Episode 11
Vic and Beckie - Sober, Alcohol free stories and removing the moody effect!
Hi everybody and welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories. I'm Victoria and I don't drink. Today I'll talk to Beckie. Beckie, like many, noticed her drinking was changing over the years and what was once fun became a bit dark. , fed up of the moderation roller coaster, and the moody effects her drink choice was having on her, she gave up trying to drink and chose her freedom instead.
Transcript
Hi everybody and welcome to
Sober Alcohol Free Stories.
2
:I'm Victoria and I don't drink.
3
:Today I'll talk to Becky.
4
:Becky, like many, noticed her drinking
was changing over the years and
5
:what was once fun became a bit dark.
6
:, fed up of the moderation roller
coaster, she gave up trying to
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:drink and chose her freedom instead.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Hi, Becky.
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:How are you doing today?
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I'm good.
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:Thank you
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: And
thank you very much for coming on today.
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:I came across you because
of another podcast guest.
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:and she had mentioned that she was
part of your amazing Facebook group.
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:so I joined your Facebook group,
which we'll talk about a little bit
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:later because I think it's fantastic.
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:And
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:lots of people that I know who don't drink
would probably benefit from having a look.
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:So we will definitely talk about that.
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:when I joined, you were kind enough
to comment on the podcast and then
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:obviously it just felt natural to
ask if you would like to come on.
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:I don't know anything about your story.
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:So I'm going to be finding out alongside
everybody else today, which is how
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:I like to do things best anyway.
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:so I'm going to hand over to you
and just ask you if you can just
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:introduce yourself, please, Becky,
tell us a little bit about your story.
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:So what brought you here today?
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Okay.
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:Hi Thank you for having me on.
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:It's a pleasure.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
my daughter's 19, my son is 22,
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:he's at university in Manchester.
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:? , first drink, I think I was about 13.
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:A friend's family party, and I don't know
if we were encouraged by her parents, but
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:they were certainly sort of okay with us.
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:And it made me feel a bit
lightheaded and a bit weird.
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:That's my first experience with alcohol.
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:don't remember alcohol being in our
house or my parents drinking a lot.
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:Um,
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:But it must have been there because
I remember one occasion I had some
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:friends around, I think we were
about 14 and we mixed a concoction
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:in a little tumbler glass of, I
don't know, brandy and neat spirits
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yuck.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
it and I drank the whole thing and
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:then threw up into the kitchen sink.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Oh my God.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
listening to this.
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:so that, was sort of dabbling.
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:Um, parties, the usual kind of
teen stuff where there was alcohol.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah,
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
sneaking into the local wine bar,
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: and
then you are old enough to go drinking,
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:so you're in the pub all the time.
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:I also worked in a nightclub, which
probably didn't help because after
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:we shut the bar at the end of the
night, we'd all sit around drinking.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Mm hmm.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I was 18.
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:I was living at home, I wasn't, I don't
think I was paying my mum anything,
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:so I had quite a lot of money, and
I was going out, , every weekend,
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:Thursday, Saturday, maybe Sundays,
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:And after about three years, I
thought I can't carry on like this.
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:I want to do a bit more with my life.
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:So I went to university age 20,
21, where alcohol is a massive
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:part of university and still is.
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:there was a lot of drinking there and I
actually put on quite a lot of weight.
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:so when I left uni, I did weight
watches and lost a couple of stone.
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:And at that point I realized how many
calories are in alcohol because you
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Yeah, that was a shocker, wasn't it?
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Yeah.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: one
of my friends was doing Weight Watchers
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:with me and she wasn't counting alcohol.
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:So every week she wasn't.
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:losing any weight, but she wasn't
counting her alcoholic drinks.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Yeah, it's so much, there's
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:so many calories in alcohol.
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:I did Weight Watchers
before I got married,
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Yeah.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: and I
remember finding out how much calories
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:was in alcohol, and so on a Friday night I
replaced my dinner with a bottle of wine.
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:That was so bad!
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Choices.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: You know.
