Episode 2

Vic and Tiff, Sober, Alcohol Free Stories and unexpected superpowers

Published on: 1st October, 2024

Today I talk to Tiff who is two and a half years sober, Tiff shares her story, why and how she got sober and how stopping drinking uncovered fabulous opportunities and a new found self confidence which led to her opening a sober swim school!

Transcript
Speaker:

into-tiff-_2_09-23-2024_175932:

Hi everybody.

2

:

I'm Vic and I don't drink.

3

:

Today's super exciting for me because

it's podcast number one and I can

4

:

honestly say I've been dreaming

about this for quite some time.

5

:

Since the early days when I stopped

drinking, podcasts have been a real

6

:

companion to me and I really hope

that this one is going to be to you.

7

:

So today I'm going to be

talking to my friend Tiff.

8

:

Tiff's been sober for two and a half

years and she's going to share her journey

9

:

with you and you'll hear that whilst

it's not always easy being sober in this

10

:

booze soaked world, it's always worth it.

11

:

Hi, TIFF.

12

:

, And a really massive welcome for me today.

13

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

It's my first ever podcast and

14

:

I'm making it with you and that's

quite special for me . I wanted to

15

:

talk to you today about your story.

16

:

And so this whole podcast is going to

be about the guests stories, what got

17

:

you where you are, some of the tools

that you've used, all of those things.

18

:

So you're going to be doing a lot of

the talking, I'm afraid, I've known

19

:

you Since I joined Soberistas and

I joined that in January,:

20

:

was put into a WhatsApp

group where I met yourself.

21

:

But I know that you have been sober

for longer than that, and you've

22

:

got a bit of a story to tell.

23

:

So I'm going to hand over to you if

you can tell us a little bit about your

24

:

decision, your sliding doors moment

and some of the wonderful things that

25

:

you've done since you've become sober.

26

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Okay, brilliant.

27

:

Firstly, thanks for having

me on your first one.

28

:

That's, I feel really

privileged, actually.

29

:

That's really nice.

30

:

So thank you for that.

31

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Amazing.

32

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Yeah, we did meet on Sober Easter's.

33

:

I think I was just saying, I've been

on it for probably seven years now.

34

:

But we've known each other probably three

35

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: yeah.

36

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

There's the hundred day

37

:

challenge, which is where we met.

38

:

I don't know what was wrong but

I'd get to 100 days and it

39

:

literally was like clockwork.

40

:

Like a couple of days later or a

week later, I would be in pain.

41

:

I'd have a drink.

42

:

I'd be back into the cycle.

43

:

It didn't last long for me.

44

:

I wanted to get out really

quickly and then I'd start the

45

:

a hundred day challenge again.

46

:

And I think that I did the a hundred day

challenge realistically about seven times.

47

:

I completed it seven times before.

48

:

It was

49

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

That's 700 days.

50

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

It was 700 days.

51

:

But there's something about the count,

there's the counting isn't there on

52

:

the 100 day challenge and beyond.

53

:

So it always felt really difficult

because it does feel a little

54

:

bit like, Oh, I'm back at day

one, everybody's so supportive.

55

:

. It's everybody's your cheerleader.

56

:

And I was thinking, why can't I just

get past a hundred but yeah, it was

57

:

700 days rolling on, but in between

each hundred was a week where I lost

58

:

myself and then I'd be back again.

59

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Yeah.

60

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: I

took my last drink, two and a half

61

:

years ago, which is Unbelievable,

actually, because at one point I

62

:

thought, I'm never going to crack it.

63

:

And I kept seeing everybody else

moving up, going past 100, 200 days.

64

:

When somebody hits a year,

it's a really big celebration.

65

:

But that's really great because I

think one of the biggest advices

66

:

I was ever given was And I give to

other people now is never stop trying.

67

:

And that's pretty much it because it's

there's no clear cut way to getting sober.

68

:

Everybody's journey is

completely different.

69

:

You just have to keep going.

70

:

You just keep going.

71

:

It's like you recognize, Oh, okay.

72

:

I shouldn't have put

myself in that position.

73

:

That wasn't a sensible, say early

days, if you go to the pub, for

74

:

example with all your friends that are

drinking, probably not a great idea.

75

:

I probably did that and there

I am, slipped off again,.

76

:

And then you learn as you go.

77

:

So it's okay, maybe don't go to the

pub until you're a bit more secure.

78

:

Yeah.

79

:

And I had a really weird thing about that.

80

:

It was almost like a

stubbornness about me.

81

:

I wanted to prove to people that I could

still go out and I could still be fun.

82

:

So I would put myself in positions

where I was out, perhaps not in

83

:

the best situation for somebody

who is trying not to drink.

84

:

, but I was extremely

stubborn, always have been.

85

:

so I can, and I will just watch me was

my little catch phrase at the time.

86

:

And I would go out and.

87

:

Fight my way through these

situations, but you're right.

