Episode 7
Vic and Matt , Sober Alcohol Free Stories and weighing it up!
Today I'll talk to Matt. Matt tells us how his journey to sobriety took a gradual approach until one day he realised that booze was taking away far more than it could ever give back. A pros and cons list gave him the clarity he needed to pursue a life with no place for drinking.
Transcript
Hi everybody and welcome to
Sober Alcohol Free Stories.
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:I'm Victoria and I don't drink.
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:Today I'll talk to Matt.
4
:Matt tells us how his journey to sobriety
took a gradual approach until one day
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:he realised that booze was taking away
far more than it could ever give back.
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Hi,
Matt, and welcome to the podcast today.
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:Thank you so much for agreeing
to come on and chat to me.
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:really looking forward
to hearing your story.
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:We haven't met before.
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:and those are always really
interesting stories for me because I'm
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:hearing it along with the audience.
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:I'm going to find out who you are,
what your story is, what led you to
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:your alcohol free choice, and then a
little bit about maybe challenges and
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:some of the tools that you've used.
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:So if there's anyone out there who's
sitting there thinking, Matt, I sound,
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:Very similar to you, and I'm considering
stopping drinking, then they may see
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:that it's something that they really
could do, because you've done it.
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:So with that, I'm going
to hand over to you.
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:So I'm going to ask you just to tell
me a little bit about yourself, and
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:how you decided to become alcohol free.
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:What's your story?
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
Hi Vic.
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:So thanks so much for the invite.
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:And as I mentioned to you just,
previously this is hitting a goal of
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:mine that I set last year was to be
on a podcast in some shape or form.
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:So you so much.
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:And I'm a podcast virgin.
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:this is the first of hopefully many, but,
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yes.
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
alcohol free and, you know, the
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:sober journey and, you know, what's
it all about and where, and where
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:did it, where's it come from?
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:Well, I guess.
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:I class myself very much as a middle
lane drinker, or I did anyway.
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:so, you know, the usual sort of path that
young men follow, you hit that age of 16,
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:17 and you want to go and meet ladies and
you want to go and have a laugh and you
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:want to get out there with your mates.
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:So you go to pubs and you go to clubs
and you enjoy yourself and you do all the
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:stuff that you do when you're a young man.
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:I've got three children and they go out
and socialize and do all the stuff that,
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:young people in their sort of twenties,
do to go and meet people and socialize.
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:that sort of life continued up until
I got into recruitment, which is my
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:profession, the role that I've been
in for the last sort of 30 odd years.
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:the kind of alcohol consumption would
have accelerated a bit during them
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:years, because you add in then the
kind of going out and meeting clients,
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:the socializing with, your colleagues.
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:that sort of accelerates it a bit,
but not to the point where it was
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:ever a concern I think sort of most
people that I come across in my life,
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:within the coaching arena that I've
entered into, are very much middle lane
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:drinkers, a few drinks a night, perhaps
accelerate a little bit of the weekend.
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:in some capacity, alcohol
is a part of your life.
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:it's in everything that you do, whether
it's work, whether it's social, whether
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:you're celebrating something, whether
you're commiserating something, whether
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:you're dealing with something that's
stressful, you're just sitting indoors,
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:having a glass of wine with your wife
and any friends that might pop around.
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:I guess through my sort of twenties
and into my thirties, it was
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:just very much a part of life.
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:if you didn't go out and have a drink,
your class is boring, but actually it
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:was never really as a, as a thing not to
do because it was never really an issue.
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:You didn't see it as an issue
because you're surrounded by people.
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:doing exactly the same thing.
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:You know, you're the tribe that
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
a part of, are all out and living that
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:life whether that's Wednesday through to
Sunday, whether it's a couple of drinks
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:a night, whether you get into the Friday
night, obviously Fridays a Friday, so you
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:drink more on a Friday and then Saturday
you're feeling a little bit sort of.
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:Jaded and you can't wait for the
pubs to open and you're dragging
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:yourself off down there with your
wife, your kids or whatever for a
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:bit of lunch and a few more pints.
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:and then Sundays sort of similar.
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:And then you get to Monday and you're
not feeling your best, but you sort
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:of go down the gym and train your way
through it and then the whole cycle starts
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:again, following Wednesday, Thursday.
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:As a young man, that's fine.
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:you can cope with that.
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:And then I sort of got a young family,
started a family in my thirties and also
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:launched a business in the same year.
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:with launching a business comes a new
level of stress, So what you then do is.
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:build that stress relief around alcohol.
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:you've had a bad day, you go
down to the pub, you have a
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:few pints, you forget about it.
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:You have a good
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
you celebrate.
