Episode 3

Vic and Elise, Sober, alcohol free stories, fractured skulls and three peaks!

Published on: 20th June, 2025

Hi everybody and welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories. I'm Victoria and I don't drink. Today I talk to Elise. Elise explains how her drinking as a young teenager taught her to hide from her pain. Her drinking became a tool which slowly ruined her life, and finally she accepted that enough was enough. Elisa's sobriety has taken her from two fractured skulls to the three peaks, and she's giddy with excitement as she talks to her about her hopes for her future.

Transcript
Speaker:

Hi everybody and welcome to

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

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I'm Victoria and I don't drink.

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Today I talk to Elise.

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Elise explains how her drinking as a young

teenager taught her to hide from her pain.

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Her drinking became a tool which

slowly ruined her life, and finally

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she accepted that enough was enough.

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Elisa's sobriety has taken her from two

fractured skulls to the three peaks, and

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she's giddy with excitement as she talks

to her about her hopes for her future.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Hi Elise.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Hi Vic.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

to have you on.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Thank you.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

thank you for joining me.

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And, we just had a little chat before

we came on air and, um, I know little

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bit, little bit about your story

now and I'm quite excited for you to

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share it don't be nervous, it's just

to chat between you, me and whoever

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decides that they wanna listen to it.

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But if they're listening, then

hopefully what they'll get

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from it is some inspiration.

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and just to know that it is

possible to change your life.

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Whatever your story is, but I'll

start by asking you the question

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that I ask everybody who comes

on, and so if you don't mind,

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could you just tell us your story?

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Sure.

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So, I'm currently

sitting at 80 days sober.

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I'll be 81 days by the end of today, so

it's taken me a little while to get here.

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I had, nine months of sobriety

between:

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm-hmm.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: and.

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I then decided that I could control

alcohol instead of alcohol controlling me.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm-hmm.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: so I

went back to trying to moderate and only

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drink at weekends and that whole scenario,

and before I knew it, I was back to

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being that blackout drunk, no off switch.

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and it was just.

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It was basically ruining my life.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

so it's taken me 18 months

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to get to where I am now.

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but where I think that this stemmed

from, was I did used to go home when

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I was at school around the age of

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and pour basically half a pint of

just pure spirits into a glass.

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Drink that and go back to school.

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I wasn't doing that with friends.

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I wasn't inviting anyone back with me.

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I was doing that alone.

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So where, on a Friday or a sassy night,

we would, go to the park and have our

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white lightnings or 2020 with friends.

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This was more of a lonely thing.

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So when I actually sit and look back

at it now, I think, well, I clearly

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have had that problem for 30 odd Gs.

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But you know, when you're that

age, you just think you're being

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slightly naughty and, you know,

a bit of a rebel, I suppose.

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but yeah, it wasn't right.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: amazing,

isn't it really that your teachers didn't

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do something like they must have noticed?

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Surely you'd have thought

they'd have noticed.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: I

mean, I was just told, that I was a

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disruption at school when I talked a lot.

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I used to sit in the corner and giggle.

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Didn't concentrate.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

drunk half a.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Exactly, exactly.

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So I, I was on my merry way,

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so school went quite quick for me, but,

you know, I was bullied a lot as well,

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so I don't think that really helped, me

cope very well with my time at school.

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so.

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I think I've always, whenever I've

come across any sort of issues,

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I would always turn to drink.

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I would drink to forget.

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and then obviously the problem's

always there the next day.

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So kind of being bullied from a very

young age, even from nursery, my mom

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had to pull me out of nursery because

I was bullied in nurseries, , from

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the age of three upwards I was.

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Taunted by by other children.

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and maybe that's, that's why

I wanted to start drinking.

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And then as I got older, the

drink obviously increased and

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any problems that I was having, I

would sit and just drink to forget.

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It wouldn't be that I would sit and enjoy

that glass of wine at the end of the day.

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I would drink the first glass

of wine so quickly 'cause I

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felt like I needed that hit.

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And it was like, right, that's hit me.

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Now.

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Drink another, I could drink a

bottle of wine in sort of 20 minutes.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

'cause I just wanted to feel that

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drunk feeling, but because I was,

it hadn't, obviously the alcohol

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hasn't hit me properly by then.

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So, 'cause I've got through that first

bottle of wine in 20 minutes, I'm back

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up that shop getting another bottle of

wine and I could get half bottle of gin

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with it or half bottle of vodka with it.

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and then before I know it, I'm passed out.

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And that's, that's the evening gone.

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And I was never.

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a daily drinker.

