Episode 11

Vic and Jilly - Sober, Alcohol free stories and living into life!

Published on: 29th November, 2024

Today I talk to Jilly about how her drinking escalated and simultaneously stopped offering her the confidence and connection she was searching for. Jilly's positivity is contagious as she teaches us to create a life we love and to truly "Live into it"

Transcript
Speaker:

Hi everyone, I'm Victoria

and I don't drink.

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Today I'll be talking to Jilly about how

her drinking escalated and simultaneously

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stopped offering her the confidence

and connection she was looking for.

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Jilly's positivity is

contagious as she teaches us

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To create a life that we

love and truly live into it.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: So hi, Jilly.

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lovely to have you on today.

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Very nice to see you from all

the way across the other side of

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the world, and thanks for coming

on at such short notice for me,

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You just jumped right in for me.

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So I really appreciate that.

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, you've heard the podcast and and

we were just talking about me

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about what we're going to do today.

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What I want to do is, ask you some

questions around your story, how you

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got to the decision that you didn't

want to drink anymore what that took and

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some of the challenges and some of the

wonderful things that have come out of it.

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And so as always, I'll just start

by asking you what your story is.

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So if you can tell us a bit about

yourself, that would be great.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Absolutely, Vic.

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Thank you so much for having me on.

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I've enjoyed your podcast deeply

and I feel like you and I have a

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special kinship because we started,

sort of a month or two apart from

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yes.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: and

have always been a bit on the same page.

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So, I feel very honored and,

flattered that you would ask

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me to be on your podcast.

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it's a real pleasure.

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my story, I wish I had a more, dramatic

story, but I'll tell you my story and

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what led me to, the decision that I made.

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so I, I really really drink as a teenager.

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I grew up in the UK and then came

over to the U S for university.

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and it was an enormously difficult

transition actually for me

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moving from London to America.

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And, when I went to university,

I felt, I felt quite awkward and I

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was teased quite a bit, you know,

is sort of, you know, kids, right.

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Even young adults, um,

you know, just all just.

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I said, my accent, all

the different things.

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I felt very awkward.

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And I also think that that time in

your life tends to be, a time of

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change and discovery, and you're

growing into yourself I felt

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very awkward and uncomfortable.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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Mm-Hmm.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

I remember the first time drinking

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in my dorm room with my roommate

this is the solution here.

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It is completely numb.

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And now I'm super confident and I

can go to all these parties and not

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feel, like the kid from England.

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He was just standing out,

amongst all these Americans.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm-Hmm?

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

and that sort of carried on

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quite heavily through college.

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when I left university, I didn't really

Drink a lot in my thirties and forties.

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I got married quite young and had kids and

I was really busy parenting and working.

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And I, I drank, socially, on the

weekends, um, really never at home,

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and I was very, very busy with my job.

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then the pandemic hit and, everything

got turned upside down for me.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm-Hmm.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

of a sudden, you know, I wasn't

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working, I wasn't traveling.

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I wasn't doing the things.

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And what I realized was alcohol

for me was about numbing any

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kind of feeling of discomfort.

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That's, how I learned

to deal with discomfort

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm-Hmm.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: hit.

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And all of a sudden I was drinking at home

and, I think I got to drinking a bottle of

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wine a night and now I'm drinking with my

husband at home and now it's every night

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and it's not just the weekends anymore.

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it just felt really awful.

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within a year, it became

a pretty serious habit

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm-Hmm.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

I just.

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looking forward to drinking more

than anything else in the day.

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And during the pandemic, the only

things I could really do, safely were,

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playing tennis outdoors, going for

hikes, going for swims in the sea.

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And I started not really enjoying

those things because to be honest,

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I had a little bit of a sick tummy

and I had a headache and no energy

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And I'd be in the middle of a

hike or in the middle of a match.

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I'd honestly be thinking about, I

can't wait till I can open that wine.

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Ooh, I can't wait till

I can open that wine.

