’t drink”.

About your host

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VICTORIA Banat