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It was more, you know, I would wake up the

next day, not feeling obviously the best.

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and then two, three days later

when that cloud starts lifting or

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I feel good now I can drink again.

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I would go back and do it again.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I used to go to the pub a lot.

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but then after I went sober for the

nine months and then I recently started

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drinking again, I started hiding it more

because I didn't want to admit to people

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that I had reverted back to drinking.

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I would leave the office, and

then head to a supermarket.

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I would buy three cans of gin and tonic,

'cause you'd always get them on offer.

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And then I'd buy a bottle of water,

go to the toilet, tip the water out,

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and then refill it with my gin cans.

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So nobody on the train would

realize that I was drinking.

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And then I'd get off the train

with all the commuters at

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6:00 PM and be pretty pissed.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: and then

because I'd had that drink, I'd then be

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buying bottles of wine on the way home

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: And it

just got into this such a vicious cycle.

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So everything was happening

behind closed doors.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I wasn't going out.

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My partner was drinking with me as

well, but he didn't realize that I

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was drinking on the train as well.

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so it'd be like, you know, a fancy a

wine tonight, so he'll be home before me.

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So he'd buy a bottle of wine,

not realizing that I'd already

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consumed three large gins in the

space of 40 minutes on the train.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

And yeah, it just got to a point

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where enough, enough was enough.

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I just had.

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One too many blackouts I'd cracked my

head open twice and been in hospital.

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I thought that, you know, that would've

given me my rock bottom, but that would

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give me sober for about a week, you know?

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So from realizing again that

yes, I do have a problem

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after being nine months sober.

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I tried so many times over the

last 18 months to get sober,

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but nothing was working.

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I tried a dry house, but when my

partner would be out for the night,

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I would go up to the shops without

telling him, buy the wine, sit indoor

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and drink it, and then I'd put it

straight in the recycling bin outside.

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So he didn't see the

evidence when he got home.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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The thing is, if you still see it

as a treat, it's very hard isn't it?

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To stop.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yes.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

when, until you realize that

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this thing doesn't do what you.

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I wanted to do really in the long term

then, it's easy I think to fall and lots

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of people that I've spoken to, moderation,

honestly, of all the things I talk to

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people about, is just something that I get

like a real bug bear about because so many

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people that I know and care about have.

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Thought they can control this now.

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And they want to be able to drink

like a, can't see this on a podcast,

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but I'm doing inverted comm, person.

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and for whatever reason,

some of us just can't,

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: some of

us have no off switch or don't wanna have

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an off switch or whatever the thing is.

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and then you try to do that and you try

to be something that you'll perhaps not.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Hmm.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

it fails every single time.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Exactly.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: you

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: on

the Facebook groups and you see people

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saying, oh, I just wanna be able to

moderate, or I'm gonna try moderating.

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And I'm literally sitting there screaming

inside like, don't do it because you

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will end up worse than you were before.

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And then you get the secrecy and

the shame and all those things that

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keep you doing it because it is

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

It's exhausting as well.

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to me personally, it's more

exhausting trying to moderate

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than what it is staying sober

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: I don't

have to sit there thinking, oh, I'm only

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allowed that one glass of wine tonight,

or I'm only allowed to drink on weekends.

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To me, having to think about when

and how much I can drink is more

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exhausting than just sitting there

saying, no, I'm not going to pick it up.

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I'm not gonna pick up that one

drink because, it's, not the

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drink 10 that causes the problem.

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It's drink one.

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And I think that's where a lot of

people as well, don't realize that.

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it's always that first drink that you

take, just don't take that first drink

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Yeah, because as soon as you've

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had that one, your decision making

function changes, doesn't it?

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: all

those thoughts that you had of, I

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won't have more than one or whatever,

I'll only have green drinks, or

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I'll only have long drinks, or I'll

only have whatever, whatever the

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moderating, story we tell ourself is.

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All goes out the window because you

forget about that and you just think,

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oh, like I've got that little dopamine

hit and, and I want it again, don't you?

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And that's, and it's scientific.

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There's nothing we can do about that.

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It's just the way that

alcohol impacts our brains.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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But they say that you get that dopamine

hit before you've even had the alcohol

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: yeah,

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: because

you, you get, you get so excited about it

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that the dopamine, you know, you've got

your natural dopamine hit straight away,

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

and then you take that first sip and

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then people go, oh, that's better.

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But the alcohol hasn't

even reached her brain yet.

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So how is that even better?

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: I know.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: We,

when I was, at, you know, where I am

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now, as I said, 80 days, I was two

weeks sober and we had gone to Wows for

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the weekend and I had driven us there.

