Episode 6

Vic and Rachel - Sober, Alcohol Free Stories and being a sober mama!

Published on: 7th February, 2025

  📍 Hi everybody and welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories. I'm Victoria and I don't drink today. I'll talk to Rachel. Rachel's drinking was of its time as a teen, but it took a dark turn after a family tragedy. Today, Rachel sober and healthy, a great mum and storyteller to her boys and the author of Sober Mama, a hopeful and funny book that will give you a roadmap to help you navigate your way to sobriety.

Transcript
Speaker:

Hi everybody and welcome to

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

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I'm Victoria and I don't drink today.

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I'll talk to Rachel.

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AKA sober mama.

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Rachel's drinking was of its

time as a teen, but it took a

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dark turn after a family tragedy.

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Today, Rachel is the author of

Sober Mama, a hopeful book that

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will give you a roadmap to help

you navigate your way to sobriety.

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, squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hi

Rachel, it's lovely to have you on today.

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Thank you for joining me.

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I feel quite honoured to have you on

because you are now an author, in Sobriety

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and I'm really in admiration for that.

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It's definitely a life goal for me.

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I connected with you quite early on.

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and I remember being a little bit

fascinated at the time with anyone who

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was sober because I was so new to it.

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So I was only a couple of months in.

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so I'm really grateful that you've

joined me on my podcast today.

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thank you.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

No worries.

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so much for having

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah, and every time it's

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the same format with me.

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I just want to hear your story because

there'll be someone who was like

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you, who's thinking, Oh, can I do it?

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Can't I do it?

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My life's either upside down

or just not very manageable.

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And so just to hear a bit about

what your life was like before

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you decided to stop drinking.

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And then some of the thought process

that went into why you stopped.

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And then maybe if you can share

some of your challenges and

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top tips, those kinds of things

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

of course.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

tell us about yourself.

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Tell us about Rachel while she

was a drinker to start with,

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I just loved getting pissed.

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I think that's probably the best.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Yep.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

loved it from the moment I started

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trying it when I was 14 years old.

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I just loved getting battered

and it was never really a

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problem for many, many years.

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I did the typical northern

teenager, started at 14 years

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old and was night clubbing at 15.

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You know, the days where

ID just wasn't a thing.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

and my mum used to drive into Chester

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at 2 in the morning to peel me

off the pavement on the weekends.

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You know, think now, like, my boys

are seven and ten and I can't imagine,

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fifteen years old I'm doing that,

but it was the way things were.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: And

that just continued, like, social drinking

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right the way through my twenties, but

never I drank just for like one or two or

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the, I don't, I just never saw the point

whatsoever unless I was getting leathered.

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Like I drank with the sole

purpose of getting to the

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state where I would fall down.

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And I loved it, that's what I

kind of, I lived for the weekends.

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And then when I had children, I

slowed down a lot because getting

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up at, my, my eldest 5am riser

from the moment he was born,

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Wow.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I mean even now he's still up

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at 6am, suddenly getting up on

a hangover was, was torture,

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

naturally slowed down, basically.

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but when the school years sort of began

and motherhood became more of a juggle, my

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drinking definitely started stepping up.

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And then it was becoming more of a kind

of midweek event, still not absolutely

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out of control, but definitely frequently.

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And I'd never, ever, ever

do less than a bottle.

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If I've opened a bottle, then

I'm getting to the end of it.

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that just continues.

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And I never really felt at that point

like alcohol was ruining my life.

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It took a couple of traumatic incidents

really for that to, to really step it up.

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So firstly, the sudden death of my

mom, which was was so unexpected.

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It felt violent

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Oh

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

she went for a run.

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was the day after her 62nd birthday,

totally healthy, no issues whatsoever,

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and she just collapsed and died.

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She had an aortic dissection, which

I'd never even heard of before.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

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That's horrendous.

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Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: as

that happened, I started drinking daily.

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That was it.

