Episode 7

Vic and Matt , Sober Alcohol Free Stories and weighing it up!

Published on: 14th February, 2025

Today I'll talk to Matt. Matt tells us how his journey to sobriety took a gradual approach until one day he realised that booze was taking away far more than it could ever give back. A pros and cons list gave him the clarity he needed to pursue a life with no place for drinking.

Transcript
Speaker:

Hi everybody and welcome to

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

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I'm Victoria and I don't drink.

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Today I'll talk to Matt.

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Matt tells us how his journey to sobriety

took a gradual approach until one day

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he realised that booze was taking away

far more than it could ever give back.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Hi,

Matt, and welcome to the podcast today.

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Thank you so much for agreeing

to come on and chat to me.

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really looking forward

to hearing your story.

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We haven't met before.

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and those are always really

interesting stories for me because I'm

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hearing it along with the audience.

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I'm going to find out who you are,

what your story is, what led you to

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your alcohol free choice, and then a

little bit about maybe challenges and

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some of the tools that you've used.

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So if there's anyone out there who's

sitting there thinking, Matt, I sound,

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Very similar to you, and I'm considering

stopping drinking, then they may see

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that it's something that they really

could do, because you've done it.

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So with that, I'm going

to hand over to you.

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So I'm going to ask you just to tell

me a little bit about yourself, and

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how you decided to become alcohol free.

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What's your story?

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

Hi Vic.

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So thanks so much for the invite.

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And as I mentioned to you just,

previously this is hitting a goal of

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mine that I set last year was to be

on a podcast in some shape or form.

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So you so much.

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And I'm a podcast virgin.

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this is the first of hopefully many, but,

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yes.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

alcohol free and, you know, the

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sober journey and, you know, what's

it all about and where, and where

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did it, where's it come from?

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Well, I guess.

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I class myself very much as a middle

lane drinker, or I did anyway.

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so, you know, the usual sort of path that

young men follow, you hit that age of 16,

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17 and you want to go and meet ladies and

you want to go and have a laugh and you

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want to get out there with your mates.

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So you go to pubs and you go to clubs

and you enjoy yourself and you do all the

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stuff that you do when you're a young man.

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I've got three children and they go out

and socialize and do all the stuff that,

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young people in their sort of twenties,

do to go and meet people and socialize.

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that sort of life continued up until

I got into recruitment, which is my

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profession, the role that I've been

in for the last sort of 30 odd years.

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the kind of alcohol consumption would

have accelerated a bit during them

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years, because you add in then the

kind of going out and meeting clients,

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the socializing with, your colleagues.

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that sort of accelerates it a bit,

but not to the point where it was

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ever a concern I think sort of most

people that I come across in my life,

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within the coaching arena that I've

entered into, are very much middle lane

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drinkers, a few drinks a night, perhaps

accelerate a little bit of the weekend.

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in some capacity, alcohol

is a part of your life.

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it's in everything that you do, whether

it's work, whether it's social, whether

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you're celebrating something, whether

you're commiserating something, whether

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you're dealing with something that's

stressful, you're just sitting indoors,

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having a glass of wine with your wife

and any friends that might pop around.

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I guess through my sort of twenties

and into my thirties, it was

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just very much a part of life.

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if you didn't go out and have a drink,

your class is boring, but actually it

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was never really as a, as a thing not to

do because it was never really an issue.

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You didn't see it as an issue

because you're surrounded by people.

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doing exactly the same thing.

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You know, you're the tribe that

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

a part of, are all out and living that

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life whether that's Wednesday through to

Sunday, whether it's a couple of drinks

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a night, whether you get into the Friday

night, obviously Fridays a Friday, so you

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drink more on a Friday and then Saturday

you're feeling a little bit sort of.

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Jaded and you can't wait for the

pubs to open and you're dragging

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yourself off down there with your

wife, your kids or whatever for a

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bit of lunch and a few more pints.

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and then Sundays sort of similar.

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And then you get to Monday and you're

not feeling your best, but you sort

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of go down the gym and train your way

through it and then the whole cycle starts

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again, following Wednesday, Thursday.

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As a young man, that's fine.

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you can cope with that.

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And then I sort of got a young family,

started a family in my thirties and also

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launched a business in the same year.

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with launching a business comes a new

level of stress, So what you then do is.

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build that stress relief around alcohol.

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you've had a bad day, you go

down to the pub, you have a

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few pints, you forget about it.

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You have a good

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

you celebrate.

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you're meeting potential staff,

you meet them down the pub, have

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a few beers, you interview them.

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you want to take your team

out for something to do,

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you take them down the pub.

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so really, I guess during my thirties,

I would say that, and also alongside

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that you're taking clients out all

the time, you know, you're doing the

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whole sort of entertaining thing.

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And that brings a level of alcohol

consumption along with it, you

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do that throughout my thirties

and into my early forties.