88

:

You know, probably could have been a

lot easier if I just decided to stick

89

:

on the pajamas and a film and have a

cup of tea and, and just get on with it.

90

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

That's why it was so important to

91

:

have such a variety as many people.

92

:

So I came out of that group and

purely came into the group that I

93

:

met you in because of the day that

I was starting to count again.

94

:

I'm not a very active member in

those WhatsApp groups anymore, but.

95

:

But they're very important to me.

96

:

I really recognize that.

97

:

And we'd hear these kind of,

I don't know, like urban myths.

98

:

They weren't really urban myths,

but it was like, Oh, so and so she

99

:

got to two years and then she came

off the WhatsApp and now she's

100

:

drunk again or something like that.

101

:

And it was like, Oh my

gosh, we can't do that.

102

:

So there's that in the background,

but it's nice to have a sober family

103

:

anyway, even if we're disparate

throughout the country or even

104

:

around the world, it still feels if

you need somebody, they're there.

105

:

And it's, there's always some chat going

on throughout the day, isn't there?

106

:

There's always something.

107

:

So I quite like that, but I think

it's good to have a wealth of people.

108

:

involved that have got so many varied

stories because then you're going

109

:

to tap in and recognize and resonate

with some of them rather than others.

110

:

So it's, I think that's

good for everybody.

111

:

Yeah.

112

:

Yeah.

113

:

Yeah.

114

:

Yeah.

115

:

Yeah.

116

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: And

I've found I fitted with the mummy

117

:

drinking culture I can find a real

connection, but there are definitely some

118

:

very different stories,, aren't there?

119

:

some of them extremely sad.

120

:

And it just shows how damaging

actually this can be if it does get

121

:

out of control, which is why we want

to do things like this, isn't it?

122

:

And just really let people know that it's

123

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

124

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

So what made you decide in a

125

:

society that is unbelievably

126

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

127

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

in booze, that for you, this was no

128

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah,

129

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

the right thing?

130

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: I

think there was two things going on.

131

:

One, my daughter at the time absolutely

hated my drinking and you know It makes me

132

:

feel slightly sick even now looking back

on that, you know that my me and her dad

133

:

We met at uni, we were in the drinking

culture, and we went out and we got drunk.

134

:

And that's our relationship with it.

135

:

And that was our relationship together.

136

:

And we had a bloody good time.

137

:

Let's not deny there was

some bloody good times.

138

:

But it just carried on.

139

:

And then we had kids, we

had three kids together.

140

:

And it was like, we didn't

want to give that part up.

141

:

So it was like, we would orchestrate

let's go for a nice family walk.

142

:

with a pub at the end, it always was.

143

:

And I really remember like one of my kids

saying, Oh, I really want to go in that

144

:

cake shop, but they didn't sell drink, and

I remember really vividly going to him.

145

:

It was quite young, but I said, Oh

yeah, but if we go to this other

146

:

place, I'll buy your cake and chips.

147

:

How hideous, because I want my drink, but

he didn't know any of that, but he just

148

:

thought, brilliant, I get cake and chips.

149

:

So of course he's going to go, yay.

150

:

So we'd carried on and my

daughter got to a certain age.

151

:

And she recognized it

and she didn't like it.

152

:

She never had a go at her dad about it.

153

:

It was always me.

154

:

I don't like it.

155

:

I don't like it.

156

:

Why do you drink?

157

:

And I was really annoyed, actually.

158

:

I just thought, Oh, why don't

you just have a go at him?

159

:

Why are you always, you

just annoyed about it.

160

:

And then we went to America.

161

:

We went camping in America with three

kids and I think, sitting up camping,

162

:

had a bottle of wine, whatever.

163

:

And I was waking up and

someone was screaming at me,

164

:

stop drinking really loudly.

165

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Up.

166

:

But there wasn't anybody there.

167

:

It was me.

168

:

That was so profound for me.

169

:

It was me in my head

170

:

,

-:

171

:

And now as I've moved on through

not drinking, I've become much more

172

:

spiritual and I've become much more

invested in that part of my life.

173

:

I really recognize that as a

moment of me, my higher self,

174

:

whatever you want to call it.

175

:

Really just just stop, just bloody stop,

176

:

So that was the beginning of me

really committing at that point.

177

:

But I just eventually I went back to

drinking and then it's easy to drink

178

:

because , their dad was drinking and

you fall back into old patterns and

179

:

it's Oh, actually I don't drink any

differently to anybody else, which to

180

:

be honest, I wasn't actually drinking

a lot more than anybody else either.

181

:

There was lots of people drinking

more than me and lots of people

182

:

drinking less than me and that's

gray area drinking right there, and

183

:

lots of people are hiding it and.

184

:

I was hiding it too.

185

:

And, but I just felt all my family drink,

all my friends drink, this is what we do.

186

:

This is how it's always been.

187

:

So it did take me a long time to

snap back out of that mode as well.

