Episode 9
Vic and Katie - Sober, alcohol Free Stories and feeling real!
Hi everybody and welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories. I'm Victoria and I don't drink. Today I'll talk to Katie. Katie's drinking was complicated as it attached itself to eating disorders, creating a very complex path for her to navigate. In today's episode it's hard not to feel emotional as Katie takes us on her journey from some very dangerous drinking to artistic talent she never knew she had and finally being able to feel real.
Transcript
Hi everybody and welcome to
Sober Alcohol Free Stories.
2
:I'm Victoria and I don't drink.
3
:Today I'll talk to Katie.
4
:Katie's drinking was complicated
as it attached itself to eating
5
:disorders, creating a very
complex path for her to navigate.
6
:Bye!
7
:In today's episode it's hard not to
feel emotional as Katie takes us on her
8
:journey from some very dangerous drinking
to artistic talent she never knew she
9
:had and finally being able to feel real.
10
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Hi, Katie.
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:How are you today?
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
I am good.
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:Yeah, I'm pretty good today.
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Excellent.
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:Well, thank you so much for joining me.
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:You and me have been trying to get
together for this podcast for quite
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:some time and what between my life
and then stuff your life as well.
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:It's taken us quite a while.
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:So I'm really happy that you're
here today and that we get to chat.
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Yeah, me too, it's good to be here.
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Yeah, and also because we've
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:known each other for quite a long
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306: Yes.
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307: we
met on Sabre Easters as well, and actually
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:I remember listening to you on a podcast
when I was very new to being sober Lucy
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:Rocker's podcast, Sabre Easters, And then
I realized I was in the same team as you.
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:And I thought, oh my gosh, I'm like on,
I'm on the same team as like a superstar
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Oh, no way!
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
I thought it was amazing.
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:So anyway, now it's really lovely that
it's gone full circle and here you are
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:on my podcast, being a superstar again.
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:So
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Oh, you're welcome.
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:Yeah, it feels like a real privilege.
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:It's good to be here.
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:I've loved your other podcast
episodes, so yeah, it feels
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:like a real honour to be here.
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Oh, brilliant.
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:Well, it's lovely to have you.
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:I think that it's really important to get
all sorts of different stories out there.
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:And I know that you have really
interesting story to tell.
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:So I'm going to hand over to you, Katie,
and just ask you about your journey to.
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:sober living and the ups and downs and
twists and turns that you've gone through.
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:if we can start with you as a drinker
at the beginning, like when did this
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:start to be something that you were
thinking about and what was that like?
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Yeah, so, I suppose I kind of segregate
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:some of my drinking, especially my early
drinking years into problematic drinking,
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:dangerous drinking, and Regular drinking.
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:I would have called it non
dangerous drinking at the time,
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:I had anorexia really severely
in my teens and early twenties.
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:I was in hospitals for several years,
and really I started Drinking socially
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:a little bit as an older teenager when
people, of my age did, but not really
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:as excessive as most of my peers My,
dangerous drinking really started at
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:that age as well, where, I would quite
often drink in order to be able to eat.
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:and I soon learned that I could
keep myself really out of needing
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:to go back into hospital if I could
drink in order to be able to eat.
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:So, I used to drink to kind of numb
myself enough to be able to eat.
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:I didn't realise I was
doing that at the time.
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:To me, it was about making myself, being
able to be hungry enough to eat enough.
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:And it was all a mess really.
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:I was only really just being able
to keep myself out of hospital,
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:out of eating disorder unit.
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:So I was really struggling with
eating disorders and I brought
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:alcohol into the mix as well,
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307: hmm.
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
And at the same time, I also had this
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:other part of my life when I was well
enough to socialise with friends, I would
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:also, drink whilst I was socialising,
but always in a very controlled way,
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:People have always known me as
somebody that either doesn't drink
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:at all or drinks very little and
that's been a constant really
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:throughout, most of my drinking life.
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:most of my drinking has been in
secret and, has constantly been
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:mixed up with eating disorders.
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:So, um, after my early twenties,
I've always I've just continued to
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:have episodes of anorexia and bulimia
throughout my life, but I've managed
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:to stay well enough to keep myself out
of hospital since those early years.
