Episode 10

Vic and Dupe - Sober, alcohol free stories and the truth that set her free!

Published on: 7th March, 2025

  Hi everyone and welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories. I'm Victoria and I don't drink. Today I'll talk to Dupe. Dupe from the outside appeared to be winning at life, the family, the house, the job health, but she felt that something was missing. It just wasn't quite right. After deciding to try a 21 day alcohol free challenge, Dupe realized that alcohol had been holding her back, and by letting that go, her truth would set her free.

Transcript
Speaker:

Hi everyone and welcome to

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

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I'm Victoria and I don't drink today.

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I'll talk to Dpe.

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Dpe from the outside appeared to

be winning at life, the family,

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the house, the job health, but she

felt that something was missing.

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It just wasn't quite right.

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After deciding to try a 21 day

alcohol free challenge, Dupee

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realized that alcohol had been

holding her back, and by letting that

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go, her truth would set her free.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: .Hi

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Dpe.

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It's lovely to have you on.

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It's great to have you here.

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Thank you for making the time.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

Oh, well thank you Victoria.

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It's lovely to be here.

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Appreciate it.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: you.

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And you're in Mar at the

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: I'm

in, yeah, I'm in Mars at the moment.

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Yeah, that's a whole story.

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But yeah, I've been Marrakesh, well,

I say we're, we're in Marrakesh,

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but we're sort of in between.

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We go in between the UK and Marrakesh,

but uh, mainly based in Marrakesh.

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Yeah.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Amazing.

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Okay, well maybe we'll hear about that.

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I dunno if that forms

part of your story, but,

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: as, um, um, as

I always do with my guests, I just really

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wanna talk to you and find out about.

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you, uh, did, like how you

decided that you wanted to be

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somebody who wasn't drinking.

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Um, what that story may have led to.

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Um, so just really interested

to hear about your journey for

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want of a better words, um, how

you got to where you are today.

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Um, any tools we'll probably come

back to, um, towards the end, anything

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that you could share, top tips for

someone who's listening, but the hope

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is that someone will be out there

feeling perhaps like you did before

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you decided to stop drinking and

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: with what you

say and decides to be curious enough,

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curious enough to give it a bit of a go.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: let's see how

we get on, but I'm gonna hand over to you.

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Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

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Dup please.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

Yeah, of course.

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Well, thank you.

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As I said, it's lovely to be here.

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And so I'm dupee, I'm an alcohol free

wellbeing and transformational coach.

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And I also, um, do human design.

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And so if you'd asked me five years

ago, would I be not drinking and, um.

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Having written a book on not drinking,

had a pod, got a podcast about not

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drinking, started coaching people on it.

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Yeah, I, I probably would've

laughed and poured myself another

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drink just to make a point.

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, But five years ago, actually,

I was just looking at the date.

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I was actually on Kilimanjaro, , Mount

Kilimanjaro was climbing that for charity.

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And um, as you can imagine,

that was:

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So I managed to do that

before the world changed.

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And um, so yeah, so this time, five

years ago, I was on a mountain and I

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think that's where my story starts.

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So I would always have called

myself a normal drinker.

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I.

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, I probably started drinking

properly when I went to university.

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I, you know, you get there.

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I, I didn't really, I was quite a nerd

at school, wanted to get good grades

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and so didn't really dabble that much.

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Tried it 16, 17, but wasn't,

wouldn't say I was drinking

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anything,, it was every now and again

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Mm-hmm.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

or whatever.

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Um, but yeah, when I got to university,

I remember Fresher's week and that

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was really the introduction to.

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To drinking.

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It just felt like in order to

fit in, in order to join all the

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clubs and be the students, um,

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Mm-hmm.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: and

live the student life you had to drink.

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And so I think that's

where it really kicked off.

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And I remember again, it's

amazing how our brains are formed.

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And just the thi the beliefs we have.

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You know, it's so ingrained in

our society that actually to be

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an adult means you need to drink.

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And that's obviously not the

case, but that's what we are,

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that's what we brought up with.

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And then, , when I got to

university, I remember there were

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two people in my halls of residence.

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I.

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I was in a hall of probably about 180

people, and there were probably more

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than two, but I knew of two, and I

did know quite a few people there,

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but most people drank and these two

didn't, and they were ostracized.

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No one spoke to them.

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They had no friends, and they

sort of hung out together.

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And so again, my mind 18-year-old mind

was, well, if I don't drink, I'm not gonna

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have any friends, and so I need to fit in.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: yeah.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

all of it's culture and you know,

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and then I ended up working in

the city and it was very much a

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work hard, play hard mentality.

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I worked in quite a male dominated

environment for, uh, the beginning.

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And, um, it's better now, I suppose.

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Um, but again, as I went through my

career, as I sort of moved up the ladder

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again at senior leadership levels, it

was probably more male dominated than

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female and it was very project based.

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So I traveled the world,

I worked all over,

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Yeah, there was one year I did 13 countries in a year where I did

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pro a project, a program there.

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So I was in South Africa, I was

in Dubai, I was in Malaysia, in

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Russia, and uh, yeah, all over

the, all over Europe, the us.

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And so again, with the travel

business, travel with working.

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Doing very long hours.

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You know, our release

was let's have a drink.