188

:

From that first initial shock to then

going, actually, it was affecting a

189

:

lot of areas of my life at this point.

190

:

It was like my health.

191

:

I look back on photos.

192

:

It's Oh God, I look bloated.

193

:

My eyes are dull.

194

:

I put on weight.

195

:

It really was a coping mechanism

for the job that I was in.

196

:

I was in quite a high crisis.

197

:

I was doing crisis work at the

time, and I was really leaning on

198

:

it at the, at that point as well.

199

:

So it's got quite unmanageable,

I think, because I was Oh

200

:

God, this is such hard work.

201

:

And then my relationship with, my

ex now, it came to an end and that's

202

:

when I took it really seriously then.

203

:

It was like, oh my gosh, I've

lost, I've broken up my family.

204

:

Not because of the drink, the

relationship wasn't working.

205

:

. But It made me just reevaluate everything.

206

:

Suddenly I'm a single parent.

207

:

It was like, actually, what are you doing?

208

:

What does this look like now?

209

:

So that's when I took it really seriously.

210

:

And that's probably around about time

when, yeah, I had those a hundred

211

:

days until eventually it was like,

Yay, I've gone past a hundred.

212

:

And even that was like, I'm going to

fall at any moment, but here I am.

213

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

No, you're not.

214

:

You've gone way past 100 now.

215

:

It's amazing.

216

:

You've been proper inspiring, especially

to the new people on the group.

217

:

It's lovely.

218

:

And I know you're not on it all the time,

but when you do dip into the WhatsApp,

219

:

it's always something pretty inspiring.

220

:

Yeah, I love that.

221

:

Out of all the things that you've been

through since you decided to stop, what

222

:

do you think was your biggest challenge?

223

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

224

:

Friday nights, without a doubt.

225

:

I've been so programmed into Friday night.

226

:

This is what we do.

227

:

Friday night, celebrate the weekend.

228

:

It's the beginning of the weekend.

229

:

. And I was literally climbing the walls.

230

:

I didn't know what to do with myself.

231

:

I remember it so clearly thinking, I

don't know how to celebrate Friday.

232

:

I literally don't know how

to bring in the weekend.

233

:

What am I supposed to do?

234

:

I work a week and this is what we do.

235

:

So I'd be climbing the wall.

236

:

So I just had to really change that up.

237

:

It was like, what does that look like?

238

:

And obviously there's people that were

further along than me that had all

239

:

these great advice around tools that

we could use and it was alcohol free.

240

:

Beer, it was like, it was the

ritual, but not the actual drink.

241

:

And that really helped for me

because I chose a product that

242

:

I wouldn't normally drink.

243

:

So I never drank beer.

244

:

If I tried it with cider, it

wouldn't have worked because I

245

:

couldn't trick myself that way.

246

:

But because I drank, I didn't drink

beer, I'd buy an alcohol free beer.

247

:

It felt the same.

248

:

The top came off the same.

249

:

It was bubbly.

250

:

It smelt like beer.

251

:

It made me think it was doing the job

and that actually really worked for me.

252

:

And then literally just changing

up what I did, obviously

253

:

didn't go back down the pub.

254

:

It was like, let's go

for walks with friends.

255

:

Let's do something different.

256

:

And I look back now and it's like

Friday, it doesn't feel like that at all.

257

:

It's so weird.

258

:

I can't believe, because at

the time it felt like I was

259

:

never going to get through it.

260

:

And now it just feels like Friday is the.

261

:

the door to the weekend.

262

:

Brilliant!

263

:

It just feels a completely different

vibe, rather than I'm going to go

264

:

out Friday night, we're going to get

absolutely sozzled, and then we're

265

:

going to wake up Saturday morning a

bit rough, but probably still able

266

:

to keep it together at this point.

267

:

And then we're going to plan a Saturday,

which is going to be vaguely around

268

:

staying in with a bottle of wine,

because we've done the Friday night

269

:

out, now we're doing the sitting in,

Saturday, watch a film, drink some wine.

270

:

And then Sunday, that's family day, right?

271

:

So now we're going to go for a

lovely long walk with the pub at

272

:

the end, because we're winding down.

273

:

And then Monday feel like absolute pants,

274

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

It's funny how it's all so

275

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: oh,

276

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: isn't it?

277

:

Around

278

:

like the whole weekend was just planned,

279

:

around

280

:

. tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

It was, it's so weird, isn't it?

281

:

I I know now all the things

that I used to put in place.

282

:

Like I used to love having gatherings.

283

:

I still love having gatherings, but it's

not quite the same because the gatherings

284

:

really, there was an ulterior motive.

285

:

One, it was to catch up with all

my friends and have a great time.

286

:

But in the background, it was like,

yippee, it's a good excuse to actually

287

:

drink and everybody's drinking.

288

:

And so I've got the excuse.

289

:

And we're all doing it.