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And we got there on the Friday evening

and as soon as I got there, I sat

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there and my brain was saying to me,

you've just done a six hour drive.

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You deserve to sit there

and have a glass of wine.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

And I'm like, I'm two weeks sober.

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Barb.

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Do I wanna switch that clock back and

if I'd had that glass of wine just

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on that Friday evening, I would've

then sat there and gone, well, I've

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wiped it now so I might as well

carry on drinking over the weekend.

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It was my birthday over

the weekend as well.

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But I didn't.

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And then as soon as I didn't have

that glass of wine on that Friday

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night, and I woke up Saturday morning,

completely fresh headed, the whole

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thought of alcohol went out of my brain.

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So it was like that first

momentary, I need a reward.

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So I want to have, but as soon as

I went, no, wake up fresh tomorrow.

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It completely disappeared

for the rest of the weekend.

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And then I enjoy, I did everything.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: I

definitely, when I wake up in the

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morning on an occasion where previously

I might have woken up, hung over,

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so let's say it's holiday or it's

the day after a wedding, or it's a

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Saturday or whatever it is, genuinely

have this little buzz it is so nice.

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I've got a whole day ahead of me.

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I feel great.

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I

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

hours sleep.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I've not, I'm not gonna be sitting

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here eating junk food all day and

feeling sorry for myself on the sofa.

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And I mean, the knife isn't perfect

just because you don't drink but it,

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I mean, it really is so much better

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

you just do more, you get more done.

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I mean, I'm an early riser.

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I like going to the gym at, you know,

sort of five o'clock in the morning.

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And it is not just to work out.

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I do enjoy my training, but

it's also for my mental health.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

'cause if I don't get up and go to

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the gym, or I don't get up and go

for my walk, then I'll sit there.

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Probably beat myself up about it all day.

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So if I had that drink the night

before, and then obviously I won't

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go to the gym the next day because I.

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A, I couldn't get in the car because

I would still be over the limit, feel

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sick, and then I spend the rest of

the day just feeling anxious because I

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haven't done what I should have done.

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The amount of times I've phoned in

sick to work because I just can't cope

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with sitting at my desk and, trying

to focus and I couldn't focus on work.

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That was the other thing.

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So I would've been more of a hindrance.

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I probably would've been making mistakes.

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So, you know, I can't sit there and.

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For me, carry on with my life.

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Like that.

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It was, I I was taking too

much of a dive down for me to

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carry on the way I was going.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

And so, so you'd, you'd done your.

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Nine months, which is a really long time.

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So well done.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Thank you.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: and then

you listened to the moderation pixie, and

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yes.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

you that you were very capable of

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having just the one or just the two,

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: you

then discovered you were not, , and,

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and decided to give it a go again.

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So amazing that you've done that because.

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I actually think that that's even

braver than the first time you stop

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because takes quite a lot to say,

no, I'm gonna give this another go,

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yes.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

the fear of what happened last

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time on top of everything else.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm.

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Thank you.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: cool.

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Um, did something happen that made

you go right, today's the day,

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I was, so my last drink was on

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Friday, the 28th of February.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: mm-hmm.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Now

on Saturday, the 1st of March, I had

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to go and see my parents because my

dad had not long come out of hospital

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after being in there with pneumonia.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm-hmm.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

and I, you know, needed to go down

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and see him and me, mom, and my dad

wanted me to take his car out for a

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drive just to keep the battery going.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

That's such a.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Yeah, and I was also meeting,

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a friend that I've met.

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she's someone I met actually from an app.

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one of the sober apps I'm on,

that she lives quite close to me.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm-hmm.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I've met her when I was.

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nine months sober.

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So we've kept in touch over the last

couple of years, and I was having

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coffee with her, so I had quite a few

plans booked in for that Saturday.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

when I eventually woke up on that

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Saturday morning, I laid there and

I was like, how do I get out of

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all these three things because I

can't face a single person today.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: And

then the other half of my brain's sitting

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there saying, get yourself in the shower.

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Pull yourself together

and get out that door.

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So I did.

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I went and had my nails done at

eight o'clock in the morning.

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I dunno how, but I did, then when I

would see my mom and dad, so I spent

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some time with them, but just did

not feel present with them at all.

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And you know, they elderly parents

and it just made me feel guilty.

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vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm-hmm.

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elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

And then after that I went from

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there to go and see, my friend.

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I just let everything out to her.

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I told her what happened the night

before we were due to go for a

323

:

walk, and she said to me, let's

just sit down and have coffee.

