Vic and Lara, Sober Alcohol Free Stories and trusting yourself

Speaker: 00:00:01

Hi everyone and welcome to

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

2

: 00:00:04

I'm Victoria and I don't drink.

3

: 00:00:06

Today I talk to Lara Lara's.

4

: 00:00:09

Drinking went from social

to behind closed doors after

5

: 00:00:12

experiencing postnatal depression.

6

: 00:00:14

In our chat, she reflects on the

issue that was probably there all

7

: 00:00:17

along and how learning to trust

herself has really set her free.

8

: 00:00:22

hi Laura.

9

: 00:00:23

It's lovely to have you

with me or beaming smiling.

10

: 00:00:27

Big welcome, very warm.

11

: 00:00:28

Welcome, to our Saber Alcohol

Free Stories podcast today.

12

: 00:00:34

Very excited to hear your story.

13

: 00:00:36

I can tell by your face that

you, you're living your life.

14

: 00:00:39

You look, like a very happy person.

15

: 00:00:41

so I'm looking forward to hearing,

how you got here and what's gone on.

16

: 00:00:46

so I'm gonna hand over to you and just

ask if you could tell the story of

17

: 00:00:50

Lara when she was a drinker, and then

what happened that made you decide

18

: 00:00:55

time for a change Well, hello Vic.

19

: 00:00:56

Thank you very much for having me on.

20

: 00:00:58

It's a real pleasure to be here.

21

: 00:01:00

Mm-hmm.

22

: 00:01:01

I never thought I would be

on a podcast telling anybody

23

: 00:01:04

anything about my drinking.

24

: 00:01:07

I was one of life's real kind of behind

the kitchen door kind of drinkers.

25

: 00:01:12

Mm-hmm.

26

: 00:01:12

I was never really the one out front

at the pub or anything like that,

27

: 00:01:16

but I'd always be the one who would

come home for just another drink.

28

: 00:01:19

Mm-hmm.

29

: 00:01:20

That was my hallmark.

30

: 00:01:22

So yeah, my relationship with alcohol

started when I was in my teens.

31

: 00:01:28

just the usual, really down the park.

32

: 00:01:31

you know, as many people as

could chip in for some drinks

33

: 00:01:36

and it was social and it was fun.

34

: 00:01:39

I grew up in London in the 1990s,

Very much it was the clubbing scene

35

: 00:01:44

and, the ladettes were on the rise.

36

: 00:01:47

So, yeah, there was a lot of, the girls

keeping up with all the boys and, down

37

: 00:01:52

in as much drinkers as the boys could.

38

: 00:01:56

so yeah, through my, my early

twenties, that was basically my

39

: 00:02:00

social life was out drinking.

40

: 00:02:02

and then when I was

24, I had my first son.

41

: 00:02:06

And I had, postnatal depression.

42

: 00:02:10

And at that point, I think

that's when I could put.

43

: 00:02:14

A finger on it and say that

things started to turn a bit dark.

44

: 00:02:18

I'd never been what?

45

: 00:02:21

I would look back now and

call a normal drinker..

46

: 00:02:24

I've always been the one

who would go one more.

47

: 00:02:28

Mm-hmm.

48

: 00:02:28

But usually.

49

: 00:02:30

That probably when I was younger

would've been with people.

50

: 00:02:33

Yeah.

51

: 00:02:34

As I got older, the socializing came into

my house because you know, when you've

52

: 00:02:40

got children, you're not out so much.

53

: 00:02:41

maybe it's barbecues and having a friend

round and play dates and wine got involved

54

: 00:02:47

with those, not to a really messy degree.

55

: 00:02:49

But it started to creep in more

and more into my home life.

56

: 00:02:53

So, yeah, as I went through my

life, I left my relationship and I

57

: 00:02:58

moved to where I live now in Wales.

58

: 00:03:00

Mm-hmm.

59

: 00:03:01

And, that kind of level of just, it

was just the wrong side of right.

60

: 00:03:07

You know?

61

: 00:03:07

Carried on for quite a long time and

I had another little boy, my youngest

62

: 00:03:11

son, when I was in my mid thirties.

63

: 00:03:14

by the time he was sort of five,

I really knew I had a problem.

64

: 00:03:20

it got to the point where,

yeah, it was, I was, everything

65

: 00:03:25

looked perfect on the outside.

66

: 00:03:26

You know, I have a lovely house, I have

a family, have a job, and even had the

67

: 00:03:33

dog, you know, everything looked great

and behind it, there was just this.

68

: 00:03:40

This relationship with alcohol,

where it was becoming more and more

69

: 00:03:44

in control of who and what I was.

70

: 00:03:48

Mm-hmm.

71

: 00:03:49

It was all behind closed doors.

72

: 00:03:51

So in 2018, that relationship

ended and I decided that with

73

: 00:03:56

that I was gonna have a new start.

74

: 00:03:58

I stayed in the same area, but I thought

within myself, I'm gonna have a new

75

: 00:04:01

start and I'm gonna stop drinking.

76

: 00:04:04

So I did really tone down my

relationship with alcohol, but it

77

: 00:04:09

was a really conscious decision.

78

: 00:04:12

And it was really conscious struggle.

79

: 00:04:14

And then I got into the

pain of moderating, Ugh.

80

: 00:04:17

And it all.

81

: 00:04:18

Been, yeah, a bit of a, oh god, you know,

I should really sort of turn it down.

82

: 00:04:23

but when I was really trying to scale my

relationship with alcohol back, I then

83

: 00:04:27

found out exactly what an uncomfortable

and painful place moderation was for me.

84

: 00:04:31

So.

85

: 00:04:32

I went on like that for about two years,

and then the dreaded lockdown hit.