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:Oh dear.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: Oh,
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: So go on.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
So that was sort of university,
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:then early twenties, I got my
first job and met actually one
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:of my best friends at that job.
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:we, again, were going out.
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:A lot during the week.
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:We shared a flat together and I remember
we'd sit there on a Friday night and
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:we'd get we're not going out tonight.
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:We're not going out tonight and we'd end
up going out and we never had any money.
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:So we'd kind of get people
to buy drinks for us.
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:But it all centered around
alcohol, , all of the.
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:Teens, early twenties,
life was around alcohol.
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:Then I got pregnant with my
son at 28 and stopped drinking.
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:had my daughter two, two,
three years after that.
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:Then alcohol sneaks back in.
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:It's that whole mummy wine thing
that everybody talks about.
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:You're so
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Mm-hmm
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
so tired.
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:You're working full time
and looking after a family.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Mm-hmm
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: seen
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Mm-hmm
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: when
actually the damage it's doing, you don't
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:even realise, you don't think about it,
it's kind of, you just want to get through
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: day.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
it was very well marketed as well.
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:I had my children, maybe a little bit
later than you, but I don't know any mums
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:who haven't said it's wine time, it's,
you know, or you hasn't sent you a card,
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:, with a, the hurrah for gin or that kind of
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
absolutely.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
So it's not really surprising
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:that we all bought into that.
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:I don't think, I mean, I think
currently there are millions of mothers
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:still doing the same thing because
that's what they believe is the way
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:to help with all of those stresses.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
It's sold as a treat, that's the problem,
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:I think we're Brainwashed to see it as a
treat and something that's good for you.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah,
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
like chocolate and sugar
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:and cakes and all that stuff
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
yeah, I know.
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:I'm still stuck in the sugar
chocolate triangle, but
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
in the chocolate triangle as well
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
We'll deal with that one another day.
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:Yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Mid, mid thirties, I think.
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:I was already struggling a
bit with hormones maybe, and
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:stress levels were very high.
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:So I started running I thought
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
our fridge had broken.
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:I thought, I can't deal with this anymore.
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:I'm going for a run.
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:I said to my husband at the
time, I'm going for a run.
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:He said, what?
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:You don't run?
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:I said, I know, but I'm gonna lose it.
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:I'm gonna get out the house.
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:And I went for a run and . And I said
to him the next day, I'm in agony.
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:He said, you've got to do it again.
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:So I went again, and I started
running and loved it thought, Oh,
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:I wonder if I could do a marathon.
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:So I signed up for the London marathon
about two months after I started running.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Oh, wow.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I had loads of support from friends
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:and school mums, started marathon
training and did the London Marathon
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:in 2012 in five hours something,
We are not meant to run that far.
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:awful and I would never do it again.
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:huge respect to people who, do
marathons over and over again.
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:I was thinking the other day, all
of that time, all of that training,
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:I was drinking wine throughout and
wondering why I'd get back from a run
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:and feel shocking, , about an hour
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
massive headache, feel
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:sick, couldn't work it out.
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:And it was, I reckon it was that severely
dehydrated, constant dehydration.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: so,
and also with the kids, I think, I feel
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:now, sorry, I might get a bit emotional.
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:I
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
No, it's fine, don't.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I missed a lot with the kids.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
were times where I've heard other people
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:say this, where it's Halloween and your
trick or treating and you wanna get
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:back 'cause you wanna have a glass of
wine and look at, I think it's awful.
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:I mean, awful.
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:And I actually apologized to my.
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:To both of them.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Oh, bless you.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
to my kids and they're
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:like, don't be stupid mom.
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:Sorry.
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:Get a grip.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Do you know what?
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:No, don't get a grip at all, because
I completely understand what you
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:mean, and I have felt those things
before, so I have felt that.
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:Gosh, I remember things like bath time.
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:I don't want to have a glass of wine.
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:I kind of rushed through bath time,
or maybe we wouldn't have a story one
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:night because I was just done in.
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:I was like, get to bed so that not
that I didn't love them, not that I
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:wanted to be with, didn't want to be
with them, but I wanted the thing that
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:made me think I was then going to relax
and have that kind of numb PC feeling.