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:I am going to have to
just let my cat out now,
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
That's alright.
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:I heard her asking.
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
So, I've managed to keep myself
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:out of hospital since my early
20s, I'm in my early 50s now.
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:But I've always had these episodes of
eating disorder throughout my adult life.
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:And I've continued to use alcohol.
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:to manage it.
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:And then as the years went by, not
only would I use alcohol to manage
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:the difficult times, but I would just
use alcohol on a day-to-day basis.
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:just got into like a routine really of
using it for day to day kind of ups and
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:downs around eating and body dysmorphia.
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307: hmm.
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
and I think that pattern just
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:gradually got worse over the years.
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:So,
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307: Mm
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
there were times when, I would drink
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:more socially as well, but I was never
seen as somebody, like nobody knew
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:me as a big drinker, but, in secret
and within my relationship that that
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:lasted for most of my adult life.
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:that drinking just really accelerated.
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:and.
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:You know, it kind of accelerated
from, , kind of drinking each evening
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:to be able to eat my, my dinner
to then drinking during the day
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:sometimes if I wasn't out at work.
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:And, and I would also bring in.
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:Some of those other patterns that I know
a lot of, other, other people, who drink,
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:problematically, dangerously, thinking,
so, you know, there would also be those
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:patterns of, , drinking to manage good
times and drinking to manage bad times.
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:difficult times, drinking to manage
celebrations, drinking to manage grief, so
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:I had kind of some of those more regular
patterns of finding all the excuses for
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:drinking, but underlying was this real
kind of pattern that went along side,
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:side eating disorder patterns as well.
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:Um, and probably it was.
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:About 15 years ago now was when I started,
um, Googling am I an alcoholic, which
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Mm hmm.
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
tends to be one of those
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:telltale signs, doesn't it?
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:, I had actually a friend of mine who
had, had a similar pattern through
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:anorexia to myself, like we met in the
disorder hospital when we were teenagers.
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:She also developed dangerous drinking
as well to manage her eating disorder.
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:We never actually talked about it
together until many years later.
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:her alcohol misuse, her dangerous
drinking was very, very public.
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:It was very kind of opposite to mine.
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:She excelled very quickly into
very public, very, very dangerous
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:public episodes of heavy drinking.
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:And lots of bad things happened.
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:, she had like major head injuries.
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:She had car accident, she was,
she got sacked from her job as a
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:teacher, like, lots of public stuff
happened, and she was kind of,
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307: Mm
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
awful when I look back at it now, but
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:she was almost my, my kind of control
mechanism for, kept thinking, gosh,
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:And not as bad as that, but actually
at the same time was this pattern that
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:was really just the same as, as B.
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:It was just, I was a few
years behind her all the time.
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:and that was quite scary.
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:And I think when I started
Googling, am I an alcoholic?
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:It was when B's Drinking had got
really, really dangerous and I, and I'd
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:started to realise how much mine was
just a few years behind hers as well.
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:Um, and actually, I first
connected with Soberist is when
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:Lucy Rocker first set it up.
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:, it was like literally just a website
that she'd set up and people just
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:kind of came along and joined in.
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:I never blogged on there.
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:I never connected in any way, but I did
sign up to kind of be part of it, and
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:then I soon left after that as well.
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:So I had these kind of few years where.
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:Um I realised I needed to stop drinking.
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:There were more and more things
in my life that were happening
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:that, were frightening me.
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:I was having more blackout times.
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:I was sometimes mixing,
um, drink with medication.
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:And I was realised I was doing
that intentionally to kind of
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:enhance the effects of alcohol.
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:At the time I didn't really realise.
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:I didn't put that into words, but when I
look back now, I was doing that, and other
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:things that, you know, when you do go on,
those are my own alcoholic questionnaires,
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:some of those other, markers that
come up, like, are other people around
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:you concerned about your drinking?
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:Well, the only person that knew,
and she only knew a bit about my
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:drinking, was my partner at the time.
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:But yes, she was more and more concerned
about how I was drinking as well, and
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:I was hiding more and more from her.