86

: 00:04:37

And with that, my whole world just

closed down, so I live rurally and

87

: 00:04:41

there was practically nobody around me.

88

: 00:04:43

I was so isolated.

89

: 00:04:45

And in the middle of

all of that my dad died.

90

: 00:04:48

Oh, he lives in Ireland.

91

: 00:04:49

It's an island.

92

: 00:04:50

I couldn't go and say goodbye.

93

: 00:04:52

not a big one for funerals, but not

being able to go to my dad's funeral

94

: 00:04:56

really had a bad impact on me.

95

: 00:04:58

It was hard work at the

time and alcohol just, yeah.

96

: 00:05:02

Took the upper hand then.

97

: 00:05:04

It was then any, any reason if it

was a celebration, if it was having

98

: 00:05:11

a bit of fun, if it was a stressful

day, if, my anxiety was, you know,

99

: 00:05:15

creeping up and up and I didn't make

that link between anxiety and alcohol.

100

: 00:05:19

I thought I had an anxiety problem.

101

: 00:05:21

It turns out I just had a wine problem.

102

: 00:05:26

I think probably half of the UK's

mums could say that they don't

103

: 00:05:30

know it, but that's probably true.

104

: 00:05:32

Well, this anxiety juice, oh my gosh.

105

: 00:05:34

Keep pouring it on the problem.

106

: 00:05:36

Yeah, and it was just like every.

107

: 00:05:38

Thing was a reason for wine.

108

: 00:05:41

And then my consumption started

going up from a couple of glasses

109

: 00:05:46

to like closer to a bottle a night.

110

: 00:05:48

And it came to, a couple

of years ago, early: 2023

111

: 00:05:54

And something in me, I do not even

know what, it was, just snapped.

112

: 00:05:59

And I thought, I can't do this anymore.

113

: 00:05:59

I cannot do this.

114

: 00:06:00

There wasn't like a big rock bottom.

115

: 00:06:03

But there was just this continuous,

what I call the brown zone.

116

: 00:06:08

I was just continuing,

we all know what's brown.

117

: 00:06:10

Continually like bug snorkeling through

this brown zone in my life, just.

118

: 00:06:16

every morning, waking up feeling

like trash, going to work.

119

: 00:06:22

I realized that there was a real

problem when I could tell you in the

120

: 00:06:25

morning what time I'd feel all right by.

121

: 00:06:27

And that really struck me as if, you know,

that night before when you go to bed, I'll

122

: 00:06:33

feel all right by such and such a time

in the morning there's an issue there.

123

: 00:06:37

So yeah, it got to the point where I knew.

124

: 00:06:41

In the mornings what time I'd feel

all right by, and I just think, now

125

: 00:06:46

looking back, I even knew then that

if, you know, at a certain point in the

126

: 00:06:51

morning, say, you know, eight o'clock

in the morning, I'll be all right by 10.

127

: 00:06:55

There's a problem there.

128

: 00:06:56

if I know when I go to bed at night that,

I'll feel all right by about nine tomorrow

129

: 00:07:01

because I knew what you have to drink and

how you're gonna feel the next morning.

130

: 00:07:06

There's a direct correlation between

the amount and how you're gonna feel.

131

: 00:07:09

And I just thought, if you can

time it like that, there really

132

: 00:07:12

is an issue there, you know?

133

: 00:07:15

So, yeah, something in me

just gave, there was no real.

134

: 00:07:20

A dramatic rock bottom for me.

135

: 00:07:23

A lot of the time I'd be getting

a lift in the morning rather than

136

: 00:07:25

actually, taking myself in in the car.

137

: 00:07:28

So there was no, like, driving conviction.

138

: 00:07:30

There was no accident.

139

: 00:07:32

There was no loss of, a home or a

relationship or anything like that.

140

: 00:07:37

It would just got so bad within me.

141

: 00:07:40

The pressure felt to the point where

I thought, I can't carry on like this.

142

: 00:07:44

Something has got to change.

143

: 00:07:46

So, yeah, I decided to stop

drinking and literally did not

144

: 00:07:51

know what to do from there.

145

: 00:07:52

Had no idea.

146

: 00:07:54

So I joined a program, a 90 day

program, which I found really helpful.

147

: 00:08:01

But the main thing that did was to get me

into community with other people on that

148

: 00:08:05

same journey as me because it was a, you

know, your first 90 days kind of journey.

149

: 00:08:10

It got me talking to other

people in the same boat.

150

: 00:08:13

And those people, some of them

have turned into the absolute rocks

151

: 00:08:18

of my life, and I hope I could

say the same of myself for them.

152

: 00:08:21

Yeah.

153

: 00:08:21

I'm always there for them.

154

: 00:08:23

It's a real special link

between sober buddies.

155

: 00:08:26

Yeah, there is.

156

: 00:08:27

Yeah.

157

: 00:08:29

Especially when you start the

journey at a similar time.

158

: 00:08:33

And, yeah, I've, I've stayed in touch

with, with people and, I see people twice

159

: 00:08:38

a week online and, I did try going to aa.

160

: 00:08:42

Mm-hmm.

161

: 00:08:44

And it just didn't click for me at all.

162

: 00:08:46

Yeah.

163

: 00:08:46

I loved the people there.

164

: 00:08:48

Absolutely loved the people.

165

: 00:08:50

I couldn't get on with the program.

166

: 00:08:51

It's not for everyone, is it?

167

: 00:08:53

it's a brilliant thing, but

it wasn't for me either.

168

: 00:08:55

I just wanted buddies and I wanted people

in the same kind of situation as me.

169

: 00:09:01

What was the program you joined?