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:So I completely understand a why that
happened and be why you feel bad about it.
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:But, there is definitely a but, you
mustn't, because you didn't know then
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:what you know now anyway, and you were
doing your best, and you were doing your
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:best with what you had, and I think that
it's so easy to look back and kind of
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:criticise the things that we did, but
there's so many things that fed into
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:those things, and you've chosen now
to do something pretty bloody amazing.
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:I, just no regrets, you wouldn't be
doing exactly what you're doing right
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:now had you not done all of those things.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: is
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: and
so many mums have done it and still do
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:it today and they're still great mums.
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:And also I was looking at
videos of my kids the other day.
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:so many amazing happy memories and
laughing I was like do you know what
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:I was actually a great mum you know
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
You do have to remind yourself.
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:I had a Facebook memory pop up the other
day of my two and fancy dress for school
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:and I thought I made that fancy dress.
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:I made that
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
You know, I did.
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:I was a
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah,
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
am a great mom, but you
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:do have to remind yourself
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah,
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
sometimes just, just.
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:I'm just going to look at
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah,
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
a bad way.
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:But
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
therapy, quite like chatting
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
have to do it again.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Yeah, we'll have to get together more.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Definitely.
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:Um, where was I up to?
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:Um, oh then
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
So you'd apologise to your kids,
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I fast forwarded to two years ago now.
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Mm hmm.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
you wonder how you got to this point.
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:How have I got to this point?
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:. I'm drinking every day by
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Mm hmm.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Not loads, I'll have one or
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:two glasses of wine a night.
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:And my fiancé said to me a couple of
days ago, but you weren't drinking a lot.
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:It's like it's not, I don't think
it's the amount, it's the frequency,
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Mm hmm.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
that's too much.
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:And he doesn't really
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: hmm.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
And I always felt conscious then
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:that I was pouring wine every day,
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
hating myself, and I've heard loads,
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: hmm.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: I've
listened to tons of podcasts and I hear
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:people say this all the time, then you
get into that battle, well I shouldn't
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:be doing this, constant brain fight,
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
and then I started just feeling
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:rubbish every single time I drank,
and I think a lot of this is to do
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:with being at the perimenopausal age.
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:The anxiety was horrific,
absolutely horrific, racing
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:heart at night, instantly moody.
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:As soon as I had half a glass of
wine, I got in a massive mood, got
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:really stroppy and I'm thinking, this
isn't normal, this is not normal,
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: hmm.
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:Mm hmm.
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:Yeah.
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:Mm hmm.
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:Yeah.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Dry Jan in:
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:then I thought, right, I'll only
drink on from Thursday to Sunday
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:to Wednesday.
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:And you're like, well, maybe I'll just
do Monday, Tuesday without it this week.
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:And it, exhausting, exhausting.
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:That went on for a year.
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:Got to Christmas 23, and it was
just myself and my partner and I
275
:just felt completely crap all day.
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:We were drinking, you know, not loads,
but we were drinking during the day
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:and I just felt really depressed.
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:And that, at that point,
I thought that's it.
279
:so I did dry Jan last year.
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:And did the whole month at my own body
weight, and chocolate, and biscuits, and
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Me too.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
the Dry Jan community on Facebook reading
283
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Uh huh,
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
posts this Dry January.
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:I'm like, that's me.
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:It must be the same
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah.
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:huh, huh, huh, huh,
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: but
anyway, got through that, then I thought,
290
:right, it's my 50th in February, I'm drink
on my birthday, and I wish I hadn't, I
291
:didn't drink loads, maybe two glasses of
wine and a vodka, something like that,
292
:but , I was really all over the place.
293
:I was all over the place.
294
:And I did a pub quiz and I was making
mistakes reading out the questions
295
:and I just wasn't really there.
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:Um, so I had two drinks a month for
most of the first half of last year.
297
:Got to June and my partner
and I moved in together.
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:We bought a house and moved in together
and I drank every day for two weeks.