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:and there were quite a few years
when, at the beginning of every year,
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:like one of my, I've always been
into kind of planners, I'm a real
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:planner geek, I would always set,
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:Goals of what I wanted to achieve for
the year, and I would have goals of
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:what I wanted to achieve for the month,
and every single month for years,
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:it would be like, I want to cut down
drinking, and then it would be like,
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:I want to just drink once a week.
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:And it was like I tried to
set my moderating through
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:this kind of system of goals.
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:And then for a couple of years, and
it breaks my heart a little bit when
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:I look back now, but I actually had for
two or three years, I want to feel real.
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:And I just, I'd even
stopped even trying to.
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:It was only me that was reading my
planner, but beyond trying now because I
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:tried for so many years to not drink or
to stop drinking or to cut down that I
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:didn't even mention drinking in my goals.
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:It was just like, I
just want to feel real.
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:My drinking really started
becoming much more of a problem
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:than my eating disorders were.
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:I never got to the point where, things
like work and friendships were being
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:compromised, but I was almost nearly at
that point where I was starting to, make
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:excuses for not doing things because
it was easier just to drink at home.
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:with hindsight now my relationship with my
partner at the time was really suffering.
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:at the time, I was just so
ingrained in these patterns
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:that I just couldn't see it.
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Yeah.
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
then, just quite suddenly, about
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:eight years ago now, I got physically
poorly with something else.
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:I was very, very unwell.
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:For two years I wasn't well
enough to drink and so I
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:stopped drinking completely.
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:then unfortunately with that illness
I'd lost a huge amount of weight
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:again, so I actually then went back
to drinking even though I was quite
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:pleased that I'd stopped drinking
even though it was through illness.
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Mm-hmm.
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
again because I had lost such a
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:huge amount of weight the only way I
knew to, to start to put that weight
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:back on again was to drink again.
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:And although I had that two years
of not drinking, I wasn't really
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:well enough to do any of the work
that comes with building sobriety.
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Mm-hmm.
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
You know, working hard at creating this
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:life that doesn't involve drinking.
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:I just took the drink away because
I wasn't well enough to drink.
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:And what I know now is that it
was very easy for me to go back to
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:drinking because I hadn't done any
of that work to build a sober life.
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:I hadn't been really aware about any
of the work that I needed to do I
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:was still very much going on this kind
of myth of willpower, that willpower
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:alone could do it, and that, you know,
that kind of shame cycle of not being
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:able to stop drinking because I just
couldn't try enough, was really kind of
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:fueling my drinking as well, I think.
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:So I started drinking again, But with an
awareness of what it was like not to drink
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:as well, and it really at that point I did
go back to some really dangerous drinking
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:times, but I continue to have blocks of
time without drinking and those blocks
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:of time when I was drinking Were probably
some of the most dangerous times I've
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:had and I was blacking out every time.
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:It was almost like Yeah, I
was so, I was so almost done
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:with drinking by then really.
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:It was just like I'm just gonna go
from 0 to 100 as quickly as possible
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:just to get it out of the way.
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:By then my, relationship
had broken up as well.
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:there was numerous reasons for that, but
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:my drinking, my eating disorders
were at the core of that.
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:I know now.
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:and then, so as, as the time went, as the
time went on with these episodes of more
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:heavy drinking, I also had in my episodes
of not drinking, I also had Just more of
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:awareness of, of the kind of things that
I was gonna need to do if I, if I was
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:gonna get serious , about being sober.
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:And then about four and a half years
ago, just under four and a half years
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:ago, I joined sober baristas again.
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:I did look at joining aa.
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:I never went to an AA meeting.
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:I just couldn't for, for
me, there was too much.
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:I'm quite an anarchist,
I'm quite a rebel at heart.
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:There was too much rigidity, really.
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:There were too, seemed
to be too many rules.
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:I never tried it out, but it was
a barrier to me, and I thought,
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:Lucy's first book had come out
around that time, and I read it.
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:And through that I joined
Sober Researchers again.
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:And at that point was really the
time when I started getting really
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:serious about building a sober life.
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:I read Lucy's book.
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:I joined Soberistas.
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:I think it took me a couple
of months to get going.