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And during that time, I didn't

ever look at what I was doing and

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necessarily have a problem with

that because that was just life,

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

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It's very well, it's

very normal, isn't it?

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It's considered very normal.

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All of that.

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Everyone's, everyone seems to be

doing the same thing, particularly

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as you say, when you're younger.

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It's almost celebrated, isn't it?

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

but also, you know, they

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over drinking celebrated.

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You know what I mean?

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It's

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

it was almost like, the more you could

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drink, the better, better man you are

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

be, because,

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

Little badge of honor.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

in the next day and you remember

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what you done last night?

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we need to speak to

these stories come out.

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And obviously, the more drunk you

are, it is commensurate to what silly

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things you're going to be doing.

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but like I said, none of that.

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resonated as being an issue.

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it was just part of me, part of my life,

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: of

the lives of everybody that I socialized

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with, professionally and personally.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: And

then I guess, in my 40s, Slow down a bit,

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always been a pretty fit guy, run quite a

lot, lift weights, quite a lot box, quite

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a lot, but, it wasn't an actual moment

where I decided, God, this is getting too

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much, you know, it's more sort of a slow

build up to that and it was probably.

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A lot to do with the way I looked,

because as a guy, fast approaching

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middle age, there's a few things

you can control getting old, you

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can't control losing your hair, but

you can control the way you look.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

to look very unhealthy.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

body fat was, around 15 to 18 percent.

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I was living a very unhealthy life, I was

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

I was sleeping badly.

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Alcohol was, you know, still a

very present part of my life.

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by this stage, the kids are kind

of 8, 9, sort of 10, 11, 12, so

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get into that age where they can

sort of see what daddy's doing.

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I just felt like as a role model, I

wasn't really performing that well.

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I wasn't particularly present for my

wife and the kids as weekends, because

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you know, it's like that Thursday,

Friday night thing you get to, Saturday

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and you know, you're struggling, you're

struggling to deal with the hangover

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and you're struggling to be present.

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You're struggling to do all the

stuff that you should be doing.

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Don't get me wrong.

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I'm not, it was never a

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problem.

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You know, I didn't look, I

didn't sort of look at myself

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and go, you've got a problem.

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You know, there's an issue there.

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it was never even discussed or

flagged or addressed in any way.

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everyone's the same.

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Like I say, it's middle,

that middle lane drinker is.

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the, is the guy, the person that falls

between the gaps a bit because you've

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got, alcoholics at one end that have

been medically diagnosed and are getting

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the treatment that they deserve You've

got other people at the other end of the

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scale either don't drink or once or twice

a year Then you've got the people in the

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middle which a lot of people, sort of 90

percent of people fall and they're kind of

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in the middle lane, they're either having

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probably at one end of the scale or the

other end of the scale where they're kind

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of heading towards alcoholism potentially,

but they're on that scale in the middle.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: I

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

are you on that?

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Who knows?

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who can say, you know, because there's

so many different levels of it.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: think

as well, often trying to work out

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where you are on that scale can be

detrimental because it doesn't really

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matter, like if it's not working for

you and it's impacting your life,

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why does it matter where Fred is or

where Susan is or where Julie is?

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for me, sometimes because I knew.

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People who drank more than me

and had in my life known people

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who had drunk a lot more than me.

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that almost kept me a little bit

stuck cause I felt like I wasn't

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quite bad enough to warrant

stopping, but the truth is that.

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I had horrible hangovers

and I was terribly anxious.

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Um, and I did drink far too much.

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I just didn't drink quite as much as John

or whoever else it was that in my head.

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I was thinking, well, I'm not that bad.

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So that scale can be, it can almost,

I don't know, sort of hide, let you

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hide a little bit where, where you are.

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You probably have to think more just

about yourself and your own picture, isn't

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it, and what you're comfortable with.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

Well, your That's all you've got,

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah,

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

I an alcoholic?

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Because if I am, I'll go and get

some treatment and some help.

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If I, if I'm not, then

leave off, I'm fine.

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I'll just carry on

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah,

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

You know, I'm not getting up

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and having a bottle of vodka,

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah,

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

four times a week.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah,

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

you're under the influence of

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alcohol in some capacity, something

like 60 to 70 percent of your week,

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: mm hmm,

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

Either consuming alcohol or under the

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influence in some capacity, whether it

be a hangover or whatever, you know,

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

yeah, yeah,

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

so yeah, I guess I started

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to realize, I was overweight.

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I think that's the key thing is,

I developed this amazing knack

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of avoiding mirrors, avoiding

looking at myself in the mirror.

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And when you're in a house with.

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for women, you know, that

really is something because

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there's mirrors everywhere.

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So, one day I was like, you haven't

looked at yourself for the last six

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months, you know, I'd get on the scales

and it was becoming very apparent that

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I was putting on quite a lot of weight

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: mm

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

I needed to address that.