299
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: ump,
300
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
instant that you can't get rid of.
301
:Just awful and tired and
felt, I just felt ugh.
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:So I went back to my sort
of two drinks a month.
303
:Until
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: I
love all the rules that you put in.
305
:All these rules that we just try and,
306
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: make
307
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
you just don't want to say, , well
308
:I'm not going to drink anymore.
309
:So you'd say, I'm going to
drink like this instead.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
isn't it?
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:That's just too scary.
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:This thing that
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
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:Yeah,
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Got to August the 16th.
316
:It's my partner's birthday.
317
:And we had a family barbecue, and
it was all lovely, and I had two
318
:glasses of wine, and I felt really
cross, really moody, miserable,
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:tired, just, and that was it for me.
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:That was my clicking point, no going back.
321
:And I haven't gone back since then
because Every time I think about
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:how I felt on that day, that's what
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:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah,
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I can't, I can't,
325
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah,
326
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
live like that anymore.
327
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah.
328
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
So yeah, where,
329
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
And the thing is you don't have to.
330
:It's such a relief to think,
Oh, hold on, I, I actually
331
:don't have to do that anymore.
332
:I think that was a real turning point
for me, when I realised it was a choice.
333
:Because honestly, I never
really realised it was.
334
:I don't think I knew that
you could choose not to.
335
:It sounds completely
ludicrous, but I like you.
336
:Very, very similar stories.
337
:I think a lot of women of similar age to
us have similar stories because we were
338
:of that generation where particularly
like uni was really, I did the drinks
339
:from the parents cupboard as well.
340
:Down the park with a bottle of martini.
341
:I mean, we were terrible.
342
:We were, gosh, I hope my
kids don't play like I did.
343
:Really naughty.
344
:And then university was just crazy.
345
:I mean, it was fun.
346
:I didn't, I don't regret,
I don't regret that.
347
:I don't regret that part of it.
348
:But something changes,
doesn't it, over time?
349
:And it becomes just a bit darker.
350
:And I recognize the moody
thing that you've said as well.
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:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Darker, that's a good word.
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:And I
353
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
354
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
looking back at,:
355
:were times of real very close
to, to depression, I think.
356
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
357
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I'd say to my partner, I don't
358
:want to go out, don't want to do
anything, don't want to see anyone
359
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
360
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
It's gone.
361
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
362
:It goes.
363
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
crap days, but everyone has crap days.
364
:And I saw
365
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
366
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: on
the Facebook group this morning, and this.
367
:Someone, this girl, had put, Oh, you
know, I've been feeling really good, and
368
:now I just don't feel very good today.
369
:And I thought, well,
that's life, isn't it?
370
:That's just
371
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
372
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
If you're not a
373
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
374
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
be having days where you feel great, so.
375
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
376
:when you drink, you're numbing stuff out.
377
:So you are numbing out the difficult
stuff, but then, the good stuff
378
:is also sometimes numbed out.
379
:when you're not drinking
anymore, you feel everything.
380
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Yeah, absolutely.
381
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: know,
you're gonna feel the bad stuff a
382
:bit more than you maybe did before,
but what that weighs out at just so
383
:much better when you actually put it
into a scale how often did I feel?
384
:Shit when I was drinking and I don't
just mean physically shit, but like
385
:that I would tell myself that I was just
this awful person and I just had that
386
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
yourself.
387
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: berating
388
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Right.
389
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: I
just don't really do that anymore.
390
:I mean, I'm a woman in the
UK, so I still probably think.
391
:I'm too fat.
392
:I probably still think that I
shouldn't be eating the chocolate.
393
:I should probably go on
more runs or all those.
394
:I mean, I know it's all still
there, but never to that extent.
395
:I spoke to somebody a few
weeks ago on the podcast.
396
:It might be worth, mentioning it on
the Facebook group to that person.
397
:One of the ladies who's
written a book her book is.
398
:the blueprint of what to expect.
399
:So it's quite useful for people who
are stopping drinking because you
400
:come across things and you think,
well, why do I feel a bit rubbish?
