Episode 4

Vic and Mikey - Sober, Alcohol Free Stories and instant upgrades!

Published on: 11th October, 2024

This week I'm talking to Mikey about his path to sober living and his online support group Sober Society UK. He discusses how he has battled with male drinking culture, and reminds us that success comes in many forms, and we should always keep trying to be our best selves.

Transcript
Speaker:

Hi, everybody.

2

:

I'm Vic and I don't drink.

3

:

Today, I'll be talking to Mikey

about how his bravery to address

4

:

the norms of mountain king culture.

5

:

Led to a 5,000 strong

following on this community.

6

:

Facebook group, saber society, UK.

7

:

Mikey tells us how he became a better

parent friend and partner and disguise

8

:

with real coverage that it's not always

a straight line to save a living yet.

9

:

Despite some of his setbacks

he's been keeping on keeping on.

10

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: So a really

warm welcome, Mikey, and thank you

11

:

for coming onto my podcast today.

12

:

You're the first person that I've

spoken to that I don't actually know.

13

:

So it will be interesting

to see how we go tonight.

14

:

And I'm really keen to get to

know you alongside anyone that

15

:

chooses to listen to the podcast.

16

:

So welcome.

17

:

It's all about you.

18

:

It's all about who you are and how you got

where you are and some of your top tips.

19

:

So I'm going to hand over to you is if

you could tell us a little bit about

20

:

you now and who you are and obviously

about your Facebook page, cause that's

21

:

interesting for us to know about as well.

22

:

And then maybe go back and tell us a bit

about the stories, how you got there.

23

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Yeah, no problem.

24

:

My name's Mikey Darlington.

25

:

I live in Staffordshire.

26

:

I created a Facebook group.

27

:

One day I think I just had enough

of my behavior through drinking.

28

:

I was on the carousel of doom.

29

:

It felt like.

30

:

And I found that I had nowhere to

really go to where people got me.

31

:

I attended an AA meeting and

it's a fabulous charity for many.

32

:

Anything that helps people is brilliant.

33

:

So I'm not knocking AA by any means

at all, but I just didn't feel

34

:

connected with what was going on there.

35

:

And it left me just thinking

that there's got to be more,

36

:

there's got to be somewhere.

37

:

There's got to be something that I

can identify with and with people.

38

:

So I started a Facebook group and.

39

:

under the name Sober Society.

40

:

And literally started with

one, one member, which was me.

41

:

And over the last two years, which

is when I started it, it's natural

42

:

growth, which is really good to see.

43

:

But reason I started it, like I said,

about the the carousel of doom, I

44

:

just felt That my behavior under the

influence of alcohol wasn't correct.

45

:

I was upsetting people.

46

:

I wasn't being the best example of myself.

47

:

And I just knew that I had to improve.

48

:

And I knew that my health wasn't

benefiting from the amount that

49

:

I was drinking and the frequency

I was drinking and binging.

50

:

I've never labelled myself as alcoholic

per se, but I know that there's

51

:

definite issues that I've got based

around alcohol, and I've yeah, just

52

:

had to change it that was a small

change that I made to to get started.

53

:

Very scary at the time, because it's

putting yourself out there, and you're

54

:

making yourself your own poster boy,

55

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814:

Very brave, actually.

56

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

brave or stupid.

57

:

no, I'm really

58

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: I'll go brave.

59

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Really glad I did it.

60

:

And like I said to many people if

I could just associate with or help

61

:

or support one person, then It's

a hundred percent hit its target.

62

:

And I think after that is just purely the

cream on the cake, I guess it's the bonus.

63

:

So yeah, I'm really happy

to be the founder of that.

64

:

it's the actual group

members that make the group.

65

:

It's not myself.

66

:

I just facilitate the group being

made and it's the people in the

67

:

group that support each other.

68

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

69

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

You'll always find support.

70

:

You'll always find help.

71

:

There's always someone that's

been where you've been.