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And, um, it just became part of it.

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And I also spoke at a

number of conferences.

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And so those conferences, they tend

to have, you know, wine after the

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conferences and, , you'd go out for

dinner with clients and all of that.

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And it just felt like.

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It was just part and

parcel of what we did.

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And you know, whoever you

surround yourself by with,

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that's who you tend to become.

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And so for me, that was just normal life.

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And then in my thirties, I became a mum.

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And then I think, you know, the

whole mummy wine culture thing.

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I,

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I, um, yeah, I think I struggled

more than I let on at the beginning.

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Um, and so again, I.

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It was a release, it was a

way of just feeling like, ha,

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this is my time, mummy time.

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You know, you can have a drink now,

now that our little one's in bed.

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, But as I said, I never

thought there was an issue.

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I never thought there was a problem.

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I enjoyed it.

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I didn't feel like, you know,

I felt like I could stop.

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If I didn't want to

drink, I wouldn't drink.

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There were days I wouldn't, and there

were days I would, and , I didn't feel

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like it was something that I needed to.

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To stop.

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But then towards a couple of years

before I stopped drinking, I . Started

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to just feel like I didn't enjoy it.

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Red wine was a huge aspect of what I, one

of the things I drank, I loved red wine.

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We lived in Spain for a year.

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I met my husband in Spain.

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We loved going to vineyards, we

loved going wine tasting and,

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and I felt like I was a bit of a

connoisseur when it came to red wine.

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And it was the very heavy,

bold red wines that I enjoyed.

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And I.

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It got to a point where I'd drink

a glass of that and I'd be like,

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this isn't going down well at all.

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It's not working.

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So I then, , decided.

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I didn't think, oh, let me stop.

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I stopped drinking.

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No, wouldn't do that.

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Um, I thought, let's go

onto the lighter red wine.

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So I went onto the lighter red

wines, and then I thought, well,

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that's not going down either.

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So then I went onto the white wines and

I was never a white wine drinker, but it

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just hit me that why do I feel like I, if

I'm not enjoying this, why am I drinking?

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So by the end of it, I

was probably drinking.

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The things I could drink were gin

and tonics and champagne, and that

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sounds completely pretentious, but

that was, they were the only things

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that I could drink and not feel.

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Like awful with, and I'd got rid

of shots years and years ago.

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I remember doing shots in my twenties

and that never, never went down.

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Well, so I, I got sensible and

thought shots are not a thing for me.

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, So like strong things like tequila

and things just was never my bag.

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, But yeah, and, and I think I

was beginning to think, well,

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what's the reason I'm drinking?

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Why am I drinking and do

I am, am I enjoying it?

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, Has it just become a habit?

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I think I'd realized it had just become a

habit again, not that it was something I

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was dwelling on or thinking I need to do

something about, but I was mindful that

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it just wasn't as much fun as it used

to be and I wasn't really enjoying it.

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Anyway, I climbed a mountain, I

climbed Kilimanjaro, , and that

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was six days on the mountain and

we had, yeah, no booze obviously.

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Had had a glass before, had a

champagne before we went up the

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mountain, onto the mountain.

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And then I remember racing back

and wanting one to celebrate.

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Of course, that's what you do.

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, But on the mountain I was like, wow,

this is,, it was an amazing experience.

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I remember I.

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Just the scenery around

me, the vastness of it all.

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And you feel very small, but

then you suddenly start thinking,

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well, what's life about?

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What's this all about?

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And I had this real sense that there's

more, and I was meant to do more.

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And we were, I said we

were doing it with charity.

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It was a really good cause.

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, And I just felt like there was something

niggling in me that there was much more

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to what I was meant to be doing in life.

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And I would say.

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That wasn't maybe the first

time that that had happened.

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I remember before saying I was

going to do Kilimanjaro watching,

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the Greatest Showman and.

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Bursting into tears because I suddenly

thought, I've not got the passion that

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this guy, you know, Hugh Jack was so

passionate and you were watching this

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movie and I, I dunno if you've seen

it, but for me it was, it was quite, it

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ended up being quite an emotional movie.

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And it's ridiculous now when I look back.

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But it was because I felt, I think,

I felt I was missing something.

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I was missing the passion.

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And then I said, okay, I'm

gonna climb Kilimanjaro.

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And that for the first time

in a long time, I felt like

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I was doing something for me.

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I was really coming alive.

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I was.

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Going on these walks with my friend

'cause we decided to do it together and

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it just felt like we were working towards

something new, something different.

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And so, , I said, I came down the

mountain and then the whole world changed.

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So I didn't really have a chance

to really think about a week later

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we were working from home and

then it was official lockdown.

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And so, , didn't have a chance to

really think about it, to celebrate it.

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So it's really odd to think,

actually it's five years ago that's.

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Quite bizarre considering how much

has changed in those five years.

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, And then I sort of ended up on the

treadmill and we were all, you know,

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again, I remember all the WhatsApps

when I, I've got a 10-year-old daughter

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now, but she was what, six at the time?

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And so she's 11 on Friday.

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Um, but she was six at the

time and she was basically,

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You know, she was at home, but I was working quite hard on Zooms.

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I was on Zoom calls.