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:you're meeting potential staff,
you meet them down the pub, have
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:a few beers, you interview them.
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:you want to take your team
out for something to do,
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:you take them down the pub.
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:so really, I guess during my thirties,
I would say that, and also alongside
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:that you're taking clients out all
the time, you know, you're doing the
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:whole sort of entertaining thing.
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:And that brings a level of alcohol
consumption along with it, you
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:do that throughout my thirties
and into my early forties.
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:And during that time, I didn't
ever look at what I was doing and
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:necessarily have a problem with
that because that was just life,
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
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:It's very well, it's
very normal, isn't it?
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:It's considered very normal.
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:All of that.
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:Everyone's, everyone seems to be
doing the same thing, particularly
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:as you say, when you're younger.
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:It's almost celebrated, isn't it?
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
but also, you know, they
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:over drinking celebrated.
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:You know what I mean?
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:It's
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
it was almost like, the more you could
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:drink, the better, better man you are
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
be, because,
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
Little badge of honor.
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
in the next day and you remember
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:what you done last night?
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:we need to speak to
these stories come out.
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:And obviously, the more drunk you
are, it is commensurate to what silly
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:things you're going to be doing.
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:but like I said, none of that.
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:resonated as being an issue.
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:it was just part of me, part of my life,
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: of
the lives of everybody that I socialized
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:with, professionally and personally.
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: And
then I guess, in my 40s, Slow down a bit,
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:always been a pretty fit guy, run quite a
lot, lift weights, quite a lot box, quite
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:a lot, but, it wasn't an actual moment
where I decided, God, this is getting too
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:much, you know, it's more sort of a slow
build up to that and it was probably.
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:A lot to do with the way I looked,
because as a guy, fast approaching
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:middle age, there's a few things
you can control getting old, you
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:can't control losing your hair, but
you can control the way you look.
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
to look very unhealthy.
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
body fat was, around 15 to 18 percent.
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:I was living a very unhealthy life, I was
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
I was sleeping badly.
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:Alcohol was, you know, still a
very present part of my life.
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:by this stage, the kids are kind
of 8, 9, sort of 10, 11, 12, so
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:get into that age where they can
sort of see what daddy's doing.
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:I just felt like as a role model, I
wasn't really performing that well.
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:I wasn't particularly present for my
wife and the kids as weekends, because
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:you know, it's like that Thursday,
Friday night thing you get to, Saturday
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:and you know, you're struggling, you're
struggling to deal with the hangover
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:and you're struggling to be present.
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:You're struggling to do all the
stuff that you should be doing.
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:Don't get me wrong.
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:I'm not, it was never a
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:problem.
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:You know, I didn't look, I
didn't sort of look at myself
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:and go, you've got a problem.
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:You know, there's an issue there.
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:it was never even discussed or
flagged or addressed in any way.
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:everyone's the same.
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:Like I say, it's middle,
that middle lane drinker is.
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:the, is the guy, the person that falls
between the gaps a bit because you've
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:got, alcoholics at one end that have
been medically diagnosed and are getting
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:the treatment that they deserve You've
got other people at the other end of the
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:scale either don't drink or once or twice
a year Then you've got the people in the
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:middle which a lot of people, sort of 90
percent of people fall and they're kind of
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:in the middle lane, they're either having
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:probably at one end of the scale or the
other end of the scale where they're kind
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:of heading towards alcoholism potentially,
but they're on that scale in the middle.
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: I
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
are you on that?
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:Who knows?
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:who can say, you know, because there's
so many different levels of it.
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: think
as well, often trying to work out
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:where you are on that scale can be
detrimental because it doesn't really
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:matter, like if it's not working for
you and it's impacting your life,
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:why does it matter where Fred is or
where Susan is or where Julie is?
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:for me, sometimes because I knew.
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:People who drank more than me
and had in my life known people
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:who had drunk a lot more than me.
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:that almost kept me a little bit
stuck cause I felt like I wasn't
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:quite bad enough to warrant
stopping, but the truth is that.
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:I had horrible hangovers
and I was terribly anxious.
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:Um, and I did drink far too much.
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:I just didn't drink quite as much as John
or whoever else it was that in my head.
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:I was thinking, well, I'm not that bad.
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:So that scale can be, it can almost,
I don't know, sort of hide, let you
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:hide a little bit where, where you are.
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:You probably have to think more just
about yourself and your own picture, isn't
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:it, and what you're comfortable with.
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
Well, your That's all you've got,
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah,
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
I an alcoholic?
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:Because if I am, I'll go and get
some treatment and some help.
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:If I, if I'm not, then
leave off, I'm fine.