170

: 00:09:02

The 90 day one?

171

: 00:09:04

it was the Luckiest Club, and I'm

still a member at the Luckiest Club.

172

: 00:09:07

They're my sober tribe

and they're amazing.

173

: 00:09:10

It's just, oh, that's a nice name.

174

: 00:09:11

I've never heard of the Luckiest Club.

175

: 00:09:13

It's run well, it's not run now by

this one person 'cause it's too big.

176

: 00:09:17

But it was started by Laura McOwen

who wrote, we Are the Luckiest

177

: 00:09:21

Uhhuh, which was the first quick

lit type book that I ever picked up.

178

: 00:09:25

And then I, I got onto her mailing

list and I did that thing of like

179

: 00:09:30

looking like at my inbox in the

morning and with the hangover and

180

: 00:09:34

just going, delete, delete, delete.

181

: 00:09:36

Yeah.

182

: 00:09:37

And I would never look at her

emails and just that one morning

183

: 00:09:39

I just thought, you know what?

184

: 00:09:42

Let's give it a try.

185

: 00:09:43

So I did signed up for it and

I haven't looked back since.

186

: 00:09:47

It's been absolutely amazing,

just to do it with people.

187

: 00:09:51

Yeah, so I did.

188

: 00:09:53

Just after that program, I did think,

oh, well maybe I should do the 12 steps.

189

: 00:09:58

'cause you should, and I was shoulding

all over myself about the things.

190

: 00:10:03

In the first six months,

I was all over myself.

191

: 00:10:07

I used to all over myself as well, and I'm

just like, no, there's no should about it.

192

: 00:10:12

We don't should anymore.

193

: 00:10:14

No, I love that.

194

: 00:10:15

But, I thought, I should really

probably, get into community

195

: 00:10:18

with some in real life people.

196

: 00:10:20

Because I don't know anybody in

the same boat, and I have made some

197

: 00:10:23

really great Sabre friends there.

198

: 00:10:24

But I don't go anymore.

199

: 00:10:25

It's just not the way for me.

200

: 00:10:27

but yeah, I really like, our online

meetings because I know the people and

201

: 00:10:32

we meet up in London a few times a year.

202

: 00:10:35

and we are meeting up in Bristol

in a couple of weeks time.

203

: 00:10:37

it's really nice because we get to

know each other, we chat in between

204

: 00:10:41

meetings and it's just, yeah.

205

: 00:10:43

It's lovely to have sober friends.

206

: 00:10:45

There's a different quality

to sober friendships.

207

: 00:10:47

I find There's a lot less small talk.

208

: 00:10:49

Yes.

209

: 00:10:50

And when people say, how are you,

they actually really want to know.

210

: 00:10:53

Yeah.

211

: 00:10:53

That for me is what is so valuable about

all of my beautiful sober tribe is they

212

: 00:10:58

actually wanna know if you're having

a bad day, you can actually just say,

213

: 00:11:01

it's a really bad one, and here's why.

214

: 00:11:04

And there's things that you can

explain, to people who don't drink.

215

: 00:11:07

Now do you still go to sobriety meetings?

216

: 00:11:10

You are sober.

217

: 00:11:11

You don't need them.

218

: 00:11:11

I say, okay, well, lemme

tell you what happened.

219

: 00:11:13

On my first year of, sobriety, I

was coming in to celebrate with, you

220

: 00:11:19

know, the people in my meeting online.

221

: 00:11:21

And I said, look, this happened today.

222

: 00:11:23

my partner had said to me,

I'm really proud of you.

223

: 00:11:28

I would've been happy if

you'd just cut down a bit.

224

: 00:11:32

And that hits differently when

you're saying that to a sober

225

: 00:11:36

person because they know all the

feelings that that brings up to you.

226

: 00:11:40

This has been for me at

times during my first year.

227

: 00:11:43

Well, I could just have a bit.

228

: 00:11:45

Yeah.

229

: 00:11:46

And it's actually just to be able

to come in and say a statement

230

: 00:11:49

like that and everybody in the

room knows exactly all the thoughts

231

: 00:11:51

that are going through your head.

232

: 00:11:53

Yeah.

233

: 00:11:54

That for me is just so valuable.

234

: 00:11:55

So it is, there's a really, you are right.

235

: 00:11:58

The connection and the,

just the understanding of.

236

: 00:12:01

every little thing is immense.

237

: 00:12:03

I never expected to get that.

238

: 00:12:06

And also what that does for you, when

you are new and you are in that first 90

239

: 00:12:10

days or whatever, group you are in, I was

in a hundred day challenge, you suddenly

240

: 00:12:16

start realizing that it's not just you.

241

: 00:12:19

And it's really stupid shit

that you think that about.

242

: 00:12:22

Like I used to think.

243

: 00:12:24

Nobody else ever sat in the

pub checking out how quickly

244

: 00:12:29

their friends were drinking.

245

: 00:12:31

Yeah.

246

: 00:12:31

Or that nobody else got a little

bit annoyed if their friend came

247

: 00:12:33

to meet them for dinner and said,

oh, I'm not drinking tonight.

248

: 00:12:36

Yeah.

249

: 00:12:36

And I'd be like, oh God, you

going so I can open the wine?

250

: 00:12:41

It's just horrendous.

251

: 00:12:42

Like now I'm just gonna sit here

on my own with this wine and

252

: 00:12:44

just wish the meal was over.

253

: 00:12:47

Awful.

254

: 00:12:49

Those people that, that are your sober

buddies are all like, oh yeah, me too.

255

: 00:12:54

It's never a surprise, is it?

256

: 00:12:55

It's just never.