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I was working with a Danish

company at the time, and so I

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remember just being on calls from

like 7:00 AM till 7:00 PM and I.

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I remember we went working from home,

we were living at work and it was, it

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was just a constant treadmill thing.

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And it got to about October time and

I thought, this is not good because I

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was the people and purpose lead for my,

for my team at the time, so I've always

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loved people, I've always done coaching,

mentoring, and then in this role,

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this was all about wellbeing and just

making sure the team was also, and then

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coaching them and everything else, but.

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Wellbeing was obviously a massive part.

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So I was telling everyone else, make

sure you're getting away from the screen.

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Make sure you're taking

time, going for your walks.

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And there I was just sort of

like, you know, zombie, not

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looking after myself very well.

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I'd always, I've always exercised.

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I probably was, but I didn't feel

like I was really taking time out.

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It just felt like work and family

were the only things that I had

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: And you

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: and,

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: to do

more than anyway than ever because

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

Exactly.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: wasn't it?

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So yeah,

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

you're right.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: probably

wasn't quite enough to support.

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Yeah.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

Yeah, exactly.

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So then, , then my church at the time said

they're doing an initiative 21 days gives

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something up and it came straight to me.

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I'm going to not drink for 21 days.

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And that thought was, it was

an interesting one because I

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tried your dry Aries, I tried

Lents, I'd done all of that.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Mm-hmm.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

never really felt committed to it.

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I never felt like it was something

that I needed to do or wanted to do.

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So I'd do it.

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I'd get to the Thursday and

say, oh, I've done so well.

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I've done a whole week without drinking.

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And that was literally the

weekday, well, I'll drink on

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the weekends because weekends,,

I'll just not drink in the week.

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I'll drink on the weekends.

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And then by the time Monday came, you're

like, well, I failed, so there's no point.

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So generally that was how it went for me

and, but this time around felt different

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and the day before it all kicked off.

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I poured a glass of fizz and as

a last hurrah, and I had this

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glass and I probably had two sips

and my stomach started churning.

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And I remember thinking,, this isn't good.

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Why is it my stomach churning?

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Why, you know, what's this about?

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And then I had this real sense

that the truth will set you free.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Mm-hmm.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: didn't

know what, free from what If you looked

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at my life, I had a really good life.

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I had a good job, lovely family,

lovely house, , everything was G good.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Mm-hmm.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

but I was, I was so, I was like, well,

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what the truth will set me free, what?

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You know, and I probably wasn't

very fulfilled with my job at the

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time, but that wasn't something

I was really dwelling on.

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And so all these things.

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They've come afterwards.

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But I did the 21 days and during that

time a few things happened, which made

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me think, okay, I'm going to keep going.

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And so I did and I kept going.

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And 2 21 days has now turned into what?

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Four and a.

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Four, maybe four and a half years.

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So four and a bit years.

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So yeah, it's, um, it's been a worldwide

and,, I'm so grateful that I did the

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21 days because yeah, opportunities

have happened, life's changed so much

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and it's incredible what you can do

in five years versus, you know, when

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you're not drinking versus when you are.

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So, yeah.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Well,

it's phenomenal really, isn't it?

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And we were, were sort of

saying . You don't, you don't

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really know what's coming, do you?

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It's

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: how are

gonna feel when you stop drinking.

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You're, you are really just

stopping drinking, or I think you

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm,

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: are, you're

just changing what you have in your glass.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931:

and that can be really hard.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: some people

it can be really, really difficult.

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Some people will find that easy, but it's

never usually that that's all it was.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: that thing

about the truth will set you free.

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And all of those feelings that you

were having, something was missing.

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And, it's interesting that since you've

stopped clearly just by looking at you and

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no, no one else can see, but you can see.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

Hmm, Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: So it obviously

has set you free and enabled you to go and

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931:

do wonderful things.

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That's the message that when I started

this podcast, it's one of those things, I

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didn't think this was gonna be something

that I really learned or spoke about,

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: has come

through a lot for me and it's making me

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think about it a lot, much I've gained

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: stopped.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: It with you.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931:

a bit about your life.

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So what's, what have you been

getting up to, Mar Is that something

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that's involved in your story or

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

Yeah, so, , America, she's relatively

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new, but it all sort of ends

up being in America, I suppose.

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So the 21 days happened and I discovered.

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An alcohol free fizz, which was

a complete game changer for me.

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And the strange thing with it, there were

so many synchronicities, coincidences,

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whatever you wanna call them,

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vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

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dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

in those 21 days that really made

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me feel like I was being guided in

some way as well, which was amazing.

343

:

But.

344

:

I, , remember, I don't really know how I

came across it, but remember reading an

345

:

article about this alcohol free fizz from

a really well known wine journalist who

346

:

knew all the really good wines and said,

this is the best fizz they've ever tasted.

347

:

And they highly recommended

in the alcohol free space.

348

:

And there wasn't much.

349

:

Four and a half years ago, there

were, there weren't many options.

350

:

Um, and then I remembered I

had a bottle in my cupboards.

351

:

And you might be thinking, hold

on a minute, what's that about?

352

:

How did you have a

bottle in your cupboard?

353

:

So this was November I stopped.

354

:

November 9th was the first

day I stopped, I suppose.