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:I'll just carry on
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah,
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
You know, I'm not getting up
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:and having a bottle of vodka,
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah,
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
four times a week.
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah,
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
you're under the influence of
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:alcohol in some capacity, something
like 60 to 70 percent of your week,
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: mm hmm,
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
Either consuming alcohol or under the
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:influence in some capacity, whether it
be a hangover or whatever, you know,
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
yeah, yeah,
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
so yeah, I guess I started
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:to realize, I was overweight.
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:I think that's the key thing is,
I developed this amazing knack
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:of avoiding mirrors, avoiding
looking at myself in the mirror.
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:And when you're in a house with.
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:for women, you know, that
really is something because
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:there's mirrors everywhere.
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:So, one day I was like, you haven't
looked at yourself for the last six
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:months, you know, I'd get on the scales
and it was becoming very apparent that
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:I was putting on quite a lot of weight
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: mm
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
I needed to address that.
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:And the only way really to do that,
was to, stop going out and throwing
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:empty calories into my body and
carry on training and hopefully
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:get some of that weight off.
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:So I started experimenting with challenges
because one of the big problems when you
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:try and take a break from alcohol is,
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:That social anxiety that the people
throw on you, you know, particularly
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:if you're a celebrated drunk like
I was, you know, like everyone
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm,
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
So if you're not there first at the
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:bar, last at the bar, then you're almost
sort of surplus to their requirements.
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
mm hmm, mm hmm, mm hmm,
228
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
didn't create them, but I had to have
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:challenges in my life because coming
from the recruitment world, everyone,
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:everyone's target driven and the
challenges left, right and center.
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:So, you know, people can almost accept
that if you say something like I'm
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:having months off, they're like, excuse
me, they can almost accept that and you
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:accept it along with them, but there's
never really a fundamental change to you
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:because again, all I was saying to myself
was I just need to lose some weight.
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:I need to get fit.
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:Once I get through the next three
months, I'll drop a few stone and
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:I'll go back to being that guy again.
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:So don't worry.
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:I'm just going to do this for myself.
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:I need to do it for myself.
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:So, you know, support me through it.
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:I've done that quite a few times, like
I've done, a month here and there,
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:everyone does dry January and then I've
probably continued it a bit longer.
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:unbeknownst to me, I was already
trying to change, I was already
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:trying to get that part of that change
process that we talk about quite a
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:lot, um, you know, contemplation, pre
contemplation, contemplation, action,
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:um, I'd already started that process.
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:Throughout 2018, I've had
two breaks from alcohol.
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:I've had two three month breaks.
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:Lost some weight, felt
healthier, slept better.
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:All the things that, you expect
to feel when you stop throwing
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:that much rubbish into your body.
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:always sort of went back to it and
then, I had this one challenge in my
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:head, this one year no beard challenge
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: mm
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
and I had this, this, this
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:desire to take a year off.
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:But, you know, you can imagine running a
business being heavily sociable, you know,
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:my wife and I were big, big drinkers,
but my mates were drinkers and we were
260
:colleagues with drinkers to make that
decision was potentially huge because
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:running a business, particularly.
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:You're gonna lose stuff You think to
yourself, if you don't go out socially
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:with them, and you are not that guy in
the pub with them of, of an evening so
264
:they can, you know, they can offload
on you and you can find all the juicy
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:gossip out, then you're gonna lose stuff.
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:so there was lots of really
challenging, limiting beliefs knocking
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:about that I had to deal with.
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:I had a particularly heavy family
wedding in, the April of:
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:And flying home the following
day I said to my wife Deborah,
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:that's it, I've got to do it.
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:And I'm gonna do it now.
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:can't, I can't feel like this again.
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:You know, like I woke up feeling
absolutely terrible without a,
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:without a real skin for the weekend.
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:Actually, it wasn't just the night.
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:It was like a couple of days.
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:if you've ever been to a Scottish
wedding, you'll know what I mean.
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:they're pretty
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
No, I have,
280
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
so from that, I think it was the 19th of
281
:April 2019, I joined the one year no beer
crusade, signed up to it on Facebook.
282
:and started that journey,
fortunately for me, I've known
283
:Andy Ramage for a very long time.
284
:We went to school together.
285
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.
286
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
I've always sort of followed his
287
:journey, his alcohol free journey.
288
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
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:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
tapped up Andy and jumped onto that
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:sort of, platform, Facebook at the time.
291
:And, yeah.
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:It was just an incredible year.
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:not that it's tough.
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:It was tough, you know, really tough.
295
:I mean, I've done everything that
you would do in a year cycle.
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:So family
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:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.
298
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
really difficult.