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That hint of relief, you know, I

just stopped recognizing myself and

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I stopped enjoying the things that

I used to enjoy really doing that

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were enough in and of themselves.

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And I realized that.

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Through no fault of my own.

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I'd kind of gone down that

slippery slope, right?

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and so was really the

turning point for me.

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I started, Googling,

am I drinking too much?

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You know, all those

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357:

Well, we've all Googled.

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Am I drinking too much?

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A few times.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

and I think you had even said, I think

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you had said to me at one time, listen,

if you're if you're Googling that, if

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you think you have a problem, right?

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

You need

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm-Hmm?

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

question.

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You've got a problem.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm-Hmm.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

and then I found.

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Transcribed And that was very

comforting to me because.

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Um, A, it's, you know, it's based in the

UK and that still feels like home to me,

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm-Hmm.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

now for double the time

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that I ever lived in the UK.

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more than double.

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it felt very kind of cozy and

warm and the community felt

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very cozy and warm and safe.

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I just thought, well, you know,

I'll give this thing a go.

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And so I, I joined our group took

on the a hundred day challenge.

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And I remember feeling like, there's,

no way I can do this forever, you

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know, like this has become like

such an ingrained habit for me.

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And Nick was like, listen, you

don't have to decide on forever.

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Just commit to the a hundred days.

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Just, just do it for a

hundred days and then decide.

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I will say that the first 10 days.

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We're pretty grim.

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I did not feel so good

for the first 10 days.

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And then I think the alcohol

was out of my system.

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I started feeling better and she came

back and I started swimming again.

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I started going for hikes and I

started sort of, it's a little bit

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like that moment in the wizard of Oz

where, um, where, you know, Dorothy

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comes out of the house and everything

goes from black and white to color.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

for me, Vic,

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

here I am again, you know, here I am.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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Mm-Hmm?

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

and the peace and the calm I felt, and it

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was like I had taken this wrong turn and

just went off this track and it was just

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And, and then the further I went, just

felt, oh, this is the way I want to be.

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And so.

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I had wobbly bits.

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I mean, there are a couple of times, I

think one time I even reached out to you

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and I was like, maybe I didn't really

have a problem because you read, what

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happens is you, I'm an avid reader,

different memoirs and things, and you're

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like, oh my God, yeah, that person's so

much worse than me, I obviously didn't

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have a problem I had posted something

and you hopped on there right away.

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And you're like, No, actually you did.

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Or you wouldn't have been here.

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Full stop.

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End of story.

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Right?

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No, but I needed that.

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Honestly, I

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm-Hmm.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

that.

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That was like, you're right.

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Do I want to

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm hmm.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

of who I was?

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Like, sick, Icky tummy headache, having

no energy, just limping through the day.

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Just getting to that next glass of wine.

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Do I want to be in this

sparkly color place?

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

choose sparkly color.

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and I think what it came down.

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To me, um,

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I guess it was really about greed.

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I think I'm quite greedy.

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You know, I'm really greedy

for all of the experiences.

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I don't want to miss anything.

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I

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

all the experiences.

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I want to be outside.

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I want to really enjoy my life.

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and concurrently I watched my mother

dying, of dementia brought on by alcohol.

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And I just thought I really don't.

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Want to go that route.

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And so it was like this

sort of constant reminder.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

I just didn't waver.

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I stuck with my tools.

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I read a lot.

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I, listen to podcasts.

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I have several routines that

are really important to me.

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The community that, we're in and Sober

East is in our hope and glory group,

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especially the friendships I've made there

and the honesty and the vulnerability.

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I think those have really

been keys to my success.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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I think they have to everyone in the team.

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And, this connection element of doing this

seems to come up time and again, whenever

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I speak to anyone from any walk of life.

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And it's that just that

feeling part of something.

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And it interests me because quite a few.