290

:

Those were difficult.

291

:

If I'm honest, the first gatherings

to have sober were awkward.

292

:

Oh, and should I, I can

tell you about this time.

293

:

I went on a girl's weekend cause

that's actually quite a funny story.

294

:

It was a friend of mine's birthday.

295

:

Girls Weekend, like about 7 or 8

of us, and I was in my 100 days

296

:

blip, 100 days blip sort of cycle.

297

:

I had 3 options, it was like, don't go.

298

:

Oh, that's not an option, my best friend

would absolutely kill me, can't do that.

299

:

Okay, so that's wiped out.

300

:

Two, I can drink.

301

:

Oh, but I've only just started again.

302

:

I really don't want to do that

because I've already committed

303

:

to this 100 days again.

304

:

No, come on, I don't do that.

305

:

Okay, three go and just be sober.

306

:

Oh my gosh, I can't do a weekend being

completely sober with everyone drinking.

307

:

What am I going to do?

308

:

And I came up with this cunning plan.

309

:

I don't know if this is really

advisable for people to do this,

310

:

but it really worked for me.

311

:

So basically I took what looks like my

drink, and at the time it was a bottle

312

:

of cider, I took my bottles but I

emptied them out and I filled them with

313

:

alcohol free ciders and I squidged the

tops back on so they looked the deal.

314

:

And what I would do was I would be

the first one to drink, so I'd go

315

:

straight to the fridge while people

are still drinking cups of tea.

316

:

So everyone felt like, yeah, Tiff's

just doing what she would do.

317

:

I'd crack open this cider, I'd have one.

318

:

By that time, everybody had

started drinking and then I'd

319

:

go off and have a second one.

320

:

Sometimes I'd left the bottles of

cider in my, the boot of my car and

321

:

I just take out the empty bottle

and fill it up and come back in.

322

:

But I only needed two and

then I'd be on to tea.

323

:

And what I watched with that was there

was some girls that went that drank

324

:

like I would drink, then there was other

girls that literally just had a glass

325

:

of wine and made it last all night.

326

:

And it was just really interesting.

327

:

It's always interesting

that sort of observation.

328

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: those

aliens that we talk about who can

329

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Absolutely.

330

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

glass of wine all night.

331

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Absolutely.

332

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: even

333

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: know.

334

:

But what was really funny about this

was one, one evening I went out to

335

:

the car to fill up my bottle and my

best friend came out and she saw me

336

:

and she went, Oh what are you doing?

337

:

I went, Oh nothing.

338

:

Just getting another cider.

339

:

Anyway, months later, I never

said anything to anyone.

340

:

I was so happy.

341

:

I had such a good weekend.

342

:

I was exactly the same buzz as everybody.

343

:

Nobody knew.

344

:

Nobody sussed me out.

345

:

And I just had a great weekend.

346

:

And that was in the early days.

347

:

Like I said, I wouldn't

need to do that now.

348

:

It wouldn't bother me at all, but

I just felt so anxious about it.

349

:

But later on, about six months later,

I actually told her, I said, I wasn't

350

:

actually drinking that weekend.

351

:

And she went, what?

352

:

I said, no, those were like filled

up bottles of blah, blah, blah.

353

:

And she went, that's so funny.

354

:

Cause when I saw you in the

boot, I thought you were

355

:

pouring vodka in your bottle.

356

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: When

you started telling me, I was thinking

357

:

it's like the opposite of what people

who are trying to hide drinking, you were

358

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

I know, it's so weird.

359

:

It it made me, I'm a minx and that floated

my boat actually, that there was this sort

360

:

of cunning secret and it was like nobody

knew about it and I was , getting away

361

:

with it, but in a completely backward way.

362

:

It was so weird, but it really

363

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: I

364

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: yeah.

365

:

I know,

366

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: just

picture you as well out your boot with

367

:

your Put your alcohol free drinks into

368

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

it's weird.

369

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: funny.

370

:

Oh what about things that you

have found To be better than

371

:

you thought they would be.

372

:

They talk in Saber Circus about pink

373

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah,

374

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

And what are the things that

375

:

you've discovered about yourself

376

:

Or just a new thing that you may never

have discovered had you not made this

377

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: yeah.

378

:

I think so one of the things was

being able to be with my family.

379

:

And have a proper, natural, high laugh.

380

:

When it first started happening, when I

first took time out from drink my mum said

381

:

to me, Are you sure you're not drinking?

382

:

Because I was laughing so much.

383

:

My kids used to say,

Oh, mum's drunk again.

384

:

And I'd be like, No, you

know I'm not drinking.

385

:

And they'd go, Oh yeah.

386

:

And we'd all look at each other really

weirdly, oh, what does that mean?

387

:

. Like I can still have a laugh.

388

:

That was being the biggest

eye opener because.

389

:

Like I remember when I was a kid and going

out with my mates and having a great old

390

:

time, we forget that's the real truth.