401
:And everybody's talking about these
pink clouds and how amazing they feel.
402
:And I feel a bit shit.
403
:But that does happen because your
dopamine levels are all over the place.
404
:Everything's trying to sort itself out
and it just doesn't happen overnight.
405
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
That's the other thing I think is
406
:really a good point to make to anyone
listening who's in early sobriety.
407
:People do dry down and expect
to feel absolutely brilliant.
408
:We've
409
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
410
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I was drinking for 25
411
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yes.
412
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: are
you going to feel amazing after a month?
413
:You know, it
414
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
415
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
three months for my
416
:digestive system to improve.
417
:You know, the pink clouds came, but
not about two, three months time.
418
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
419
:Yeah.
420
:Yeah.
421
:Yeah.
422
:Yeah.
423
:Yeah.
424
:Yeah.
425
:Yeah.
426
:Yeah.
427
:Yeah.
428
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
there's a lot of changes going on.
429
:And processing emotional side
of it, I was not prepared for.
430
:The things that have happened
to you in your past are now
431
:going to hit you in the face.
432
:So I've been through a divorce,
you know, and how I got through
433
:that divorce, anger and alcohol.
434
:They were my two best friends
and I don't have that anymore.
435
:Lots of strange dreams
and all sorts of stuff.
436
:But going back to, to the self berating
and, and, you know, negative talk to
437
:yourself, I do have those thoughts
in my head sometimes, but mainly I
438
:think, God, I'm not a drinker anymore.
439
:And that, I mean, that's amazing.
440
:I'm so proud of myself.
441
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
442
:And you should be.
443
:It's, amazing.
444
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: is
445
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: I'm
literally like bananas proud of it.
446
:I'm like, that's why I'm
doing the podcast as well.
447
:There came a turning point for me where
I stopped seeing it is that I had given
448
:something up and that happened quite
quickly for me and started thinking about
449
:it as something that I had chosen to do.
450
:It's almost as soon as I
did that I started feeling
451
:this kind of pride about it.
452
:But I was very lucky because also my
family were like, you're doing amazing.
453
:This is great.
454
:I mean, my husband still drinks.
455
:. It doesn't affect him particularly
negatively, so he can crack on
456
:with that, but he is so proud of me
because I was the party girl, like
457
:everybody knew me as that, but behind
closed doors, I felt really bad
458
:about myself and so I had to change,
459
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
think a
460
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: but yeah.
461
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
are drinking to cover up what's
462
:actually going on inside.
463
:I mean,
464
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
465
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
don't mind going to pubs and going out for
466
:dinner and all of that doesn't bother me.
467
:But I do find drunk people
really irritating and
468
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
469
:Yeah.
470
:Don't we all?
471
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I'm really boring but I don't care,
472
:you know, I'm not waking up with a
massive hangover tomorrow and you are.
473
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Absolutely.
474
:And honestly, if any drunk person
says to me, being sober is really
475
:boring, I just would love to
hit record from that moment on
476
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
yeah.
477
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: the
evening and then say, there you go.
478
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: you.
479
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: It was
quite boring when you told me at the
480
:first time and it was definitely boring by
the time you told me at the eighth time.
481
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Oh yeah,
482
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
it's, it's not boring.
483
:My life has improved immeasurably
since I stopped drinking.
484
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
has, I mean, cri, um,
485
:Christmas, I'm not gonna lie.
486
:Christmas Day was a bit of
487
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Mm hmm.
488
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
but only Christmas Day, Christmas Eve.
489
:Not bothered, you know,
490
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
491
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
don't care.
492
:It was, I was on edge on Christmas day.
493
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
494
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I didn't even
495
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
496
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I don't know what it was.
497
:There's nothing else to do, is there?
498
:You just all sit
499
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
500
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
But actually, we had a lovely day.
501
:So, I think this year will be easier.
502
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Oh, it will.
503
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
and I've got a wedding to plan.
504
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
That's so exciting.
505
:And has this happened since
you've stopped drinking?
506
:The engagement?