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And the only way really to do that,

was to, stop going out and throwing

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empty calories into my body and

carry on training and hopefully

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get some of that weight off.

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So I started experimenting with challenges

because one of the big problems when you

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try and take a break from alcohol is,

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That social anxiety that the people

throw on you, you know, particularly

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if you're a celebrated drunk like

I was, you know, like everyone

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm,

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

So if you're not there first at the

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bar, last at the bar, then you're almost

sort of surplus to their requirements.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

mm hmm, mm hmm, mm hmm,

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

didn't create them, but I had to have

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challenges in my life because coming

from the recruitment world, everyone,

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everyone's target driven and the

challenges left, right and center.

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So, you know, people can almost accept

that if you say something like I'm

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having months off, they're like, excuse

me, they can almost accept that and you

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accept it along with them, but there's

never really a fundamental change to you

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because again, all I was saying to myself

was I just need to lose some weight.

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I need to get fit.

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Once I get through the next three

months, I'll drop a few stone and

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I'll go back to being that guy again.

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So don't worry.

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I'm just going to do this for myself.

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I need to do it for myself.

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So, you know, support me through it.

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I've done that quite a few times, like

I've done, a month here and there,

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everyone does dry January and then I've

probably continued it a bit longer.

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unbeknownst to me, I was already

trying to change, I was already

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trying to get that part of that change

process that we talk about quite a

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lot, um, you know, contemplation, pre

contemplation, contemplation, action,

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um, I'd already started that process.

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Throughout 2018, I've had

two breaks from alcohol.

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I've had two three month breaks.

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Lost some weight, felt

healthier, slept better.

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All the things that, you expect

to feel when you stop throwing

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that much rubbish into your body.

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always sort of went back to it and

then, I had this one challenge in my

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head, this one year no beard challenge

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: mm

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

and I had this, this, this

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desire to take a year off.

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But, you know, you can imagine running a

business being heavily sociable, you know,

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my wife and I were big, big drinkers,

but my mates were drinkers and we were

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colleagues with drinkers to make that

decision was potentially huge because

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running a business, particularly.

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You're gonna lose stuff You think to

yourself, if you don't go out socially

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with them, and you are not that guy in

the pub with them of, of an evening so

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they can, you know, they can offload

on you and you can find all the juicy

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gossip out, then you're gonna lose stuff.

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so there was lots of really

challenging, limiting beliefs knocking

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about that I had to deal with.

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I had a particularly heavy family

wedding in, the April of:

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And flying home the following

day I said to my wife Deborah,

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that's it, I've got to do it.

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And I'm gonna do it now.

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can't, I can't feel like this again.

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You know, like I woke up feeling

absolutely terrible without a,

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without a real skin for the weekend.

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Actually, it wasn't just the night.

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It was like a couple of days.

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if you've ever been to a Scottish

wedding, you'll know what I mean.

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they're pretty

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

No, I have,

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

so from that, I think it was the 19th of

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April 2019, I joined the one year no beer

crusade, signed up to it on Facebook.

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and started that journey,

fortunately for me, I've known

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Andy Ramage for a very long time.

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We went to school together.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

I've always sort of followed his

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journey, his alcohol free journey.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

tapped up Andy and jumped onto that

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sort of, platform, Facebook at the time.

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And, yeah.

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It was just an incredible year.

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not that it's tough.

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It was tough, you know, really tough.

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I mean, I've done everything that

you would do in a year cycle.

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So family

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

really difficult.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

socializing out with clients

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you know, so nothing changed

from a social point of view,

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.

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Mm hmm.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

perhaps a tapered off the sort of

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Thursday, Friday night drinking.

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I still go out and buy one,

a few beers and be present.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

but, and it got really, it got, and

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it got, it got so much, it's so much

easier and having the support of the

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one year, one year no beer community

at that time was just, was just.

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You know, a lifesaver,, because you,

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

you'd be sitting at home on a

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Saturday afternoon and it'd be four

o'clock and that's the sort of time

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of the day that you might start

cooking some dinner or you might go

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and a beer or whatever it might be.

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And you'd be thinking,

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

really fancy a pint or, you know, I

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think I might just have one, but you

jump onto that community and you say,

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I'm just, I'm thinking about having a

pint, but we'll do one thing and you just

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get like this barrage of people going.

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vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

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squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

look, you're six months in.

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What are you talking about?

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Go and get an hour, go and get

Heineken Zero out of the fridge.

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Have that, sit with that

for, for, for an hour.

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See how you feel.

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:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

330

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

know, that level of support

331

:

that I got from, From those

guys was just unbelievable.

332

:

And it got me through that year,

333

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

334

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: and

I got to, April of 2, 20 20, and we all

335

:

know what happened then, you know, the,

336

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.

337

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

kicked in and I think

338

:

I had done some real work on myself

throughout that year because all,

339

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.

340

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

to do was get through the year

341

:

and I wanted to survive the year.