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I became a daily drinker and I was

drinking a lot because I, not even

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because I wanted to get drunk.

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I just wanted to not feel pain.

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I kind of went on this

weird, ultra productive.

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Like crazy six months where I was

drinking day and heavily, but getting up

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running three miles, working like a dog.

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it was kind of in my head.

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If I just don't stop and I keep going

and I focus on what's in front of me a

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bit like a horse with blinkers, you know,

I'll just, I'll be I'll be all right.

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I've just got to keep moving.

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So I kind of went into this

sort of mania almost where I,

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that's how I functioned for

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

six months or so.

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And then that, my marriage broke down.

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I mean, it wasn't good anyway, but it got

a whole lot worse and that catapulted me

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into the realms of real problem drinking.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Where all of a sudden I was

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frightened of everything.

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Like, am I going to lose my home?

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Like, how am I going to manage

with the kids by myself?

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Then there was all the arguments

with solicitors, which is just,

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it's honestly probably one of the

worst things I've ever been through.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I just got to the stage where I was.

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in a perpetual state of anxiety and

I journal every night and I always

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write down what my anxiety levels are

and my depression levels out of 10

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

get a benchmark of where I'm at every

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single day I was writing I'm 11 out of 10.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Wow.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: It,

I just felt off the scale, like I couldn't

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function and I had no idea whatsoever,

none, that alcohol causes anxiety.

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I just thought that was the only thing

I could do to fix it, but was well aware

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that that was the thing that was also

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Mm,

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Ruined my life because I was

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just feeling terrible every day.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: And

it wasn't like a, there wasn't a major

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particular moment where I decided to quit.

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I just got , so sick and tired of

feeling sick and tired every day.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I'm trying to make all these big

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life decisions for me and my kids.

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And just thinking like, I've got

to get my head straight to do this.

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And I knew if I was ever gonna

stop that it had to be for good.

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I tried to moderate so many times

over the years to know it was

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never going to be possible for me.

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I will never

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

at one, one drink.

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So I had it in mind straight away

that I was going to quit forever,

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which weirdly is something I don't

advise to people when they quit.

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I say, Do three months and tell

me at the end of it whether

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or not you want to continue

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

forever can be too much for people

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but for me it was the only option

and I knew it was the only option.

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I'd need to give it up if I

was gonna, you know, live.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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I have a very similar story

in terms of the forever part.

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I knew the day that I stopped, this

is it for me and it will be forever,

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and I couldn't really understand

how people could torture themselves

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with the possibility of going.

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back or moderating because I found that

impossible because I never had one either.

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I just didn't really see the point.

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I, I still don't, I still, when

I see friends drinking one glass,

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I'm like, the little bit in my

brain that still doesn't get it.

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it's like, how are you having

one glass of wine with dinner?

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That's just weird.

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Why are you even bothering?

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Because I can't comprehend it.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

do it properly.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah, I still kind of

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get a little bit annoyed.

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It's weird.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

no, I hear you.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Wow.

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Okay.

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So very, very sorry to

hear about your mum.

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That's must've been horrendous for you.

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And actually the divorce as well.

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I do have a lot of friends who've been

through divorces and the stress that

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that puts onto someone is immense,

particularly if you have children

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stopping drinking probably was

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Okay.

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Okay.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I didn't know that it would

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increase my levels of anxiety.

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and it wasn't until I read William

Porter, William Porter's book that I

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realized that it was actually connected.

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So did you, when you stopped drinking,

did you notice very quickly a change

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in things like your mood when you

were recording in the evenings?

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How did that go?

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

massively, and I went through so

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many changes so quickly and I was

researching the hell out of it.

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I mean, I researched and read

and listened to like I was

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studying for a PhD in addiction.

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I just want to know everything.

