Episode 5

Vic and Becky - Sober, alcohol free stories, grief, family and the butterfly effect!!!

Published on: 4th July, 2025

 Hi everybody and welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories. I'm Victoria and I don't drink. Today I talk to Becky. Becky began drinking a little later in life with college laying the foundations that told her she was more confident with booze. The sudden death of her brother left her drinking to numb the pain and her drinking became more frequent and began to impact her life considerably.

It was when she was looking to lose a little weight that she began to educate herself on the effects of alcohol on the body and mind, and as a result, became alcohol free, gaining way more than she ever could have expected. Becky can now be found helping others as the Sober Serenity Coach

Transcript
Speaker:

Hi everybody and welcome to

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

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I'm Victoria and I don't drink.

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Today I talk to Becky.

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Becky began drinking a little later in

life with college, laying the foundations

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that told her she was more confident with

booze, but the sudden death of her brother

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left her drinking to numb the pain and

her drinking became more frequent and

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began to impact her life considerably.

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It was when she was looking to lose a

little weight that she began to educate

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herself on the effects of alcohol on

the body and mind, and as a result,

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became alcohol free, gaining way more

than she ever could have expected.

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Becky is now a sobriety coach

and can be found helping others

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as the sober serenity Coach h.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Hi Becky.

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very warm.

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Welcome to you this evening.

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. Really together just wanna

explore your sobriety.

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what made you choose to be alcohol free?

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Anything you really wanna share that

might support somebody else who's either

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considering or considering, but ought

to be considering becoming alcohol free.

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So I'll hand over to you.

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So if you could just tell us a little

bit about yourself, maybe when you were

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a drinker, and then what those first

thoughts and and feelings were that

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led to you making a decision that's

transformed you to where you are now.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah,

thank you and thanks for having me on.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: You are

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

so yeah, so I'm 44 now.

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I probably started drinking.

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Quite late compared to my peers.

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A lot of the people, in my age

bracket, I think started at high

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school when they were about 14 or 15.

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But I didn't really drink.

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, At high school I was a bit of a

goody two shoes at high school.

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So it was when I went to college.

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so when I was about 16, 17.

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I found that when I started drinking,

it gave me confidence, that I've never

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really had before, and I suddenly started

getting different types of friends

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and I had boys being interested in me.

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So it's sort of kept me going

with the drinking, if you will.

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Most of the time probably

start on maybe a Wednesday or

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a Thursday through till Sunday.

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and it was all I did, or

all I did in my free time.

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And because I was at college, I had a lot

more free time than I'd had at school.

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and it was just how I socialize or

I'd be going out with my friends,

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whether it was when we had a free

period or, at a nighttime and.

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What I did, that carried

on into my twenties.

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I actually ended up quitting

college after a year.

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and I didn't realize it at the

time, and I've only just recently

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realized I think a lot of that was

to do with the drinking because I was

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skipping classes to, go to the pub.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

and it was impacting.

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My grades, obviously, and

I think I didn't like that.

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'cause I've been so studious at school.

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I didn't like that I wasn't going to be

doing well at college, so I came up with

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this idea that I was gonna move to Spain.

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So I quit college after a year.

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never did, actually moved to Spain.

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Just ended up working full

time in a supermarket.

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it carried on in my twenties.

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it was just what me and my friends did.

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when I was 17, it was what we did

together as well, and it was fine.

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I was having a good time.

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there were times when I'd regret

things that I'd done, but it was

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never anything negative really.

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It didn't seem to be impacting me.

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I'd get hangovers, but nothing major.

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it was just my hobby, I guess, in a way.

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but then when I was 27, my

brother suddenly passed away.

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He was 29, and it was

completely out of the blue.

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he died from the heart arrhythmia,

and I think that was the turning

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point where suddenly alcohol was

becoming way to self-medicate.

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I didn't really deal.

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With his death.