342

:

I wanted to address my

relationship with alcohol.

343

:

I wanted to break all those, Ties

that I had with, you know, going down

344

:

the pub on a Wednesday or Thursday

or Friday or whatever it was.

345

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm

346

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

that arena and the weight, get healthy

347

:

and see where I was in the year.

348

:

There was no, I was never ever

going to stop drinking completely.

349

:

It was never a,

350

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.

351

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

that was never the driver.

352

:

And then so April of that year

here, I think I lasted till

353

:

May of lock, in the lockdown.

354

:

I think I had about 13

months of, of alcohol free.

355

:

And then.

356

:

Yeah, you know, like everybody, lockdown

happened and, and because I'd finished the

357

:

challenge, it was, the, the, gloves were

back off and, and I was back in the game.

358

:

And then like everybody, I think

I spent the rest of the year

359

:

self medicating, you know, through

lockdown, , that was, there was

360

:

little else to do other than,

Other than drink, wasn't it?

361

:

And everyone fell into the same boat.

362

:

I think sales of alcohol

nearly doubled, didn't it?

363

:

During those, during those months.

364

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Oh, so

many people that I know, even drinkers

365

:

who would have considered themselves

very normal drinkers, escalated in

366

:

that year to some serious habits.

367

:

I mean, I've had one lady on the

podcast who say she went from being

368

:

a completely normal drinker to a.

369

:

Total alcoholic, very ill, had to stop.

370

:

I think lockdown was, it

was a permission, wasn't it?

371

:

That you probably don't need if you've got

a tendency to enjoy too much drink anyway.

372

:

It was definitely a green

light there, wasn't there?

373

:

It was nothing else to do.

374

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

Well, the thing,

375

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Why not?

376

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

with the Monday to Friday thing in most

377

:

people's lives, there is some structure

and some rules there, aren't there?

378

:

You know, like, you know, you don't.

379

:

drink on a Monday or Tuesday,

380

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

381

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: and

if you did have a drink on a Wednesday,

382

:

you'd have a couple, you wouldn't have

too many because you've got Thursday

383

:

and then you've got Thursday night,

but then you drink on a Sunday night.

384

:

But there was none of that, was

like, well, seven days a week.

385

:

Doesn't really matter.

386

:

You haven't got to get up for anything.

387

:

So, what's stopping you?

388

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

389

:

And also things like work.

390

:

I remember work drinks online,

work drinks, Zoom meetings.

391

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

Yeah.

392

:

Done a lot,

393

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

Things like that are happening at

394

:

like half four in the afternoon.

395

:

That's not gonna do

you much good later on.

396

:

Is it Not?

397

:

If you like a glass of

wine, you just keep going.

398

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

it's carried on.

399

:

Yeah.

400

:

I

401

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah.

402

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

relationship throughout that year though.

403

:

Like I think had I, I don't think I was as

bad as I would have been during lockdown

404

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

405

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

relationship.

406

:

So I wasn't, you know,

407

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

408

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

drinking every

409

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: There

was a level of consciousness there.

410

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: Like

I, I think mainly because of the sleep,

411

:

you know, for me, My sleep's interrupted.

412

:

When I have a drink, whether

it's one pint or 10 pints,

413

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

414

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

fractious night sleep, so

415

:

that affects me the next day

and, well next couple of days.

416

:

So I was always very conscious of

that and thinking, you know, I really

417

:

want to get a good night's sleep,

so I'm not gonna have anything.

418

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

419

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: so I

420

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

421

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

guess I, I'm fortunate in that

422

:

respect, that enough for me

to keep it at bay for a bit.

423

:

And then my wife and I decided that

in the January of the following year.

424

:

We were going to get some weight off.

425

:

We were going to get, we

were going to get fit.

426

:

And we took a three month challenge.

427

:

We got onto the, Six pack revolution.

428

:

I don't know if you've ever

heard of that, have you?

429

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: No.

430

:

Mm-hmm

431

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

months alcohol free, lots

432

:

of exercise, lots of healthy

eating, all that sort of stuff.

433

:

So, done

434

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

435

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

a couple of times during that year.

436

:

I got to a point during that year

where I was like, do you know what?

437

:

Actually, I'm just going to leave

the drink alone again because I

438

:

just don't think it works for me.

439

:

So I left it, walked away from it,

didn't make a big deal about it,

440

:

didn't discuss it in any kind of I

was just, I'm just going to leave it.

441

:

Thanks.

442

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm-hmm

443

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

I'd join someone and have a glass

444

:

of wine or two or a couple of beers,

but I pretty much just left it alone.

445

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

446

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

and then was T total, I think alcohol

447

:

free for following year to months, just.

448

:

I was quite happy to leave.

449

:

It was quite happy to deal with them

sort of social pressures and everybody

450

:

became to know me as the guy as Matt.

451

:

He doesn't drink.