324

:

she said, you could have

canceled on me today.

325

:

I said, I couldn't.

326

:

I said, because I needed you today.

327

:

it was like a therapy session as

well, because I could just open

328

:

up and be totally honest with her.

329

:

At that point, she was

just over two years sober.

330

:

She sat there and said, you know, just

think if you can get it to stick this

331

:

time in two years time, we could sit at

the same place and you could be two years

332

:

sober and I could be four years sober.

333

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm-hmm.

334

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: she

said that, it was like, that's what.

335

:

Switched in me.

336

:

It was really bizarre and it

was like, that's what I want.

337

:

That's what I really want.

338

:

When I got home that night, my mom had

bought me a journal for Christmas . And

339

:

it was in my charity shop pile to

take down the charity shop and I sat

340

:

and I thought, no, I'm gonna get that

out and I'm gonna start journaling.

341

:

This is just, just like a notebook and

I just started writing everything down.

342

:

And since that day I have

journaled every single day.

343

:

Anytime I have a thought about alcohol

or how I'm feeling, I put it in my

344

:

journal and that has stuck with me.

345

:

I'm already started, my second

journal about to buy another one.

346

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

That's amazing.

347

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

what I want to, you know, obviously

348

:

I know I've got to be kind to myself

and take one day at a time, but

349

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

350

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: like

to publish that I get to 12 months and

351

:

I want to publish it and just have my

years proprietary, you know, put out

352

:

there as well to see if I can help others.

353

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

354

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: something

definitely switched to me that day and

355

:

that's why I didn't wanna cancel any of

my plans if I canceled my plans that day.

356

:

I don't think I'll be sat

here talking to you now.

357

:

? vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Things

happen so that things happen, don't

358

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

359

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

a plan isn't there for us?

360

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm.

361

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

think it sounds brilliant, and I

362

:

think if you publish that journal,

you would undoubtedly help.

363

:

People, so that you should definitely

have that as a goal to do next year.

364

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

365

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: have

to come back on when you're famous

366

:

and you've got your published journal.

367

:

I honestly, we laugh, but a

lot of the people that have

368

:

come on my podcast have books.

369

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Oh wow.

370

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: I've

had some really wonderful ladies on

371

:

here who've done similar things to you.

372

:

there's an inherent kind of want when you

are doing this and because you know that

373

:

it is difficult, but it's so rewarding.

374

:

There's like this, want to share

that with other people and to

375

:

help people to get where you are.

376

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Definitely,

377

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

well imagine.

378

:

That would be great

379

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: yeah.

380

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: shared it.

381

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I've already started typing it up

382

:

because it reminds me as well of, how

I was feeling back then and I know

383

:

that I don't want to feel, the way

that I was right at the start of it.

384

:

So I think that helps as well is,

going back and reflecting on it.

385

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

386

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

About the early days.

387

:

I mean, I know 80 days is incredible.

388

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

389

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

and ev yeah, every,

390

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

me with a balloon at 80 days,

391

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: oh wow.

392

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

written on it.

393

:

I was so excited to get to 80 Days.

394

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: I might

have to do that for my a hundred days.

395

:

I'm not far from that now,.

396

:

But no for me to be where I

am now is, you know, I'm, I'm

397

:

feeling very grateful, that I've.

398

:

I've stuck to, you know, where I am.

399

:

I've, you know, just in the month of June

I've done an all inclusive sober holiday.

400

:

but that was with a friend.

401

:

So, you know, and I'm lucky enough

that she's not a big drinker,

402

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm-hmm.

403

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

actually drink anything that holiday.

404

:

She was quite happy to sit there,

you know, and have a Sprite and.

405

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

just baffles me.

406

:

Like people who don't stop drinking

like we have, who still drink that,

407

:

just don't have drinks on holiday.

408

:

I mean, how's that?

409

:

How's that a thing?

410

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Yeah, well, she, she said that she's

411

:

not even had a drink this year.

412

:

She's one that will have, you know, a

glass of Prosecco or a glass of Sherry

413

:

at Christmas, and that's, she, she's

happy with that, , I, I'll tell you a

414

:

little story about my all inclusive.

415

:

What was interesting about

that is I'm not a great flyer.

416

:

So I said to her, would you

mind if we swap seats so I'm

417

:

not sat next to the window?

418

:

And I sat in the middle.

419

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm-hmm.

420

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: then

there was this guy that, that sat

421

:

on the end of our aisle and you get

chatting to your neighbor, didn't you?