72

:

And it's it's just an

easy place to offload.

73

:

And it's also an easy place to.

74

:

Support and give advice to others.

75

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

76

:

Yeah.

77

:

I've been on the Facebook

group and it is, it's great.

78

:

You can see that people are really

connecting in there and there's people

79

:

who are just beginning and they're

coming on just for that bit of support.

80

:

And then you see the people who

may have had a bit more experience

81

:

giving a bit of advice around it.

82

:

It's just a very supportive place.

83

:

You find Generally in sober circles,

people are like that, aren't they?

84

:

Once you've got to a stage where

you feel confident that you are

85

:

able to, most people in some way

or another like to give back.

86

:

So you said that you

were basically acting up.

87

:

Do you mind me asking how old you are?

88

:

Because to me, you look

like a very young man.

89

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

I'm 40, I was 45 last week.

90

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Okay.

91

:

So 45.

92

:

And I think that we were just talking

about the Sabritas, which is a, an

93

:

online platform that I'm a member of.

94

:

And then I realized that there's

not that many men on that.

95

:

There are some, but not that many.

96

:

was the reason that you set up

your Facebook group because there

97

:

wasn't much out there for you as

a young man trying to do this?

98

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Sounds silly enough really, but it's a

99

:

whole men not talking and men not sharing

100

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

101

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

and yeah.

102

:

mental states with each other.

103

:

And mental health and

alcohol go hand really.

104

:

It's first thing

105

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

106

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

can hide behind is the last thing that

107

:

you saw advertised on telly, which nine

times out of 10 is something boozy.

108

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

109

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

yeah, I think being a guy it

110

:

rewarding that I was talking

to other like minded guys.

111

:

The group's probably,

I'd say with about 65.

112

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah,

113

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

think that again is women are more

114

:

comfortable in coming forward and

saying, I think I've got an issue

115

:

and I think I need to I need to

have a look at what I'm doing here.

116

:

Where guys, they were terrible at it.

117

:

we don't book doctor's

appointments for anything.

118

:

We don't,

119

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: no.

120

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816: we

don't talk to each other about anything

121

:

apart from football and girls probably.

122

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

123

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

yeah, so it's it's nice.

124

:

I think if we can encourage more

guys to come out and come forward

125

:

and equally, I think if the women can

encourage their partners, if they're

126

:

married to a guy or whatever, to

127

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

128

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

it's definitely worthwhile.

129

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

130

:

You're right.

131

:

I think men do struggle a little bit with

coming forward and also there is part

132

:

of the kind of macho drinking culture.

133

:

So to step away from that is

quite a big decision, isn't it?

134

:

And quite a brave thing to do.

135

:

Did it impact your friendships

or how did that go?

136

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816: no,

137

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

138

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816: I've

still got the same core group of friends,

139

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

140

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

I think my friends, out of

141

:

courtesy, didn't always invite me to

something, that I'm not going to be.

142

:

It's a person that's heading up a stag

day or something like that, but it's yeah,

143

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: different

if they asked you to arrange that.

144

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Cake decorating or something now.

145

:

But yeah, it's just nice

that they're supportive.

146

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

147

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

doing and, my little

148

:

journey as it's changed.

149

:

But you're right

150

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

151

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

macho culture.

152

:

I used to play rugby and

football and everything is just.

153

:

Or as a guy, everything is revolved

around if we're planning an event, it's

154

:

the first thing we talk about, or think

155

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

156

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Or, it's wrong really, because you,

157

:

instead of focusing on the actual

event per se, focusing more on

158

:

Sideline,

159

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: I, yeah.

160

:

And it's interesting that you've said

that, cause you're the third person that

161

:

I've spoken to so far in the podcast.

162

:

And actually.

163

:

Two other people, that's all, that's

a full house, have said the focus,

164

:

that thing about the focus being on

the alcohol rather than the events

165

:

was part of their decision making

because it just became such a chatter

166

:

whenever you were planning anything,

you had to know where the bar was.