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And the more I learned, the more I

couldn't believe that I didn't know.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

To me now seems like such common sense

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I was frustrated at having to look at

all these different sources to find

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out what I was going to go through

at each stage and well, that's one of

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the reasons I wanted to write the book

was to write a roadmap for people and

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a timeline of what's going to happen

because I found it, but I had to look

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in so many different places to get it.

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I think it was so helpful when

I was researching to think,

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okay, well, I'm going to go

through these different stages.

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So like for me, one of the

first things I noticed was an

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insatiable craving for sugar

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

days.

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I just could not get enough of it.

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I know I was eating packets and

packets of Haribo and cookies and

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this went on for about six weeks.

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it was crazy.

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And then, I went through a phase of

having some really intense, and then

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through a phase of like where I was

narcoleptic, couldn't stop sleeping.

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When you feel yourself go through it

and then you feel yourself get through

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it, you then know that the things that

are going to follow later down the line,

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you're also going to get there as well.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah,

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

believing that there's

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a textbook process here.

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And if I've got through these bits,

then the good bit that's going

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to follow eventually come too.

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I just hadn't appreciated before

I stopped how long that would be

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and that it would be three months

before my brain had reset and learned

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how to produce dopamine again and

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

yeah,

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

going to be happy at first.

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And, um, so I, I, I loved going

through all the different phases,

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even the bad ones, because

it proved that I was healing.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

yeah, the process we had started.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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Um,

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

jealousy, like you, like you,

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you want to just fast forward.

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You want to where those people are.

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So the fact that you have written a

roadmap that tells me it's okay, it's

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coming, like you're not going to feel

it right now, because that can be quite

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difficult to manage when you stop.

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Because if you're in contact

with lots of people who have been

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sober for a long time, they'll

be saying, Oh, isn't it amazing?

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Don't you feel great?

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And when you don't yet, that

is actually quite tricky.

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So that's, That's great that you've put

that into a map that people can look at.

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And I think I have a lot of people who are

on Soberistas who listen to this podcast.

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And I would say definitely they should

have a look at that because it will put

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your mind at ease that it will come.

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It will come because you're right.

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It just is a process that

everybody goes through.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

the way I kind of explain it to

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people is that when you drink, what

happens to your body is textbook.

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you will start to lose your control

of your speech, and eventually

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you'll vomit and black out.

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There's all these stages we go

through when we drink, every

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single time, and it's just, you

know, how bad you get, basically.

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So sense dictates that.

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The reverse must be true and when you

stop drinking, there must be a load

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of things that your body goes through.

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and it's just knowing what they are

and the length of time it takes.

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And I think for people that, I always bang

on about dry January, but for people who

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do dry January, if you don't know anything

about quitting alcohol, you get to the

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end of dry January feeling bloody awful

because you're not producing any dopamine

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and you're in that, I call it the boredom

phase and for me that was the worst phase

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because it was the lengthiest phase.

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And I just couldn't get any enjoyment out

of everything, and everything felt flat.

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And if you believe, as most people

would, I think, after a month, you'd

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think, Well, all the alcohol's out of

my system, I'm done and dusted now.

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If you believe that you should be healed

at that point, then it would be very, very

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easy to conclude that sobriety is shit.

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And go back, you know, wet February,

because why would you want to stay

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in a state that feels that terrible?

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And just being armed with that knowledge.

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You know, you've done the hardest

month, but actually you've just got

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to push through that next couple for

things to start changing for the better.

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So I think, yeah, for me, having that

information there is so, it's so crucial

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to understanding where your body's at.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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And what did you do in

those early months then?

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What were the challenges that you faced?

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did you do it on your own?

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Did you join any groups?

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Tell me about the beginning bit.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I joined a lot of Facebook groups.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

started to blog, most of what

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I did was reading related.

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And then what I was doing

was distraction related.

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So I worked out very quickly from reading

that I wasn't going to be able to feel

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joy because of this lack of dopamine.

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And I felt it.

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I felt that so intensely, but I remember a

therapist telling me years ago that human

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beings get happiness from two things.

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One is.