452

:

He's not gonna have a drink tonight.

453

:

So I've got, I've got

sort of left alone really

454

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

New identity, isn't it?

455

:

When you've been the one that they

think is going to be popping the bar up.

456

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

exactly.

457

:

And I

458

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

459

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

different ways.

460

:

You know, it didn't become about going.

461

:

To the pub and having 10 pints have

become about having a game of golf or,

462

:

or going down the gym or, or having a run

or, or walk meeting up and having a walk

463

:

or something that was less focused on.

464

:

On standing in a pub for hours on end.

465

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

Much more wholesome though, isn't it?

466

:

Yeah.

467

:

Yeah.

468

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: we

can still be mates, we can still do stuff.

469

:

It's just not going to involve me

standing in a pub getting hammered.

470

:

but it got to a point where

I was missing out on stuff.

471

:

I felt like I was missing out on stuff,

you know, so my mates meet up quite

472

:

regularly in pubs and stuff and have

a few beers So I felt like, again,

473

:

there was no real reason for me not to.

474

:

Do you know what I mean?

475

:

So it was like, well, go

and have a pint or two.

476

:

So I'd go and I'd have, I'd literally

have a pint or two of Guinness, I'd

477

:

be very conscious of that, you know,

throughout, I think it was throughout

478

:

I could, could tell you, I could

count on one hand, the amount of

479

:

times I went out and had a drink.

480

:

I'd still go out, but I'd be very guarded

about it because I was very protective of

481

:

my sleep, and the impact it has on me and

the impact it has on my exercise and my

482

:

well being and the sort of next day or so.

483

:

So

484

:

it sort of to a point where.

485

:

You realize that you're, you

have to make a trade off.

486

:

What, what are you willing to

give up tomorrow for today?

487

:

And I'd be sitting there and I think,

well, am I going to drink tonight?

488

:

Am I not going to drink tonight?

489

:

I just know I'm not going to

drink tonight because I want

490

:

to go for that run tomorrow.

491

:

I'd go out and I've driven

myself mad about it for the

492

:

24 hours before the night out.

493

:

Then the amount of willpower that I've,

I've burnt, just, just debating whether

494

:

or not I'm going to go and have two or

three pints of Guinness with my mates.

495

:

It's just.

496

:

You know, you do

497

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

It's exhausting.

498

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

it is tiring, you know, and I, got

499

:

to, 15 January last year, 20th of

January last year, and I went out,

500

:

I was skiing, I was lucky enough to

be, in the mountains with my family.

501

:

I had the most amazing day.

502

:

we went to, a great, ski

club up in the mountains.

503

:

I had an amazing time.

504

:

some alcohol that day.

505

:

Woke up the next day

feeling absolutely terrible.

506

:

And I just said to my wife, That's it.

507

:

I'm going to drop the mic.

508

:

I'm done with alcohol completely.

509

:

I'm just going to leave it I've

had a great drinking career.

510

:

I've got very good at it.

511

:

You know, like most of us, I

was an incredibly good drunk,

512

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

I was an expert drinker.

513

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

drinker.

514

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: I

can hand that on to someone else now.

515

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

but I'm done, you know, and I think

516

:

that also coincided with me starting

to work on myself and starting to

517

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

518

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

what,

519

:

who I am and what I

520

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

521

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

You know, so many people in that middle

522

:

lane just, Bumble from day to day, week

to week, you just sort of follow that

523

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

524

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

process of drinking, getting up,

525

:

going to work, drinking, getting

up, going to work, eating crap,

526

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Hmm.

527

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

chuck a training session in there

528

:

because, you know, you should do, but

once you sort of come outside of the

529

:

jar for a bit and look at the label

and realize what does that, what

530

:

is that doing to you as a person?

531

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Hmm.

532

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

you personally?

533

:

Where are you going?

534

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

even like you were talking about you

535

:

could say you've got a night out on

Saturday And you're there having the

536

:

conversation with yourself about the

drinking and how much you're gonna

537

:

have and it's gonna impact my sleep

And how am I gonna feel the next day?

538

:

So I went through all of that stuff as

well I would talk to myself about what

539

:

would happen as a result of a night

out And now that I look back on that,

540

:

it does seem a little bit bonkers.

541

:

Cause I'm like, I did have a choice.

542

:

I could have just said, well, actually

I won't, it didn't feel like that at the

543

:

time it felt like, well, I'm going out.

544

:

So I will obviously drink and then,

oh gosh, how am I going to make sure

545

:

that I haven't ruined the next day?

546

:

I'm not completely knackered or

I don't say something stupid or.

547

:

But then I'd just go out and drink anyway.

548

:

It's almost madness.

549

:

Like when I look back on the process

and the anxiety that it induced, I

550

:

don't just mean afterwards when you've

got a hangover, but I would be anxious

551

:

about the results of a future night out.