167

:

So I, for example, didn't really

enjoy going to the theatre because

168

:

when you go to the theatre, it's

really difficult to go and get a drink.

169

:

And I used to think, I can't

really be bothered, to, I just

170

:

can't be bothered with that.

171

:

I'd rather be somewhere where

I can just have a glass of wine

172

:

and chat to my friends, whatever.

173

:

So I think you end up sometimes

missing out on things because you're

174

:

planning it around the alcohol element.

175

:

And then when you're there,

you're not enjoying it because

176

:

you've numbed it all out.

177

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

You're looking at it through

178

:

dirty glasses really, aren't you?

179

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

180

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

found myself before I've gone to like

181

:

comedy clubs and things like that.

182

:

And I wake up the next day and I

can't remember any of the jokes.

183

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

184

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

what was the point in going?

185

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: It is

quite pointless when you think

186

:

about it like that, isn't it?

187

:

have you then been sober

for around two years?

188

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

of my journey has been discovering

189

:

where I am with alcohol.

190

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah,

191

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

I've, the longest I've gone

192

:

without a drink is I think

it was 140 something days.

193

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: That's great.

194

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

brilliant at the end of it and I

195

:

tricked myself into giving myself,

I think it was my birthday weekend.

196

:

And I thought, you know what that's

your target point and go for that.

197

:

And I made it there.

198

:

I've got to, I've got to that point and

I had a drink and then I found myself

199

:

two days later, having another, and then

building up over time again, and I found

200

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

201

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

coming back out and that's when I

202

:

realized, it's a bit more serious

than you once thought it was.

203

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

204

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

I've with one thing I've got to say is

205

:

I'm without being negative about this.

206

:

I have had patches where I've gone off

the beer again for another two months

207

:

and then double back in and doubled

out I had a bit of a low moment a

208

:

couple of weeks ago and my anxiety came

out and straight away with anxiety.

209

:

My old friend.

210

:

Alcohol gives me

211

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

212

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

comfort that I so need

213

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

214

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

day my anxieties doubled and then I get

215

:

into the pattern of giving myself more

alcohol, more anxiety the next day, more

216

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

217

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

the next day.

218

:

And it's that theme of it's the

meaning of insanity, isn't it?

219

:

Sort of going back to the same thing,

getting the same results, but expecting

220

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

221

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

every time.

222

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: But

you're so not alone with that.

223

:

And it's not negative to talk about

that, because that's the reality of

224

:

this, it's not the easiest thing to do.

225

:

And people have to remember that we live

in a society where everybody is drinking.

226

:

And if you've come from a place where

you've relied on that to support

227

:

you Rightly or wrongly, you felt

that it supports you at the time.

228

:

And I've been there as well.

229

:

It's because the first drink does, right?

230

:

The first one makes you go, and

then everything that you have after

231

:

that is just chasing something.

232

:

You're chasing that initial one.

233

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Yeah,

234

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814:

Doesn't really do that anymore.

235

:

And then the anxiety is horrible.

236

:

Have you read William Porter?

237

:

Alcohol Explained.

238

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816: No,

somebody else has said that to me though.

239

:

I need to I need to have

a look at that thing.

240

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: If you

read that might be something that

241

:

helps you think through that process

of the, I'm feeling a bit bad.

242

:

I'm going to have something because,

in the reality that is, you're going

243

:

to feel worse anyway, but it did help

me , cause it's the science of it.

244

:

It's not your fault.

245

:

It's science is literally

what goes on in the brain.

246

:

but understanding it is quite

helpful if you want to be able

247

:

to stop doing that, I think.

248

:

But yeah there are people who fall off

and come back on, but everybody who says

249

:

I think I'm going to be all right now.

250

:

I think I'm going to be able to drink like

maybe you did for your birthday that time.