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Just enjoyment, genuine happiness

about enjoying something.

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And the other thing is achievement.

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So I just thought, well, if I

can't get, if I can't be happy,

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at least I can get productive.

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And if I can go through my house and

sort every cupboard out and organize

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my bookshelves in rainbow color

order and go through my wardrobes

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and just streamline my life, then

by the time my dopamine comes back,

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I'll have all my ducks in a row.

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So I kind of set about reorganizing my

life and I went through, you know, not

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just physically, but like my finances.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

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Mm hmm.

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Mm hmm.

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Mm hmm.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

my health.

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That first six weeks or so I was so tired.

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I couldn't do anything.

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I dragged myself through each day, but

then once I got beyond that, I got back

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on the treadmill and started to look

at my diet and all of those things.

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So yeah, and I've just kept myself

very busy, particularly in the first

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few weeks where my trigger time

was sort of four or five when I was

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starting to make the boys dinner.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

when I also, so at that point I just

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started playing games with the boys.

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and dove into that and actually it made

such a huge difference, not just to how

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I was feeling because I was distracting

myself, but also to their behavior because

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all of a sudden I wasn't trying to avoid

them so I could drink and by engaging

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with them, their behavior was great.

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Was much better as well, you know,

far less and, so it massively

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improved everything in the house.

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Really my relationship with them.

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you know, I was much calmer anyway,

because I wasn't feeling, you know,

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so anxious and stressed all the time.

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So everything just felt

so much more peaceful.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah, it's such a great thing to do,

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to do the kind of organization thing.

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I didn't really know that I was

doing that, but I did that as well.

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I remember either I was on a

zoom call or I was blogging.

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I can't remember what it was,

but I remember talking about

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organizing my knicker drawer.

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I was like, finally, I've actually got.

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Pants that fit and socks that fit and

bras that fit because I hadn't done it

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for such a long time and I was actively

doing those kind of things that must have

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been Yeah, that's probably why then to

just get that dopamine the achievement

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dopamine Um, that's funny you say that

and also, um With the boys or with me,

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with my children, it's not only sort

of that you don't have the anxiety, et

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cetera, but you also don't have that thing

where, you know, when it's that time, it's

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five o'clock, it's coming up to bedtime.

335

:

You're kind of tired.

336

:

You've had enough and you're thinking

that you want to have a glass of wine.

337

:

There is a slight irritation

that you can feel, isn't there?

338

:

Because

339

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Okay.

340

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

that's going to just numb it all out and

341

:

make it a little bit calmer in your head.

342

:

that could make me grumpy.

343

:

Definitely.

344

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

it definitely did with me as well.

345

:

I rushed through everything,

including the bedtime routine.

346

:

I just wanted them in bed so I could

come down here and continue drinking.

347

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

348

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

actually, when I got.

349

:

Sober was to buy some pebbles and I

drew little pictures on all of them.

350

:

And they're story stones basically.

351

:

So we take them to bed and all pick

different signs out and then we use

352

:

them to make up stories, which cause

they're boys, they always involve death

353

:

and toilets and you know, they're always

diabolical stories, but they love it.

354

:

It was one of those things I recognised

really early on that I wanted to do was

355

:

make more out of the bedtime routine.

356

:

Because I read religiously to

them when they were babies.

357

:

And then it sort of fell by the

wayside and I ended up, you know, just

358

:

drinking instead of reading to them.

359

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

360

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: I

wanted to bring back and it's delightful

361

:

and you know, you learn just, we have

like, we call it chat time before

362

:

beds and we sit and just talk about

our days and you learn so many random

363

:

things about them and the way their

little minds work and all this stuff

364

:

that I was, I was missing out on.

365

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Mm.

366

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

realize I was missing out on.

367

:

I just wanted to get down

here so I could drink.

368

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

369

:

Yeah, I know.

370

:

Well, you and me both, and I'm sure

there's lots of people listening

371

:

who are either currently doing that

or did used to do that as well.