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:I think I listened, it was when
Lucy's podcast first came out as well.
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:It was on one of those first podcast
episodes that, one of the iconic long term
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:Easter's who mentioned the 100 day thread.
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:it was absolutely the 100 that got me.
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:that got me where I am today for
sure, it was just such an amazing tool
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:and it took me a couple of months to
kind of really take that seriously
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:about, not drinking for 100 days.
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:I didn't drink for 8 months.
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:But quite soon into that first stretch
of intentional sobriety I call it,
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:intentionally building my sober life I
became quite depressed and although I've
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:had these episodes of eating disorder
all the way through my life I've never
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:been somebody that's really had clinical
depression, but I became incredibly
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:depressed when I first stopped drinking I
decided to get some, um, therapy and I had
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:a year of therapy I kind of gifted myself,
I used my wine money to buy my therapy,
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:which was an excellent exchange to make,
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
a very
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
yeah, and then yes, yes, I, there
262
:were various things that happened,
it wasn't anything, massive that
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:happened in my life, my depression
was lifting, I started drinking again
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:after eight months, and it took me a
while again then to stop drinking,.
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:I know that since that time,
I've had these really long
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:stretches of sobriety, so.
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:I've, I've had over a year at one point,
and I've had kind of, these kind of,
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:six, eight months of sobriety at a time.
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:And then there have been times
where I have drunk for a few
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:days in between those times.
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:And the times when I've drunk , there
was one time, when my, my dog died
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:here I was really, really close to,
that was one of the occasions I drank,
273
:but really the other times have been
nothing out the ordinary, there have
274
:been just an accumulation of everyday
stuff that has happened and, And I've
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:drunk again, and it's nearly always
been, again, linked to eating disorder,
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:patterns, and that I've been as a
reaction to these everyday stuff.
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:And I think for me, that has been
really the story of my drinking, that
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:it's, it's never been big life changing
stuff that's happened that's, that's
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:led me to drinking more dangerously.
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:Just managing life day to day with
eating disorder and then I did with
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:drinking as well and that has been my,
you know, my main triggers have been
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:those kind of everyday things really.
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:, I obviously wish I'd had, you
know, continuous sober time since,
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:in that just over four years now.
285
:I love that.
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:I've learnt so much in that time and
I have developed so much in that time
287
:that I, I think mainly because apart
from that few weeks, after the first
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:eight months, I've, I've been able to
really pick things up very quickly again.
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:I've been able to get
back to no drinking again.
290
:it hasn't been easy at all and
I certainly don't recommend it.
291
:but for me that has been,
that has been my story.
292
:yeah, I can't go back and change it now,
but I have done so much work on my what we
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:now call emotional sobriety in that time.
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
yeah,
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
a few days ago I got to, another six
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:months of consecutive alcohol free days.
297
:And, um, it was really useful to look
back at the time before when I got to six
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:months and the time before that when I got
to six months in these last four years.
299
:Those markers have been such a
useful thing to really see how
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:much I've developed emotionally and
spiritually, I think, in that time.
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:I'm not somebody that's got a formal
religion or anything, but I'm quite a
302
:spiritual person and I think, all of
those times of writing in my planner and
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:my visioning books, about wanting to
feel real, like for me, that Spiritual
304
:journey has been about being able
to feel real, really, and to really
305
:understand what that realness is about.
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:Laura McOwen she says that, sobriety
isn't just about not drinking,
307
:it's about building a life that
you don't need to escape from.
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:And that's certainly been a
really big part of my journey.
309
:I think as well, like one really,
massively important thing that I
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:was able to really get that kind of
what we call traction in sobriety.
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:So I kind of really get to be seriously
building some sober time when I understood
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:some of the biology behind alcohol
addiction and you know what alcohol
313
:does is a poison to our bodies and the
reasons why It's really hard to stop
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:drinking and all the different systems
in our body that the alcohol impacts on.
315
:Once I could really understand
that biology, that pathophysiology
316
:around alcohol, I was able to then
kind of find tools that really
317
:helped because I was able to think,
I've got this craving going on.
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:Because this is happening
in my body at this time.
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:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
yeah,
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:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306: And
I've got this feeling is because actually
321
:this is my body in acute withdrawal.