422

:

And sort of as, as we were sitting

down, he said, oh, you two aren't

423

:

gonna sit there having drinks

and getting drunk, are you?

424

:

And I was like, no, I don't drink.

425

:

And I just say, said,

you know, so proudly.

426

:

as we were getting into the flight,

he said, when you sat down, you

427

:

mentioned that you don't drink.

428

:

Do you have an issue with it?

429

:

And, oh, no, no.

430

:

He said to me, how, how

long haven't you drunk for?

431

:

I said, oh, 63 days now.

432

:

He said, oh, I said, you

got a problem with it then.

433

:

And I just, I was just honest.

434

:

I thought, I don't know him

from mad, but I was just honest.

435

:

And I said, yeah.

436

:

I said, I'll just, you know, I

don't have an off switch type thing.

437

:

So he sat there and he said,

well, I'm two years in recovery.

438

:

And I was like.

439

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: wow.

440

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Wow.

441

:

And we literally sat there and

it turned out he, 'cause I've

442

:

always thought about going to aa,

443

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm-hmm.

444

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

And, he hosts, or he's the,

445

:

he's the greeter on my local aa.

446

:

He said, so anytime you want to come.

447

:

He, he ended up giving me his number

and he said, anytime you want to come

448

:

down, he said, just ping me a message.

449

:

At least you'll know a friendly

face walking into it and I can

450

:

introduce you to other people.

451

:

So I spent sort of, you know, two hours

on a flight chatting to him, all about.

452

:

You know, becoming sober

about my nine months.

453

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

454

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: and

then when we got off the flight, my

455

:

friend actually said to me, , she

went, I didn't actually realize

456

:

what you've been going through.

457

:

And I was, 'cause I say to her,

you know, I'm not drinking again.

458

:

But I think it's always been, , that I

was just going down the pub and getting

459

:

drunk, but I don't think she realized

how deep the addiction was with me.

460

:

Or it is 'cause it is still an addiction.

461

:

so, but she said, I, I didn't

actually realize how much.

462

:

So she said,, if there's

anything that I can do to help.

463

:

And all through the holiday,

whilst we were on holiday, she

464

:

was asking me so many questions.

465

:

And it was really nice to be able to

sit there and explain it more fully to

466

:

her and say to me, , this is an illness.

467

:

, It's, it's an addiction and it's.

468

:

Something, I, I'm gonna be in recovery for

the rest of my life and always gonna have

469

:

to be that, you know, not drink, but it's

my choice and it just makes me a better

470

:

person and I'm just feeling incredibly

grateful that I am where I am today.

471

:

Hmm.

472

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: And

it's just a brave choice, isn't it?

473

:

It doesn't, it doesn't have to be.

474

:

I think I've seen something somewhere

about this isn't a sad consequence.

475

:

It's a, it's a brave choice.

476

:

And I really, that, that sits really

comfortably with me because don't feel

477

:

sad about not drinking at all now.

478

:

So I stopped in January,

:

479

:

Three years and a few months.

480

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

That's amazing.

481

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I'm, oh my God, it, my life is just

482

:

so great compared to what it was.

483

:

And I mean, it wasn't awful.

484

:

I wasn't like, , in a cardboard

box and I lost everything.

485

:

I was just a bit bloody miserable.

486

:

I was

487

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

488

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

up of my own bullshit and

489

:

wanted, I knew that when I went.

490

:

You know when you go out on a really

nice walk with a friend, or if we

491

:

went to the beach for all those days,

every time I did that kind of thing,

492

:

I was like, this is so wholesome.

493

:

I really like it.

494

:

I wish my life was a bit more like this

495

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

496

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: really

to me that I could make it like that.

497

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

no, this is it exactly that because

498

:

I used to, , go to work on a Monday

morning thinking, what am I gonna

499

:

say that I got up to at the weekend?

500

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

501

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I had spent the weekend binging

502

:

and sleeping and eating crap.

503

:

I'd be sitting there thinking I've

literally got nothing to say because

504

:

I've just spent the weekend drinking.

505

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Nursing a hangover

506

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

507

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

a hangover.

508

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: yeah.

509

:

But I've just come back.

510

:

So the weekend I climbed at

three peaks at the weekend and.

511

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

is insane, by the way.

512

:

Well done.

513

:

I did

514

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Thank you.

515

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

and I'm very impressed.

516

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Thank you.

517

:

It was, something that

I've always wanted to do.

518

:

I booked it up on my own.

519

:

My partner didn't come with me.

520

:

so I went totally out my comfort zone.