372

:

It's quite common, isn't it?

373

:

Because it takes over a bit,

you know, that's just what you

374

:

want to do and it's horrible.

375

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

does a no judgment

376

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Mm.

377

:

Yeah.

378

:

Yeah.

379

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

tough and we do all need

380

:

some sort of an escape.

381

:

And it's only like, you know, in recent

years that I've realized that alcohol

382

:

is not a good one, but I totally see

why there are so many moms who turn

383

:

to that because it's, it's a hard job.

384

:

And with.

385

:

of mum drinking culture and it's

so kind of endorsed and encouraged.

386

:

I think that's that's the problem It's the

endorsement of it where everybody's sort

387

:

of saying the same thing that we need it.

388

:

We deserve it I'm like, well,

of course we deserve the break.

389

:

But what we really need is the narrative

that mums Work is, is really tough and

390

:

moms need to be better supported in

order that they can have time away from

391

:

their children and time for themselves.

392

:

And, to recognize that first and

foremost, you're, you know, you're

393

:

a woman, you're not, your job on

the planet is not to be a mom.

394

:

That's is, well, it's one of the jobs,

but it's not your whole reason for being.

395

:

And I think that, that for me is

the sort of bigger problem really is

396

:

that, are drowning and you can see

why everybody wants to escape it.

397

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

398

:

And then there's the safety in

numbers where everybody's saying

399

:

the same thing, like you said.

400

:

Honestly, the number of times that

you hear or that I heard when I was a

401

:

younger mum, or can't wait till five

o'clock or, I mean, to be honest,

402

:

the culture exists, it exists in

the workplace, it exists everywhere,

403

:

but the mum thing, you're right.

404

:

I mean, it felt legitimized.

405

:

To me, I, talk about how I used to

serve drinks at my kids parties.,

406

:

and that happened because when my

first child started primary school,

407

:

I remember going to a kid's party,

you know, the whole class goes, you

408

:

know, those parties where everybody

goes, mine are a bit older now.

409

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

on earth, aren't they?

410

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

411

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

hate kids parties.

412

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

things.

413

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: do.

414

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

one of the things that happened when

415

:

we walked in is a dad turned around and

said to me, look around the room, this

416

:

is your life for the next 10 years.

417

:

And I was like, Oh my God.

418

:

and then the mother of the five year

old whose party it was came out and

419

:

she had this perfect updo and, she

looked very glamorous and she was

420

:

carrying a tray with Prosecco and.

421

:

my little brain just went, Oh,

Oh, this is, this is what we do.

422

:

That means that I can do that.

423

:

and I did for years.

424

:

I served the mum's Prosecco

at my kids parties.

425

:

What was I thinking?

426

:

What was that about?

427

:

Why did I need to do that?

428

:

I just,

429

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

we all did it.

430

:

I mean, I did the same.

431

:

I've avoided kids parties

as much as possible.

432

:

I kind of bribe my children into,

you can have more money towards your

433

:

birthday if you don't have a party.

434

:

It seems to be working, but I , I've taken

red wine and a floss to go and watch their

435

:

nativity plays because I mean, let's be

honest, it's where happiness goes to die.

436

:

Like you get to see your kid

for like all of the 30 seconds

437

:

where they do their one line.

438

:

And then I've got to watch

people's kids for two hours.

439

:

No, thank you.

440

:

So I'm thankfully I'm out of the

nativity years now, but I saw, for

441

:

me, it wasn't just that alcohol was,

I enjoyed it for some activities.

442

:

I made it part of every activity.

443

:

There was always a reason to fit it in.

444

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

445

:

Oh, I, I would do the same.

446

:

Yeah.

447

:

Any event I would turn up

with the bottle of fizz, um.

448

:

That's what I did.

449

:

So it's weird then when

you stop, isn't it?

450

:

And suddenly it's not what

you do and you change.

