Episode 5
Vic and Becky - Sober, alcohol free stories, grief, family and the butterfly effect!!!
Hi everybody and welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories. I'm Victoria and I don't drink. Today I talk to Becky. Becky began drinking a little later in life with college laying the foundations that told her she was more confident with booze. The sudden death of her brother left her drinking to numb the pain and her drinking became more frequent and began to impact her life considerably.
It was when she was looking to lose a little weight that she began to educate herself on the effects of alcohol on the body and mind, and as a result, became alcohol free, gaining way more than she ever could have expected. Becky can now be found helping others as the Sober Serenity Coach
Transcript
Hi everybody and welcome to
Sober Alcohol Free Stories.
2
:I'm Victoria and I don't drink.
3
:Today I talk to Becky.
4
:Becky began drinking a little later in
life with college, laying the foundations
5
:that told her she was more confident with
booze, but the sudden death of her brother
6
:left her drinking to numb the pain and
her drinking became more frequent and
7
:began to impact her life considerably.
8
:It was when she was looking to lose a
little weight that she began to educate
9
:herself on the effects of alcohol on
the body and mind, and as a result,
10
:became alcohol free, gaining way more
than she ever could have expected.
11
:Becky is now a sobriety coach
and can be found helping others
12
:as the sober serenity Coach h.
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Hi Becky.
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:very warm.
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:Welcome to you this evening.
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:. Really together just wanna
explore your sobriety.
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:what made you choose to be alcohol free?
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:Anything you really wanna share that
might support somebody else who's either
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:considering or considering, but ought
to be considering becoming alcohol free.
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:So I'll hand over to you.
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:So if you could just tell us a little
bit about yourself, maybe when you were
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:a drinker, and then what those first
thoughts and and feelings were that
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:led to you making a decision that's
transformed you to where you are now.
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah,
thank you and thanks for having me on.
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: You are
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
so yeah, so I'm 44 now.
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:I probably started drinking.
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:Quite late compared to my peers.
29
:A lot of the people, in my age
bracket, I think started at high
30
:school when they were about 14 or 15.
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:But I didn't really drink.
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:, At high school I was a bit of a
goody two shoes at high school.
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:So it was when I went to college.
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:so when I was about 16, 17.
35
:I found that when I started drinking,
it gave me confidence, that I've never
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:really had before, and I suddenly started
getting different types of friends
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:and I had boys being interested in me.
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:So it's sort of kept me going
with the drinking, if you will.
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:Most of the time probably
start on maybe a Wednesday or
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:a Thursday through till Sunday.
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:and it was all I did, or
all I did in my free time.
42
:And because I was at college, I had a lot
more free time than I'd had at school.
43
:and it was just how I socialize or
I'd be going out with my friends,
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:whether it was when we had a free
period or, at a nighttime and.
45
:What I did, that carried
on into my twenties.
46
:I actually ended up quitting
college after a year.
47
:and I didn't realize it at the
time, and I've only just recently
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:realized I think a lot of that was
to do with the drinking because I was
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:skipping classes to, go to the pub.
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
and it was impacting.
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:My grades, obviously, and
I think I didn't like that.
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:'cause I've been so studious at school.
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:I didn't like that I wasn't going to be
doing well at college, so I came up with
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:this idea that I was gonna move to Spain.
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:So I quit college after a year.
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:never did, actually moved to Spain.
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:Just ended up working full
time in a supermarket.
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:it carried on in my twenties.
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:it was just what me and my friends did.
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:when I was 17, it was what we did
together as well, and it was fine.
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:I was having a good time.
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:there were times when I'd regret
things that I'd done, but it was
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:never anything negative really.
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:It didn't seem to be impacting me.
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:I'd get hangovers, but nothing major.
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:it was just my hobby, I guess, in a way.
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:but then when I was 27, my
brother suddenly passed away.
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:He was 29, and it was
completely out of the blue.
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:he died from the heart arrhythmia,
and I think that was the turning
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:point where suddenly alcohol was
becoming way to self-medicate.
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:I didn't really deal.
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:With his death.
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:I'm not even sure I've completely
dealt with it at this point
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:in my life, if I'm honest.
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:I used alcohol to numb the feelings.
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:I remember the day that
we found out he died.
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:I got drunk that night.