552

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

I mean, I think most people

553

:

are socially, awkward.

554

:

Most people grow up socially awkward.

555

:

No one grows up with loads

of confidence, do they?

556

:

They can walk into

557

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah.

558

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

a room.

559

:

like, alcohol gives you that confidence,

560

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Hmm.

561

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

Well, I did

562

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

563

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

reliant upon

564

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

565

:

Yeah.

566

:

Hmm.

567

:

Hmm.

568

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

with my mates.

569

:

It's ridiculous.

570

:

You know, like why would I, why would

I, you know, whereas I could see him

571

:

on the train in the morning and have

exactly the same conversation with

572

:

him as I would have done the night.

573

:

It's just, you know, it was crazy.

574

:

So, yeah, I mean, I think the

thing on that is, is, we talk

575

:

about ambivalence quite a lot.

576

:

And I think you realize what ambivalence

is and, and, particularly, alcohol,

577

:

which is, it kills the best laid plans.

578

:

You know, when you're ambivalent

to alcohol, it just kills every,

579

:

every plan that you've ever made.

580

:

You know, so the work that I've done

on myself last year and the year

581

:

before last was to really address that.

582

:

Now, what does alcohol mean to me?

583

:

put it down on paper.

584

:

What would I get out of it?

585

:

What does it give me?

586

:

the perceived upsides for me, for

me drinking, the perceived downsides

587

:

to me drinking, what I'll get

out of it, what does it give me?

588

:

You know, when you write all that

information down and you look up

589

:

what the pluses and minuses are,

you can imagine, one side of the

590

:

paper is full Reasons not to drink.

591

:

What does it do?

592

:

How does it affect my life?

593

:

fitness, nutrition, relationships.

594

:

Are you present for

your family, your kids?

595

:

What's it doing to your sleep?

596

:

What's it doing to your professional life?

597

:

What's it doing to your

performance generally?

598

:

And then you look at the other side

and the only thing that you can

599

:

look at is it helps me socially.

600

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Hmm.

601

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

there's one

602

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

about 10 minutes, cause then

603

:

it doesn't matter anyway.

604

:

Yeah.

605

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

whatever, so there's like literally

606

:

one thing and then the rest of

the page is filled up with like 25

607

:

other things that are negatives.

608

:

It's not until you do that,

that you really realize.

609

:

It clears the ambivalence up, you

know, you sort of, you can look

610

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: It

611

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

you look at that and you go,

612

:

it's pointless.

613

:

It's absolutely pointless.

614

:

I can still get,

615

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: really

helps with, I think that what you've done

616

:

exercise that you've just spoken about

often when I meet people who are just

617

:

starting the, I'm not drinking journey,

there's a real disconnect between what

618

:

they want to do and what they want to do.

619

:

So they're saying that they

want to stop drinking, but they

620

:

feel like they want to drink.

621

:

So they're trying to

do something that they.

622

:

trying to stop doing something that

they think they still want to do.

623

:

So they're missing out on

something by doing this.

624

:

And it's a, it's a willpower

thing and it's a battle and

625

:

it's all of those things.

626

:

Once you really understand that

it really doesn't give you.

627

:

Anything over and above, like

you say, maybe 10, 15 minutes of

628

:

confidence that perhaps you needed

to walk into a room, 10, 15 minutes

629

:

of numbing after a bad day, whatever

it might be that first little bit.

630

:

Once you realize that there is not

more to be gained from having it.

631

:

You lose that.

632

:

It's the cognitive dissonance, isn't it?

633

:

You lose that belief that you're

now missing out on something.

634

:

And if you truly can believe that, if

you can, Write it down, like you've

635

:

said, and you can look at it and think

there is nothing that I'm giving up here.

636

:

and everything to gain when you

look at that page of other things,

637

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

absolutely.

638

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: and

it's much easier because all of a sudden

639

:

you're doing the right thing for yourself.

640

:

And you kind of want to do that.

641

:

It's just a much easier journey.

642

:

If you can crack that early on, I think it

really helps, which certainly helped me.

643

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

I wish I'd done it five years ago.

644

:

Like, I wish I'd, when I had that

year off, I wish I'd had a coach then.

645

:

I wish I'd had

646

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

647

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

me to say, right, let's do the work now.

648

:

You know, you're in the right space.

649

:

You know, you're motivated.

650

:

You want to make that change.

651

:

Let's make it last.

652

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: yeah,

653

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

because if I had, I'd have come to,

654

:

I've got to where I am now, four or five

655

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: earlier.

656

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

look, I'm not anti alcohol, I

657

:

genuinely, I'm pro awareness.

658

:

I want people to know it does to you

659

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

yeah, a choice.

660

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

take a break, come away from it for

661

:

three months, do the work, look at what

it does to you, look at what it's done

662

:

to you, look at your relationships,

look how better you perform without it.

663

:

And then make that decision

664

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.