251

:

It's always the same story.

252

:

It goes that one day, we'll just have one.

253

:

And then before they know it,

they're back in the old patterns,

254

:

exactly like you just described.

255

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

exactly that.

256

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814:

It's predictable, isn't it?

257

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

I think, and it sounds a bit

258

:

weird and harsh and it's not, this

is not advice to anyone at all.

259

:

But what I've had to find myself

is that I've had to, and I don't

260

:

know if I'm done doing it yet.

261

:

But I think you've got to fall

so many times to realize that.

262

:

You've got to stay up.

263

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

264

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

It's a very weird one.

265

:

I think at the moment I'm

keeping a diary of how I

266

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814:

It's a great idea.

267

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Symptoms that might

268

:

lead me towards alcohol,

269

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

270

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

at the moment while I'm keeping this

271

:

diary, it just, it's a constant reminder

of why I shouldn't be doing it as well.

272

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

273

:

You were saying about you have

to fall to get back up again.

274

:

I went not that long ago, I

went into London to listen to

275

:

Stephen Bartlett do a talk.

276

:

The diary of a CEO Stephen

Bartlett, and he was talking about

277

:

how he has a head of failure.

278

:

In his companies, because it's

so important because if you

279

:

don't fail, you don't learn.

280

:

If you don't learn, you don't improve.

281

:

So there's no momentum.

282

:

So actually, I'm not suggesting that

everybody should just be falling off

283

:

the wagon all the time and, definitely

not suggesting that to anyone listening.

284

:

but it is really positive to, come

out of that and go, do you know

285

:

what, that didn't work for me.

286

:

And you've clearly realized.

287

:

That the anxiety that you tried to

relieve was made worse the next day.

288

:

You know that.

289

:

You don't necessarily know that

unless you've either read it or

290

:

you've experienced it like you have.

291

:

If he can have a head of failure,

I think it's all right for us to

292

:

try and learn from our mistakes

as well out here in the world.

293

:

The real world.

294

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

I think so.

295

:

And to anyone that's listening, if

you are on the straight and narrow,

296

:

shall we call it, and you fall

off the wagon at any point, don't

297

:

beat yourself up too bad about it.

298

:

Focus on the days that you've got under

your belt and carry on from there.

299

:

Don't count it as starting from day

one again, just carry on from there.

300

:

Count how many good days

you've had and just answer the

301

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah, absolutely.

302

:

And there are so many people

who don't even try this.

303

:

They don't even give it a go.

304

:

People who are attempting it and have

however many 148 days plus all the other

305

:

days that you've had, that's great.

306

:

A lady I spoke to the other

day was telling me that she had

307

:

done the hundred day challenge.

308

:

Seven times.

309

:

She said, I completed it seven times

and I fell off after day 107 times.

310

:

And it's yeah, but that is 700 days.

311

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Yeah.

312

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: 700 days.

313

:

That's amazing.

314

:

That's two years

315

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Yeah, it's like giving up the

316

:

100 days for the sake of giving

up 99 for one day, isn't it?

317

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah, exactly.

318

:

People often ask that

question, don't they?

319

:

I feel like the counting thing is

a thing, isn't it, with sobriety?

320

:

Like how many days are you?

321

:

It's a real,

322

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

think you can become obsessed by it.

323

:

I know I did for a while.

324

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: yeah,

325

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

drink tracker app that kind of counted

326

:

my, and it was useful for some things.

327

:

It counted my calories that I'd

not used and The amount of money

328

:

that I'd saved and to say it was

thousands is an understatement.

329

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: The

money was amazing, wasn't it?

330

:

I bought myself a ring.

331

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

I think I'm, at the moment, I think I'm

332

:

at about eight grand over two years.

333

:

So

334

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814:

It's mad, isn't it?

335

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816: I've

been, the blips that I've had in between

336

:

are definitely not failures because

337

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Oh God, no.