257

: 00:12:56

I had a cracker the other night, so I

was with some sober friends for dinner.

258

: 00:13:00

They were laugh at me.

259

: 00:13:01

This are sober friends for dinner,

and one of them just said, what

260

: 00:13:05

does everybody think about cocaine?

261

: 00:13:09

It was like we're all

like, yeah, no, I wouldn't.

262

: 00:13:14

I wouldn't start on that, you know,

but it's like nothing's off the table.

263

: 00:13:18

I can just say whatever I

want here and it's fine.

264

: 00:13:20

And she was like, yeah, no, I

don't think I should either.

265

: 00:13:23

I just wondered if they

thought that was a thing.

266

: 00:13:25

It really made me laugh.

267

: 00:13:26

I thought, oh, that's so silly.

268

: 00:13:29

But yeah, there's something

very special about those Greeks,

269

: 00:13:32

so I'm glad that have one.

270

: 00:13:33

For sure.

271

: 00:13:34

Yeah, well they instrumental in

encouraging me and my first big

272

: 00:13:40

adventure, which was, last year, 2024.

273

: 00:13:44

I took myself off on holiday by myself.

274

: 00:13:47

And it was just, you know, it's

a sober friend supporting you and

275

: 00:13:50

just nothing that you know, they're

there in your pocket kind of thing

276

: 00:13:54

if you need to talk to anybody.

277

: 00:13:57

And yeah, it's just knowing the

value, the value of connection in

278

: 00:14:00

sobriety has been so important for me.

279

: 00:14:02

Where did you go?

280

: 00:14:04

I went up to, it wasn't actually

that easy to stay in touch

281

: 00:14:06

'cause I went out to the Arctic.

282

: 00:14:08

I took a trip up to Norway and

then I flew out to Svalbard,

283

: 00:14:12

which is an island off of Norway.

284

: 00:14:14

And from there I took a boat for a week.

285

: 00:14:16

Up into the pack of ice.

286

: 00:14:19

So we went up through where all the

polar bears are and we saw Arctic.

287

: 00:14:24

And, there was like reindeers

walking through the little town

288

: 00:14:27

where I was getting Oh wow.

289

: 00:14:29

It was just the most incredible place.

290

: 00:14:31

It was amazing.

291

: 00:14:33

So yeah, that was, that was really, really

interesting and the amount of self-trust

292

: 00:14:39

that I developed because went through

my head, you know what, if I get there

293

: 00:14:43

and I'm lonely and I don't know anybody,

and there's no accountability there.

294

: 00:14:52

And there's a bar there

and what, what if you know?

295

: 00:14:55

Mm-hmm.

296

: 00:14:55

I didn't think they

would, but what if I did?

297

: 00:14:57

And then when I got there, I just

realized the absolute freedom of

298

: 00:15:00

traveling by yourself is amazing.

299

: 00:15:02

Yeah.

300

: 00:15:03

You trust yourself.

301

: 00:15:04

You know, because going off, traveling

by yourself as a woman who would have

302

: 00:15:10

a few drinks out, and I say a few, I

mean, I probably, you know, probably

303

: 00:15:14

would've been walking home tipsy.

304

: 00:15:16

That's not safe.

305

: 00:15:18

No dunno where I am and I

dunno anybody else there.

306

: 00:15:21

to actually know that I'm safe in

myself and I feel trust in myself

307

: 00:15:25

and I'm out and I'm having what I

want to eat and it's washing up,

308

: 00:15:28

which was great there, washing up.

309

: 00:15:31

and then to go and get on the boat.

310

: 00:15:33

I've made a conscious decision

to do an activity holiday.

311

: 00:15:37

Mm-hmm.

312

: 00:15:37

So I'm not, not really a throw

yourself off a sort of cliff

313

: 00:15:41

on a bungee rope type person.

314

: 00:15:43

So I thought, what kind of

adventure would I like to go on?

315

: 00:15:46

I wanna go and see some wildlife.

316

: 00:15:48

So I chose like an, an active holiday

rather than activity holiday one where.

317

: 00:15:54

Be really glad that I wasn't drinking

and the amount of times that we got,

318

: 00:15:58

a tunnel in the middle of the night.

319

: 00:16:00

'cause it was June, so Yeah.

320

: 00:16:01

it was light all day and all night rounds.

321

: 00:16:04

Wow.

322

: 00:16:04

And the amount times you got a

tunnel in the middle of the night

323

: 00:16:07

to come up because there's something

to see off the side of the boat.

324

: 00:16:11

Yeah.

325

: 00:16:11

There's some wildlife that

you're gonna wanna see here.

326

: 00:16:13

We, we saw, on my first

morning it was like.

327

: 00:16:16

Four o'clock in the morning, we got

a tunnel saying come up, there's a

328

: 00:16:20

mom and two baby polar bear cubs.

329

: 00:16:23

Oh wow.

330

: 00:16:24

I nearly died.

331

: 00:16:25

I was crying.

332

: 00:16:26

Looking at that's amazing.

333

: 00:16:27

Moment.

334

: 00:16:28

That's, it was phenomenal.

335

: 00:16:30

But four o'clock in the

morning on my first morning

336

: 00:16:33

Three years ago, I wouldn't have been

getting up at four o'clock in the morning.

337

: 00:16:36

No, you would've missed it.

338

: 00:16:38

I'd missed it.

339

: 00:16:39

And on the summer SOIs, I saw my midnight

sun because I was up that late and then

340

: 00:16:43

I was up fresh the next morning to go

and have some more fun and adventures.

341

: 00:16:47

So yeah, it was good.

342

: 00:16:49

And traveling like, on

a voyage rather than.