507
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
proposed on my birthday in February,
508
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Oh, congratulations.
509
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
like you were saying, experiencing
510
:that sober was unbelievable,
just emotions, the emotions,
511
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
512
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
And we sat down and the waitress
513
:bought us two glasses of champagne
and I just went, I don't drink.
514
:That was
515
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
516
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
you know, without thinking about it,
517
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
518
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
that whole day, you know, still buzzing
519
:the next morning, oh my God, was
520
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
521
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
absolutely amazing.
522
:And to be sober at my
wedding, I can't wait.
523
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
524
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
second I work, my makeup
525
:won't be streaming down my
face from, you know, I'll be
526
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
527
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: So
528
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
529
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: very
530
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
won't be moody.
531
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
be moody and miserable.
532
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Can you imagine if you're just a
533
:few glasses wide and just really
miserable on your wedding day?
534
:Oh, God.
535
:Well, that is very exciting.
536
:Where are you getting married?
537
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
So, next April is planned for
538
:registry office and a lovely meal.
539
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Amazing.
540
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
we might go to some pubs afterwards.
541
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: you'll
have to ring them in advance and tell
542
:them to get some decent drinks in for you
so you don't have to just drink juice.
543
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Yes, water.
544
:There's only so much water
you can drink, in a day.
545
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Yeah, I know.
546
:I actually, when I first stopped my
favorite was a drink called Naughty.
547
:it's a zero alcohol, uh, fizz.
548
:So if you drank, Prosecco or those kind
of things, it's a replacement for that.
549
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Yeah,
550
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: So if I
was ever going to do a celebration, I had
551
:some for Christmas and things like that.
552
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
yeah,
553
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: going
back to your Christmas, Honestly,
554
:the first , the first time you do
anything, there's going to be a bit
555
:of anxiety because your brain knows
what it does in those situations.
556
:So all of a sudden it's not doing
what it's used to doing, is it?
557
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
absolutely.
558
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: a bit
weird about it, but now that you've done
559
:one and it was so peaceful and calm,
560
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: Yes,
561
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: honestly,
you'll be so looking forward to it.
562
:I love Christmas.
563
:So, but it's the nicest thing
because the food is amazing.
564
:I'm in a really good mood.
565
:I know that I'm not going
to fall out with anyone.
566
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Me too.
567
:And those arguments for no reason,
and so and so's annoying me, you know.
568
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Yeah, or you just even you think
569
:that you see something you think
somebody's done something to upset
570
:you but they probably haven't.
571
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
yeah.
572
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: I
look back on it now and I wonder how
573
:many times I misinterpreted things just
because my brain wasn't working properly.
574
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
almost paranoia, isn't it, runs
575
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah,
576
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
drinking.
577
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: So tell
us a bit about this Facebook group because
578
:we're actually coming near the end.
579
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
the group, is called the Sober Menopause.
580
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah,
581
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
is welcome.
582
:I started it because there's
loads of groups about menopause.
583
:Loads of groups about sobriety, but
there wasn't one that covered both.
584
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah,
585
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
what people don't realise is a lot
586
:of your menopausal symptoms if not
down to drinking, can be reduced.
587
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yes,
588
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
drinking.
589
:I mean, it's made a huge difference to me.
590
:My hot flushes have gone.
591
:I'm sleeping properly.
592
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah,
593
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
tired all the time.
594
:I'm not anxious.
595
:And all of that was alcohol.
596
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: yeah,
597
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
just thought, you know,
598
:if we can create a group.
599
:where we can chat about
both things at once.
600
:It's great.
601
:And
602
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
yeah, yeah.
603
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
on there, yourself included.
604
:It's a, it's just a lovely place to be and
605
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
It's a nice group.
606
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
open.
607
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: And
it's currently, not massive as well.
608
:So it's quite, it's quite nice.
609
:In a couple of years time, I expect
that to be a very different situation.
610
:but right now it feels it's very nice.
611
:It's very familiar.
612
:and yeah, some amazing women
on there just being vulnerable.