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:and I think it was just a way really of.
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:Not dealing with it, but sort of
suppressing those feelings that
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:I was getting after losing it.
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:and I never really spoke about what
had happened unless I've had a drink.
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Hmm.
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: was
quite frequent that I'd be on a night out
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:with my friends and maybe a song could
come on that would remind me of him, and
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:then I'd get really, really upset and
I'd open up about how it affected me.
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:But then next day, when.
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:I just didn't speak about it to anybody.
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:and then I went to a year after he died,
I had my first child, I had my daughter
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:at age 28, and then I had my son at 30.
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:And that changed as well because
I couldn't go out as much,
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:because I had young children.
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:So I then started drinking
at home a lot more.
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:what I, I didn't really drink
at home unless I was at the
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:house party, in my twenties.
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:and it just sort of progressed
through my thirties at that point,
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:I'd had quite, a stressful job.
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:I'd worked through the company
and got promoted to manager.
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:So it was quite a stressful job and it
was just, again, a way to self-medicate
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:there was any excuse to have alcohol.
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:It would be
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Hmm.
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
to socialize, to have me time away
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:from being a mom, to relax after
a stressful day, to reward myself.
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:If, I'd had a productive day.
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:It was just any excuse.
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:I would have a bottle of wine for a
few beers and it started creeping that
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:it was getting more often than not.
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:I might start out thinking
I'd just have one or two, but
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:I'd never be able to do that.
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:There'd be something that flipped in me.
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:and it'd just be sort of like
a bit of a moment and just
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:finish the whole bottle or.
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:you know, to go on to, like, there'd
be times I can remember being at
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:home and there'd be things in the
cupboard that I didn't even like.
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:Like if my husband had a bottle of
whiskey or he had red wine, I didn't
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:like red wine, but I, I'd be having
then just because I, I've got to that
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:point where I just wanted something.
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:so yeah.
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:So, and, and as I was getting
towards my forties, I was, my
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:mental health was taking a nose.
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:I was feeling very anxious.
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:Because I had that stressful job, I
was taking a lot of that home with me.
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:and I would use the alcohol to feel like I
was dealing with that, to feel like I was
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:relaxing and de-stressing from the day.
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:But then the next day I just
wake up feeling 10 times worse
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:and it was never going away.
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:My relationship with alcohol was more
related to my weight, so I started
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:putting weight on, I'd lost quite a
bit in:
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:then, I still carried on drinking.
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:I remember I, I used to have rose and
lemonade and I'd replaced the lemonade
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:with, sparkling water to make it less
calories, so I'd still be drinking.
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
but yeah, I've lost it in 16.
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:I put it on again.
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:I was drinking more in COVID.
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:I was, we were having like video calls
with my friends and it just got silly
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:the amount that I'd been drinking.
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:I was working from home at that point as
well, so it didn't feel like it mattered
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:whether I drank during the week or not.
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:I wasn't driving the next day.
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:so my, I started to put
the weight on again.
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:I was feeling really low self-esteem.
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:Didn't particularly like myself,
Unproductive unmotivated.
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:I was trying to be consistent with
exercise and eating healthly, but it
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:only ever lasted a few days because
then I'd drink and then I just eat crap.
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:while I was drinking.
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:I'd eat crap the following day.
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:I wouldn't want to exercise.
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:So it just felt like I
was in a vicious cycle.
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:so I started listening to podcasts,
about eating well, and through that,
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:I think it was a Facebook group I
was in for one particular podcast
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:and someone had mentioned about the
podcast called Over the Influence, which
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:was related to, being alcohol free.
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:So I started listening to that
because I thought I need to
156
:try and control my drinking.
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:So that it doesn't impact my eating.
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:I didn't at that stage
think I needed to stop.
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:I just wanted to be able to
control it so that it didn't
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:impact my exercise and my eating.
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:and then I started listening to all the
influence quite quickly realized through
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:listening to what they were talking about
and the guess that they had on what impact
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:alcohol was actually having on my life.
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:Mental health, which is something that I.
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:Realized before I'd never known that
alcohol could affect your mental health.
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:And so I started putting
like two and two together.
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:they also started
talking about quit lates.
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:So I ordered alcohol explained by
William Porter, but I had a weekend
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:in November for my friend's 50th
where we were away for three nights.