521

:

I booked this up sort of before

I got sober as well, so I'm

522

:

more grateful that I'd 11 weeks

sober by the time that I'd gone.

523

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

524

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: But

it was just nice because I felt like

525

:

I had so much more to talk about, what

I've been up to over the last few weeks

526

:

and the fact that I've already been to

Wells and climb Snowden back in March

527

:

and I've, , been on holiday and, but

there was no sort of booze in there

528

:

there was one night we'd gone to the

pub on the way from, , one mountain to

529

:

another mountain, and I think out of

11 of us there was about three people

530

:

that might had a beer in front of them,

531

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

532

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I didn't feel like I had to sit

533

:

there feeling uncomfortable because

everybody's drinking around me.

534

:

I didn't feel uncomfortable once I met

a load of strangers that I, you know,

535

:

I'm keeping in contact with as well.

536

:

And it was just.

537

:

Pleasant and I come home.

538

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

thing to do.

539

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

I've just come home absolutely buzzing

540

:

from it because I've remembered it all.

541

:

I've trained hard for it, but if

alcohol was still in my life, if I

542

:

hadn't have given up, I don't think

if I'd given up I time I did, I

543

:

wouldn't have been enjoyed it as much.

544

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

It would've been really hard

545

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

546

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: if you,

and either you would've been hungover,

547

:

which would've made it extremely hard

to do, or you would've been pissed

548

:

off because you weren't able to drink

549

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I probably would've taken a

550

:

couple of bottles with me.

551

:

Don't,

552

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

have had your hands in your

553

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

yeah, exactly.

554

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

been, oh, thank God, you'd stopped.

555

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

556

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: been.

557

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

it was an incredible experience.

558

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

559

:

Well done.

560

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

And I just feel like I've

561

:

got my life back in order.

562

:

I get up and go to the gym in the mornings

and on my rest days if I'm not going to

563

:

the gym, I'll make sure I get myself out

for a long walk, whether I'm working or

564

:

I'm working weekends and more busier, sort

of meeting friends for coffees or walks.

565

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

566

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I mean, I think with the, as well,

567

:

going back to my, nine months subry

as well, going back to that, I think I

568

:

tried so hard back then to stay sober.

569

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: yeah,

570

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Because I was still trying to live my

571

:

life normally like I was beforehand.

572

:

So I would still be going down the pub.

573

:

I'd still, you know, be wanting

to do everything that I was doing,

574

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

575

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

And I think I was using up so

576

:

much energy trying not to drink

577

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: yeah,

578

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

that it was wiping me out

579

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: I think

there's an element when you sort, this

580

:

may not apply to you, but this is how I

felt about it, where you kind of want to

581

:

prove to the world that you're still fun.

582

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

583

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

So you do all those things.

584

:

You keep doing all those things, and it's

only sort of, as time goes by that you

585

:

realize that it's kind of detrimental.

586

:

I mean, I will go to the pub, I'll

go for dinner and a few drinks.

587

:

But what I love is that I can get in my

car and go home and I never feel like

588

:

a boring GI anymore if I go to bed.

589

:

And to be honest, they don't notice anyway

by the time everybody's had a few drinks.

590

:

If you wanna slope off

591

:

They can ask you the next

day, what time did you leave?

592

:

And you could say one in the morning,

nobody would have a real clue if

593

:

you try and force yourself into

the full lifestyle that you had

594

:

before, it didn't really work for me.

595

:

Maybe it does for some people.

596

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Oh yeah.

597

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

as when I had.

598

:

My first baby.

599

:

I remember thinking, I'm going to keep

doing everything that I was doing and this

600

:

baby's going to do everything with me.

601

:

And I very soon realized

that was not the case.

602

:

Well, it's a more peaceful life anyway.

603

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: it is.

604

:

And what I've kind of said to friends

as well is, you know, I'm giving

605

:

myself a no year, so I'm spending

12 months of saying no to things

606

:

that I don't feel comfortable doing.

607

:

So I've even said to work, I'm not

gonna be coming to any summer parties

608

:

or anything like that this year.

609

:

I'm taking time for me this year

because I did have a bit of a

610

:

breakdown at work, in October and

I was signed off for three months.

611

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Right?

612

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Obviously

partly due to alcohol, too much binging.

613

:

but my life just wasn't in

order, so I'm now back working

614

:

i've now just dropped a day a week,

but it's, you know, to me it's a

615

:

mental health day so I can have

a day off and, and do eye please.

616

:

but I, I said to him when I came

back, I said, I'm having a no year.

617

:

I've even told work that

I've given up drinking.