355

:

And , in the summer someone had

come round with, uh, for lunch and

356

:

brought this bottle off for dinner.

357

:

I can't remember, but brought

this bottle with them.

358

:

And I remember looking at my husband

and I was like, what the hell?

359

:

Especially as then they proceeded to

drink Hawaiian, which I thought was rude.

360

:

So it's like, why have

you brought me this crap?

361

:

Anyway, I remember putting it in the

back, in the cupboard and um, and

362

:

I remember reading this article and

seeing the picture of this bottom and

363

:

thinking, I'm sure I've seen this.

364

:

Why does this look familiar?

365

:

What's that?

366

:

, It was racking my brain thinking,

I don't, I've never heard of it.

367

:

I've not seen, I can't

have seen it before.

368

:

I, I'm a drinker.

369

:

I know all the champagnes,

like proper champagnes.

370

:

I don't know this one.

371

:

But then it kept niggling me that

I know this, I've seen it before.

372

:

And then I had a flashback to this lunch

and I remembered it was in my cupboard.

373

:

So I went in and I started looking.

374

:

I was thinking, is it here?

375

:

Am I making this up?

376

:

Am I going mad?

377

:

But there it was.

378

:

It was like, it was waiting for me

at the back of the cupboard and I.

379

:

I got it out and we were

doing, a girl's night on Zoom.

380

:

And I remember I poured this glass

because I knew everyone else would be

381

:

drinking fizz and I didn't want to, I.

382

:

I hadn't told anyone.

383

:

I wasn't what I was doing.

384

:

And so it was, it was early, early, early.

385

:

And um, I fully expected it to be vile.

386

:

And so I remember thinking, right, I've

just got to pretend as I drink it that

387

:

it's just what I normally drink and

engage with people and everything else.

388

:

We all sort of did the virtual cheers

and I sipped it and I was like,

389

:

oh, oh, it's actually quite nice.

390

:

And that was the first.

391

:

Sort of for me, the first thing of,

oh wow, this is, this is interesting.

392

:

So hold on.

393

:

If I can have a drink that I like.

394

:

'cause I said I like drinking champagne.

395

:

If you remember, , have that feel good

the next day and still feel like I'm

396

:

joining in, then why would I drink

the stuff that makes me feel awful?

397

:

So that was just, that was number one.

398

:

Then I discovered a TED Talk

or a couple of TED Talks, and

399

:

then I discovered podcasts,

400

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

401

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

I started learning and realizing

402

:

that there was life after booze.

403

:

You know, for me, my brain was, if

you don't drink, you are boring If

404

:

you don't drink, I don't trust you.

405

:

If you don't drink, there's

something that's happened.

406

:

If you don't drink, it's

for religious reasons.

407

:

There was no reason to stop if you.

408

:

Didn't have a problem.

409

:

I put that in inverted

commas,, that was my mentality.

410

:

And here I was hearing about people who'd

stopped drinking and were loving life.

411

:

And then I read the unexpected joy of

being sober and I was just like, this is

412

:

all very different to what I, I thought.

413

:

And so my brain was obviously changing

and I, I did a course and joined a

414

:

group and, and did all sorts of things.

415

:

And, and that to me just gave me a

completely different perspective.

416

:

And then along the way, . I

ended up getting like

417

:

headhunted for a massive role.

418

:

I decided I wanted to become a coach,

and so started training as a coach.

419

:

I then, in the January start, took

up yoga and I've now done yoga

420

:

pretty much every night since then.

421

:

That was January, 2021.

422

:

I started running.

423

:

I did a 10 K program in the February.

424

:

I've now run two marathons.

425

:

I've written a book called A

Cocktail of Clarity, how to

426

:

Ditch Drinking, embody Joyful New

Identity and Thrive Alcohol Free.

427

:

I've said that with company called Thrive

Alcohol for the Read it Free Limited.

428

:

I've got a podcast, thrive Alcohol Free.

429

:

I've since then, became a qualified

transformational coach in:

430

:

And then I went on to do

sober wellness coaching in 22.

431

:

And, so yeah, so I'm doing, I've

done that and I'm coaching people.

432

:

And then I, then in June last year,

I left the corporate world and

433

:

after 20 odd years, and I'm now.

434

:

Coaching full time.

435

:

So a whole whirlwind of things

have happened over the past four

436

:

and a bit years, which have kept

me on this journey and probably

437

:

helped me find my authentic self.

438

:

And I know we all talk about authentic

self, but really I feel very much

439

:

like this is where I need to be.

440

:

This is where I should be.

441

:

And, , I'm loving it so.

442

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

443

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

when I said, if you'd asked me

444

:

five years ago, would I be here,

there's no way on earth, I just

445

:

wouldn't have seen it coming at all.

446

:

But it's been the best thing, um, ever.

447

:

So, yeah.

448

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

449

:

Amazing.

450

:

Gosh, what a journey.

451

:

That's like a, that's a

transformation for you, isn't it?

452

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah,

453

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: to end.

454

:

Like

455

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

absolutely.

456

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931:

completely different world.

457

:

And again, like it's not necessarily just

because of, it's not just the, the drink.

458

:

It's like your whole outlook changes and

459

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

460

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: realize

that, that you are, you are bigger

461

:

than that and there's more to you.