299
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm
300
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
socializing out with clients
301
:you know, so nothing changed
from a social point of view,
302
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.
303
:Mm hmm.
304
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
perhaps a tapered off the sort of
305
:Thursday, Friday night drinking.
306
:I still go out and buy one,
a few beers and be present.
307
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
308
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
but, and it got really, it got, and
309
:it got, it got so much, it's so much
easier and having the support of the
310
:one year, one year no beer community
at that time was just, was just.
311
:You know, a lifesaver,, because you,
312
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.
313
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
you'd be sitting at home on a
314
:Saturday afternoon and it'd be four
o'clock and that's the sort of time
315
:of the day that you might start
cooking some dinner or you might go
316
:and a beer or whatever it might be.
317
:And you'd be thinking,
318
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.
319
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
really fancy a pint or, you know, I
320
:think I might just have one, but you
jump onto that community and you say,
321
:I'm just, I'm thinking about having a
pint, but we'll do one thing and you just
322
:get like this barrage of people going.
323
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
324
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
look, you're six months in.
325
:What are you talking about?
326
:Go and get an hour, go and get
Heineken Zero out of the fridge.
327
:Have that, sit with that
for, for, for an hour.
328
:See how you feel.
329
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
330
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
know, that level of support
331
:that I got from, From those
guys was just unbelievable.
332
:And it got me through that year,
333
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
334
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: and
I got to, April of 2, 20 20, and we all
335
:know what happened then, you know, the,
336
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.
337
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
kicked in and I think
338
:I had done some real work on myself
throughout that year because all,
339
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.
340
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
to do was get through the year
341
:and I wanted to survive the year.
342
:I wanted to address my
relationship with alcohol.
343
:I wanted to break all those, Ties
that I had with, you know, going down
344
:the pub on a Wednesday or Thursday
or Friday or whatever it was.
345
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm
346
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
that arena and the weight, get healthy
347
:and see where I was in the year.
348
:There was no, I was never ever
going to stop drinking completely.
349
:It was never a,
350
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.
351
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
that was never the driver.
352
:And then so April of that year
here, I think I lasted till
353
:May of lock, in the lockdown.
354
:I think I had about 13
months of, of alcohol free.
355
:And then.
356
:Yeah, you know, like everybody, lockdown
happened and, and because I'd finished the
357
:challenge, it was, the, the, gloves were
back off and, and I was back in the game.
358
:And then like everybody, I think
I spent the rest of the year
359
:self medicating, you know, through
lockdown, , that was, there was
360
:little else to do other than,
Other than drink, wasn't it?
361
:And everyone fell into the same boat.
362
:I think sales of alcohol
nearly doubled, didn't it?
363
:During those, during those months.
364
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Oh, so
many people that I know, even drinkers
365
:who would have considered themselves
very normal drinkers, escalated in
366
:that year to some serious habits.
367
:I mean, I've had one lady on the
podcast who say she went from being
368
:a completely normal drinker to a.
369
:Total alcoholic, very ill, had to stop.
370
:I think lockdown was, it
was a permission, wasn't it?
371
:That you probably don't need if you've got
a tendency to enjoy too much drink anyway.
372
:It was definitely a green
light there, wasn't there?
373
:It was nothing else to do.
374
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
Well, the thing,
375
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Why not?
376
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
with the Monday to Friday thing in most
377
:people's lives, there is some structure
and some rules there, aren't there?
378
:You know, like, you know, you don't.
379
:drink on a Monday or Tuesday,
380
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
381
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: and
if you did have a drink on a Wednesday,
382
:you'd have a couple, you wouldn't have
too many because you've got Thursday
383
:and then you've got Thursday night,
but then you drink on a Sunday night.
384
:But there was none of that, was
like, well, seven days a week.
385
:Doesn't really matter.
386
:You haven't got to get up for anything.
387
:So, what's stopping you?
388
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
389
:And also things like work.
390
:I remember work drinks online,
work drinks, Zoom meetings.
391
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
Yeah.
392
:Done a lot,
393
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
Things like that are happening at
394
:like half four in the afternoon.
395
:That's not gonna do
you much good later on.
396
:Is it Not?
397
:If you like a glass of
wine, you just keep going.
398
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
it's carried on.
399
:Yeah.
400
:I
401
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah.
402
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
relationship throughout that year though.
403
:Like I think had I, I don't think I was as
bad as I would have been during lockdown
404
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
405
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
relationship.
406
:So I wasn't, you know,
407
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
408
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
drinking every
409
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: There
was a level of consciousness there.
410
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: Like
I, I think mainly because of the sleep,
411
:you know, for me, My sleep's interrupted.