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I'm not even sure I've completely

dealt with it at this point

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in my life, if I'm honest.

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I used alcohol to numb the feelings.

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I remember the day that

we found out he died.

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I got drunk that night.

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and I think it was just a way really of.

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Not dealing with it, but sort of

suppressing those feelings that

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I was getting after losing it.

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and I never really spoke about what

had happened unless I've had a drink.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Hmm.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: was

quite frequent that I'd be on a night out

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with my friends and maybe a song could

come on that would remind me of him, and

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then I'd get really, really upset and

I'd open up about how it affected me.

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But then next day, when.

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I just didn't speak about it to anybody.

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and then I went to a year after he died,

I had my first child, I had my daughter

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at age 28, and then I had my son at 30.

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And that changed as well because

I couldn't go out as much,

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because I had young children.

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So I then started drinking

at home a lot more.

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what I, I didn't really drink

at home unless I was at the

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house party, in my twenties.

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and it just sort of progressed

through my thirties at that point,

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I'd had quite, a stressful job.

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I'd worked through the company

and got promoted to manager.

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So it was quite a stressful job and it

was just, again, a way to self-medicate

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there was any excuse to have alcohol.

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It would be

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Hmm.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

to socialize, to have me time away

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from being a mom, to relax after

a stressful day, to reward myself.

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If, I'd had a productive day.

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It was just any excuse.

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I would have a bottle of wine for a

few beers and it started creeping that

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it was getting more often than not.

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I might start out thinking

I'd just have one or two, but

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I'd never be able to do that.

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There'd be something that flipped in me.

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and it'd just be sort of like

a bit of a moment and just

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finish the whole bottle or.

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you know, to go on to, like, there'd

be times I can remember being at

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home and there'd be things in the

cupboard that I didn't even like.

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Like if my husband had a bottle of

whiskey or he had red wine, I didn't

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like red wine, but I, I'd be having

then just because I, I've got to that

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point where I just wanted something.

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so yeah.

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So, and, and as I was getting

towards my forties, I was, my

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mental health was taking a nose.

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I was feeling very anxious.

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Because I had that stressful job, I

was taking a lot of that home with me.

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and I would use the alcohol to feel like I

was dealing with that, to feel like I was

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relaxing and de-stressing from the day.

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But then the next day I just

wake up feeling 10 times worse

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and it was never going away.

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My relationship with alcohol was more

related to my weight, so I started

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putting weight on, I'd lost quite a

bit in:

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then, I still carried on drinking.

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I remember I, I used to have rose and

lemonade and I'd replaced the lemonade

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with, sparkling water to make it less

calories, so I'd still be drinking.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

but yeah, I've lost it in 16.

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I put it on again.

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I was drinking more in COVID.

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I was, we were having like video calls

with my friends and it just got silly

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the amount that I'd been drinking.

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I was working from home at that point as

well, so it didn't feel like it mattered

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whether I drank during the week or not.

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I wasn't driving the next day.

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so my, I started to put

the weight on again.

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I was feeling really low self-esteem.

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Didn't particularly like myself,

Unproductive unmotivated.

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I was trying to be consistent with

exercise and eating healthly, but it

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only ever lasted a few days because

then I'd drink and then I just eat crap.

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while I was drinking.

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I'd eat crap the following day.

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I wouldn't want to exercise.

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So it just felt like I

was in a vicious cycle.

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so I started listening to podcasts,

about eating well, and through that,

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I think it was a Facebook group I

was in for one particular podcast

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and someone had mentioned about the

podcast called Over the Influence, which

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was related to, being alcohol free.

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So I started listening to that

because I thought I need to

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try and control my drinking.

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So that it doesn't impact my eating.

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I didn't at that stage

think I needed to stop.

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I just wanted to be able to

control it so that it didn't

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impact my exercise and my eating.

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and then I started listening to all the

influence quite quickly realized through

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listening to what they were talking about

and the guess that they had on what impact

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alcohol was actually having on my life.