462

:

Imagine what would've happened.

463

:

If you didn't like, I

wonder what you would be

464

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

465

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931:

right now if you didn't.

466

:

Like,

467

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah,

468

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: you be doing?

469

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

I haven't thought about that for

470

:

a long time, but you're right.

471

:

It's um.

472

:

It is amazing.

473

:

, And I say all those things, not to

sort of say, oh wow, look at me.

474

:

It's more about this is the

potential and possibility and I'm

475

:

very much like everybody else.

476

:

There's nothing, there's no reason

why anyone else can't do this.

477

:

Right?

478

:

So, but also I think, . And you to, you

touched on it, but I really do think, you

479

:

see in technicolor, you walk around in

a bit of a gray, fog and, and actually

480

:

when you stop drinking, you see the

potential, you see the possibilities.

481

:

So if I look back to my

life, you know, before I.

482

:

Where would I be now?

483

:

Probably still climbing a ladder where

the ladder was against the wrong wall.

484

:

Still sort of pushing to, to

get promoted and thinking that

485

:

was what it was all about.

486

:

Not really experiencing the little things

too for me, one of the things I think I.

487

:

I've really benefited from is just

seeing the little joys in everyday life.

488

:

I love going for walks.

489

:

I love seeing butterflies.

490

:

I love just looking up at the stars

and they bring me joy every day.

491

:

And that doesn't cost you anything.

492

:

It doesn't, , but actually you,

I didn't notice those things or

493

:

pay much attention probably into

like climb Kilimanjaro and then.

494

:

Afterwards.

495

:

,, I was quite frustrated I think with where

I was and I was sort of accepting of it.

496

:

And I do the, what I'm sure a lot of

people could probably resonate with,

497

:

where you've had a crap day at work or

something's not quite gone to plan or

498

:

you're not being valued or whatever.

499

:

You've not got the

promotion that you wanted.

500

:

And you would have a few drinks to drown

your sorrows, and then you'd put the world

501

:

to rights and you'd say, I'm changing it.

502

:

I'm doing something different.

503

:

I'm gonna go somewhere where

they, they see my worth.

504

:

And then the next

morning you are hungover.

505

:

So you wake up and you're just

like, oh, well it's not that bad.

506

:

I'll stay, they'll, they'll eventually

recognize me, blah, blah, blah.

507

:

That's the sort of cycle

that you go through.

508

:

And for me, I think I'd given a lot

of excuses to things that really I

509

:

should have said, no, this isn't right.

510

:

Enough's enough.

511

:

I need to move on.

512

:

And would I have done,

if I'd stopped drinking?

513

:

Probably not.

514

:

I'd probably still be going

in that repetitive loop.

515

:

But what actually happened was

about a month or so in, they said,

516

:

I heard something, did get some

good news about work, and I was

517

:

just like, this is ridiculous.

518

:

I'm getting to the point now

where I know that I'm not really.

519

:

Getting what I need from it anymore.

520

:

And I'd been there for a long time

521

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

522

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

and I just felt like, okay,

523

:

I'm open to something else.

524

:

I didn't pursue anything else.

525

:

I just thought I'm actually open to it.

526

:

And all of a sudden people were

reaching out to me and I was getting,,

527

:

having conversations with people and

they were like, you wanna come here?

528

:

Do you wanna do this?

529

:

And just being open and seeing things

slightly differently is something that.

530

:

You benefit from, but you're

absolutely right, it is not the drink.

531

:

So as a, as in my role now as a coach,

I very much, I love, obviously I'm

532

:

all about people stopping drinking.

533

:

That's absolutely , I love people

to do that, but I want people to

534

:

realize that that is just the start.

535

:

And where I take them on is on

that journey through to freedom.

536

:

So it's not the, the

ditching drinking yet.

537

:

We'll work on that.

538

:

We'll get that done.

539

:

But it's the what next

and how do we create.

540

:

How do we first gain clarity,

confidence, energy, passion and purpose?

541

:

And then how do we go on to

create and live the dreamies

542

:

life that we want to live?

543

:

And that could be, you know, that

could be whatever you want it to be.

544

:

And my success in your

dreamies life are not the same.

545

:

But how do you go on to

create that for yourself?

546

:

And so that's why I help people with now

547

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: coach.

548

:

The dreamiest life.

549

:

That's what, that's the dream, isn't it?

550

:

Let's live the

551

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: it's,

552

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: life.

553

:

I

554

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: yeah.

555

:

Yeah.

556

:

Yeah.

557

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: I think

there's a lot to be said for the,

558

:

, you stop, you stop looking outwards

your, , to sort of to tell you

559

:

who you are and how good you are.

560

:

stop doing that.

561

:

I think when you start to

gain some confidence, which.

562

:

Almost everyone I know who has stopped

drinking, their confidence has improved.

563

:

it's almost like you start

to believe in yourself again.

564

:

And then once you, once you are able to,

to realize that actually I don't need.

565

:

That leader to tell me that I am enough,

and actually I might prefer for somebody

566

:

very different to tell me that I'm

567

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

568

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: and, and I

can tell myself as well all of that.

569

:

I, I, I didn't have any of that

capability when I was someone who

570

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

571

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: And

I, I really don't know why I, I

572

:

don't profess to have like the

answers to why, but I know it to be

573

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

574

:

Hmm.