451

:

How did your friends react

when you stopped drinking?

452

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I was really lucky and I think,

453

:

for, for my closest friends, I think

they, they could see how much it

454

:

was hurting me at that point because

I was so anxious all the time and

455

:

they all reacted really positively.

456

:

I think to be honest, they're just

happy they get a designated driver.

457

:

So they don't really.

458

:

don't really care.

459

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

460

:

Nice.

461

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

you know, for some people, I

462

:

think it can be a real issue.

463

:

I'm particularly for women.

464

:

I've coached whose partners

are still drinking.

465

:

That that's where I think it can be

really problematic where but drinking

466

:

partner and you decide to stop.

467

:

That's not an easy thing

to navigate at all.

468

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: No.

469

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

but I was really lucky.

470

:

I've got nothing but support.

471

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

472

:

I was the same.

473

:

All of my friends have been

really supportive, but there

474

:

are situations where it doesn't.

475

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: It's

476

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

477

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

More power to them.

478

:

I just think whatever

works for you, right.

479

:

For me, it wasn't working

for me and it was my life

480

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

It's interesting how they ask that.

481

:

I mean, my, a lot of my friends are much

more curious about being sober than they

482

:

would have been if I hadn't stopped.

483

:

I think because I was the biggest

drinker probably in the group.

484

:

It was so shocked, but they're

probably like, Oh my God.

485

:

I, what do you, how do you live like that?

486

:

And I get asked a lot

of questions about it.

487

:

A lot of them listen to

the podcast, actually, even

488

:

though they're still drinkers.

489

:

But I think they're just

interested to sort of know what

490

:

life's like on the other side.

491

:

So you never know.

492

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: And

it's definitely sparked certain changes.

493

:

So, my dad took a huge hiatus from

drinking when he started listening to

494

:

my podcast and his drinking was out of

control when my mom first died, he's

495

:

a great example of why moderation is.

496

:

dangerous because he drank a bottle of red

wine on a Friday and a bottle of red wine

497

:

on a Saturday for 40 years or something.

498

:

And the day after mum died, he went from

that to three bottles of wine a day.

499

:

he did that for about 18 months,

and then it was only when I quit,

500

:

he started reading my blogs, and

then he took a hiatus from drinking,

501

:

because he could see what it was

doing, you know, the changes that it

502

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

503

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: you

know, the benefits it was giving to me.

504

:

And a friend of mine, the other week

was going through something really

505

:

stressful with like a job loss.

506

:

and she said, Oh, I'm, I'm not

going to drink during this time.

507

:

Cause I know that that's going

to send me over the edge.

508

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Make it worse.

509

:

Mm hmm.

510

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

into people, I think.

511

:

Yeah, it definitely has an impact

512

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

513

:

So tell us a bit about your book,

and your coaching, because are

514

:

you still doing your coaching?

515

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I am, I've, I've been doing, I've, I

516

:

have, a couple of long term clients

517

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

518

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

at the moment.

519

:

Um, who I've had for the last two

years, and I have been reluctant

520

:

to take new people on just because

the book publicity has been

521

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Huge.

522

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: and

with so many articles I've had to write,

523

:

I am still doing, I'm just not doing very

524

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

That's on a pause for

525

:

the moment a little bit.

526

:

Yeah.

527

:

Mm hmm.

528

:

Mm

529

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

So, but I'm, you know, I, I still love

530

:

it and I think it's the nicest thing

to watch people transform before you.

531

:

And the thing I love about it

the most is how quickly people

532

:

transform and how different people

look just in that first two weeks.

533

:

it's the most delightful thing

to coach because Everything that

534

:

comes out of it is positive,

535

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

536

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

there's no bad that comes

537

:

from giving up alcohol.

538

:

There's no downside to it.

539

:

Like you go through all of these,

different, emotions and feelings,

540

:

but ultimately everything is

still going to get better,

541

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

542

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

aspect of your life.

543

:

So love watching that.