613
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
and because it's small, you can
614
:make friendships with people
615
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
616
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
seeing their posts.
617
:It's too
618
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
619
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I like a small group.
620
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
621
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
a lovely place
622
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
I do as well.
623
:So if anyone wants to join it,
it's a Facebook group, isn't it?
624
:And it's called DeRobert Menopause.
625
:Is that right?
626
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: the
627
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yes.
628
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: yes.
629
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
So for men, of course, yeah.
630
:Okay, and it's perfect for me
because I'm exactly that age.
631
:So the HRT has begun and
632
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
so much fun, such fun.
633
:Definitely,
634
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: but
at least we can look ourselves in the
635
:face and know that we're not adding to
it by, you know, throwing booze down
636
:our necks and just making ourselves
feel pretty goddamn awful on top of it.
637
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
definitely.
638
:I just don't think you can
drink at this time of life.
639
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: No,
640
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
I just don't think you can do it.
641
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: no,
no, definitely the anxiety and all of
642
:those things that I was experiencing
towards the end of before I stopped
643
:drinking, they actually disappeared.
644
:And I was taking some
medication for anxiety , it's
645
:a horrible, horrible feeling.
646
:and, and I, within two months,
wasn't taking any medication at all.
647
:It was just unbelievable.
648
:And I still worry about things.
649
:I'm, , I'm a mom, I'm a normal person.
650
:Of course, I'm going to worry
about things, but I certainly
651
:don't let them spiral.
652
:And I'm much more realistic
and I can contextualize things.
653
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
Yeah.
654
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: exactly.
655
:It doesn't, you don't have that
middle of the night whirring.
656
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: No.
657
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
have I done?
658
:What have I said?
659
:Who have I up there?
660
:Where are my shoes?
661
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: What
have I got to apologize to in the morning?
662
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
I need to say sorry to?
663
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: Yes.
664
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Oh God.
665
:No, thank you.
666
:I don't want to go back
to that ever again.
667
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
It's an amazing life.
668
:It's an
669
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
670
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
It's an amazing life now.
671
:I'm so glad I did it.
672
:I wish I'd done it sooner, but
everyone says that, don't they?
673
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah.
674
:No one ever regrets giving up alcohol.
675
:I've never met a person that
said no, that wasn't for me.
676
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228: No.
677
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
Even people who've tried for like
678
:a short amount of time and lots of
people don't wanna start by saying
679
:I'm never gonna have anything again.
680
:'cause that's too big for me.
681
:That was what I wanted to do actually.
682
:'cause I'm a kind of all or
nothing person, but lots of people.
683
:Just wanna start off with,
I'm gonna do three months.
684
:I think that your advice is good.
685
:I think three months
is better than a month.
686
:'cause you don't really
get the benefits of it.
687
:Up to the month.
688
:So dry January is brilliant, but if you
can push it, keep going for three months,
689
:because that's when you'll really start
to realize how much better you feel.
690
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
physical changes.
691
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: Yeah,
692
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
more noticeable after three months,
693
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225:
definitely.
694
:And be prepared for some, ups
and downs because you open a
695
:few floodgates when you stop
696
:squadcaster-df71_1_03-08-2025_100228:
it's a rollercoaster.
697
:vic-host678_1_03-08-2025_100225: It is
a roller coaster, but it's a really good
698
:one and I definitely won't be getting off.
699
:Yeah.
700
:Becky, well, thank you so much for
sharing your story with us this morning.
701
:You so much for sharing your
story with us this morning.
702
:Really inspiring.
703
:And, everybody's welcome to join
that Facebook group and it'd be
704
:lovely to see some few there.
705
:And thanks Becky.
706
:Bye.
707
:Thank you for listening.
708
:To Sabre alcohol-free stories.
709
:If this episode helped you,
Please like share and follow.
710
:Or leave a review on pod chaser.
711
:Dot com.
712
:And if you've got a story to
tell, please contact me on Sabre.
713
:A F stories@outlook.com.
714
:And don't forget.
715
:You can make your catch phrase.
716
:I don't drink.