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:And I purposely didn't start
reading the book before then
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:because I remember thinking,
what if I read this book and off.
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:And
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Yeah.
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
I'm not gonna be able to drink when
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:now all my friends are drinking.
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:But I sort of knew in my head
that once that weekend was
177
:out of the way, that was it.
178
:I was gonna really try and at that
point, actually stopped drinking.
179
:because of what I'd learned
in that short period of time.
180
:I didn't want to carry on
with how I was drinking.
181
:so that Sunday, when we got
back from that weekend away.
182
:Brought a few beers back with us.
183
:So of course I couldn't
let them go to work.
184
:So I had them.
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:And that was the last, time that I drank.
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:So that was the 12th, November, 2023.
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:So I'm just over 18
months alcohol free now.
188
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Wow,
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
honestly, I've never looked back.
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:Thank you.
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:It's the best decision I ever made.
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: So
many people say that, don't they?
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:It's the best decision they've ever made.
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:First of all though, I'm
very sorry to hear about your
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
Thank you.
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: a awful
thing for you to have to go through.
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:I'm really sad for you about that,
and I can actually understand
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:why that would be a reason that
you tried to just those feelings.
199
:So lots of people do that, don't they?
200
:They, use alcohol to take
the edge off anything.
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:and something like that is, is, is.
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:a common thing to drink,
to take the pain away.
203
:So, I can understand it, but
great that you went on and then
204
:it's even through finding through
the podcast, over the influence.
205
:I've listened to that one as well.
206
:That's actually really good.
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:I like that one as well.
208
:I also, through podcasts, learn
about quit lit and I used to listen
209
:to them when I was out walking.
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:And they would mention like books
or whatever and I'd be like,
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:oh, damnit, I haven't got a pet.
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:And I'd be like trying to
desperately write it down.
213
:Alcohol explained is quite
compelling, isn't it?
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:It's quite difficult to unlearn,
so you were probably wise not to
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:read it before your weekend because
I think you're probably right.
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:would've probably not ended up enjoying
drinking with your friends if you, if
217
:you knew everything that William Porter
had to say about it, literally are.
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:I unread all of that stuff.
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:It makes me just, oh God, it
makes me feel really silly about
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:not realizing, actually, but
then it lies to you, doesn't it?
221
:I'll call it promises.
222
:A lot of things that it doesn't deliver
or that it only delivers very short term.
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:you know, that relief,
that moment of relief.
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:In the moment and then how exacerbated
whatever it is, is the next day.
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:
you were managing to go to
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:work despite, the alcohol.
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:Did you think that it was impacting
any other parts of your life?
229
:Was it impacting your relationships or
what did it do to your mental health?
230
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
Yeah, I mean, at the time I
231
:didn't think it impacted anything
other than when I had a hangover.
232
:But now that I'm out of it, you
can see a lot clearly, can't you?
233
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: I think
235
:it was impacting every part of my life.
236
:I think it was impacting my
relationship with my children.
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:I was quite a stressy mom.
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:I shouted quite a lot.
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:I didn't have a lot of patience with them.
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:they're teenagers now.
241
:And when I think back to the, what
we've seen, I mean they laugh at a
242
:lot of it, but they've seen me in some
states, they've had to hold me up.
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:I remember walking back, from my
friend's house at something like
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:three in the morning when they were
only young and they were stopping me
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:from falling into people's guidance.
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:And I just cringe now
when I think about it.
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:But it was, I wasn't present with them.
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:I wasn't.
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:I prioritized alcohol over them.
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:And it, I feel so ashamed to say that now.
251
:but I did.
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:It was if we're on holiday,
they'd want to do something with
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:me, but it's like mommy's just
having a wine, mommy's relaxing.
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:And that's what I'd say at home as well.
255
:You know, there's, I couldn't wait
for them to be in bed It was my time.
256
:It was me time, and it was time to
have a drink, I've noticed since I've
257
:stopped that, I now open up a lot more
about my feelings, whereas I, I used
258
:to suppress them when I was drinking.
259
:I've used the link to do that, but
because I'm doing that, they're
260
:now starting to open up more.
261
:Because they can see the mom doing it.
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:And that has improved our relationship
massively, particularly with my
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:daughter, who's my eldest one.
264
:She's almost 16 now, and she's
opened up to me about things she
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:never would've told me about before.