412
:When I have a drink, whether
it's one pint or 10 pints,
413
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
414
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
fractious night sleep, so
415
:that affects me the next day
and, well next couple of days.
416
:So I was always very conscious of
that and thinking, you know, I really
417
:want to get a good night's sleep,
so I'm not gonna have anything.
418
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
419
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: so I
420
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
421
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
guess I, I'm fortunate in that
422
:respect, that enough for me
to keep it at bay for a bit.
423
:And then my wife and I decided that
in the January of the following year.
424
:We were going to get some weight off.
425
:We were going to get, we
were going to get fit.
426
:And we took a three month challenge.
427
:We got onto the, Six pack revolution.
428
:I don't know if you've ever
heard of that, have you?
429
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: No.
430
:Mm-hmm
431
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
months alcohol free, lots
432
:of exercise, lots of healthy
eating, all that sort of stuff.
433
:So, done
434
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
435
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
a couple of times during that year.
436
:I got to a point during that year
where I was like, do you know what?
437
:Actually, I'm just going to leave
the drink alone again because I
438
:just don't think it works for me.
439
:So I left it, walked away from it,
didn't make a big deal about it,
440
:didn't discuss it in any kind of I
was just, I'm just going to leave it.
441
:Thanks.
442
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm
443
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
I'd join someone and have a glass
444
:of wine or two or a couple of beers,
but I pretty much just left it alone.
445
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
446
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
and then was T total, I think alcohol
447
:free for following year to months, just.
448
:I was quite happy to leave.
449
:It was quite happy to deal with them
sort of social pressures and everybody
450
:became to know me as the guy as Matt.
451
:He doesn't drink.
452
:He's not gonna have a drink tonight.
453
:So I've got, I've got
sort of left alone really
454
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
New identity, isn't it?
455
:When you've been the one that they
think is going to be popping the bar up.
456
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
exactly.
457
:And I
458
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
459
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
different ways.
460
:You know, it didn't become about going.
461
:To the pub and having 10 pints have
become about having a game of golf or,
462
:or going down the gym or, or having a run
or, or walk meeting up and having a walk
463
:or something that was less focused on.
464
:On standing in a pub for hours on end.
465
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
Much more wholesome though, isn't it?
466
:Yeah.
467
:Yeah.
468
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: we
can still be mates, we can still do stuff.
469
:It's just not going to involve me
standing in a pub getting hammered.
470
:but it got to a point where
I was missing out on stuff.
471
:I felt like I was missing out on stuff,
you know, so my mates meet up quite
472
:regularly in pubs and stuff and have
a few beers So I felt like, again,
473
:there was no real reason for me not to.
474
:Do you know what I mean?
475
:So it was like, well, go
and have a pint or two.
476
:So I'd go and I'd have, I'd literally
have a pint or two of Guinness, I'd
477
:be very conscious of that, you know,
throughout, I think it was throughout
478
:I could, could tell you, I could
count on one hand, the amount of
479
:times I went out and had a drink.
480
:I'd still go out, but I'd be very guarded
about it because I was very protective of
481
:my sleep, and the impact it has on me and
the impact it has on my exercise and my
482
:well being and the sort of next day or so.
483
:So
484
:it sort of to a point where.
485
:You realize that you're, you
have to make a trade off.
486
:What, what are you willing to
give up tomorrow for today?
487
:And I'd be sitting there and I think,
well, am I going to drink tonight?
488
:Am I not going to drink tonight?
489
:I just know I'm not going to
drink tonight because I want
490
:to go for that run tomorrow.
491
:I'd go out and I've driven
myself mad about it for the
492
:24 hours before the night out.
493
:Then the amount of willpower that I've,
I've burnt, just, just debating whether
494
:or not I'm going to go and have two or
three pints of Guinness with my mates.
495
:It's just.
496
:You know, you do
497
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
It's exhausting.
498
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
it is tiring, you know, and I, got
499
:to, 15 January last year, 20th of
January last year, and I went out,
500
:I was skiing, I was lucky enough to
be, in the mountains with my family.
501
:I had the most amazing day.
502
:we went to, a great, ski
club up in the mountains.
503
:I had an amazing time.
504
:some alcohol that day.
505
:Woke up the next day
feeling absolutely terrible.
506
:And I just said to my wife, That's it.
507
:I'm going to drop the mic.
508
:I'm done with alcohol completely.
509
:I'm just going to leave it I've
had a great drinking career.
510
:I've got very good at it.
511
:You know, like most of us, I
was an incredibly good drunk,
512
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
I was an expert drinker.
513
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
drinker.