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Mental health, which is something that I.

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Realized before I'd never known that

alcohol could affect your mental health.

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And so I started putting

like two and two together.

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they also started

talking about quit lates.

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So I ordered alcohol explained by

William Porter, but I had a weekend

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in November for my friend's 50th

where we were away for three nights.

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And I purposely didn't start

reading the book before then

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because I remember thinking,

what if I read this book and off.

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And

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Yeah.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

I'm not gonna be able to drink when

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now all my friends are drinking.

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But I sort of knew in my head

that once that weekend was

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out of the way, that was it.

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I was gonna really try and at that

point, actually stopped drinking.

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because of what I'd learned

in that short period of time.

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I didn't want to carry on

with how I was drinking.

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so that Sunday, when we got

back from that weekend away.

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Brought a few beers back with us.

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So of course I couldn't

let them go to work.

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So I had them.

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And that was the last, time that I drank.

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So that was the 12th, November, 2023.

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So I'm just over 18

months alcohol free now.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Wow,

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

honestly, I've never looked back.

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Thank you.

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It's the best decision I ever made.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: So

many people say that, don't they?

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It's the best decision they've ever made.

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First of all though, I'm

very sorry to hear about your

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

Thank you.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: a awful

thing for you to have to go through.

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I'm really sad for you about that,

and I can actually understand

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why that would be a reason that

you tried to just those feelings.

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So lots of people do that, don't they?

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They, use alcohol to take

the edge off anything.

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and something like that is, is, is.

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a common thing to drink,

to take the pain away.

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So, I can understand it, but

great that you went on and then

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it's even through finding through

the podcast, over the influence.

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I've listened to that one as well.

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That's actually really good.

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I like that one as well.

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I also, through podcasts, learn

about quit lit and I used to listen

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to them when I was out walking.

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And they would mention like books

or whatever and I'd be like,

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oh, damnit, I haven't got a pet.

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And I'd be like trying to

desperately write it down.

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Alcohol explained is quite

compelling, isn't it?

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It's quite difficult to unlearn,

so you were probably wise not to

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read it before your weekend because

I think you're probably right.

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would've probably not ended up enjoying

drinking with your friends if you, if

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you knew everything that William Porter

had to say about it, literally are.

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I unread all of that stuff.

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It makes me just, oh God, it

makes me feel really silly about

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not realizing, actually, but

then it lies to you, doesn't it?

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I'll call it promises.

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A lot of things that it doesn't deliver

or that it only delivers very short term.

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you know, that relief,

that moment of relief.

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In the moment and then how exacerbated

whatever it is, is the next day.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:

you were managing to go to

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work despite, the alcohol.

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Did you think that it was impacting

any other parts of your life?

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Was it impacting your relationships or

what did it do to your mental health?

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

Yeah, I mean, at the time I

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didn't think it impacted anything

other than when I had a hangover.

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But now that I'm out of it, you

can see a lot clearly, can't you?

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: I think

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it was impacting every part of my life.

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I think it was impacting my

relationship with my children.

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I was quite a stressy mom.

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I shouted quite a lot.

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I didn't have a lot of patience with them.

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they're teenagers now.

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And when I think back to the, what

we've seen, I mean they laugh at a

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lot of it, but they've seen me in some

states, they've had to hold me up.

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I remember walking back, from my

friend's house at something like

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three in the morning when they were

only young and they were stopping me

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from falling into people's guidance.

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And I just cringe now

when I think about it.

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But it was, I wasn't present with them.

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I wasn't.

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I prioritized alcohol over them.

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And it, I feel so ashamed to say that now.

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but I did.

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It was if we're on holiday,

they'd want to do something with

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me, but it's like mommy's just

having a wine, mommy's relaxing.

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And that's what I'd say at home as well.

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You know, there's, I couldn't wait

for them to be in bed It was my time.