575

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: And

now I do have all of that I

576

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

577

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Very clearly.

578

:

I, there are people that I have

met in my professional life

579

:

that no longer look to and think

580

:

your validation is what I need.

581

:

It's, , it's, it's more

people, people like yourself.

582

:

Like if I meet inspiring

people now it's that ladder.

583

:

Putting the ladder up

against the right wall.

584

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

585

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: And you can only

really do that when you have that clarity,

586

:

which comes when you are not drinking.

587

:

It's like this

588

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah,

589

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: little

590

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: yeah,

591

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931:

along thing, but it's true.

592

:

, And it's so hard to know

that that was gonna happen.

593

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

And it is, it's trusting the process

594

:

because I think, you know, I remember

having a conversation, um, just before

595

:

the 21 days were up and I was, I

was on this call, zoom, call with.

596

:

The group, this group that I joined,

and they were all talking, it was

597

:

amazing people sort of three months,

six months, maybe a year ahead of

598

:

me, and they were talking about

this pink cow and talking about all

599

:

these experiences they were having.

600

:

But I was so challenging.

601

:

I was so adamant that I was gonna drink

at Christmas and New Year, and I was

602

:

like, no, it is all well and good.

603

:

I'll do it for, I'm gonna do the

21 days and then I'm going to stop.

604

:

And actually, as you say, when you're

around people and they're sort of saying

605

:

all these things, you then have to,

you either even you make a decision.

606

:

You either think they're talking crap

and No, I'm just going to carry on as is.

607

:

And whatever I've experienced is not valid

and I'm going to go back to what everyone

608

:

else does 'cause this is what the norm is.

609

:

Or you say there might be something

in this and you trust the process

610

:

and you see where it goes.

611

:

And so I encourage people to do like

a, don't think it's forever, don't

612

:

think you need to stop drinking.

613

:

I do it, the 21 day challenge,, for

people to explore, being alcohol

614

:

free, that's all it's about.

615

:

It's not about saying, I'm

not doing this ever again.

616

:

I'm doing this forever.

617

:

It's just actually saying, I'm going

to give myself 21 days and I'm gonna

618

:

see what happens in those 21 days.

619

:

And I provide a load of resources

and tools and, and then we have

620

:

group coaching and, and all of that.

621

:

And it really, you know, by the end

of 21 days, most people have sort

622

:

of seen it slightly differently.

623

:

And then you decide what you do next.

624

:

You know, that's what it's all about.

625

:

It's about trusting the process and

it's about doing something different,

626

:

not feeling like you're stuck.

627

:

. And I, and for me, a lot of

the quit lit, I love quit lit.

628

:

I love podcasts, um, alcohol free

podcasts, but a lot of the quit

629

:

lit I read at the time, people had

generally hit a rock bottom or they

630

:

were, , really struggling or they'd,

needed some sort of intervention.

631

:

And so that's why I wrote my book.

632

:

'cause I really feel like it's a spectrum.

633

:

And about 80% of drinkers

are gray area drinkers.

634

:

And that means that, you are, if you're

a gray area drinker,, you're obviously

635

:

not,, needing medical intervention.

636

:

You're not teetotal.

637

:

Um, but that can be a spectrum as well.

638

:

So, you can be anywhere on that spectrum.

639

:

And I never think it's helpful to

talk about how much you were drinking

640

:

or how much you are drinking.

641

:

'cause the amount I'm drinking is

going to be very different to yours.

642

:

But that doesn't mean that.

643

:

Both of us can't stop.

644

:

If we think internally that we

life could be better in some

645

:

way without it emotionally,

spiritually, physically, or mentally.

646

:

And if that's the case, that's

the question you should be asking.

647

:

Not have I got a problem?

648

:

Am I an alcoholic?

649

:

They're not helpful questions.

650

:

The question is, what could life,

would life be better without it?

651

:

And if you think it could then take

a, take a break or, you know, educate

652

:

yourself or do, you know, listen

to, listen to the podcast and, and

653

:

see, see where you go from there.

654

:

But it's, it's about giving

people permission regardless

655

:

of how much they're drinking.

656

:

And.

657

:

I think at the time when I wrote my book

in April,:

658

:

books that were saying that message.

659

:

So it's, um,

660

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: they

661

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

it's important for me.

662

:

Mm-hmm.

663

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931:

when I stopped, you are right.

664

:

And most of the books were kind of, there

would've been some kind of rock bottom.

665

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

Mm-hmm.

666

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: didn't

really have a rock bottom.

667

:

I had a kind of, I, I think I knew

for quite some years I drank too much.

668

:

I drank more than my friends.

669

:

I drunk.

670

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Mm

671

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: quicker.

672

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: mm.

673

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: I drink quicker.

674

:

Anything.

675

:

Like I drink tea and coffee

quicker than most people.

676

:

I just, just something I do.

677

:

But obviously with Boo, that

doesn't help you very much.

678

:

um, and when I stopped.

679

:

a big decision for me because

I, I didn't, I kept questioning

680

:

if I was bad enough to warrant

681

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

682

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: drinking.