514
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: I
can hand that on to someone else now.
515
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
but I'm done, you know, and I think
516
:that also coincided with me starting
to work on myself and starting to
517
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
518
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
what,
519
:who I am and what I
520
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
521
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
You know, so many people in that middle
522
:lane just, Bumble from day to day, week
to week, you just sort of follow that
523
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
524
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
process of drinking, getting up,
525
:going to work, drinking, getting
up, going to work, eating crap,
526
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Hmm.
527
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
chuck a training session in there
528
:because, you know, you should do, but
once you sort of come outside of the
529
:jar for a bit and look at the label
and realize what does that, what
530
:is that doing to you as a person?
531
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Hmm.
532
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
you personally?
533
:Where are you going?
534
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
even like you were talking about you
535
:could say you've got a night out on
Saturday And you're there having the
536
:conversation with yourself about the
drinking and how much you're gonna
537
:have and it's gonna impact my sleep
And how am I gonna feel the next day?
538
:So I went through all of that stuff as
well I would talk to myself about what
539
:would happen as a result of a night
out And now that I look back on that,
540
:it does seem a little bit bonkers.
541
:Cause I'm like, I did have a choice.
542
:I could have just said, well, actually
I won't, it didn't feel like that at the
543
:time it felt like, well, I'm going out.
544
:So I will obviously drink and then,
oh gosh, how am I going to make sure
545
:that I haven't ruined the next day?
546
:I'm not completely knackered or
I don't say something stupid or.
547
:But then I'd just go out and drink anyway.
548
:It's almost madness.
549
:Like when I look back on the process
and the anxiety that it induced, I
550
:don't just mean afterwards when you've
got a hangover, but I would be anxious
551
:about the results of a future night out.
552
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
I mean, I think most people
553
:are socially, awkward.
554
:Most people grow up socially awkward.
555
:No one grows up with loads
of confidence, do they?
556
:They can walk into
557
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah.
558
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
a room.
559
:like, alcohol gives you that confidence,
560
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Hmm.
561
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
Well, I did
562
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
563
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
reliant upon
564
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
565
:Yeah.
566
:Hmm.
567
:Hmm.
568
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
with my mates.
569
:It's ridiculous.
570
:You know, like why would I, why would
I, you know, whereas I could see him
571
:on the train in the morning and have
exactly the same conversation with
572
:him as I would have done the night.
573
:It's just, you know, it was crazy.
574
:So, yeah, I mean, I think the
thing on that is, is, we talk
575
:about ambivalence quite a lot.
576
:And I think you realize what ambivalence
is and, and, particularly, alcohol,
577
:which is, it kills the best laid plans.
578
:You know, when you're ambivalent
to alcohol, it just kills every,
579
:every plan that you've ever made.
580
:You know, so the work that I've done
on myself last year and the year
581
:before last was to really address that.
582
:Now, what does alcohol mean to me?
583
:put it down on paper.
584
:What would I get out of it?
585
:What does it give me?
586
:the perceived upsides for me, for
me drinking, the perceived downsides
587
:to me drinking, what I'll get
out of it, what does it give me?
588
:You know, when you write all that
information down and you look up
589
:what the pluses and minuses are,
you can imagine, one side of the
590
:paper is full Reasons not to drink.
591
:What does it do?
592
:How does it affect my life?
593
:fitness, nutrition, relationships.
594
:Are you present for
your family, your kids?
595
:What's it doing to your sleep?
596
:What's it doing to your professional life?
597
:What's it doing to your
performance generally?
598
:And then you look at the other side
and the only thing that you can
599
:look at is it helps me socially.
600
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Hmm.
601
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
there's one
602
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
about 10 minutes, cause then
603
:it doesn't matter anyway.
604
:Yeah.
605
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
whatever, so there's like literally
606
:one thing and then the rest of
the page is filled up with like 25
607
:other things that are negatives.
608
:It's not until you do that,
that you really realize.
609
:It clears the ambivalence up, you
know, you sort of, you can look
610
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: It
611
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
you look at that and you go,
612
:it's pointless.
613
:It's absolutely pointless.
614
:I can still get,
615
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: really
helps with, I think that what you've done
616
:exercise that you've just spoken about
often when I meet people who are just
617
:starting the, I'm not drinking journey,
there's a real disconnect between what
618
:they want to do and what they want to do.
619
:So they're saying that they
want to stop drinking, but they
620
:feel like they want to drink.
621
:So they're trying to
do something that they.
622
:trying to stop doing something that
they think they still want to do.
623
:So they're missing out on
something by doing this.
624
:And it's a, it's a willpower
thing and it's a battle and
625
:it's all of those things.