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It was me time, and it was time to

have a drink, I've noticed since I've

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stopped that, I now open up a lot more

about my feelings, whereas I, I used

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to suppress them when I was drinking.

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I've used the link to do that, but

because I'm doing that, they're

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now starting to open up more.

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Because they can see the mom doing it.

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And that has improved our relationship

massively, particularly with my

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daughter, who's my eldest one.

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She's almost 16 now, and she's

opened up to me about things she

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never would've told me about before.

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Um, but it's just I take

an interest in them now.

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I actually talked to them and listen

to them, and we did things together

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before, but it would always be.

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Down on the priority

list compared to alcohol.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Yeah.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: and

it would always, anything we did always

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ended up finishing with alcohol and mum's.

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We've done that today,

now, now it's mum's time.

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so yeah, so that it was massively

impacting that it was impacting work.

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I was feeling unmotivated.

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I was getting stressed at work,

but I wasn't dealing with that.

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And I was thinking that, you know,

I was getting rid of , that feeling

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of stress by relaxing with a wine,

but it was just, it would just make

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it 10 times worse the following

day, which I then didn't deal with.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Hmm.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

I was really unmotivated,

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especially towards the end before I.

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really, really unmotivated,

which wasn't like me at work.

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I always prided myself on working hard.

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I think it definitely impacted

my relationship with my husband,

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strangely enough.

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It, it, that all probably came

to a head actually after I

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removed alcohol, um, because.

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We'd grown up to together from when

we, like I said, we met when we were

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17, and that's what we did together.

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We drank together and I was

probably the instigator more.

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I drank more than him.

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I was the always one saying, oh,

should we have a drink tonight?

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And the one that was drinking faster

and topping him up, or whenever I

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wanted to, to topple, things like that.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

then when I stopped drinking, all of

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that was suddenly gone and I'd made

this decision that impacted him, but

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he'd had no choice in that decision.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: I

didn't share with him why I'd made that

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decision or what things I was going

through after I'd removed alcohol.

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'cause I did massively change as a person

and I wasn't sharing any of that with him.

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he could see that I was changing and,

I was going out and meeting new people.

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I joined, sober Butterfly Collective.

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I don't think you've heard of them.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

Like a national group that bring

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local people together that are sober,

curious or our culture free and all

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have regular meetups, things like that.

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So I had started meeting all these

new people that he'd never met before.

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And I wasn't sharing with him about that.

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I wasn't telling him why they were

important to me or how they were

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helping me because they were like-minded

and they understood how difficult it

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can be to be alcohol free in a world

where it's glamorized and marketed

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so heavily and it's just the norm.

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so that it, that caused real

tension in our relationship.

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I'd also changed in ways where I was, I

was going to bed earlier and I was getting

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out bed as soon as I woke up because

my energy had changed and improved.

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And he was still in our old time

zone where he was staying up

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late and then staying in bed.

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he was seeing that as a negative,

that I was going to bed 'cause I

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didn't want to spend time with him.

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And the same for getting out,

um, at early in the morning.

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So it all came to head.

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just before Christmas last year.

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So it had been about a year

alcohol free at that point.

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: And

we eventually had a really big heart

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to heart, which was really needed.

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because the tension had got

quite bad I didn't know what

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our future was gonna be that bad

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

I never bothered it.

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I was, it was never an

issue that he still drank.

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He's, like I say, I was the instigator.

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He never drank as much as me anywhere,

but it had started to creep up.

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I got to a point that was a little

bit concerning for me, and so I

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addressed that with him and that's

when we had the hearts heart.

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I just soft up as to why.

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It was so important.

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My sobriety was so important to

me and why these connections I

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were making was so important.

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He opened up that, how

vulnerable it had made him feel.

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'cause he could see that I was changing

and he was proud of me, but also he was

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scared that I was gonna leave him behind.

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I was outgrowing our relationship.

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it is worked out really, really well.