391

:

That actually there was no drink involved.

392

:

You were having a good crack

and everything's great.

393

:

And then before you know

it, you're 14, 15, 16.

394

:

And then , you're in the cycle and

life carries on in a different way.

395

:

But that's.

396

:

It's really eye popping for me.

397

:

It was eye popping for me

that it was like, Oh actually,

398

:

I can actually be a twat.

399

:

And people laugh or whatever.

400

:

Do you know what I mean?

401

:

I don't actually have to

have a drink to be a twat.

402

:

It is actually my go to.

403

:

What else for me?

404

:

Saying no.

405

:

I was a real people pleaser.

406

:

Like lots of women are, I grew up

the same as a lot of women and yes.

407

:

Not actually standing by my own truth.

408

:

Stopping drinking really challenged

me in that department because I had

409

:

to sit with my family and friends

while they were going, Oh, go on.

410

:

Don't be silly.

411

:

You didn't drink much and all that stuff.

412

:

And I'm saying that in a horrible

way because they weren't being

413

:

horrible, but They wanted me to be

part of the gang again, of course.

414

:

Nobody wants to lose you and they see that

you're leaving the fold kind of thing.

415

:

And I'd have to say no

and it was really hard.

416

:

I found it really difficult to say no

when I was, it, I was so uncomfortable

417

:

with it but I had to keep saying no

and keep saying no and keep saying no

418

:

and it's really helped me in so many

areas in my life now because There

419

:

came a point where I actually really

wanted people to ask me something so

420

:

I could say no to it because I felt

like I really loved it at this point.

421

:

It was like, oh my god, it's

so empowering to say no.

422

:

So that's been another one

that I've really enjoyed that I

423

:

don't mind now being different

because you have to be different.

424

:

around, your social groups.

425

:

And now it's actually a superpower

because now I feel like, Oh, I've

426

:

recognized that I'm okay, not fitting in.

427

:

And that really transpires

into many areas of my life.

428

:

I've had to really face a lot

of other stuff since then.

429

:

Which I know I wouldn't have done.

430

:

If I was drinking for a start, I've got

more of a backbone now that I thicker

431

:

skinned and think no, this is okay.

432

:

I can do this.

433

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

And I think there's lots

434

:

around that saying no thing.

435

:

I remember this being talked about

in our WhatsApp group actually.

436

:

And it was the power of saying no.

437

:

And actually the no is a

438

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

I fully said it.

439

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: And

I think we had a challenge, didn't we?

440

:

To go

441

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

442

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Just

443

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

444

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

And I was the same, by the

445

:

way, still am a little bit.

446

:

But I do saying no to things

now, mostly because it means

447

:

I don't end up doing loads of

448

:

that I don't

449

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

450

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Lovely.

451

:

and also you don't have to enjoy

everything and you don't have to be part

452

:

of every night out and you don't have

to be part of every event and if you.

453

:

you're choosing this life, then

sometimes it's better for you not to be.

454

:

And I think I love it.

455

:

I love having those boundaries in place

456

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

457

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

So that's a definite

458

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

459

:

Yeah.

460

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

One of the joyous things about

461

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

462

:

Like you say, boundaries, my

boundaries are a lot firmer.

463

:

I think it was Brene Brown.

464

:

She did some research to try

and find out who were the most

465

:

compassionate people out in the world.

466

:

And she she was asking nurses and

nuns and priests and whoever she

467

:

considered to be compassionate.

468

:

And the, when the research The most

compassionate people in the world are

469

:

the ones with boundaries of steel.

470

:

And I thought that was

really amazing actually.

471

:

It's not, you're not being harsh and

uncaring and not loving by saying no,

472

:

you're actually being more loving and

caring because you're protecting yourself.

473

:

So you can give more of

what's actually true.

474

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Yeah,

475

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

476

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: And

also, if you're saying yes, things

477

:

that you don't want to do, or you're

doing too many things, or you're

478

:

just running around like a chicken,

which is probably what I used to do.

479

:

You end up feeling a

resentment underneath.

480

:

So she's absolutely right that you

can be much more kind and authentic.

481

:

If you're prepared to say no, thank you.

482

:

And saying no to drinks.

483

:

You're right.

484

:

It's a really

485

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: yeah,

486

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: that

because I also had the people saying,

487

:

come on, you were great fun, Vic.

488

:

And I like you.

489

:

I look back and think, that's great.

490

:

Oh my God, I had a blast.

491

:

I was an absolute

492

:

I had an absolute brilliant time,

493

:

But there is a dark side as well.

494

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

And the mornings.

495

:

The mornings and the anxiety

and the little bit of fear.

496

:

What did I say?

497

:

What did I do?

498

:

way outweighed any of

499

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Absolutely.

500

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

for me in the

501

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

I never pick up, I never reach for

502

:

my phone in the morning now and

think, oh no, what have I done?