626
:Once you really understand that
it really doesn't give you.
627
:Anything over and above, like
you say, maybe 10, 15 minutes of
628
:confidence that perhaps you needed
to walk into a room, 10, 15 minutes
629
:of numbing after a bad day, whatever
it might be that first little bit.
630
:Once you realize that there is not
more to be gained from having it.
631
:You lose that.
632
:It's the cognitive dissonance, isn't it?
633
:You lose that belief that you're
now missing out on something.
634
:And if you truly can believe that, if
you can, Write it down, like you've
635
:said, and you can look at it and think
there is nothing that I'm giving up here.
636
:and everything to gain when you
look at that page of other things,
637
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
absolutely.
638
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: and
it's much easier because all of a sudden
639
:you're doing the right thing for yourself.
640
:And you kind of want to do that.
641
:It's just a much easier journey.
642
:If you can crack that early on, I think it
really helps, which certainly helped me.
643
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
I wish I'd done it five years ago.
644
:Like, I wish I'd, when I had that
year off, I wish I'd had a coach then.
645
:I wish I'd had
646
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
647
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
me to say, right, let's do the work now.
648
:You know, you're in the right space.
649
:You know, you're motivated.
650
:You want to make that change.
651
:Let's make it last.
652
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah,
653
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
because if I had, I'd have come to,
654
:I've got to where I am now, four or five
655
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: earlier.
656
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
look, I'm not anti alcohol, I
657
:genuinely, I'm pro awareness.
658
:I want people to know it does to you
659
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
yeah, a choice.
660
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
take a break, come away from it for
661
:three months, do the work, look at what
it does to you, look at what it's done
662
:to you, look at your relationships,
look how better you perform without it.
663
:And then make that decision
664
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.
665
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
do I go back to it?
666
:Do I want to go back to it?
667
:Don't want that in my life.
668
:sometimes people say they do,
you know, people's people,
669
:and that's absolutely fine.
670
:But as long as you're going into it with
your eyes open you've come out jar and
671
:you're looking at the label and you know
all the risks that are attached to it.
672
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
And there's not that many people
673
:that decide to do it, who don't
then decide not to later on.
674
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
That's right.
675
:I mean, one of the big things for me this
last year was I got a call to adventure.
676
:You know, I got a call to climb
my second mountain and that,
677
:involved becoming a coach.
678
:And so,
679
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm
680
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
stay in touch with Andy Rammage.
681
:Throughout the whole process
and watched his career, and he
682
:started running, coaching courses
683
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.
684
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
obviously massive alcohol
685
:free guy, you know,
686
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.
687
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
psychology and alcohol free coaching
688
:diploma that I achieved last year.
689
:Can't recommend him enough.
690
:I mean, the, worst case for me,
the reason I signed up for that
691
:was just to do some work on myself.
692
:I just wanted to learn a bit
693
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
694
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
who I am, you know, what alcohol does.
695
:means to me and how I deliver
the message to people in
696
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.
697
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
productive possible way.
698
:Because lots of people would ask me about
the break I'm taking and why aren't you
699
:having a drink and how does that work?
700
:When I couldn't really give them anything
other than I just didn't feel great.
701
:So I wanted to lose some weight.
702
:So I
703
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
704
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
And a lot of the time
705
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
706
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
there's a lot of people In the same
707
:boat as me, where it's like, you know,
they don't want to be a part of that.
708
:They want to take a break.
709
:But I just don't know how to do
710
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
711
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
don't know where to start.
712
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm
713
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
yeah, I've done that diploma and,
714
:met some amazing people on my cohort.
715
:Your brother being one
of them who now is a,
716
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.
717
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
I'm sure, an amazing coach.
718
:And.
719
:It's just brought me
so much the last year.
720
:So I'm like, okay, I'm your coach.
721
:there to support you and help you
and help you to achieve your goals.
722
:quite a lot of the time I'm,
talking to my clients about, well,
723
:you know, part of your goal at the
beginning was to go back to drinking.
724
:If that's something you still want to
achieve, then let's talk about that.
725
:And generally they all say I'm,
no I'm fine, I don't, I can't,
726
:there's no upside to me having a
drink at this stage of the game.
727
:A lot of people have gone from,
I'm going to have 3 months, 6
728
:months, I'm going to have 12 months.
729
:I was just, the first client that
I worked with he's done, he's not
730
:going to drink again because he
just doesn't see any upside to it.
731
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
732
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
yeah,
733
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
I'd agree with that.
734
:I fully intended to stop and that
was gonna be it when I stopped.
735
:I just can't imagine enjoying it anymore.
736
:Now I know too much.