322
:Or I've got this unsettled feeling several
months after not drinking because this is
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:post acute alcohol withdrawal syndrome.
324
:and really understanding a lot of that.
325
:Science has been so, so useful.
326
:again it's been a really big part of
my really building that sabre life.
327
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
yeah, wow, there's a lot
328
:in there, isn't there?
329
:There's so much in there in your story.
330
:I think it's really, I think
it's interesting the connection
331
:the anorexia and the alcoholism.
332
:That's a thing, isn't it?
333
:That's not a you
334
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306: No,
335
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307: is a
336
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
it is a thing.
337
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307: So
there may be people listening to that.
338
:thinking, right, okay, it's not just me.
339
:So I'm so grateful that you've
shared it because it's not an
340
:easy thing for you to talk about.
341
:And I can tell, it's so brave
of you actually talk about that
342
:because it is a thing and I don't
profess to know very much about it.
343
:can only imagine that there is
something that you have to do every
344
:day that you find extremely difficult
and that you're using something else
345
:to make that easier for yourself.
346
:And to be told to give up the thing
that's making it easier, just a
347
:whole nother layer of difficulty
and pain that you've had to face.
348
:So for me, just such a massive,
massive well done for going
349
:and sticking at it because are.
350
:wonderful that.
351
:And it's so admirable.
352
:Honestly, Katie, just it blows my
mind a bit what you've had to do.
353
:And everyone struggles with this
and everyone has a hard journey.
354
:But I think this is much harder
what you're talking about, because
355
:there's a whole nother layer.
356
:So I just wanted to acknowledge it really.
357
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306: you.
358
:Thank you.
359
:I think the thing is with any kind of
eating disorder as well and It's that we
360
:have to eat, normally several times a day.
361
:And,
362
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
yeah,
363
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
you know, , most other
364
:addictions we can decide just to.
365
:It's hard, but we can
take out of our lives.
366
:And I do see, certainly, my
experience of eating disorders
367
:are very similar to addiction.
368
:Like, there's so much of
the similar patterns there.
369
:I see it's certainly how it's helped me
to, to manage my eating disorders so much
370
:better, without alcohol in the picture, by
seeing them as another addiction as well.
371
:but an addiction that
has to stay in your life.
372
:You know, the thing that is
the tool in the addiction, has
373
:to stay there to some extent.
374
:So, but also, and actually I never
believed This would happen, but it
375
:has, and is that, and I think it's come
along with the kind of growing emotional
376
:sprays is that my day to day management
of kind of low level eating disorders.
377
:So my eating disorders, I tend to have
this pattern that it's kind of there in
378
:the background most of the time, then
379
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307: Mm
380
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
few years I will have a year or so
381
:when things are much worse and I might
need some intervention , but it will
382
:normally involve quite a big weight loss,
383
:but actually the day to day eating
disorder patterns have got easier in the
384
:last couple of years, like easier than
they've been throughout my entire life and
385
:that's, that's really because I've done
the work on, on building my sober life so,
386
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Yeah,
387
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
and that's been something that I,
388
:it's only really in retrospect that
I can look back and see that and,
389
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
yeah,
390
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Which is an amazing thing.
391
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
interesting when you talk about your two,
392
:your two years, can completely see why.
393
:It was easy to return to drinking after
that because you didn't stop because
394
:it was the right thing to do and you
395
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Yeah.
396
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
it, and it was about you and your
397
:emotional health and all of those things.
398
:You did it 'cause you
kind of had to at that
399
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Yeah.
400
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
so you're not bought in, are you?
401
:so that you've then gone back and now
you are bought in and you're doing
402
:it for all those reasons and you've
worked on all those parts of you is
403
:brilliant because it will keep you safe.
404
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Yeah.
405
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307: if
you have episodes, which we don't know,
406
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306: No.
407
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307: our
408
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306: No.
409
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
will hold, we can have the best
410
:intentions, but your fundamental core
being wants to be somebody who doesn't
411
:drink for all the right reasons.
412
:I also know that you've
done lots of stuff.
413
:really positive.
414
:and creative in your life.