343

: 00:16:54

Going on a holiday to a resort, which was

really good because the other people who

344

: 00:16:58

were there were there to do photography's,

a lot of photographers there.

345

: 00:17:02

They were there to go

and see the wildlife.

346

: 00:17:04

They were there to go and have the

adventure and they weren't drinking.

347

: 00:17:07

So there wasn't a big, you might find

like people might have one with a meal.

348

: 00:17:11

Yeah.

349

: 00:17:12

But there was no bark.

350

: 00:17:13

There wasn't that vibe about

of people just getting smashed

351

: 00:17:17

'cause they're on holiday.

352

: 00:17:18

That's so lovely.

353

: 00:17:19

Do you know who you might wanna follow?

354

: 00:17:21

I don't know if you do already.

355

: 00:17:23

Is We love Lucid.

356

: 00:17:24

Have you seen, so she's been on the

podcast She started up a sober travel

357

: 00:17:29

company and it's an adventure travels.

358

: 00:17:33

she does, I think she talked about

like some kayaking and cycling.

359

: 00:17:38

She just recently did a cycle from

beer to soton, with a group of.

360

: 00:17:43

Sober people..

361

: 00:17:44

I think, everything's like that.

362

: 00:17:45

It's not just travel, but

everything's like that.

363

: 00:17:47

before you stop, you think you can't

really imagine what it would be like to

364

: 00:17:52

live life without drinking, and you think.

365

: 00:17:55

It's gonna be boring.

366

: 00:17:57

I'm gonna miss out.

367

: 00:17:58

I'm gonna lose out.

368

: 00:18:00

I'm not gonna have the connections I

have, you know, those late night chats,

369

: 00:18:03

all that stuff that you think, and then

you get there and you realize that no

370

: 00:18:07

one remembers the late night chats.

371

: 00:18:08

They're all a load of nonsense anyway.

372

: 00:18:10

And some of them you probably

shouldn't have had anyway.

373

: 00:18:13

And that best friends?

374

: 00:18:15

Yeah.

375

: 00:18:16

Oh, I've got a lot of new

best friends out there.

376

: 00:18:18

A lot of new best friends.

377

: 00:18:19

Yeah.

378

: 00:18:19

Love you.

379

: 00:18:20

Oh God.

380

: 00:18:21

Nine o'clock.

381

: 00:18:22

It's hard to go to bed so you can get up.

382

: 00:18:24

The best day the next day.

383

: 00:18:25

One of the things I've done since

stopping drinking has been to

384

: 00:18:28

buy a camper van and Oh, amazing.

385

: 00:18:31

And again, there's like, there's

this element of self-trust.

386

: 00:18:34

I know I'm good behind the wheel.

387

: 00:18:36

I know I'm, I'm a slow driver.

388

: 00:18:38

I'm one of these camper van drivers that

people probably absolutely hate , but

389

: 00:18:41

you know, I'm safe and I can take myself

places, I can take my family places.

390

: 00:18:45

And that sort of choosing of where to go.

391

: 00:18:48

I've applied that same mindset to

choosing which festivals to go to.

392

: 00:18:53

Yeah.

393

: 00:18:53

So I, I go to festivals and

I enjoy myself, but I choose

394

: 00:18:58

which ones I want to go to.

395

: 00:19:00

Yeah.

396

: 00:19:00

Based on actually what's gonna

interest me while I'm there.

397

: 00:19:03

Yeah.

398

: 00:19:04

Going somewhere just because

Well, it's where you go, isn't it?

399

: 00:19:07

I didn't really wanna

do it like that anymore.

400

: 00:19:09

So went to an nature spirit

festival a few weeks ago.

401

: 00:19:12

I landed up doing fire walk,

which was really good bug.

402

: 00:19:15

Oh wow.

403

: 00:19:16

It was great.

404

: 00:19:17

It was really good.

405

: 00:19:17

Talk me through that.

406

: 00:19:18

What is a fire walk?

407

: 00:19:20

Fire walk is when they put the

hot coals out over the floor and

408

: 00:19:23

you walk over them like, oh god.

409

: 00:19:27

Actual fire walk.

410

: 00:19:28

And I was thinking, well, it's fine

because they're obviously these

411

: 00:19:32

special coals that aren't very hot.

412

: 00:19:35

Yes.

413

: 00:19:35

They're not special coals.

414

: 00:19:37

They were very toasty.

415

: 00:19:39

they're wood, so they're not like.

416

: 00:19:41

Cold coals, so they're wood coals.

417

: 00:19:43

But there was an element of

heat to my feet by the time

418

: 00:19:47

I got off, put it that way.

419

: 00:19:48

Did they not get burnt?

420

: 00:19:49

You didn't get burnt feet, you didn't get

like blister burnt, but you certainly,

421

: 00:19:53

it's a mindset kind of, you know, you

have to really sort of center yourself and

422

: 00:19:57

walk across them with like an intention.

423

: 00:20:00

So yeah, my intention that

I set was obviously linked

424

: 00:20:03

in somewhere to my sobriety.

425

: 00:20:05

You know, this sort of the

freedom and self trust.

426

: 00:20:09

But yeah, just to go

and think, yeah, go on.

427

: 00:20:11

Then I will.

428

: 00:20:12

And I just think, okay, well maybe I

do do some bonker stuff when I'm sober.

429

: 00:20:16

Yeah.

430

: 00:20:16

It's not just the drink.

431

: 00:20:18

Well, yeah, you do also realize that

parts of your character are just parts

432

: 00:20:22

of your character and that, the fun

side is gonna be there, isn't it?

433

: 00:20:26

And clearly is there for you.

434

: 00:20:29

I've had better fun now.