737
:I think that's the thing.
738
:Once you start on the kind of alcohol
free space, you learn a lot, don't you?
739
:Because you read a lot of books, you
listen to podcasts, you meet interesting
740
:people, find a lot of stuff out.
741
:And also just from your own experiences,
how you feel, like you say, your
742
:sleep, your skin, professionally,
emotionally, in your body.
743
:personal relationships, there
isn't anything in my life that
744
:hasn't improved immeasurably.
745
:So I would just never choose it because
I know that it wouldn't be as good.
746
:And I didn't know that when
I started out, I didn't know
747
:that it was going to be better.
748
:I genuinely thought when I started, look,
it's something that I'm just going to have
749
:to do because I haven't got an off button.
750
:I'm getting on a bit.
751
:I'm feeling terrible every time I drink,
so I'm just going to have to stop.
752
:Have to stop is how I felt.
753
:And what I've realized is that that
turned fairly quickly into just so
754
:glad and want to stop and have no
interest in returning to it at all.
755
:And honestly, for anyone
listening like that, that is not
756
:something I thought would happen.
757
:I didn't believe that would be the case,
but it is and it is for so many people.
758
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
don't do that because it was what
759
:we said earlier, but why would
760
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
761
:and also stopping forever for me,
completely the right thing to do
762
:because I'm an all or nothing kind of
girl, I couldn't have the conversation
763
:with myself about going back to it.
764
:When was it going to, how
much was it going to have?
765
:What nights would be okay?
766
:What would all that?
767
:I just couldn't do that again.
768
:I do know people.
769
:Who absolutely had to know that they
were going to be able to go back to it
770
:to enable them to manage the stopping
because it felt too big to say forever.
771
:So it just depends on the
person and coaching is a really
772
:good way to find out as well.
773
:Who are you and what way
is the best way for you?
774
:And then it might change.
775
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
really lucky because I do this
776
:work with people every single day.
777
:You know, I'm going through the, the
ambivalent seesaw with them, so if
778
:I was ever any doubt, if there's any
kind of, you can have a drink again,
779
:you know, I'm doing the work every day.
780
:We're talking about willpower, you
know, we're talking about it's finite.
781
:You can't rely on willpower forever.
782
:You know,
783
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
784
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
those habits and then non
785
:negotiable things that you
need to build back into your
786
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.
787
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
make sure that when alcohol
788
:does creep back in again,
789
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.
790
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
up, you know, and then non
791
:negotiables for me is so important.
792
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
793
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
in my life, you win the
794
:morning, you win the day.
795
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.
796
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
you've had a drink the night before,
797
:you're not winning the morning,
you're not getting up at five o'clock,
798
:you're not going for your cycle,
for your walk, for your run, for the
799
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm.
800
:Yeah.
801
:It's brilliant.
802
:So our time has zoomed where we've
actually gone way over, but I don't mind.
803
:It's been lovely talking
to you, so that's good.
804
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
into my
805
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Um,
would be good to hear a little bit about
806
:your company if you want to share it,
807
:so if there's a way that people
can contact you, let us know.
808
:The details, that'd be helpful.
809
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
Yeah, so, you'll find me on LinkedIn if
810
:you just search Matt Harty, H A R T I E.
811
:you'll find me out there.
812
:there's quite a lot of content on my feed.
813
:so just send me a message via LinkedIn
and if you need some coaching or
814
:some help getting alcohol free, I'm
obviously there to help and support.
815
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Sure.
816
:Well, thank you very much, Matt.
817
:sounds like such an interesting.
818
:Journey that you've been on.
819
:lots of people will have been
through similar things in lockdown
820
:and some maybe haven't decided to do
anything as yet, but I'm sure that
821
:your story might inspire them to
have at least a good think about it.
822
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
Yeah, definitely.
823
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
yeah, can't wait.
824
:Yeah.
825
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
everyone, everyone wants
826
:to take January off.
827
:So during the month of January,
just, address your relationship.
828
:don't run towards the finish line.
829
:. vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
So, well, thank you so much.
830
:Thank you for coming on and
sharing your story with us.
831
:It's been a real pleasure.
832
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:
Thank you
833
:worries.
834
:vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:
So thanks very much, Matt.
835
:And bye.
836
:squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: you.
837
:Thank you for listening.
838
:To Sabre alcohol-free stories.
839
:If this episode helped you,
Please like share and follow.
840
:Or leave a review on pod chaser.
841
:Dot com.
842
:And if you've got a story to
tell, please contact me on Sabre.
843
:A F stories@outlook.com.
844
:And don't forget.
845
:You can make your catch phrase.
846
:I don't drink.