338

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816: the

money and the calories I haven't consumed

339

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

340

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Go to something.

341

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Just that

you've done it goes to something.

342

:

It's amazing.

343

:

There's, there, as I say there's

loads of people in this world

344

:

who should not be drinking.

345

:

They just shouldn't because of

whatever reason, family, the way they

346

:

behave, damage, all the different

things, but they carry on doing it.

347

:

Like you and I are trying.

348

:

if I fell off the wagon, Tomorrow I'd

get back on it because I know this is the

349

:

right thing and it's the best thing for me

to do for myself and my family, my sanity.

350

:

And you seem to know that too.

351

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Yeah,

352

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: No.

353

:

And you've set up this group.

354

:

God, that's phenomenal.

355

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

that is, it is nice.

356

:

Sometimes I'm a bit overwhelmed

when I look in the group now and

357

:

I see it self populating itself.

358

:

It's the people in the group

that are running the group.

359

:

I'm not the group,

360

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

361

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

It's out there

362

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

363

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

and anyone that needs it.

364

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

365

:

But you need to take the credit for

it because if you hadn't done it, all

366

:

those people that whole 5, 000 people

would not have had that person to talk

367

:

to when they posted on that group.

368

:

I think you should take a lot more

credit for it than you just did.

369

:

Seriously.

370

:

It's really good.

371

:

So what was your biggest challenge?

372

:

Do you think in trying to stop drinking?

373

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816: The

biggest challenge is it's combined really.

374

:

It's I live.

375

:

I live in a tiny little village

and there's two shops and two pubs.

376

:

And

377

:

You're either in the shop, in the pub, or

in the house bored it's trying to make,

378

:

trying to fill the gaps of time that

could otherwise be dangerous, I'd say.

379

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

380

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Taking up new hobbies and I'll tell you

381

:

one thing I did find is when you stop

drinking, you suddenly find that you a

382

:

much better parent, and you're a much

better brother, you're a much better

383

:

partner, a much better sister, auntie,

384

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

385

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

that it brings the best out in everybody.

386

:

It is an absolute instant upgrade.

387

:

It might not feel like it for

the first few weeks of, refining

388

:

yourself, but, Stick at it because

it's an absolute instant upgrade.

389

:

And like I say I'm stupid for

the times that I've I know you're

390

:

going to say, you're not stupid.

391

:

It's just how things are.

392

:

But I was

393

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814:

You're not stupid.

394

:

It's just how things are.

395

:

Exactly what I'm going to say.

396

:

Correct.

397

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

stupid for going back and thinking

398

:

that be a different outcome or it's

honestly, it's the best thing I've

399

:

found in the last two years that

I could have ever done for myself.

400

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

401

:

And the parenting thing, you're right.

402

:

my daughter said to me,

Oh, I'm really lucky.

403

:

Because you don't drink cause

I'm just always going to be safe.

404

:

That's what she said to me.

405

:

I was like, wow.

406

:

And it's because she knows.

407

:

She's just coming up 12 and she knows,

if she ever goes to a party or she's

408

:

at a sleepover, if there's something

wrong and she needs me, I can always

409

:

get in the car and go and get her.

410

:

What a joy that is.

411

:

Just amazing.

412

:

It does make you more patient.

413

:

You can pause a little bit.

414

:

I think you have more

resilience as a non drinker.

415

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Yes, you do.

416

:

And thing as well, you feel more, you

417

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: you do.

418

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

you're not numb.

419

:

And that's something you should

be prepared for actually, if

420

:

you are stopping drinking is

there's nothing wrong with you.

421

:

Just be prepared to feel more feelings

and feel that if say you've been

422

:

drinking like I was for the last 20

odd years, you've been hiding under

423

:

a cloak of, This liquid that kind of

doesn't let you 100 percent be yourself.

424

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

425

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

as you stop that, you feel more.

426

:

I've turned on emotional lately.