415
:You focused your energies on some
really great things, for example,
416
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306: Yes.
417
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307: Um,
418
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Yeah.
419
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
it would be really lovely to hear
420
:a little bit about that and how,
how, how you've achieved that and
421
:whether you think would that have been
possible if you hadn't found yourself
422
:as bright and sober as you are now.
423
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Yeah, when I had the other illness that
424
:I had a few years ago, it now looks like
something like ME or long COVID, so it's
425
:like a post acute infection syndrome,
if you like, so it's left me, I've had
426
:a gradual pattern of improvement, but
it's left me with quite significant
427
:disabilities, so I've never been able
to return to, the work that I was doing,
428
:before I got sick a few years ago, and
because of that I've needed to create,
429
:a new life where, I can work part time
430
:so, I've, basically created a
new way of working for myself
431
:that's about being a freelancer.
432
:And I do a mix of creative and
community activism work and projects.
433
:and it hasn't been easy in that I've had
to sell myself quite a lot for people
434
:to take me seriously about things.
435
:And, , I'm a middle aged woman basically
embarking on a new career that I can
436
:only do on a part time and unpredictable
basis because of my ongoing health stuff.
437
:So, I've needed to create this
new life for myself that's got
438
:quite a few twists and turns
439
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
mmhmm.
440
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
think that, doing this work on my sober
441
:life, it's just given me a lot more
trust in myself to be able to do that.
442
:So I now know that, even in the few days
at a time when I have drunk, I trust
443
:myself as somebody that chooses not to
drink for the vast majority of the time.
444
:I trust myself that however I'm
feeling physically, in terms of
445
:my health, it's not going to be
impacted by am I going to drink,
446
:have I drunk, will I drink tomorrow.
447
:It's not going to be
impacted by alcohol at all.
448
:And I think the building of
that life , enables me to do
449
:things like develop creativity.
450
:I, I'm not somebody that's ever done
artwork professionally in the past.
451
:I do now and And the same with kind of
my community activism work, it's been
452
:something that I've been on the edges
on and off throughout my life, but it's
453
:never been something that I could take
seriously as as a page, page work of
454
:any kind, as a, it's what I would see
as proper work, but I think Not having
455
:addiction in my life now, not having
alcohol in my body, and in my thoughts,
456
:and in my psyche, and my spirit has just
meant that I've now got that space, and
457
:not just the head space to think about
other things, but it, it gives you that,
458
:it is something about that space to be
real, and to feel real, and to just kind
459
:of acknowledge that there are these other
things, that we can do in our life as
460
:well that I've been able to do partially
because I've not been able to do the
461
:old work that I used to do but a massive
amount because I no longer drink and I, I
462
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Mmhmm.
463
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
have this capacity to be creative, to
464
:find creative ways of living my life, of
adjusting things so that they can fit in
465
:and amongst my, fluctuating, sometimes
unpredictable physical health as well.
466
:And even with my alcohol addiction,
with my dangerous drinking and my
467
:eating disorders, I'm, I've always
been a fairly positive person.
468
:and somebody who has.
469
:Sort out solutions and sort out ways of
being if things haven't worked, which I
470
:think is one of the reasons why I found,
you know, alcohol addiction so difficult
471
:because It wasn't, adapting to my normal
ways of finding solutions to things
472
:because of all of the physical impacts
that it has on our bodies and our minds.
473
:But, it's not having to take that
on board now has given me this
474
:space and this different level
of optimism, I think, for me,
475
:Being able to say that not only do I not
drink, but I choose not to drink because
476
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Yeah.
477
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
would I drink is incredibly empowering
478
:and choosing not to drink just gives
me so much more space to be able to
479
:navigate this You know life which can be
really hard, but is also really exciting
480
:and it was personally Impossible to
feel that excitement around creativity,
481
:around creating new ways of being with
something like alcohol that is just
482
:so, so exhausting and draining and it's
heavy, it's really heavy and numbing.
483
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
it numbs out the bad stuff certainly,
484
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Absolutely.
485
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
all the other stuff.
486
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Absolutely.
487
:And you can't feel that
genuine excitement, you can't
488
:feel that genuine realness.