665

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

do I go back to it?

666

:

Do I want to go back to it?

667

:

Don't want that in my life.

668

:

sometimes people say they do,

you know, people's people,

669

:

and that's absolutely fine.

670

:

But as long as you're going into it with

your eyes open you've come out jar and

671

:

you're looking at the label and you know

all the risks that are attached to it.

672

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

And there's not that many people

673

:

that decide to do it, who don't

then decide not to later on.

674

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

That's right.

675

:

I mean, one of the big things for me this

last year was I got a call to adventure.

676

:

You know, I got a call to climb

my second mountain and that,

677

:

involved becoming a coach.

678

:

And so,

679

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm

680

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

stay in touch with Andy Rammage.

681

:

Throughout the whole process

and watched his career, and he

682

:

started running, coaching courses

683

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.

684

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

obviously massive alcohol

685

:

free guy, you know,

686

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.

687

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

psychology and alcohol free coaching

688

:

diploma that I achieved last year.

689

:

Can't recommend him enough.

690

:

I mean, the, worst case for me,

the reason I signed up for that

691

:

was just to do some work on myself.

692

:

I just wanted to learn a bit

693

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

694

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

who I am, you know, what alcohol does.

695

:

means to me and how I deliver

the message to people in

696

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.

697

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

productive possible way.

698

:

Because lots of people would ask me about

the break I'm taking and why aren't you

699

:

having a drink and how does that work?

700

:

When I couldn't really give them anything

other than I just didn't feel great.

701

:

So I wanted to lose some weight.

702

:

So I

703

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

704

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

And a lot of the time

705

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

706

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

there's a lot of people In the same

707

:

boat as me, where it's like, you know,

they don't want to be a part of that.

708

:

They want to take a break.

709

:

But I just don't know how to do

710

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

711

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

don't know where to start.

712

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm

713

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

yeah, I've done that diploma and,

714

:

met some amazing people on my cohort.

715

:

Your brother being one

of them who now is a,

716

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.

717

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

I'm sure, an amazing coach.

718

:

And.

719

:

It's just brought me

so much the last year.

720

:

So I'm like, okay, I'm your coach.

721

:

there to support you and help you

and help you to achieve your goals.

722

:

quite a lot of the time I'm,

talking to my clients about, well,

723

:

you know, part of your goal at the

beginning was to go back to drinking.

724

:

If that's something you still want to

achieve, then let's talk about that.

725

:

And generally they all say I'm,

no I'm fine, I don't, I can't,

726

:

there's no upside to me having a

drink at this stage of the game.

727

:

A lot of people have gone from,

I'm going to have 3 months, 6

728

:

months, I'm going to have 12 months.

729

:

I was just, the first client that

I worked with he's done, he's not

730

:

going to drink again because he

just doesn't see any upside to it.

731

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

732

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

yeah,

733

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

I'd agree with that.

734

:

I fully intended to stop and that

was gonna be it when I stopped.

735

:

I just can't imagine enjoying it anymore.

736

:

Now I know too much.

737

:

I think that's the thing.

738

:

Once you start on the kind of alcohol

free space, you learn a lot, don't you?

739

:

Because you read a lot of books, you

listen to podcasts, you meet interesting

740

:

people, find a lot of stuff out.

741

:

And also just from your own experiences,

how you feel, like you say, your

742

:

sleep, your skin, professionally,

emotionally, in your body.

743

:

personal relationships, there

isn't anything in my life that

744

:

hasn't improved immeasurably.

745

:

So I would just never choose it because

I know that it wouldn't be as good.

746

:

And I didn't know that when

I started out, I didn't know

747

:

that it was going to be better.

748

:

I genuinely thought when I started, look,

it's something that I'm just going to have

749

:

to do because I haven't got an off button.

750

:

I'm getting on a bit.

751

:

I'm feeling terrible every time I drink,

so I'm just going to have to stop.

752

:

Have to stop is how I felt.

753

:

And what I've realized is that that

turned fairly quickly into just so

754

:

glad and want to stop and have no

interest in returning to it at all.

755

:

And honestly, for anyone

listening like that, that is not

756

:

something I thought would happen.

757

:

I didn't believe that would be the case,

but it is and it is for so many people.

758

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

don't do that because it was what

759

:

we said earlier, but why would

760

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

761

:

and also stopping forever for me,

completely the right thing to do

762

:

because I'm an all or nothing kind of

girl, I couldn't have the conversation

763

:

with myself about going back to it.

764

:

When was it going to, how

much was it going to have?

765

:

What nights would be okay?

766

:

What would all that?

767

:

I just couldn't do that again.

768

:

I do know people.

769

:

Who absolutely had to know that they

were going to be able to go back to it

770

:

to enable them to manage the stopping

because it felt too big to say forever.

771

:

So it just depends on the

person and coaching is a really

772

:

good way to find out as well.

773

:

Who are you and what way

is the best way for you?