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:Um, but it's just I take
an interest in them now.
267
:I actually talked to them and listen
to them, and we did things together
268
:before, but it would always be.
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:Down on the priority
list compared to alcohol.
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Yeah.
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:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: and
it would always, anything we did always
272
:ended up finishing with alcohol and mum's.
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:We've done that today,
now, now it's mum's time.
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:so yeah, so that it was massively
impacting that it was impacting work.
275
:I was feeling unmotivated.
276
:I was getting stressed at work,
but I wasn't dealing with that.
277
:And I was thinking that, you know,
I was getting rid of , that feeling
278
:of stress by relaxing with a wine,
but it was just, it would just make
279
:it 10 times worse the following
day, which I then didn't deal with.
280
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Hmm.
281
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
I was really unmotivated,
282
:especially towards the end before I.
283
:really, really unmotivated,
which wasn't like me at work.
284
:I always prided myself on working hard.
285
:I think it definitely impacted
my relationship with my husband,
286
:strangely enough.
287
:It, it, that all probably came
to a head actually after I
288
:removed alcohol, um, because.
289
:We'd grown up to together from when
we, like I said, we met when we were
290
:17, and that's what we did together.
291
:We drank together and I was
probably the instigator more.
292
:I drank more than him.
293
:I was the always one saying, oh,
should we have a drink tonight?
294
:And the one that was drinking faster
and topping him up, or whenever I
295
:wanted to, to topple, things like that.
296
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.
297
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
then when I stopped drinking, all of
298
:that was suddenly gone and I'd made
this decision that impacted him, but
299
:he'd had no choice in that decision.
300
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.
301
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: I
didn't share with him why I'd made that
302
:decision or what things I was going
through after I'd removed alcohol.
303
:'cause I did massively change as a person
and I wasn't sharing any of that with him.
304
:he could see that I was changing and,
I was going out and meeting new people.
305
:I joined, sober Butterfly Collective.
306
:I don't think you've heard of them.
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:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.
308
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
Like a national group that bring
309
:local people together that are sober,
curious or our culture free and all
310
:have regular meetups, things like that.
311
:So I had started meeting all these
new people that he'd never met before.
312
:And I wasn't sharing with him about that.
313
:I wasn't telling him why they were
important to me or how they were
314
:helping me because they were like-minded
and they understood how difficult it
315
:can be to be alcohol free in a world
where it's glamorized and marketed
316
:so heavily and it's just the norm.
317
:so that it, that caused real
tension in our relationship.
318
:I'd also changed in ways where I was, I
was going to bed earlier and I was getting
319
:out bed as soon as I woke up because
my energy had changed and improved.
320
:And he was still in our old time
zone where he was staying up
321
:late and then staying in bed.
322
:he was seeing that as a negative,
that I was going to bed 'cause I
323
:didn't want to spend time with him.
324
:And the same for getting out,
um, at early in the morning.
325
:So it all came to head.
326
:just before Christmas last year.
327
:So it had been about a year
alcohol free at that point.
328
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.
329
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: And
we eventually had a really big heart
330
:to heart, which was really needed.
331
:because the tension had got
quite bad I didn't know what
332
:our future was gonna be that bad
333
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.
334
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
I never bothered it.
335
:I was, it was never an
issue that he still drank.
336
:He's, like I say, I was the instigator.
337
:He never drank as much as me anywhere,
but it had started to creep up.
338
:I got to a point that was a little
bit concerning for me, and so I
339
:addressed that with him and that's
when we had the hearts heart.
340
:I just soft up as to why.
341
:It was so important.
342
:My sobriety was so important to
me and why these connections I
343
:were making was so important.
344
:He opened up that, how
vulnerable it had made him feel.
345
:'cause he could see that I was changing
and he was proud of me, but also he was
346
:scared that I was gonna leave him behind.
347
:I was outgrowing our relationship.
348
:it is worked out really, really well.
349
:he.
350
:Come to bed at the same time
as me doing things like that.
351
:We'd started going out together,
started going out on walks.
352
:We were opening up to each
other and actually he hasn't
353
:drunk now since before New Year,
354
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Whoa.
355
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
he keeps telling me it's not, it's
356
:not permanent, it's not doing it
like me, but it's, you know, it's
357
:obviously as time goes on is, is
getting to see those benefits and it's
358
:massively improved our relationship.