427

:

I was watching Coco on telly

the other day and I was crying.

428

:

It's but yeah, you do feel more.

429

:

And it's in a good way.

430

:

It's in a good way, but just be prepared

to, to deal with your former issues,

431

:

but without the way that you used to

do it with alcohol, because that's

432

:

slightly different as well, but it's

433

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

434

:

You feel more of the good stuff,

but you also have to experience the

435

:

bad stuff because before you would

have numbed that away, wouldn't you?

436

:

I actually lost my dad in my first

year of sobriety and it was horrible.

437

:

And I think previously I would have

had a drink, but it was interesting

438

:

because I felt like because I didn't,

I was able to process everything

439

:

quicker maybe than I would have done

because I had to just sit with it.

440

:

There was nowhere for it to go.

441

:

I just had to feel all of that.

442

:

And I did, and it wasn't nice but

life isn't always perfect, is it?

443

:

So I think.

444

:

It was important for me to feel

those things and come out the

445

:

other side, but the good stuff,

let's talk about the good stuff.

446

:

So joys, what have been

your unexpected joys?

447

:

There's actually a book called the

unexpected joy of being sober and

448

:

I cannot remember the author, but

there's loads of stuff in that,

449

:

but I've come across loads of joys.

450

:

What are yours?

451

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Physical ability, I found again,

452

:

as when I stopped drinking for

them 145 days and I had a straight.

453

:

I put myself into athletics

which at the age of 44 was not

454

:

really advisable, I don't think.

455

:

But I went back into sprinting

and high jump and long jump.

456

:

And yeah, last year when I was 44, I

managed to match my previous high jump,

457

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Amazing.

458

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

best.

459

:

And I thought, I wouldn't expect that.

460

:

And that's not something I

would have done if I was still

461

:

going to the pub all the time.

462

:

it would have just been a quick novelty.

463

:

It would have worn off and,

464

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

465

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

back in a beer garden in summer

466

:

rather than training, but it's

467

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Let's see

a bit is the time that you spent

468

:

drinking and also the hangover

time, That you can then put into

469

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

hangover takes me a week to get over now.

470

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: I bet.

471

:

Oh god, I don't miss having

a hangover, I have to say.

472

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Not at all.

473

:

It's

474

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Hideous, really.

475

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

For hangovers, isn't it?

476

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: It really is.

477

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

money as

478

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: I

used to plan mine as well.

479

:

I used to plan it.

480

:

I'd be like, Oh, I can't go

out on Saturday cause I'm

481

:

going to have a hangover.

482

:

I'm sure that's not normal.

483

:

Anyway, moving swiftly on.

484

:

So we're going to be coming to the

ends shortly of our conversation.

485

:

Which is sad.

486

:

I've really enjoyed talking to you.

487

:

It's been great finding out about you, but

I do want to know what you would say to

488

:

your younger self if you could go back.

489

:

Probably then if you could go back

to your twenties, is there any

490

:

advice you would give yourself?

491

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Yeah loads of advice.

492

:

Off with letting myself know

how vulnerable I can be.

493

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

494

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

and how reckless I can

495

:

also be because of alcohol.

496

:

Things I'm not proud of.

497

:

I've upset people, I've crashed cars and

498

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Wow.

499

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

take back.

500

:

And that actually haunts me.

501

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

502

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

it back in a heartbeat, I would,

503

:

but there's no going back.

504

:

So I'm bummed off that, the mistakes that

you make today aren't just for today.

505

:

For tomorrow.

506

:

So take heed in what you do and enjoy

yourself still, but maybe moderate a lot,

507

:

but be more conscious of moderating and

don't be influenced to, drink all the

508

:

beer in all the world in, in one night.

509

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah,

510

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

a proper lads thing that lads do.

511

:

And it's, yeah, it's not clever.

512

:

It's not big.

513

:

It's not clever.

514

:

It's not going to get you anywhere.

515

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: no.