489
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Yeah.
490
:Fascinating.
491
:You've got to such a great place
and I have seen some of your artwork
492
:and it is absolutely beautiful.
493
:You've done such an amazing job.
494
:And I think it's really important
for people to understand how
495
:empowered has made you feel.
496
:given some very difficult circumstances
and you and yet you have made that
497
:choice very clearly yourself to do
it and you really like I'm so scared
498
:to use the word proud because I don't
want it to sound patronizing but I'm
499
:so Unimaginably proud of what you've
done because I know how hard it's been.
500
:And, and I know that our team are
going to be listening to this.
501
:Aren't they?
502
:Come on, let's face it.
503
:Hi girls.
504
:Um, and, um, and I know that
every one of them will be sitting
505
:there probably will bit like me.
506
:Got a little bit of a tear in
my eye talking to you because
507
:I know what the story has been.
508
:I've seen what you've been through
and just how strong you've been.
509
:I suppose having your story today
for me was really important.
510
:A, for everybody to hear it,
but, but B, for you to tell it.
511
:and yeah, thank you.
512
:It's, it's been a bit of
a powerful episode for me.
513
:You've made me a bit emosh.
514
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Oh, bless you.
515
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
gonna try not to get too emosh
516
:on here, but I do feel it
517
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
Thank you,
518
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
very special.
519
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
And it doesn't sound patronizing
520
:at all, so thank you.
521
:it's really good to hear that.
522
:So thank you.
523
:And you know what I, I know, you know,
so many of us involved with sober
524
:baristas, you know, we can't help but
talk about what an amazing place it is.
525
:Soberistas as a family, you know,
as an organization and as an
526
:amazing tool for so many of us
527
:and that diversity really empowers
other people as well, I think so.
528
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
And for anyone listening,
529
:we're talking about Soberistas.
530
:it's an online community.
531
:You can be anonymous,
you can have a site name.
532
:The hundred day thread that Katie
talked about is a hundred day
533
:challenge that you can join whilst.
534
:being part of Sober Easters.
535
:And with that, you will be
allocated into a team of people
536
:who will be your cheerleaders.
537
:And, and certainly for us,
they've been our cheerleaders,
538
:mine for three years, yours for
longer, four and a half probably.
539
:it's just a brilliant tool for connection.
540
:And it always deserves a
shout out because it's just
541
:such a wonderful resource.
542
:And if somebody's looking for somewhere to
get some support, Definitely signpost you
543
:straight to Lucy Rocker and say baristas.
544
:And if you get into the hope and glory
team, then you'll be in our team too.
545
:So we'd be very welcoming of you.
546
:I think we'll probably leave it there.
547
:I think it's been.
548
:Unbelievable talking to you.
549
:you've, kind of blown
me away a little bit.
550
:I know the story, so it shouldn't
have blown me away as much as it
551
:has, but just hearing it, in that
sort of from start to finish,
552
:and I hope if there's anyone listening
who feels like you felt that they
553
:find some hope in your story.
554
:And that they can reach
out and get some help.
555
:squadcaster-2861_1_02-17-2025_175306:
And it's just, honestly, Vic, it's
556
:just been, yeah, thank you so much for
asking me to tell my story as well.
557
:I realise sometimes while I'm telling
it, it can come out a little bit muddled,
558
:so, hopefully it's made some kind of
sense anyway, it's not easy to tell
559
:it, but I think, from knowing you on
the team that, you offer a really safe,
560
:supportive space for those stories
to be told as well, and your podcast
561
:episodes just demonstrate that so well.
562
:squadcaster-fi05_1_02-17-2025_175307:
Yeah.
563
:Well, thank you.
564
:That's nice to hear.
565
:Right.
566
:Well, I'm going to say
goodbye and thank you so much.
567
:Thank you for listening.
568
:To Sabre alcohol-free stories.
569
:If this episode helped you,
Please like share and follow.
570
:Or leave a review on pod chaser.
571
:Dot com.
572
:And if you've got a story to
tell, please contact me on Sabre.
573
:A F stories@outlook.com.
574
:And don't forget.
575
:You can make your catch phrase.
576
:I don't drink.