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he.

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Come to bed at the same time

as me doing things like that.

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We'd started going out together,

started going out on walks.

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We were opening up to each

other and actually he hasn't

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drunk now since before New Year,

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vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Whoa.

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becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

he keeps telling me it's not, it's

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not permanent, it's not doing it

like me, but it's, you know, it's

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obviously as time goes on is, is

getting to see those benefits and it's

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massively improved our relationship.

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our relationship has,

has never been this good.

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:

We open up to.

361

:

We support each other.

362

:

he's more productive.

363

:

I can see that his mental

health has improved.

364

:

It's just made such a difference

and that it's just that mistake

365

:

that I made in the beginning was not

including him in what I was going

366

:

through and not opening up to him.

367

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: I think

it's hard there isn't it in the

368

:

beginning because everything changes

and the way you feel about everything

369

:

changes with what you're you do

have this completely different kind

370

:

of outlook and the thing that you

did together quite a lot has gone.

371

:

It's a little bit scary because you

don't know like, are we gonna be

372

:

as good, are we, you know, is it.

373

:

Is that just who we were?

374

:

Like, are we not really

a couple without that?

375

:

You don't really know until,

until it starts to happen.

376

:

And like you say, you meet all these

other people and it's like this whole

377

:

world that you immerse yourself in.

378

:

And it's the right thing to do because

you have to be supported and you have

379

:

to be with people who are cheering

you on and understand when it's hard.

380

:

So you absolutely did the right

thing by doing all of those things.

381

:

But yeah, I suppose there is a word of

caution there around opening up earlier to

382

:

the people that love us and that we love.

383

:

'cause yeah, they may not know.

384

:

I mean, I babbled on a lot

Everything I was doing, I kept

385

:

trying to show him my blogs and all.

386

:

So, he, he was delighted.

387

:

I mean, he was really pleased that

I stopped drinking because he,

388

:

he wasn't, he didn't, didn't do

anything wrong when he was drinking,

389

:

whereas I was just a total lunatic.

390

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.

391

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:

broke things, lost things.

392

:

Talk to a load of nonsense, wouldn't go to

bed, set up late, all that bananas Oh God,

393

:

honestly, I must have been such a pain in

the ass to be around, but um, I thought it

394

:

was great at the time, but obviously not.

395

:

So, um, it's lovely to hear that you two

have started to do this together as well.

396

:

Well, that's very.

397

:

very cool

398

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah,

399

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: that

he's, uh, that he's stopped.

400

:

And even if it's not forever,

just that he's doing it and

401

:

getting a taste of what it's like

402

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

exactly.

403

:

Yeah.

404

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:

tell him I said well done.

405

:

That's brilliant.

406

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

Every time I I'll, I'll say,

407

:

oh, you've done so many months.

408

:

He'll just roll these eyes up, me,

stop either down or anything like

409

:

that, but I'm counting on his behalf.

410

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Yeah, exactly.

411

:

That's really lovely though, to hear.

412

:

And how lovely for your kids as well.

413

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.

414

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: the

opening up thing is that they

415

:

just trust us, don't they?

416

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.

417

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: us more , to be

there and to, to be interested and just

418

:

don't beat yourself up about the whole.

419

:

Wanting the wine time

at the end of the day.

420

:

'cause we've definitely, think if you

listen to the podcast, there's at least

421

:

10 women who have said the same thing me.

422

:

and I say it as well 'cause you

just feel this guilt, don't you?

423

:

but it's, it's what you're told.

424

:

You're told that you deserve

to have that you're told.

425

:

By the mums.

426

:

You see, every day at school,

you're told by your friends.

427

:

You're told by the adverts,

you know it's downtime.

428

:

At the end of the day, what they don't

tell you is then feel very guilty

429

:

about it and that you'll kind of

wish the next day that you'd read the

430

:

extra story or that you'd done a bit

of a longer bath time or anything.