359
:our relationship has,
has never been this good.
360
:We open up to.
361
:We support each other.
362
:he's more productive.
363
:I can see that his mental
health has improved.
364
:It's just made such a difference
and that it's just that mistake
365
:that I made in the beginning was not
including him in what I was going
366
:through and not opening up to him.
367
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: I think
it's hard there isn't it in the
368
:beginning because everything changes
and the way you feel about everything
369
:changes with what you're you do
have this completely different kind
370
:of outlook and the thing that you
did together quite a lot has gone.
371
:It's a little bit scary because you
don't know like, are we gonna be
372
:as good, are we, you know, is it.
373
:Is that just who we were?
374
:Like, are we not really
a couple without that?
375
:You don't really know until,
until it starts to happen.
376
:And like you say, you meet all these
other people and it's like this whole
377
:world that you immerse yourself in.
378
:And it's the right thing to do because
you have to be supported and you have
379
:to be with people who are cheering
you on and understand when it's hard.
380
:So you absolutely did the right
thing by doing all of those things.
381
:But yeah, I suppose there is a word of
caution there around opening up earlier to
382
:the people that love us and that we love.
383
:'cause yeah, they may not know.
384
:I mean, I babbled on a lot
Everything I was doing, I kept
385
:trying to show him my blogs and all.
386
:So, he, he was delighted.
387
:I mean, he was really pleased that
I stopped drinking because he,
388
:he wasn't, he didn't, didn't do
anything wrong when he was drinking,
389
:whereas I was just a total lunatic.
390
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.
391
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:
broke things, lost things.
392
:Talk to a load of nonsense, wouldn't go to
bed, set up late, all that bananas Oh God,
393
:honestly, I must have been such a pain in
the ass to be around, but um, I thought it
394
:was great at the time, but obviously not.
395
:So, um, it's lovely to hear that you two
have started to do this together as well.
396
:Well, that's very.
397
:very cool
398
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah,
399
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: that
he's, uh, that he's stopped.
400
:And even if it's not forever,
just that he's doing it and
401
:getting a taste of what it's like
402
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
exactly.
403
:Yeah.
404
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:
tell him I said well done.
405
:That's brilliant.
406
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
Every time I I'll, I'll say,
407
:oh, you've done so many months.
408
:He'll just roll these eyes up, me,
stop either down or anything like
409
:that, but I'm counting on his behalf.
410
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Yeah, exactly.
411
:That's really lovely though, to hear.
412
:And how lovely for your kids as well.
413
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.
414
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: the
opening up thing is that they
415
:just trust us, don't they?
416
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.
417
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: us more , to be
there and to, to be interested and just
418
:don't beat yourself up about the whole.
419
:Wanting the wine time
at the end of the day.
420
:'cause we've definitely, think if you
listen to the podcast, there's at least
421
:10 women who have said the same thing me.
422
:and I say it as well 'cause you
just feel this guilt, don't you?
423
:but it's, it's what you're told.
424
:You're told that you deserve
to have that you're told.
425
:By the mums.
426
:You see, every day at school,
you're told by your friends.
427
:You're told by the adverts,
you know it's downtime.
428
:At the end of the day, what they don't
tell you is then feel very guilty
429
:about it and that you'll kind of
wish the next day that you'd read the
430
:extra story or that you'd done a bit
of a longer bath time or anything.
431
:But when you're in that
moment, it's very hard.
432
:It's like, I remember it being
really difficult, and I also
433
:know that there were times that.
434
:I should have sat and done something
extra with the kids and I didn't.
435
:so many of us feel like that.
436
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.
437
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:
So sorry about this throat.
438
:I.
439
:Honestly, recording a podcast with
no voice isn't the easiest , so
440
:what's been, what was the biggest
challenge for you would be the first
441
:question, and then what has been your
greatest joy since you've been sober?
442
:It would be really great just to
hear a couple of those things because
443
:it's good to set expectations for
people who are considering it.
444
:And it's also really nice to hear the
amazing joy that you get from it from,
445
:and I know there'll be something 'cause
we all absolutely love being sober.
446
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.
447
:I think the biggest challenge, like
I say, was what I was just talking
448
:about with my husband, the actual not.