618

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

619

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: my

manager's reaction to that was, well,

620

:

you didn't drink much anyway, did you?

621

:

I was, no,

622

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Well, not in front of you.

623

:

No.

624

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: yeah.

625

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Oh.

626

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

so I said to her, no, I'm not gonna

627

:

be attending any events this year.

628

:

I need to really look after myself,

get my life in check and, I don't

629

:

wanna head for a breakdown again.

630

:

I've already been open to work about.

631

:

Me stopping drinking.

632

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Mm-hmm.

633

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

so that's kind of made me feel more

634

:

comfortable knowing that,, if anything

does arise, I can just say no without

635

:

having to sit there explaining

636

:

and I said the same to my friends.

637

:

You know, if you want.

638

:

To catch up and see me, then let's

go out for an early morning walk.

639

:

Or some of my friends don't like

getting up early, so, you know, maybe

640

:

we'll meet at sort of 11, 12 o'clock

and go for brunch or something.

641

:

'Cause I, I call home my

safe space, which I'm,

642

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

643

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

sure you know, I'm safe.

644

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: yeah.

645

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

And, you know, it is, it's

646

:

a complete dry house now.

647

:

So it's, you know, and I, I don't

feel like, you know, God, I'm here.

648

:

I'm on my own, you know, like

tonight my partner's out.

649

:

but I'm not sitting here

thinking, oh, I'm alone.

650

:

I'm, I need to go up

and get myself my wine.

651

:

I knew I was talking with you tonight.

652

:

I knew this would be a nice session,

and then I'm gonna treat myself

653

:

to a nice bath in an early night.

654

:

And, you know, I've got tomorrow

off work and I just know

655

:

that I can embrace my day and

656

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

you are living the

657

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: I have,

I just, I just feel so excited about life.

658

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

659

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

everything feels so

660

:

different this time round.

661

:

I don't feel exhausted.

662

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: No.

663

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: I

said when I stopped before it exhausted

664

:

me because I was trying too much.

665

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

666

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Where

this time it just feels it's come easier.

667

:

And having that journal and listening

to podcasts, things are settling down

668

:

quicker and yeah, I'm just excited to see

what other challenges I can get up to.

669

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: I can

well imagine that your life is gonna be

670

:

very full and it's just amazing, like

to hear the story and you think of that

671

:

probably quite lonely kid who was drinking

at lunchtime and then through to now, and

672

:

that you've just really taken control.

673

:

Of your own life and made some

decisions that are right for you.

674

:

I love that you are having a no year.

675

:

I love saying no to things.

676

:

Now, I used to be a real people pleaser

and now I'm like, no, thank you.

677

:

Don't, I don't want

678

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

679

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

even give a reason.

680

:

Most of the time I just

say, no, thank you.

681

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

682

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

It's because I want to protect.

683

:

Myself as well, like, and it's not

necessarily for me anymore to do

684

:

with drinking, but it's just to

do with being too tired or that I

685

:

just wanna stay in and do nothing.

686

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

687

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

always feel like I had to

688

:

say, oh, I can't come because,

689

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

And making excuse.

690

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: I never

used to think it was all right to just

691

:

say, oh, sorry, now I can't make it.

692

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

693

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

that's my favorite,

694

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Yeah, exactly.

695

:

I'm quite an independent person, so, if

I want to go out for a walk, I'm happy

696

:

to put my, podcast on and I'll go and

walk for 10 miles, sort of three hours.

697

:

I'm out for sometimes, and I love it.

698

:

I'll get down my sea front

sometimes and watch the sunrise and,

699

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

700

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: go

and take myself to a coffee shop.

701

:

I love.

702

:

Doing things on my own.

703

:

I, I don't need lots of people around me.

704

:

I, I prefer my own company.

705

:

Sometimes it's nice to catch up with

people, obviously, I'm happy being in my

706

:

bed at half past seven, eight o'clock I

get up at four o'clock in the morning.

707

:

I go to the gym, and then I've

got the rest of the day to myself.

708

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Whole day to enjoy

709

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yes.

710

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

lots, lots more days

711

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Yeah, exactly.

712

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

top podcasts before we go,

713

:

what are your top podcasts?

714

:

Do you listen to any podcasts

that would help someone else?

715

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

So my go-to at the moment is

716

:

called Addicted to Recovery.

717

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Okay.

718

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

reason being is they are a

719

:

couple of local guys to me.

720

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Okay.

721

:

Mm-hmm.

722

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: But

it was nice to listen to local voices.

723

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah.