435

: 00:20:31

It's a different kind of fun,

but I've had better quality, fun.

436

: 00:20:35

that's what I would say about that.

437

: 00:20:36

My life knows, but the

fun is better quality.

438

: 00:20:39

so this weekend just gone, I was

supposed to be going to a festival and

439

: 00:20:43

I didn't because it was raining and

it was howling with wind, and I know

440

: 00:20:47

that four or five years ago I'd have

been sat there in a cold field with the

441

: 00:20:52

wind blowing with my lukewarm glass of

wine, telling myself, well, this is fun.

442

: 00:20:56

Yeah, it's not fun.

443

: 00:20:58

I had better fun staying at home

and I got my paint by numbers out.

444

: 00:21:02

. I had a great time.

445

: 00:21:03

I had a really nice creative couple of

days at home doing different things of

446

: 00:21:07

my decisions to not be centered around

where is the alcohol, what is there

447

: 00:21:12

gonna be to drink, like you say, who's

gonna be there that I can drink with?

448

: 00:21:16

Who's gonna be there when,

when are we, when is it okay?

449

: 00:21:20

When does it look okay?

450

: 00:21:21

Yeah.

451

: 00:21:21

To have a drink.

452

: 00:21:22

'cause actually that's probably

what I was worried about.

453

: 00:21:25

Like, does it make me look like.

454

: 00:21:27

If I drink too much, if I say,

should we have one at three

455

: 00:21:30

on like a weekend in the park?

456

: 00:21:32

Or, I dunno.

457

: 00:21:33

Just all those constant, questioning

yourself, that, that lack of trust was

458

: 00:21:38

really prevalent for me because I was so

big on the, how it looked and not wanting

459

: 00:21:45

to be that person who would say, but

I'd certainly be the one going, oh, yes.

460

: 00:21:50

Of course, it's okay.

461

: 00:21:51

You know?

462

: 00:21:51

Yeah.

463

: 00:21:51

I, I, I was walking through Tesco's back

in March and I see there's the, , mother's

464

: 00:21:57

Day brunch and there's, there was alcohol

all over the brunch stand, and part

465

: 00:22:01

of me would've been like, yes, get in,

466

: 00:22:04

and I just think, oh, wow.

467

: 00:22:05

You know, I would've been asleep

by two o'clock in the afternoon.

468

: 00:22:08

Yeah.

469

: 00:22:08

On the sofa.

470

: 00:22:09

Waking up feeling a bit

fuzzy at half past three.

471

: 00:22:12

Yeah.

472

: 00:22:12

And then not really enjoyed

my Mother's Day dinner.

473

: 00:22:14

And yeah, I was definitely the one

who might not have been leading

474

: 00:22:17

the charge there, but I would've

been firmly behind you going, oh

475

: 00:22:20

yes, I think is quite alright.

476

: 00:22:22

I think that would great.

477

: 00:22:24

The amount of dissonance that was

there between actually what my

478

: 00:22:28

drinking self wanted to do, which

was to have another large glass.

479

: 00:22:32

And actually the pain of like

the person saying, you can't do

480

: 00:22:36

that in front of everybody else.

481

: 00:22:37

Look and see how quickly

other people are drinking.

482

: 00:22:39

Look and see, you know.

483

: 00:22:42

it was just that complete kind of

disconnect between How I wanted the

484

: 00:22:46

world to appear and actually what

the voice of alcohol was telling me.

485

: 00:22:50

I feel like that gap is closed now

between who I am and how I appear.

486

: 00:22:55

Yeah's a lot less of a gap now.

487

: 00:22:57

It's so less painful, isn't it?

488

: 00:22:59

And actually, that's something

that I found when I stopped.

489

: 00:23:04

So that kind of dissonance thing

features often I think in people who

490

: 00:23:08

stop drinking when they stop as well.

491

: 00:23:10

I want to stop.

492

: 00:23:11

I think I want to stop, but

I don't really want to stop.

493

: 00:23:14

You know, people who sort of

feel they're in that space.

494

: 00:23:16

And often I'm saying to people when you

want to, when you get rid of all those,

495

: 00:23:23

they're kind of fake reasons really why

you want to, but once you've managed

496

: 00:23:27

to really, truly not see the value in

it anymore, and you get rid of that.

497

: 00:23:32

Dissonance, you are just free.

498

: 00:23:34

Then you just become so free because what

you want is aligned with what you are

499

: 00:23:39

doing, and you just live this authentic

life and all of a sudden it's easy.

500

: 00:23:43

It changes.

501

: 00:23:44

it's not hard to give up

something you don't want.

502

: 00:23:47

It's getting through that first

few uncomfortable months, which I

503

: 00:23:51

think it puts a lot of people off.

504

: 00:23:53

It's certainly, I don't know

how many day ones I've had.

505

: 00:23:56

Oh, well, if I could have a

penny for every one of those,

506

: 00:23:58

I'd probably be quite rich.

507

: 00:23:59

Yeah.

508

: 00:24:00

I think, yeah, just getting through that

first bit where you've got all those

509

: 00:24:04

uncomfortable firsts and then you, yeah.

510

: 00:24:06

Start enjoying things.

511

: 00:24:08

Yeah.

512

: 00:24:08

Sometimes things are enjoyable

from the get go and some things

513

: 00:24:11

take a few goes to get going with.

514

: 00:24:14

Yeah.

515

: 00:24:14

You know, and once you get past

those and you start to think,

516

: 00:24:17

actually, do you know what this is?

517

: 00:24:19

This, this is all right.

518

: 00:24:20

With really good bits in it.

519

: 00:24:22

And then things start to

really pick up for me.

520

: 00:24:24

That's my experience.