431

:

But when you're in that

moment, it's very hard.

432

:

It's like, I remember it being

really difficult, and I also

433

:

know that there were times that.

434

:

I should have sat and done something

extra with the kids and I didn't.

435

:

so many of us feel like that.

436

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.

437

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:

So sorry about this throat.

438

:

I.

439

:

Honestly, recording a podcast with

no voice isn't the easiest , so

440

:

what's been, what was the biggest

challenge for you would be the first

441

:

question, and then what has been your

greatest joy since you've been sober?

442

:

It would be really great just to

hear a couple of those things because

443

:

it's good to set expectations for

people who are considering it.

444

:

And it's also really nice to hear the

amazing joy that you get from it from,

445

:

and I know there'll be something 'cause

we all absolutely love being sober.

446

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.

447

:

I think the biggest challenge, like

I say, was what I was just talking

448

:

about with my husband, the actual not.

449

:

Drinking wasn't that hard an

issue, to be honest, because I

450

:

immersed myself in podcasts and,

quickly that sort of kept me going.

451

:

And I still listen to podcasts now.

452

:

I think there were a couple of things.

453

:

So when I got to about probably month

three, month four, I struggled a little

454

:

bit 'cause I've got that clarity that

I've heard so many people talk about.

455

:

I thinking, when am I

gonna get this clarity?

456

:

What are the people meaning?

457

:

And then all of a sudden I did, and

it was related to the job that I was

458

:

in, and I realized that actually that

job was affecting my mental health.

459

:

I didn't actually really enjoy it.

460

:

I'd just been so focused on moving

up within the company, getting

461

:

more responsibility, getting a

higher salary that I never actually

462

:

stopped to think if I liked it.

463

:

I realized that I didn't, and it wasn't

really aligned with who I wanted to be.

464

:

that was quite tough to deal with

that my mental health plummeted

465

:

a little bit at that point.

466

:

I needed to take time off work.

467

:

thankfully during that time I never once

actually thought about having a drink,

468

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.

469

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

which was good, but it was, I

470

:

had to learn how to navigate.

471

:

To handle those feelings without alcohol.

472

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Yeah.

473

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: but

that ended up being a really, important

474

:

time for me because I learned what helps

keep my mental health at an even ke.

475

:

I learned that exercise helps, but getting

out with the dog helps, meditating.

476

:

So I really focused on a little bit.

477

:

Personal development, to

be able to manage that.

478

:

and then I had a few decisions

to make regarding that job.

479

:

I did actually end up leaving last year.

480

:

I started a new job, in June last

year, which is a lot more stress

481

:

free than the job that I was in.

482

:

And, yeah.

483

:

Changed my life, really.

484

:

turned it around in terms of

managing my mental health.

485

:

which also the things that I've

learned, like I said, the exercise,

486

:

things like that, moving body, getting

out has massively helped as well.

487

:

but it was quite difficult to deal with

because I think when you remove alcohol,

488

:

you really learn how, who you are.

489

:

What is important to you.

490

:

And I, I didn't know that

when I was drinking it.

491

:

It was never something

I ever thought about.

492

:

And then when you learn that and if things

that you're doing in your life don't quite

493

:

align to that, it can be quite difficult.

494

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.

495

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

was a bit of a grieving process in.

496

:

I did realize that quite a lot of

the people that I used to spend time

497

:

with were just drinking buddies, and

I stepped away from them a little bit

498

:

and they probably stepped away from

me as well because they weren't as

499

:

interested because I wasn't drinking.

500

:

So that was quite hard to deal with.

501

:

But I've made new co connections

with Silver Butterfly Collective,

502

:

which is, has been amazing.

503

:

And then I think the biggest

joy I've got is, like I said,

504

:

learning about myself as a person.

505

:

And I actually like myself

now, and I didn't even realize

506

:

it, but I didn't before I,

507

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Oh, I love that.