503

:

I think it's because I was telling

somebody about it the other day and

504

:

I said, I'm quite minxy, which is

I've got this kind of, I don't know

505

:

if minxie means something to me, it

means something to me, a bit naughty.

506

:

So I don't need much to be naughty

anyway, but give me a drink and it's it's

507

:

off the scale then because it's like,

Oh, now my minx has really come out.

508

:

And there were no kind of

filters on that at all.

509

:

So it was like, Oh, I'm just going

to go out and be really stupid, but

510

:

it got me into no end of trouble.

511

:

Yeah.

512

:

And I'd pick up and look at the phone

and be like, Oh no, why did I do that?

513

:

I trust myself so much more

now 'cause because of that.

514

:

'cause I think I know what I've said.

515

:

I remember what I've said for a start.

516

:

My, that's another thing,

like you said about thing.

517

:

I never knew that I had this superpower.

518

:

And I'm gonna brag about it because

I know that it isn't, especially

519

:

for women my age menopausal women.

520

:

I know that a lot of people

talk about memory loss.

521

:

And I know that's the thing.

522

:

I started a group, it

was a swimming group.

523

:

This was over a year ago.

524

:

And more and more people were coming

and I was remembering their names, I

525

:

literally was remembering their names

and this is Elaine and this is Leanne

526

:

and this is Serza and I'd introduced

them to people and people would go,

527

:

wow, like 30 people would turn up and

this is the da, and I'd remember them

528

:

all and I just kept remembering them.

529

:

I thought, I don't know

how When did this happen?

530

:

When did I have a superpower of

remembering names, which is actually

531

:

a really good superpower because

people like to be remembered.

532

:

It's actually really beneficial and

introducing people to people is great.

533

:

Especially in a group setting.

534

:

If you're setting up a group, it's

great, but I definitely didn't

535

:

have that when I was drinking.

536

:

No way.

537

:

No way.

538

:

Because it's cleared away the fog and

it's Oh, actually I can access a part

539

:

of my brain that's not clouded over.

540

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

yeah, it doesn't feel like a huge big

541

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: No.

542

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

to remember somebody.

543

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: all.

544

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: I

remember the trying to remember days.

545

:

Oh, what did I say?

546

:

And who was

547

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

548

:

Oh.

549

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Who was

550

:

talking to for four hours

551

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: When

people would say, oh, you last night.

552

:

Oh, no.

553

:

And

554

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

thing ever,

555

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

I don't want to know.

556

:

But of course, then they

proceed to tell you all about

557

:

the horrendous things you did.

558

:

Then you were dancing on the table.

559

:

Yeah.

560

:

Okay.

561

:

Can stop now.

562

:

Stop.

563

:

Stop.

564

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: you could

stop with the, Oh, you should have seen

565

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: I know.

566

:

I

567

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

Don't tell me

568

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah,

569

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: That's

570

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: I

know our culture now is people get their

571

:

phones out on video and stuff like that.

572

:

But luckily, I think I probably just about

dodged it where people were doing that.

573

:

But there would be some hideous

things out there of me, really

574

:

thinking if it was my, if I was 14

and 15 and going through this again,

575

:

I think that would stop me actually.

576

:

That would really help me to stop.

577

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: All.

578

:

Can you imagine some of the

things if that was on, oh, just

579

:

be horrendous if it was on camera.

580

:

Yeah, I'm very relieved that they

weren't around, that just shows my age as

581

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

582

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: thank

583

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yep.

584

:

Yeah.

585

:

Small mercy.

586

:

Yeah.

587

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: couple

more things just want to ask you about.

588

:

First one is just a very practical thing.

589

:

Is there, tool you would advise for

somebody of all the tools and there's

590

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

591

:

Yeah.

592

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: we

all different we all use what's your

593

:

number one what would your go to be?

594

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: My

number one, if I'm having a craving is

595

:

different to my number one that I would

use, which is my overall without a doubt

596

:

has been the most beneficial to me.

597

:

So I'll tell you that one first and

then I'll talk about the craving one.

598

:

When I stopped, there was a void.

599

:

There's always a void, that's just

the nature of the beast, isn't it?

600

:

If you're going to go on a diet and

cut out cakes, you're going to have

601

:

to fill it with something, or, a

relationship breaks up, there's a big

602

:

hole of the shape of that partner.

603

:

And that was, there was a drink shaped

hole, it was like, that's the truth.

604

:

So it was like what am I

going to fill this with?

605

:

And I it was my mum actually who

found the meditation group and she

606

:

said, Oh, it's for stress and anxiety,

which she was stressed at the time.

607

:

And I went along and there were three

Buddhist monks there, which really, I just

608

:

went, Wow, my gosh, this is the real deal.

609

:

Okay.

610

:

And I've never stopped going.

611

:

And although my meditation has changed

and I've tried different meditations,

612

:

recently, I did a course on transcendental

meditation, which I absolutely loved.