521

: 00:24:26

Yeah, same.

522

: 00:24:28

And also some of the things that I

was trying to still enjoy mm-hmm.

523

: 00:24:32

Have probably gone by the

wayside over the years.

524

: 00:24:35

I didn't continue trying to do

things that I didn't really like.

525

: 00:24:38

'cause if I only really liked them when

I was drinking, well then I probably

526

: 00:24:40

didn't really like them anyway.

527

: 00:24:42

So I don't really, I don't

miss, there's nothing I miss.

528

: 00:24:46

And now I don't care because I'm

not proving anything to anyone.

529

: 00:24:48

I'm just enjoying my time and

trying to make the most of

530

: 00:24:52

all the things I get to do.

531

: 00:24:54

So it's a bit different now, but I

think you can at first try and hold on

532

: 00:24:59

to activities and things that you might

end up just letting go a bit later.

533

: 00:25:05

I mean, I was never a massive pub person.

534

: 00:25:07

Like I said, I was much more an

at home drinker, but I don't think

535

: 00:25:10

I've been to a pub in the past.

536

: 00:25:13

18 months, I don't think.

537

: 00:25:14

I probably did when I first

stopped drinking, I probably

538

: 00:25:16

went to pubs just to, you know.

539

: 00:25:18

Yeah.

540

: 00:25:19

Like just to be like, well,

I don't have to stop doing

541

: 00:25:22

everything that normal people do.

542

: 00:25:24

the amount of good stuff that I've

done since I stopped drinking.

543

: 00:25:28

Yeah.

544

: 00:25:29

I can, and because I've got that little

bit more money in my pocket now as well.

545

: 00:25:33

Yeah.

546

: 00:25:33

It's not like people are like, oh, I

looked on my app and I'd saved 14,000

547

: 00:25:36

pounds over the past two years and I

think I don't have, 20 grand sat in my

548

: 00:25:40

account, but what I do have is a better

quality life with some subscriptions that

549

: 00:25:44

benefit me with the money to be able to go

out for a coffee or for a cinema without

550

: 00:25:49

having to sort of scrape around and

wonder, well, can I afford that And wine?

551

: 00:25:52

Well, you know, it's just a better

quality of life with the same.

552

: 00:25:57

Amount of resource and the better

quality of fun that I'm having.

553

: 00:26:01

Doing different things.

554

: 00:26:02

It's nice to go and go for a walk

with a friend rather than go out

555

: 00:26:05

for wine, ? Yeah, oh, definitely.

556

: 00:26:08

I love, so I love like a kind of

breakfasty type walk or a lunchtime walk.

557

: 00:26:14

I'm turning 50 this year and

I said to all of my friends,

558

: 00:26:17

I don't want like a big party.

559

: 00:26:20

I don't wanna do a big night out.

560

: 00:26:22

I don't want any of that

almost with all of them.

561

: 00:26:25

I'm doing something during

the day this weekend I'm doing

562

: 00:26:28

something with some friends.

563

: 00:26:29

We're going for a nice walk in

Windsor having a nice lunch.

564

: 00:26:32

That's all I wanna do.

565

: 00:26:33

I don't want to go and spend

loads of money hiring out.

566

: 00:26:36

Bar for everybody to get shitfaced.

567

: 00:26:39

It's just not really not

what I want out there.

568

: 00:26:43

So many people you can do of that there.

569

: 00:26:46

Yeah.

570

: 00:26:46

Yeah.

571

: 00:26:46

I'm having a birthday TER this year,

572

: 00:26:50

yes.

573

: 00:26:51

Absolutely.

574

: 00:26:52

That's what I've decided.

575

: 00:26:55

Do it own it.

576

: 00:26:56

It's your best.

577

: 00:26:56

It's your 50 I think.

578

: 00:26:57

Exactly.

579

: 00:26:58

It's a big one.

580

: 00:27:00

Yeah.

581

: 00:27:02

So I wanted to talk a little bit about

your coaching so that you can get.

582

: 00:27:08

Yeah, there might be someone who'd

be interested in connecting with you

583

: 00:27:11

if that's something you wanna share.

584

: 00:27:13

so you mentioned that you

have a coaching business now.

585

: 00:27:18

You started some coaching.

586

: 00:27:20

Do you wanna tell us a little bit

about that in case somebody was

587

: 00:27:22

interested in connecting with you?

588

: 00:27:25

Yes.

589

: 00:27:26

thank you.

590

: 00:27:26

Thank you for asking that.

591

: 00:27:28

That's lovely of you.

592

: 00:27:29

The way I did sobriety was my way, I

learned stuff about my nervous system.

593

: 00:27:34

I learned about managing anxiety

and really started to find tools

594

: 00:27:39

that would help me in my life

without alcohol I did it my way.

595

: 00:27:43

I went my way to sober.

596

: 00:27:45

So my coaching business is

called her way to Sober.

597

: 00:27:48

we work around something called my

Rise compass, which is, reconnection,

598

: 00:27:52

really reconnecting with yourself

and working on that connection with

599

: 00:27:56

that beautiful woman inside of us.

600

: 00:27:58

we look at inner balance, so there's

a lot around, the mindfulness in the

601

: 00:28:02

moment and actually how to work through

moments without panicking and just

602

: 00:28:07

working to have that inner balance.

603

: 00:28:09

self-trust is huge.

604

: 00:28:11

that's the s on the rise.

605

: 00:28:13

a huge part of sobriety for me.

606

: 00:28:14

. And then empowered resilience to

get you through on those dark days

607

: 00:28:18

when you might be having a really

blue day and just think, I don't

608

: 00:28:21

think I can do this without a drink.