449
:Drinking wasn't that hard an
issue, to be honest, because I
450
:immersed myself in podcasts and,
quickly that sort of kept me going.
451
:And I still listen to podcasts now.
452
:I think there were a couple of things.
453
:So when I got to about probably month
three, month four, I struggled a little
454
:bit 'cause I've got that clarity that
I've heard so many people talk about.
455
:I thinking, when am I
gonna get this clarity?
456
:What are the people meaning?
457
:And then all of a sudden I did, and
it was related to the job that I was
458
:in, and I realized that actually that
job was affecting my mental health.
459
:I didn't actually really enjoy it.
460
:I'd just been so focused on moving
up within the company, getting
461
:more responsibility, getting a
higher salary that I never actually
462
:stopped to think if I liked it.
463
:I realized that I didn't, and it wasn't
really aligned with who I wanted to be.
464
:that was quite tough to deal with
that my mental health plummeted
465
:a little bit at that point.
466
:I needed to take time off work.
467
:thankfully during that time I never once
actually thought about having a drink,
468
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.
469
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
which was good, but it was, I
470
:had to learn how to navigate.
471
:To handle those feelings without alcohol.
472
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Yeah.
473
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: but
that ended up being a really, important
474
:time for me because I learned what helps
keep my mental health at an even ke.
475
:I learned that exercise helps, but getting
out with the dog helps, meditating.
476
:So I really focused on a little bit.
477
:Personal development, to
be able to manage that.
478
:and then I had a few decisions
to make regarding that job.
479
:I did actually end up leaving last year.
480
:I started a new job, in June last
year, which is a lot more stress
481
:free than the job that I was in.
482
:And, yeah.
483
:Changed my life, really.
484
:turned it around in terms of
managing my mental health.
485
:which also the things that I've
learned, like I said, the exercise,
486
:things like that, moving body, getting
out has massively helped as well.
487
:but it was quite difficult to deal with
because I think when you remove alcohol,
488
:you really learn how, who you are.
489
:What is important to you.
490
:And I, I didn't know that
when I was drinking it.
491
:It was never something
I ever thought about.
492
:And then when you learn that and if things
that you're doing in your life don't quite
493
:align to that, it can be quite difficult.
494
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Mm-hmm.
495
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
was a bit of a grieving process in.
496
:I did realize that quite a lot of
the people that I used to spend time
497
:with were just drinking buddies, and
I stepped away from them a little bit
498
:and they probably stepped away from
me as well because they weren't as
499
:interested because I wasn't drinking.
500
:So that was quite hard to deal with.
501
:But I've made new co connections
with Silver Butterfly Collective,
502
:which is, has been amazing.
503
:And then I think the biggest
joy I've got is, like I said,
504
:learning about myself as a person.
505
:And I actually like myself
now, and I didn't even realize
506
:it, but I didn't before I,
507
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Oh, I love that.
508
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: I.
509
:love who I am as a person, and I know
that I'm being authentic all the time.
510
:And I'm not saying things that I regret
or that aren't me just because I've had
511
:a drink and, or I think I'm being funny
and actually I'm just acting like a dick.
512
:but yeah, I really like who
I'm, I like who I'm as a parent,
513
:I like who I am as a friend.
514
:I like who I'm as a wife
and I'm not, isn't is it?
515
:Yeah, I like myself and I didn't
know it, but I didn't for quite a
516
:few years before I stopped drinking.
517
:I didn't like myself at all,
518
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Yeah.
519
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
and that was quite hard
520
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: I
think that that's true of so many
521
:people that stopped drinking.
522
:And interestingly, the very first
podcast that I was ever on with
523
:Lucy Rocker and she asked me that
question, and she said it's like
524
:someone takes away the cloak of shame.
525
:And, all of a sudden, there's
someone there that is authentic
526
:and is a good friend and is kind.
527
:And I think when we really look back,
that person was there all along.
528
:We were so busy beating yourself
up for drinking and for not the
529
:perfect mom and all of those things
530
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.
531
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: feed into that
you sort of lose sight of it a little bit.
532
:So it's great that you've.
533
:Found who you are and
that you like who you are.
534
:It's a great place to be, isn't
535
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.
536
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: I'm
really interested in the sober,
537
:sober butterfly collection.