613

:

So I'm doing transcendental meditation at

the moment, but equally any meditation,

614

:

as far as I'm concerned, It was

such a lifesaver and for my life and

615

:

now I meditate twice a day absolutely

has a massive impact on my life.

616

:

In so many areas because it's the pause.

617

:

It helps you with the pause, which

is what we talk about sometimes,

618

:

you've got a trigger and it's

like you need to take a pause.

619

:

Meditation's helped me with the pause

and that's helped me in my relationships.

620

:

Not being so reactive.

621

:

I remember my ex once he was on

the phone to me and we were just

622

:

about to launch into some sort

of like back and forth stuff.

623

:

And I just paused and I didn't do

anything else apart from pause.

624

:

And eventually he went,

are you still there?

625

:

I'm like, And I went, yeah.

626

:

And we were both surprised.

627

:

It was like, this is not

what was going to happen.

628

:

And I didn't have anything to say.

629

:

And I spoke to the meditation teacher

after and said I just didn't say anything.

630

:

And she went that's great.

631

:

But at least you didn't

carry on the normal pattern.

632

:

And it was actually much

better for our relationship.

633

:

So meditation, brilliant,

definitely for having a trigger.

634

:

When I'm in, in that moment, which

hasn't happened for quite a while

635

:

now, but when it has, and I've had

a few over the last, year even,

636

:

and it's it's really in my mind.

637

:

I need a drink.

638

:

I need a cider.

639

:

It's the group, it's the

group, it's my go to.

640

:

I just put the call out it's

literally help, I'm in trouble and

641

:

that's enough to take the heat off

because I'm not on my own anymore.

642

:

I've just sent out the message

and I always get lots back.

643

:

Okay, what's going on for you?

644

:

Where are you?

645

:

And everybody's on it and

it just breaks the spell.

646

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Good way.

647

:

And also, I think once you've put it

out there, there's some accountability

648

:

because you've told people and it's the

649

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

It's the secrecy.

650

:

Yeah.

651

:

It doesn't feel quite as appealing

anymore because suddenly it's

652

:

like you're not as naughty.

653

:

You're the naughty child going out.

654

:

But it is like everyone knows about it.

655

:

I've always said to people,

just put the SOS out.

656

:

And so many people don't.

657

:

And I get why you don't.

658

:

Because I didn't.

659

:

I never used to.

660

:

And the reason I didn't is 'cause I

didn't want anyone to bloody stop me.

661

:

I wanna drink.

662

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: Yeah.

663

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

That's it.

664

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

That's the truth of it, isn't it?

665

:

The reason you don't send

something is that you know

666

:

that the group would stop you.

667

:

They're proper the soberesis

group you're talking about at the

668

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

669

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

aren't you?

670

:

That were in the

671

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

672

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: group

and they're actually one which bashes.

673

:

They would get ahold of that

one, which and kill her.

674

:

So you started a Sober Swim group,

and I thought we would just, as our

675

:

final part of our conversation, talk

a little bit about that, because I

676

:

think it's wonderful, and I think

anyone in your area would love to come.

677

:

So tell us a little bit

678

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Yeah, okay.

679

:

So I started a swim group, I recognized

that actually, there was lots of people

680

:

out there that might want to join up like

the Blue Tits, a little bit like that.

681

:

So I organized.

682

:

It was called the 10 o'clock club.

683

:

And at 10 o'clock every day, I went down

there and sat there and I was surprised

684

:

at how many people came and it's been

over a year now and it's been really

685

:

successful and I'm so proud of it.

686

:

It's a really lovely group and everybody's

developed and got better at swimming, but

687

:

it's just, it's just this fabulous group.

688

:

So recently I was thinking

about What can I do?

689

:

What am I really passionate about?

690

:

I'm a life coach anyway.

691

:

And then I just thought, oh, wow, I

can actually form a sober group because

692

:

one of the things that I really miss.

693

:

Was in real life, sober

people to hang out with.

694

:

There's a gap here.

695

:

There's a massive gap.

696

:

We've got aa, I went to AA once.

697

:

It's great.

698

:

It's brilliant.

699

:

It's fantastic.

700

:

It's helped loads of people.

701

:

It didn't align with me.

702

:

It didn't talk to me.

703

:

Other than that, we've got a

local addiction service here.

704

:

There's a massive void here.

705

:

And I live in a place,

Falmouth in, in Cornwall.

706

:

And there's 24, 000 people that live here

and don't tell me there's not a lot of

707

:

them that are struggling with drinking.

708

:

I set it up about four weeks ago.

709

:

It's at five o'clock on a Monday,

a Wednesday and a Saturday night.

710

:

So I've done it specifically

at that time because it's like

711

:

when the wine witch comes out.

712

:

So it's let's break those

old neural pathways.

713

:

So we meet we go in for a swim

if it's, the conditions are okay

714

:

and then we just sit around.