508

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: I.

509

:

love who I am as a person, and I know

that I'm being authentic all the time.

510

:

And I'm not saying things that I regret

or that aren't me just because I've had

511

:

a drink and, or I think I'm being funny

and actually I'm just acting like a dick.

512

:

but yeah, I really like who

I'm, I like who I'm as a parent,

513

:

I like who I am as a friend.

514

:

I like who I'm as a wife

and I'm not, isn't is it?

515

:

Yeah, I like myself and I didn't

know it, but I didn't for quite a

516

:

few years before I stopped drinking.

517

:

I didn't like myself at all,

518

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Yeah.

519

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

and that was quite hard

520

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: I

think that that's true of so many

521

:

people that stopped drinking.

522

:

And interestingly, the very first

podcast that I was ever on with

523

:

Lucy Rocker and she asked me that

question, and she said it's like

524

:

someone takes away the cloak of shame.

525

:

And, all of a sudden, there's

someone there that is authentic

526

:

and is a good friend and is kind.

527

:

And I think when we really look back,

that person was there all along.

528

:

We were so busy beating yourself

up for drinking and for not the

529

:

perfect mom and all of those things

530

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.

531

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: feed into that

you sort of lose sight of it a little bit.

532

:

So it's great that you've.

533

:

Found who you are and

that you like who you are.

534

:

It's a great place to be, isn't

535

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.

536

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: I'm

really interested in the sober,

537

:

sober butterfly collection.

538

:

if it's something that you think

could support people, then as

539

:

you say that there's a website

540

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

so they have a website, that

541

:

you can sign up to on there.

542

:

And then you get put, they have loads

of WhatsApp groups, so they've got,

543

:

WhatsApp groups on various different

things, like different interests

544

:

like, walking, cold water, dipping,

all sorts of different things.

545

:

But then they have regional

WhatsApp group, so I'm.

546

:

The Lancaster region.

547

:

So that's where I'm from.

548

:

And they, every month, every second

Saturday of every month, they have

549

:

what's called a curious coffee catch up.

550

:

So you can all meet up within

your local groups, for a coffee.

551

:

but also within those groups,

people set up different events.

552

:

So I went on a UR retreat a couple

of weeks ago, so we went camping in.

553

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Oh, amazing.

554

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

kayaking, paddleboarding,

555

:

walking, out for lunch.

556

:

Just, it was lovely, absolutely amazing.

557

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:

I'm so joining this.

558

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: it's

brilliant and even if, you know, like

559

:

I joined, I think it was in the march.

560

:

It wasn't until we due live that I

plucked up the courage to go on one

561

:

of these coffee catch ups, but it was

just nice being in the WhatsApp group.

562

:

And if someone has a slip, they can

post in there and everyone just.

563

:

Of light butterflies, they all

flutter around them and support them.

564

:

I've shared when I was, you know,

my relationship with my husband

565

:

was, struggling, I shared in there

about that it's just everyone's so

566

:

supportive when people are going

on to a wedding or something.

567

:

It's the first wedding when they're

sober and they're worried about that,

568

:

you know, everyone's giving tips.

569

:

It's really, really great.

570

:

And like I said, I've

made friends for life.

571

:

I don't know where I'd be now.

572

:

I don't even know if I'd still be sober

if it weren't for them, because I think

573

:

if you don't make that connection, it

can be really, really difficult because

574

:

you do feel a bit like you can't go out

and do things because you friends are

575

:

still doing the same and the drinking.

576

:

I'm doing loads of things now that

I've never done before, like hot water,

577

:

dipping, kayaking, things like that.

578

:

And

579

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Oh God,

580

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: it's,

581

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: The cold

water one, I haven't quite, I've

582

:

been into one outdoor pond once, and

I think that terrified me enough,

583

:

but I do hear it's very good for

584

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: yeah.

585

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:

no, I'm definitely gonna look

586

:

that up and join actually.