609

: 00:28:22

Of course you can.

610

: 00:28:23

Mm-hmm.

611

: 00:28:23

So we look at how you empower

yourself through resilience

612

: 00:28:26

and positive psychology.

613

: 00:28:28

, That's how I work.

614

: 00:28:29

That's the sort of coaching

structure that I work around.

615

: 00:28:31

Mm-hmm.

616

: 00:28:32

Still born out of my own journey.

617

: 00:28:34

So I really kind of own my process

and yeah, I've learned to do,

618

: 00:28:38

learned to do a lot with Andy.

619

: 00:28:40

That's really added to

coaching my coaching skills.

620

: 00:28:43

And I help women to make the step

over from wine a clock into a really

621

: 00:28:49

joyful, really happy alcohol free life.

622

: 00:28:51

I hope I'm living testament to that,

that it's a fantastic change to make.

623

: 00:28:56

And if you're gonna do one thing

for yourself this year, make

624

: 00:28:59

the change go alcohol free,

because it's absolutely amazing.

625

: 00:29:03

It just is.

626

: 00:29:05

It's so hard to get

across the joy, isn't it?

627

: 00:29:08

That it brings you once you've done it

and you are free and you've lost all the

628

: 00:29:13

shame and you're just living your life and

getting to do all these really fun things,

629

: 00:29:17

Try take an Olympic

approach, an all woman.

630

: 00:29:19

Yeah.

631

: 00:29:20

It's different to, it is different

to what I've heard before.

632

: 00:29:23

I've actually, I've spoken to

lots of people who've trained with

633

: 00:29:25

Andy, Andy Ramage on the podcast.

634

: 00:29:28

interestingly my brother trained

with Andy Ramage as well.

635

: 00:29:31

he had said he was gonna come on the

podcast, but I cannot for the life

636

: 00:29:34

of me get time in that man's diary.

637

: 00:29:36

so I know that he's really, really

good, but I haven't heard it.

638

: 00:29:39

In the way that you just described it.

639

: 00:29:40

So that's lovely.

640

: 00:29:41

And I'm sure that there'll be lots

of people who think that sounds

641

: 00:29:45

like the right way for them.

642

: 00:29:46

So if they want to contact you, is

there a way that they can Yeah, I'm

643

: 00:29:50

on Instagram, her way to sober, and

my website is her way to sober.com.

644

: 00:29:57

I'd love to hear from

everybody who wants to connect.

645

: 00:29:59

I love to make my network wider as

well, and I let to offer support.

646

: 00:30:04

And yes, my coaching, does include a lot

of the holistic side of things because

647

: 00:30:09

I think as women we, we've lost a lot of

connection with ourself in drinking . So

648

: 00:30:14

actually to bring it back to that and

to weave that through my coaching has

649

: 00:30:18

been really valuable to my clients.

650

: 00:30:20

Well, lovely clients.

651

: 00:30:21

It's a very personal way of doing

it, and I like that it's a kind of.

652

: 00:30:24

There's a focus on women as well.

653

: 00:30:26

Sorry men.

654

: 00:30:26

I know that sounds a bit mean, But I like,

I like that there's a focus for us women.

655

: 00:30:30

'cause I do think it's hard for us.

656

: 00:30:31

I think we've been through all of

those messages around drinking and

657

: 00:30:35

then the mommy drinking culture

and all of that stuff that we

658

: 00:30:37

just have to battle through it.

659

: 00:30:39

Plus we have to be moms and

we have to work and we have

660

: 00:30:41

to be thin and we have to be.

661

: 00:30:43

Have big bums or small bums or whatever it

is they're telling us to have at the time.

662

: 00:30:46

There's just this million

things on us, isn't it?

663

: 00:30:48

So it's nice.

664

: 00:30:49

All things to all people.

665

: 00:30:51

All things To all people.

666

: 00:30:53

Yeah, exactly.

667

: 00:30:53

Stop being us to ourselves

when we ditch the bees.

668

: 00:30:57

Yeah, exactly.

669

: 00:30:58

A lovely alcohol free life.

670

: 00:31:00

Yeah, just enjoy , being who you are.

671

: 00:31:02

That's it.

672

: 00:31:04

Well, thank you so much.

673

: 00:31:06

It's been an utter pleasure.

674

: 00:31:08

It really has.

675

: 00:31:09

I think you are very sparkly.

676

: 00:31:11

I can tell that you're excited

about life and, and rightly so.

677

: 00:31:14

It sounds like you've made some

really great decisions and also what

678

: 00:31:17

I love is that you've made a decision.

679

: 00:31:19

To better your life and, and it's worked.

680

: 00:31:22

'cause obviously your life is way better.

681

: 00:31:24

So congratulations.

682

: 00:31:26

, So thank you so much for coming on.

683

: 00:31:28

Thanks.

684

: 00:31:29

I'm sure we are gonna stay connected

'cause I've really enjoyed talking to you.

685

: 00:31:33

So, have a lovely evening

and thank you Laura.

686

: 00:31:36

Bye.

687

: 00:31:37

Nice to speak to you.

688

: 00:31:38

Bye.

689

: 00:31:39

Thank you for listening.

690

: 00:31:40

To Sabre alcohol-free stories.

691

: 00:31:42

If this episode helped you,

Please like share and follow.

692

: 00:31:46

Or leave a review on pod chaser.

693

: 00:31:47

Dot com.

694

: 00:31:48

And if you've got a story to

tell, please contact me on Sabre.

695

: 00:31:52

A F stories@outlook.com.

696

: 00:31:55

And don't forget.

697

: 00:31:56

You can make your catch phrase.

698

: 00:31:58

I don't drink.