544

:

Changing people.

545

:

And then, like I said, that first two

weeks is always crazy in terms of like,

546

:

particularly the way people look and

their like faces completely change, you

547

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

548

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

redness goes and swelling goes and,

549

:

just look so much better and healthier.

550

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

551

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

then after that three months

552

:

of working with them, it's

usually, you know, it's massive.

553

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Mm.

554

:

Mm hmm.

555

:

Mm

556

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

massive.

557

:

So I do love that side of it.

558

:

but the book was.

559

:

like I said before, When I quit, I wanted

somebody, to tell me what to do and

560

:

when to do it and how to get through it.

561

:

I just wanted a manual.

562

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

563

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I just wanted it, I just wanted it

564

:

easy and succinct and it didn't exist.

565

:

I read so many different things

with so much great information,

566

:

but I wanted it, all the things

that I really needed in one place.

567

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

568

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

in particular, the timeline and then

569

:

what to do, like how to get through that

first three months, what do I need to do?

570

:

how.

571

:

do I navigate this?

572

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

573

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

And also, I read quite a lot of

574

:

Quitlet that was very science

heavy, which was interesting.

575

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Mm

576

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

But not particularly enjoyable to read.

577

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

578

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

And some of it was downright frightening.

579

:

what I wanted was to write something

that was funny and heartwarming

580

:

and that made people laugh out loud

581

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah,

582

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: it's

a dark subject and I wanted to bring the

583

:

lightness to it, which is it doesn't have

to be this hard we can make a joke of it.

584

:

And I've got some soul crushingly

embarrassing stories in there.

585

:

They're horrific.

586

:

The stuff that I've disclosed,

my poor, my poor dad.

587

:

stuff he's had for a week.

588

:

It's honestly, it's diabolical.

589

:

And that, you know, the things that you

They're the kind of things that only

590

:

you're like, you know, your best mates

know, and you never want anyone outside

591

:

of your friendship circle to know.

592

:

And now I've just told the

593

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

594

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Something very cathartic and freeing

595

:

about just saying, do you know what?

596

:

I was a complete fuck up.

597

:

Here, here it all is.

598

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

599

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Hopefully I've come out of that

600

:

and I'm doing a bit better now.

601

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

602

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

you can learn something from my mistakes

603

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

604

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

it all yourself.

605

:

handholdy guide where people could.

606

:

Resonate with the pages, feel understood

connected and think, Oh my God, I know

607

:

exactly what that woman was thinking

608

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

609

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

wrote,

610

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Well, I'm really looking forward

611

:

to reading it and . Is it available

on Audible and on Amazon, or

612

:

is it just hard copy to buy?

613

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

It's available in all, pretty much

614

:

all UK bookstores like Waterstones

and Smiths, it's on Amazon.

615

:

It's currently in Sainsbury's, but

that won't be for too much longer.

616

:

I don't think, I think their

turnover is quite quick.

617

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Okay.

618

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

but yeah, Amazon,

619

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Okay.

620

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

it as

621

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

And it's Sober Mama.

622

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

It is.

623

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

It's Sober Mama.

624

:

Okay.

625

:

Well, I'm looking forward to reading it.

626

:

That's exciting.

627

:

And I'm looking forward

to the juicy stories.

628

:

I think, you know what, like we've all

done stuff, everybody, whether you are

629

:

in a situation where you have stopped

drinking or not stopped drinking,

630

:

I would say that most people have

got a drinking story that they don't

631

:

really want the whole world to know.

632

:

So well done you for actually putting

it out there and showing that.

633

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

my four boys as

634

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Oh, yeah.

635

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

older and they get to,

636

:

Oh, terrible really,

637

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah, just maybe just don't tell

638

:

them about that, rip that page out.

639

:

I've got a 15 year old at the moment

who asks me lots of questions.

640

:

He's getting interested in booze

and I'm like, he said, when did,

641

:

well, when did you first drink?