683

:

It was this

684

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

685

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: like,

conversation I kept having with myself,

686

:

and I think I knew that I should stop.

687

:

So, but that's what you are saying.

688

:

It's that

689

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

690

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: I, of course

I should stop because I had a feeling

691

:

that things were gonna be better if

I did, but I just, I clung onto it

692

:

because everybody drinks, or I thought

693

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm

694

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: drank.

695

:

Less people now.

696

:

I think there's more people

stopping now, which is

697

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

698

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: But your

book would be very helpful for

699

:

those great, great area drinkers

700

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

701

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931:

just shine a light on that.

702

:

And, you know,

703

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

704

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931:

it's okay to question it,

705

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

706

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: even, even if

you are not in the depths of despair,

707

:

because it's, it's just as valid, isn't

it, to make a decision to stop doing

708

:

something that's not serving you well.

709

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

710

:

And I also think we don't appreciate how

much of an impact it does have on us,

711

:

regardless of how much we're drinking.

712

:

You know, it, it impacts our

sleep, it impacts everything.

713

:

Um, but more importantly, it takes up

a lot of mental capacity that we don't

714

:

appreciate is there, and you might think,

I'm only thinking about it when it.

715

:

When I'm drinking at the point

of drinking, but no, you're not.

716

:

You know, if you think about any.

717

:

The lead up to it.

718

:

If you know you're going out in the

evening, you might start thinking

719

:

about about two in the afternoon.

720

:

What am I going to drink tonight?

721

:

How many am I going to have?

722

:

Or if you're trying to moderate,

well, I'll only have one tonight.

723

:

I'm not going to have more than that

and I'm only going to drink a red wine.

724

:

I'm not going, you know, and,

and that takes up the capacity.

725

:

Then you drink and then afterwards you

wake up at three in the morning generally,

726

:

because that's when your body starts

to try to process your, the alcohol.

727

:

And that's when you sort of wake up and

think and start, be operating yourself.

728

:

'cause you've drank more than you

thought you were going to drink.

729

:

Then the next morning you

wake up, you're feeling a bit.

730

:

A bit foggy headed, you're not

quite a hundred percent on form

731

:

just because that's, it's in your

system and that's what alcohol does.

732

:

And then by the time you get back to

six o'clock, you start all over again.

733

:

And then it's constantly in your system.

734

:

So you never actually have this clear

minded clearheaded clarity, which I

735

:

call my book of cocktail of clarity.

736

:

Um, because it's just a constant,

it's just constantly there.

737

:

And what people, another thing

people aren't aware of is that.

738

:

Alcohol can stay in your

system for up to five days.

739

:

So if you've been drinking since you

were 18, 19, 20, whatever, and you've

740

:

only had a break, that you know, you

only, even if you drink three times

741

:

a week, the likelihood is alcohol has

been in your system all that time.

742

:

You know?

743

:

So then thinking about that,

what's that been doing to you

744

:

and, and are you really living?

745

:

On form and capacity to where you

could be living or are you not?

746

:

And so, yeah, so I I I, I never say any

of this from a judgment perspective.

747

:

But I just think a lot of people just

do not know the facts of alcohol.

748

:

So another thing I say is, you

know what everything alcohol's

749

:

giving you maybe then research it

and see if that's actually true.

750

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

751

:

Oh yeah.

752

:

I mean, that was eyeopening

reading some of the facts and,

753

:

and actually what was happening.

754

:

Like, I would, I would have a, um,

a drink before going to a social

755

:

event because I thought it would

relax me . But actually I, I also

756

:

had some anxiety and, well, I didn't

757

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

758

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: that

was feeding into the anxiety.

759

:

And if I.

760

:

And now I can go to a social

event completely fine because I

761

:

don't have any anxiety anymore.

762

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

763

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Like it's

this kind of like circular thing.

764

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

765

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: there's

so much to learn about it.

766

:

I thought William Porter's

book was great when I,

767

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

768

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: was

relatively new to stopping

769

:

drinking because that helped me to

understand just some of the facts

770

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

771

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931:

what was going on.

772

:

Um, you mentioned a couple of things that

might be helpful to some other people..

773

:

. You mentioned a, that was

774

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

775

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Do you

mind sharing what it was called?

776

:

Because that

777

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

Yeah, so it was, it was naughty.

778

:

, N-O-U-G-H-T-Y.

779

:

Yeah.

780

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: was wondering,

was it naughty when you were speaking?

781

:

Because

782

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

783

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: tried

that quite near the beginning and

784

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah,

785

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Amazon

and they also sell it in Waitress.

786

:

I

787

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

they do.

788

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: else,

789

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

they do.

790

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: places.

791

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

792

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: and did,

was there any, so you mentioned

793

:

the unexpected joy of being sober.

794

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Hmm.

795

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: any

particular podcast that you listened

796

:

to that you thought was very helpful

797

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

I listened to euphoric.

798

:

Um, the podcast and I listened

to the Alcohol Free Life podcast,

799

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Okay.

800

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: and

again, it inspired me to create my own.

801

:

So episode 74, comes out on Thursday,

so I've got quite a few, um, guests

802

:

who I've interviewed and um, so

feel free to check that out as well.

803

:

Thrive our call free podcast.

804

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: Oh,

definitely will, definitely will.