516

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Yeah, less is definitely more

517

:

and slowly is the fastest way to

get to anywhere you want to be.

518

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

519

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

right, don't do things quick and now.

520

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

521

:

And I think it's good advice.

522

:

It's so easy though, isn't it?

523

:

When you're young, it's so

easy to just be carried away.

524

:

And also you don't see the harm in it.

525

:

You feel a bit invincible.

526

:

You don't, you just don't see

that these things could end

527

:

up haunting you in the end.

528

:

I'm sorry That you feel haunted

by those things, but you've made

529

:

some amazing decisions since you

can only really look forward.

530

:

I try and have no regrets.

531

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Yeah.

532

:

Yeah.

533

:

It's one of them.

534

:

You've got to be able to not dwell on it.

535

:

It's, like you said earlier, sit

with your problems, acknowledge them,

536

:

feel them but be kind to yourself

and also don't grip onto them.

537

:

Let them go.

538

:

If they

539

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

540

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

you again, then do, eat, sleep, repeat,

541

:

do the same all over again and again.

542

:

Yeah, exactly.

543

:

Yeah, exactly.

544

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814:

family are proud of you.

545

:

I bet everybody's proud

of what you're doing now.

546

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Yeah, immensely.

547

:

And like I say I'm a much better

person now than I was two years ago.

548

:

Feel like a much better person now,

and I feel like I've got more to give.

549

:

So I'm excited for what the future

holds for myself and sober society.

550

:

I think the group's

really got legs and we're

551

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

552

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

now that we can expand the group and

553

:

utilize the audience that we've got.

554

:

And we're currently talking about.

555

:

Getting counseling services board because

we're set up as a community interest

556

:

company, I say, so it's not for profit.

557

:

It's what we're hoping to do is get

some fundraising, see if there's

558

:

any potential grants out there.

559

:

And be able to give the people that

can't ordinarily afford counseling,

560

:

because it's not cheap give

561

:

To discuss their feelings and emotions

562

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: If anyone's

listening that can help with that, then

563

:

they just need to contact you, don't they?

564

:

So it's a Sober Society on Facebook.

565

:

Sober Society UK, is it?

566

:

On Facebook.

567

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

go on to sobersociety.

568

:

co.

569

:

uk and all the info's on

there and it'll you anywhere.

570

:

And alternatively, if anybody

wants to collaborate with

571

:

them, I'm more than happy.

572

:

So it's open the doors.

573

:

if we can help one more person,

then it's an absolute success.

574

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

575

:

I quite agree with that.

576

:

It's it's all about that.

577

:

It's getting it out there and making

people feel like they're not on their own.

578

:

hopefully your and our conversation

today is showing people that the

579

:

journeys can be very different, but

we all have the same goal, don't we?

580

:

And hopefully we can

help someone out there.

581

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Yeah.

582

:

And if I can say one thing, actually,

if, I know that there's some people

583

:

that has maybe not skeptical about

their drinking habits, but just to

584

:

set a challenge out to anyone just

see if you can go 30 days without And

585

:

if you can great, I'm jealous of you.

586

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

587

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

a chat with people in the group

588

:

because there's people just

like you this and we don't just

589

:

advocate you've got to be T total.

590

:

When you've got to be.

591

:

super sober.

592

:

we advocate that you can,

try mindful drinking.

593

:

Give it a go, but I challenge anyone

to go 30 days and see how you go.

594

:

And there for you, whether you

need it today, tomorrow, or 10

595

:

years down the line, not at all.

596

:

Still pop in and have a chat and

see what life's about in the group.

597

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Great challenge.

598

:

Cause I actually think there's lots

of people out there probably think

599

:

they're fine, but then you try

and stop them drinking for 30 days

600

:

and they might realize that maybe

it's not as easy as they thought.

601

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

It's honestly not

602

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah,

603

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

find myself doing it at the very start.

604

:

I thought, yeah, I'll go 30 days.