642

:

I was like, oh, 18.

643

:

Lie, lie, lie.

644

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

that.

645

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I like you've put your stories

646

:

in there because I think that

there's too much shame around it.

647

:

The shame is what keeps people, hiding

and not doing the right thing and,

648

:

deciding to say they need help and stop.

649

:

So I think it's great

that you've done that.

650

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Oh, I mean, just that the shame, is

651

:

so horrendous and I just think if the

horrors and the fear of what you're

652

:

doing to your body and your life,

if those were the drivers to quit.

653

:

would all quit very easily, you know,

anything that shame focus doesn't

654

:

work because the shame is part of the

trigger for doing it in the first place.

655

:

I think for me, to be hope focused

and, you know, don't focus on

656

:

all the things you've done.

657

:

Don't panic about what

you've done to your body.

658

:

Just focus on what you can

change now and move on and,

659

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah,

660

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

let it go, basically.

661

:

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

no, let it go.

662

:

I can definitely live with that.

663

:

I love that.

664

:

I will.

665

:

I have definitely let it go.

666

:

I don't really have regrets.

667

:

I think I was doing what I was doing

and now I'm doing what I'm doing.

668

:

But what I can say is that I feel

So much better and I enjoy my life

669

:

so much more and clearly you do

as well So thank you so much, for

670

:

joining me and sharing your story.

671

:

It's been wonderful and everybody

get out there and get a hold of

672

:

that book cause it sounds brilliant.

673

:

I will be getting mine tomorrow.

674

:

I promise you and I'll send you

a picture of me with it to you.

675

:

So thank you so much.

676

:

Thanks for joining me

and I'll see you soon.

677

:

Bye.

678

:

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: you.

679

:

Thank you for listening.

680

:

To Sabre alcohol-free stories.

681

:

If this episode helped you, please.

682

:

Please like share and follow.

683

:

Or leave a review on pod chaser.

684

:

Dot com.

685

:

And if you've got a story to

tell, please contact me on Sabre.

686

:

A F stories@outlook.com.

687

:

And don't forget.

688

:

You can make your catch phrase.

689

:

I don't drink.

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About the Podcast

Sober, Alcohol Free Stories
"I Don't Drink"
If you’ve ever googled “do I drink too much” this podcast is for you!

This is for those of you who end up wondering what’s wrong with you, questioning how your friends can possibly drink so slowly, or worse can just have one with dinner (aliens). For those of you who have tried to moderate, just a Thursday, only red wine, not before 6, not after 9, not if I’m wearing blue 😊

For those of you who secretly don’t enjoy the theatre because you know the show will be an interruption to a booze filled evening. For those who fall out with loved ones, lose handbags, feel lonely or shameful the morning after, wear sunglasses on the school run, or enjoy way too many mints for an average human. For those who need something to change but feel it it’s impossible to break up with their loyal companion – booze.

The good news is you are NOT weird, or alone, there’s millions of us, just like you. You CAN stop drinking alcohol. I know this because until Jan 2022 I was all the above, and now “I don’t drink”.

In this podcast we will delve in to what it takes to become alcohol free in a society that’s quite frankly obsessed with drinking! I’ll talk to people just like you and me, some near the beginning of their alcohol-free life, and some further along, but all with one thing in common, the courage to stare booze in the face and say NO, NOT ME, NOT ANYMORE! They will share their sliding doors moments, regrets, loves, pink clouds and the tools that have helped them to succeed.

We will show you that life without the “wine witch” is actually pretty amazing, how we all thought we were losing something, but what we have gained is insurmountable. We will share how our lives transformed, skin began to glow, sleep became deep and relaxing, bodies became healthy, relationships flourished, careers progressed, and our minds were at peace. WE will show you that you deserve the chance to be happy and free and turn what may seem impossible into possible.

Listen along and join me in making your catchphrase “I don’t drink”.

About your host

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VICTORIA Banat