587

:

So I'm in the, I'm in Surrey,

so I'm just outside London.

588

:

I've also got some lovely connections

that I made through so baristas and

589

:

this weekend just gone, we've just

been away for a weekend in a farmhouse.

590

:

there's 10 of us and we went for

three nights, and we do it every year.

591

:

We've done it for three

years in a row now.

592

:

And you can't beat it, can you like

just being with like-minded people who,

593

:

you know, support you within an inch

of your life and whatever you need.

594

:

And people have different

requirements with this.

595

:

You know, there's different

levels, different concerns.

596

:

Things that, you know, some people find

easy and others just really struggle with.

597

:

So it's nice to have a big.

598

:

A collection of people or butterflies

as you've got, to help you.

599

:

So lovely.

600

:

. Thank you for sharing that.

601

:

'cause I bet it will help loads of people.

602

:

, So I'm gonna say goodbye 'cause we've

got to the end of our podcast, but thank

603

:

you so much for sharing your story.

604

:

Really brave.

605

:

And, and every time anyone comes on,

I'm just so grateful because I know

606

:

that, that it will help somebody.

607

:

and I was that person who needed to

hear things like this at some point.

608

:

and I'm just delighted to be where I am.

609

:

so thank you . I tell your husband,

well done and let us know how

610

:

many days he's on, won't you

611

:

to keep updating us.

612

:

We'll keep him accountable.

613

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.

614

:

vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:

Alright, well thank you so much

615

:

Becky, for sharing your story.

616

:

becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:

Thank you.

617

:

Brilliant.

618

:

Bye.

619

:

Bye.

620

:

Thank you for listening.

621

:

To Sabre alcohol-free stories.

622

:

If this episode helped you,

Please like share and follow.

623

:

Or leave a review on pod chaser.

624

:

Dot com.

625

:

And if you've got a story to

tell, please contact me on Sabre.

626

:

A F stories@outlook.com.

627

:

And don't forget.

628

:

You can make your catch phrase.

629

:

I don't drink.

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Show artwork for Sober, Alcohol Free Stories

About the Podcast

Sober, Alcohol Free Stories
"I Don't Drink"
If you’ve ever googled “do I drink too much” this podcast is for you!

This is for those of you who end up wondering what’s wrong with you, questioning how your friends can possibly drink so slowly, or worse can just have one with dinner (aliens). For those of you who have tried to moderate, just a Thursday, only red wine, not before 6, not after 9, not if I’m wearing blue 😊

For those of you who secretly don’t enjoy the theatre because you know the show will be an interruption to a booze filled evening. For those who fall out with loved ones, lose handbags, feel lonely or shameful the morning after, wear sunglasses on the school run, or enjoy way too many mints for an average human. For those who need something to change but feel it it’s impossible to break up with their loyal companion – booze.

The good news is you are NOT weird, or alone, there’s millions of us, just like you. You CAN stop drinking alcohol. I know this because until Jan 2022 I was all the above, and now “I don’t drink”.

In this podcast we will delve in to what it takes to become alcohol free in a society that’s quite frankly obsessed with drinking! I’ll talk to people just like you and me, some near the beginning of their alcohol-free life, and some further along, but all with one thing in common, the courage to stare booze in the face and say NO, NOT ME, NOT ANYMORE! They will share their sliding doors moments, regrets, loves, pink clouds and the tools that have helped them to succeed.

We will show you that life without the “wine witch” is actually pretty amazing, how we all thought we were losing something, but what we have gained is insurmountable. We will share how our lives transformed, skin began to glow, sleep became deep and relaxing, bodies became healthy, relationships flourished, careers progressed, and our minds were at peace. WE will show you that you deserve the chance to be happy and free and turn what may seem impossible into possible.

Listen along and join me in making your catchphrase “I don’t drink”.

About your host

Profile picture for VICTORIA Banat

VICTORIA Banat