715

:

So on Saturday night we had one, we didn't

go in that night but we had a fire and we

716

:

just sat around and we just had a great

old time and there's a film coming up

717

:

soon so I've put out that and it's that

one The Outrun, which is around a woman's

718

:

experience of drinking and getting sober.

719

:

So I've just put out maybe we

could do this after our next swim

720

:

session and go to the cinema after.

721

:

It's really in the early stages.

722

:

We've got a Facebook group.

723

:

It's called Sober Sea Swimmers.

724

:

So anybody in the local area,

because I want to build a community.

725

:

Yeah basically join the Facebook

group and then come down as often

726

:

as you can or just join in the

conversations on the Facebook chat.

727

:

And I don't know where it's going.

728

:

It's really exciting.

729

:

I'm very excited about it.

730

:

I feel really passionate about it.

731

:

Yeah, it's stirring up a lot of

conversations around and I can feel that.

732

:

So that's good.

733

:

That's really good.

734

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

That's a good thing.

735

:

Sometimes you need to disrupt

736

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

737

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

if you don't get the reaction.

738

:

That's the

739

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: I know.

740

:

I think it is the minks in me.

741

:

Also, this thing about building

a thicker skin, it's I know now

742

:

if go down there tonight at 5 p.

743

:

m.

744

:

and nobody's there, do you know what?

745

:

It's fine.

746

:

I'll sit and look at the sea.

747

:

I'll go for a swim.

748

:

It won't bother me now.

749

:

I won't take it personally.

750

:

I would have taken it personally before.

751

:

But now I just think, you know what?

752

:

You've got to remember your why.

753

:

And my why is, there's a lot

of people out there struggling.

754

:

There's no, there's not enough spaces for

people that are sober or sober curious.

755

:

It's also for sober curious people.

756

:

I just want to build a little

community that can support each other.

757

:

That's right.

758

:

That's it really.

759

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

And I think that does come

760

:

through, through being sober.

761

:

I , once you get to a stage where you

feel and, not being blasé about it,

762

:

but once you get to a place where you

feel a confidence, there is a desire to

763

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

764

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

Because you know how

765

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

766

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: is

767

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405: Yeah.

768

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

wonderful it is.

769

:

And for you you've gone on and

done all these wonderful things.

770

:

You're a coach, you've

got this swim group.

771

:

And I feel like my life has

changed immeasurably as well.

772

:

It's like a total transformation.

773

:

Thank you for joining me today.

774

:

Tiff.

775

:

It's been an absolute

pleasure speaking with you.

776

:

tiff-mutt196_1_09-23-2024_122405:

Thank you for having me.

777

:

Thanks for letting me go, Blair.

778

:

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408: welcome.

779

:

That's what it's all about.

780

:

A little bit.

781

:

Oh dear.

782

:

Thank you for listening to our

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

783

:

If you felt that it helped you, make

sure that you like, share and follow.

784

:

And leave a review on podchaser.

785

:

com.

786

:

And remember, make your

catchphrase, I don't drink

Next Episode All Episodes Previous Episode

Listen for free

Show artwork for Sober, Alcohol Free Stories

About the Podcast

Sober, Alcohol Free Stories
"I Don't Drink"
If you’ve ever googled “do I drink too much” this podcast is for you!

This is for those of you who end up wondering what’s wrong with you, questioning how your friends can possibly drink so slowly, or worse can just have one with dinner (aliens). For those of you who have tried to moderate, just a Thursday, only red wine, not before 6, not after 9, not if I’m wearing blue 😊

For those of you who secretly don’t enjoy the theatre because you know the show will be an interruption to a booze filled evening. For those who fall out with loved ones, lose handbags, feel lonely or shameful the morning after, wear sunglasses on the school run, or enjoy way too many mints for an average human. For those who need something to change but feel it it’s impossible to break up with their loyal companion – booze.

The good news is you are NOT weird, or alone, there’s millions of us, just like you. You CAN stop drinking alcohol. I know this because until Jan 2022 I was all the above, and now “I don’t drink”.

In this podcast we will delve in to what it takes to become alcohol free in a society that’s quite frankly obsessed with drinking! I’ll talk to people just like you and me, some near the beginning of their alcohol-free life, and some further along, but all with one thing in common, the courage to stare booze in the face and say NO, NOT ME, NOT ANYMORE! They will share their sliding doors moments, regrets, loves, pink clouds and the tools that have helped them to succeed.

We will show you that life without the “wine witch” is actually pretty amazing, how we all thought we were losing something, but what we have gained is insurmountable. We will share how our lives transformed, skin began to glow, sleep became deep and relaxing, bodies became healthy, relationships flourished, careers progressed, and our minds were at peace. WE will show you that you deserve the chance to be happy and free and turn what may seem impossible into possible.

Listen along and join me in making your catchphrase “I don’t drink”.

About your host

Profile picture for VICTORIA Banat

VICTORIA Banat