605

:

And then within two

days, something pops up.

606

:

It's oh, but it's so and

so's birthday or it's

607

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: yeah.

608

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

with, we've got this booked and

609

:

then you're thinking I can't do that

now I'll start next month instead,

610

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Yeah.

611

:

it's not an easy thing to do.

612

:

If it was easy, everybody would do it.

613

:

They should give it a go and you're right.

614

:

Visit your site.

615

:

Have a chat with some

of the people on there.

616

:

yeah.

617

:

And so breezes is another one that I

always advocate people could join and have

618

:

a look at some of the blogs and some of

the wonderful people that are just trying.

619

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

I'll come over

620

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814:

but well done you.

621

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

I'll come over and have a look

622

:

and well done to you as well.

623

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Thank you.

624

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Talking to you as well.

625

:

I urge anyone else out there that's

got a story to step forward and come

626

:

and have a natter so I can listen.

627

:

, vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: I'd be more

than happy to hear from them if they

628

:

want to send me a message and let me know

whether they want to come on and tell

629

:

their story or all in the aid of other

people having someone to connect with.

630

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Definitely will do.

631

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814:

Thank you so much.

632

:

It's been amazing talking to you.

633

:

I think it's brilliant.

634

:

I think you're doing brilliant

and just keep on keeping on.

635

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Thank you very much.

636

:

And we'll have a revisit at some point and

637

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: We will.

638

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816: go

639

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: We'll come

back together, see how we're going.

640

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Great to talk.

641

:

vic_1_10-01-2024_191814: Thank you.

642

:

Okay, bye bye.

643

:

squadcaster-9711_1_10-01-2024_191816:

Bye bye.

644

:

squadcaster-bg06_9_09-21-2024_084137:

Thank you for listening to our

645

:

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

646

:

If you felt that it helped you, make

sure that you like, share and follow.

647

:

And leave a review on podchaser.

648

:

com.

649

:

And remember, make your

catchphrase, I don't drink

Next Episode All Episodes Previous Episode

Listen for free

Show artwork for Sober, Alcohol Free Stories

About the Podcast

Sober, Alcohol Free Stories
"I Don't Drink"
If you’ve ever googled “do I drink too much” this podcast is for you!

This is for those of you who end up wondering what’s wrong with you, questioning how your friends can possibly drink so slowly, or worse can just have one with dinner (aliens). For those of you who have tried to moderate, just a Thursday, only red wine, not before 6, not after 9, not if I’m wearing blue 😊

For those of you who secretly don’t enjoy the theatre because you know the show will be an interruption to a booze filled evening. For those who fall out with loved ones, lose handbags, feel lonely or shameful the morning after, wear sunglasses on the school run, or enjoy way too many mints for an average human. For those who need something to change but feel it it’s impossible to break up with their loyal companion – booze.

The good news is you are NOT weird, or alone, there’s millions of us, just like you. You CAN stop drinking alcohol. I know this because until Jan 2022 I was all the above, and now “I don’t drink”.

In this podcast we will delve in to what it takes to become alcohol free in a society that’s quite frankly obsessed with drinking! I’ll talk to people just like you and me, some near the beginning of their alcohol-free life, and some further along, but all with one thing in common, the courage to stare booze in the face and say NO, NOT ME, NOT ANYMORE! They will share their sliding doors moments, regrets, loves, pink clouds and the tools that have helped them to succeed.

We will show you that life without the “wine witch” is actually pretty amazing, how we all thought we were losing something, but what we have gained is insurmountable. We will share how our lives transformed, skin began to glow, sleep became deep and relaxing, bodies became healthy, relationships flourished, careers progressed, and our minds were at peace. WE will show you that you deserve the chance to be happy and free and turn what may seem impossible into possible.

Listen along and join me in making your catchphrase “I don’t drink”.

About your host

Profile picture for VICTORIA Banat

VICTORIA Banat