805

:

Um, I love a podcast.

806

:

I think they're great and I'm

so grateful you've come online.

807

:

I, um, I had seen some stuff on Instagram

that you were doing, and I thought it's

808

:

just a really great vibe and you can tell.

809

:

I know everybody else can't see you,

but you can tell from your smile.

810

:

It's just obviously this life

is just one that you've built.

811

:

That is wonderful and thank you for

sharing it with us and somebody can

812

:

see, this is something you can achieve.

813

:

You don't, it's, it's not a really

horrible drudges thing you are doing

814

:

if you decide to stop drinking, it's.

815

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: Yeah.

816

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: it, try

all the time, but like, it, it

817

:

can literally change everything.

818

:

It's not just about what you're drinking

and you're just good enough without it.

819

:

You don't, you don't need to have

boo in your glass to enjoy anything.

820

:

Um,

821

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

and that's a massive, that's a

822

:

massive thing that you raise.

823

:

Then a lot of my clients.

824

:

It's that worthiness, it's feeling

like you're worthy of doing it

825

:

for yourself and that you're

actually good enough without it.

826

:

And it isn't.

827

:

We get so dependent on it thinking it's

giving us so much, and it's really not.

828

:

It's taking away more than it's giving.

829

:

And, , you're right, we're completely,

we're so much better without it.

830

:

And opportunities come.

831

:

Life changes.

832

:

You see life very differently and.

833

:

You open the door, the floodgates open.

834

:

So you know, I would

encourage anybody who is even.

835

:

Thinking a little bit, the fact that

you are listening is, this means you're

836

:

thinking a little bit about this.

837

:

So if you haven't taken that break,

do a 21 day break and go from there or

838

:

do a 30 day break, whatever you think.

839

:

I tend to say the sweet spot

is a hundred days when you

840

:

actually see the real benefits.

841

:

So don't be put off if after 30 days

you haven't lost all this weight and.

842

:

Your skin isn't glowing, you're

not sleeping amazingly well.

843

:

That's not necessarily the

point, but,, trust the process.

844

:

If you go to Thrive alcohol free.com/

845

:

21 Day challenge, you can

get all the details there.

846

:

Seems still, there'll

be still time to join..

847

:

We have the weekly group coaching calls

on a Thursday, and, , you'll get daily

848

:

emails with resources and tips and

motivational, motivational things, plus

849

:

journal prompts and, , actions to take.

850

:

So, yeah,

851

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931:

Uh, sounds great.

852

:

So Thrive Alcohol Free.

853

:

So you can find that anywhere really.

854

:

They can look Instagram from

855

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: yeah,

856

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: just Google it.

857

:

You'll find you'll find what

you need to and Deep will be

858

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931: yeah.

859

:

Yeah.

860

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: at you.

861

:

So, um,

862

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

Oh, thank you.

863

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: for joining.

864

:

Um, thanks for sharing

your story with us today,

865

:

dupe-witherick_1_03-03-2025_130931:

thank you.

866

:

Take care.

867

:

vic-_1_03-03-2025_130931: bye.

868

:

Thank you for listening.

869

:

To Sabre alcohol-free stories.

870

:

If this episode helped you,

Please like share and follow.

871

:

Or leave a review on pod chaser.

872

:

Dot com.

873

:

And if you've got a story to

tell, please contact me on Sabre.

874

:

A F stories@outlook.com.

875

:

And don't forget.

876

:

You can make your catch phrase.

877

:

I don't drink.

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About the Podcast

Sober, Alcohol Free Stories
"I Don't Drink"
If you’ve ever googled “do I drink too much” this podcast is for you!

This is for those of you who end up wondering what’s wrong with you, questioning how your friends can possibly drink so slowly, or worse can just have one with dinner (aliens). For those of you who have tried to moderate, just a Thursday, only red wine, not before 6, not after 9, not if I’m wearing blue 😊

For those of you who secretly don’t enjoy the theatre because you know the show will be an interruption to a booze filled evening. For those who fall out with loved ones, lose handbags, feel lonely or shameful the morning after, wear sunglasses on the school run, or enjoy way too many mints for an average human. For those who need something to change but feel it it’s impossible to break up with their loyal companion – booze.

The good news is you are NOT weird, or alone, there’s millions of us, just like you. You CAN stop drinking alcohol. I know this because until Jan 2022 I was all the above, and now “I don’t drink”.

In this podcast we will delve in to what it takes to become alcohol free in a society that’s quite frankly obsessed with drinking! I’ll talk to people just like you and me, some near the beginning of their alcohol-free life, and some further along, but all with one thing in common, the courage to stare booze in the face and say NO, NOT ME, NOT ANYMORE! They will share their sliding doors moments, regrets, loves, pink clouds and the tools that have helped them to succeed.

We will show you that life without the “wine witch” is actually pretty amazing, how we all thought we were losing something, but what we have gained is insurmountable. We will share how our lives transformed, skin began to glow, sleep became deep and relaxing, bodies became healthy, relationships flourished, careers progressed, and our minds were at peace. WE will show you that you deserve the chance to be happy and free and turn what may seem impossible into possible.

Listen along and join me in making your catchphrase “I don’t drink”.

About your host

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VICTORIA Banat