774

:

And then it might change.

775

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

really lucky because I do this

776

:

work with people every single day.

777

:

You know, I'm going through the, the

ambivalent seesaw with them, so if

778

:

I was ever any doubt, if there's any

kind of, you can have a drink again,

779

:

you know, I'm doing the work every day.

780

:

We're talking about willpower, you

know, we're talking about it's finite.

781

:

You can't rely on willpower forever.

782

:

You know,

783

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

784

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

those habits and then non

785

:

negotiable things that you

need to build back into your

786

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm hmm.

787

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

make sure that when alcohol

788

:

does creep back in again,

789

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: hmm.

790

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

up, you know, and then non

791

:

negotiables for me is so important.

792

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

793

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

in my life, you win the

794

:

morning, you win the day.

795

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Yeah.

796

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

you've had a drink the night before,

797

:

you're not winning the morning,

you're not getting up at five o'clock,

798

:

you're not going for your cycle,

for your walk, for your run, for the

799

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Mm.

800

:

Yeah.

801

:

It's brilliant.

802

:

So our time has zoomed where we've

actually gone way over, but I don't mind.

803

:

It's been lovely talking

to you, so that's good.

804

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

into my

805

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Um,

would be good to hear a little bit about

806

:

your company if you want to share it,

807

:

so if there's a way that people

can contact you, let us know.

808

:

The details, that'd be helpful.

809

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

Yeah, so, you'll find me on LinkedIn if

810

:

you just search Matt Harty, H A R T I E.

811

:

you'll find me out there.

812

:

there's quite a lot of content on my feed.

813

:

so just send me a message via LinkedIn

and if you need some coaching or

814

:

some help getting alcohol free, I'm

obviously there to help and support.

815

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351: Sure.

816

:

Well, thank you very much, Matt.

817

:

sounds like such an interesting.

818

:

Journey that you've been on.

819

:

lots of people will have been

through similar things in lockdown

820

:

and some maybe haven't decided to do

anything as yet, but I'm sure that

821

:

your story might inspire them to

have at least a good think about it.

822

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

Yeah, definitely.

823

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

yeah, can't wait.

824

:

Yeah.

825

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

everyone, everyone wants

826

:

to take January off.

827

:

So during the month of January,

just, address your relationship.

828

:

don't run towards the finish line.

829

:

. vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

So, well, thank you so much.

830

:

Thank you for coming on and

sharing your story with us.

831

:

It's been a real pleasure.

832

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353:

Thank you

833

:

worries.

834

:

vic-host374_2_01-07-2025_171351:

So thanks very much, Matt.

835

:

And bye.

836

:

squadcaster-7a5d_2_01-07-2025_171353: you.

837

:

Thank you for listening.

838

:

To Sabre alcohol-free stories.

839

:

If this episode helped you,

Please like share and follow.

840

:

Or leave a review on pod chaser.

841

:

Dot com.

842

:

And if you've got a story to

tell, please contact me on Sabre.

843

:

A F stories@outlook.com.

844

:

And don't forget.

845

:

You can make your catch phrase.

846

:

I don't drink.

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About the Podcast

Sober, Alcohol Free Stories
"I Don't Drink"
If you’ve ever googled “do I drink too much” this podcast is for you!

This is for those of you who end up wondering what’s wrong with you, questioning how your friends can possibly drink so slowly, or worse can just have one with dinner (aliens). For those of you who have tried to moderate, just a Thursday, only red wine, not before 6, not after 9, not if I’m wearing blue 😊

For those of you who secretly don’t enjoy the theatre because you know the show will be an interruption to a booze filled evening. For those who fall out with loved ones, lose handbags, feel lonely or shameful the morning after, wear sunglasses on the school run, or enjoy way too many mints for an average human. For those who need something to change but feel it it’s impossible to break up with their loyal companion – booze.

The good news is you are NOT weird, or alone, there’s millions of us, just like you. You CAN stop drinking alcohol. I know this because until Jan 2022 I was all the above, and now “I don’t drink”.

In this podcast we will delve in to what it takes to become alcohol free in a society that’s quite frankly obsessed with drinking! I’ll talk to people just like you and me, some near the beginning of their alcohol-free life, and some further along, but all with one thing in common, the courage to stare booze in the face and say NO, NOT ME, NOT ANYMORE! They will share their sliding doors moments, regrets, loves, pink clouds and the tools that have helped them to succeed.

We will show you that life without the “wine witch” is actually pretty amazing, how we all thought we were losing something, but what we have gained is insurmountable. We will share how our lives transformed, skin began to glow, sleep became deep and relaxing, bodies became healthy, relationships flourished, careers progressed, and our minds were at peace. WE will show you that you deserve the chance to be happy and free and turn what may seem impossible into possible.

Listen along and join me in making your catchphrase “I don’t drink”.

About your host

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VICTORIA Banat