538
:if it's something that you think
could support people, then as
539
:you say that there's a website
540
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
so they have a website, that
541
:you can sign up to on there.
542
:And then you get put, they have loads
of WhatsApp groups, so they've got,
543
:WhatsApp groups on various different
things, like different interests
544
:like, walking, cold water, dipping,
all sorts of different things.
545
:But then they have regional
WhatsApp group, so I'm.
546
:The Lancaster region.
547
:So that's where I'm from.
548
:And they, every month, every second
Saturday of every month, they have
549
:what's called a curious coffee catch up.
550
:So you can all meet up within
your local groups, for a coffee.
551
:but also within those groups,
people set up different events.
552
:So I went on a UR retreat a couple
of weeks ago, so we went camping in.
553
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Oh, amazing.
554
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
kayaking, paddleboarding,
555
:walking, out for lunch.
556
:Just, it was lovely, absolutely amazing.
557
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:
I'm so joining this.
558
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: it's
brilliant and even if, you know, like
559
:I joined, I think it was in the march.
560
:It wasn't until we due live that I
plucked up the courage to go on one
561
:of these coffee catch ups, but it was
just nice being in the WhatsApp group.
562
:And if someone has a slip, they can
post in there and everyone just.
563
:Of light butterflies, they all
flutter around them and support them.
564
:I've shared when I was, you know,
my relationship with my husband
565
:was, struggling, I shared in there
about that it's just everyone's so
566
:supportive when people are going
on to a wedding or something.
567
:It's the first wedding when they're
sober and they're worried about that,
568
:you know, everyone's giving tips.
569
:It's really, really great.
570
:And like I said, I've
made friends for life.
571
:I don't know where I'd be now.
572
:I don't even know if I'd still be sober
if it weren't for them, because I think
573
:if you don't make that connection, it
can be really, really difficult because
574
:you do feel a bit like you can't go out
and do things because you friends are
575
:still doing the same and the drinking.
576
:I'm doing loads of things now that
I've never done before, like hot water,
577
:dipping, kayaking, things like that.
578
:And
579
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: Oh God,
580
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: it's,
581
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326: The cold
water one, I haven't quite, I've
582
:been into one outdoor pond once, and
I think that terrified me enough,
583
:but I do hear it's very good for
584
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: yeah.
585
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:
no, I'm definitely gonna look
586
:that up and join actually.
587
:So I'm in the, I'm in Surrey,
so I'm just outside London.
588
:I've also got some lovely connections
that I made through so baristas and
589
:this weekend just gone, we've just
been away for a weekend in a farmhouse.
590
:there's 10 of us and we went for
three nights, and we do it every year.
591
:We've done it for three
years in a row now.
592
:And you can't beat it, can you like
just being with like-minded people who,
593
:you know, support you within an inch
of your life and whatever you need.
594
:And people have different
requirements with this.
595
:You know, there's different
levels, different concerns.
596
:Things that, you know, some people find
easy and others just really struggle with.
597
:So it's nice to have a big.
598
:A collection of people or butterflies
as you've got, to help you.
599
:So lovely.
600
:. Thank you for sharing that.
601
:'cause I bet it will help loads of people.
602
:, So I'm gonna say goodbye 'cause we've
got to the end of our podcast, but thank
603
:you so much for sharing your story.
604
:Really brave.
605
:And, and every time anyone comes on,
I'm just so grateful because I know
606
:that, that it will help somebody.
607
:and I was that person who needed to
hear things like this at some point.
608
:and I'm just delighted to be where I am.
609
:so thank you . I tell your husband,
well done and let us know how
610
:many days he's on, won't you
611
:to keep updating us.
612
:We'll keep him accountable.
613
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327: Yeah.
614
:vic-_1_05-27-2025_190326:
Alright, well thank you so much
615
:Becky, for sharing your story.
616
:becky-ellison_1_05-27-2025_190327:
Thank you.
617
:Brilliant.
618
:Bye.
619
:Bye.
620
:Thank you for listening.
621
:To Sabre alcohol-free stories.
622
:If this episode helped you,
Please like share and follow.
623
:Or leave a review on pod chaser.
624
:Dot com.
625
:And if you've got a story to
tell, please contact me on Sabre.
626
:A F stories@outlook.com.
627
:And don't forget.
628
:You can make your catch phrase.
629
:I don't drink.