724

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

When they're talking about sort

725

:

of areas around where I live and

different towns and that, I just felt

726

:

like I could relate more listening

to local lads from around my area.

727

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

well there's connection isn't there

728

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

729

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: so it

730

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: yeah,

731

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

it's funny you say that about the

732

:

voice because actually that is the

reason that I've done this podcast.

733

:

So when I, when I first stopped, I

listened to the Sober Baristas podcast.

734

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: yeah.

735

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: I

can't remember where she's from.

736

:

Lucy, Lucy Rocker, she's called.

737

:

but anyway, the Sober Baristas

podcasts are great, and they're just

738

:

interviews with people in the uk so

the accents are kind of familiar.

739

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

740

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

and then another one that I

741

:

really love is Victoria Van Stone.

742

:

I don't know if you've, heard

of, it's called Sober Awkward.

743

:

You all love it.

744

:

You have to listen to it.

745

:

It's hilarious.

746

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

that down.

747

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: about,

she does talk about sobriety and you

748

:

know, some of the more serious side of

it, but she's also crazy bonkers if you

749

:

listen to, she's been on my podcast,

but then for me that was a massive thing

750

:

'cause she's a proper sober hero of mine.

751

:

But her podcast won like the

number one wellness podcast in

752

:

Australia, but she's not Australian.

753

:

She's from the uk.

754

:

I found them more relatable

and that's why I did this.

755

:

'cause there wasn't that many that were uk

756

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: No.

757

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: very

758

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

759

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

so hopefully you'll enjoy

760

:

those as well if you listen to

761

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

I'll definitely have a look at them.

762

:

Thank you

763

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

You are welcome.

764

:

And I appreciate you sharing

your story with everybody.

765

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

more than welcome.

766

:

. vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Thanks so much for coming on,

767

:

sharing your story with everyone.

768

:

You're gonna have inspired

someone, someone sitting

769

:

there thinking, I can do it.

770

:

She can do it.

771

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Yeah, if I can do it and climb three

772

:

mountains as well and go on a side broad

inclusive holiday within 80 days, then

773

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yeah,

774

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

can do it too.

775

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Of course you can.

776

:

And climb more mountains.

777

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145: Yes.

778

:

vic-host42_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Thank you so much.

779

:

Bye.

780

:

elise-burns_1_05-20-2025_181145:

Thank you.

781

:

Thank you for listening.

782

:

To Sabre alcohol-free stories.

783

:

If this episode helped you,

Please like share and follow.

784

:

Or leave a review on pod chaser.

785

:

Dot com.

786

:

And if you've got a story to

tell, please contact me on Sabre.

787

:

A F stories@outlook.com.

788

:

And don't forget.

789

:

You can make your catch phrase.

790

:

I don't drink.

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About the Podcast

Sober, Alcohol Free Stories
"I Don't Drink"
If you’ve ever googled “do I drink too much” this podcast is for you!

This is for those of you who end up wondering what’s wrong with you, questioning how your friends can possibly drink so slowly, or worse can just have one with dinner (aliens). For those of you who have tried to moderate, just a Thursday, only red wine, not before 6, not after 9, not if I’m wearing blue 😊

For those of you who secretly don’t enjoy the theatre because you know the show will be an interruption to a booze filled evening. For those who fall out with loved ones, lose handbags, feel lonely or shameful the morning after, wear sunglasses on the school run, or enjoy way too many mints for an average human. For those who need something to change but feel it it’s impossible to break up with their loyal companion – booze.

The good news is you are NOT weird, or alone, there’s millions of us, just like you. You CAN stop drinking alcohol. I know this because until Jan 2022 I was all the above, and now “I don’t drink”.

In this podcast we will delve in to what it takes to become alcohol free in a society that’s quite frankly obsessed with drinking! I’ll talk to people just like you and me, some near the beginning of their alcohol-free life, and some further along, but all with one thing in common, the courage to stare booze in the face and say NO, NOT ME, NOT ANYMORE! They will share their sliding doors moments, regrets, loves, pink clouds and the tools that have helped them to succeed.

We will show you that life without the “wine witch” is actually pretty amazing, how we all thought we were losing something, but what we have gained is insurmountable. We will share how our lives transformed, skin began to glow, sleep became deep and relaxing, bodies became healthy, relationships flourished, careers progressed, and our minds were at peace. WE will show you that you deserve the chance to be happy and free and turn what may seem impossible into possible.

Listen along and join me in making your catchphrase “I don’t drink”.

About your host

Profile picture for VICTORIA Banat

VICTORIA Banat