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people that I've spoken with either in

the podcast or just through sobriety

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have had that story that you had around

feeling like they didn't fit in for

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whatever reason that was at a certain

point in their life and then when they

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drank alcohol it took that away and it

and it made it possible to fit in and

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then obviously it went down a path that

didn't have a particularly good result.

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So I had to make some changes, but it's

interesting how wanting connection was

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probably one of the reasons we start

and then getting connection is one

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of the things that helps us to stop

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Yes, exactly right, Vic.

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And I think that one of the ironic

things about drinking is that.

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it started about, feeling comfortable

to reach out and seek connection, but

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it ended up quite isolating, didn't it?

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. vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah,

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

then that became my priority, right?

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And so I think I was a bit of a

gray area drinker, you know, I

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never really drank anything other

than beer and wine, but I drank.

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A lot.

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And like you, I'm a fast drinker.

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It doesn't matter what I'm drinking,

whether it's coffee or tea or

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yes.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

switch is broken.

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Right?

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And so then it's not

about connection anymore.

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It's about isolating because the

priority for me became how much.

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And there's never enough.

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There was never enough to

get to how I wanted to feel,

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peaceful and connected and calm.

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The antithesis of that is the opposite.

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It's to kind of say,

this isn't the answer.

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The answer is true connection.

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And when I was drinking, I didn't feel

like I was truly connecting with anybody

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else because I was always kind of

minding, well, what's everybody drinking

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and how quickly are they drinking it?

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is now a good time to ask for another?

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Right?

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I'm not listening.

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Yeah, right?

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I'm tracking.

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So, in stopping, I have

re found true connection.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah,

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

that's one of the coolest gifts.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357:

Definitely the same for me.

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And I, and there's so many things

about our stories that are similar,

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Julia, I think in terms of the

levels that we got to, Who we

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were before it and why we did it.

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So I was also someone who didn't

really feel they fitted in.

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I moved around a lot as a child.

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So new schools regularly,

didn't have an awful lot of

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confidence in secondary school.

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It was my second secondary school.

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Wasn't particularly pleasant

and then went on to university

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and exactly the same thing.

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All of a sudden you're

like, Oh, hold on a minute.

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This is, I can reinvent myself and I've

got this new thing that I can just do.

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I did drink prior to that as

well, to be fair, but that was

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a real, game changer almost.

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And then it goes into this

adulthood and you become, You sort

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of become that person, don't you?

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I developed a persona almost around it.

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Like everybody knew me as a party girl.

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Everybody knew that if there

was anything going on, I'd

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turn up with a bottle of fizz.

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That was just what I did.

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Kids parties, picnics,

didn't matter what it was.

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I could always bring along a bottle

of fizz and turn it into that.

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Cause that's what I

wanted to turn it into.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Yeah.

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I mean, I remember being on a plane

because I was in global sales for a while.

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this is still so humiliating to me, but

the, the flight attendants said, I'm

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having a hard time keeping up with you.

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it was embarrassing.

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and I was like, what do you mean you're

having a hard time keeping up with me?

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Get it together, you know,

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: yeah,

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

and it was just awful,

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

yuck.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: That's

that embarrassment though, isn't it?

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And that's where you start

to lose connection, isn't it?

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Because you don't really want

people to notice or to comment.

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I mean, God commenting on it.

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That's like, what?

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How dare you?

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I know.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

commenting on it, right?

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And you're sitting there, and then

I just felt like this burning shame.

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And I was like, but I have to have it,

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah,

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: And

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: I'm

not ashamed enough to not have

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it, but that was very nice.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: so,

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: it is so bad.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: I

just cringe when I think about it now.

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I really do.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah, I know.

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So do I.

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Lots of things I cringe about

that I'm reminded of on occasion.

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Oh, I wouldn't, I wouldn't

choose it for the world.

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I was started listening to a

new book this morning, actually.

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Um, And the lady who wrote was just

talking about that again, the same

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experience and that just that sort of, uh,

that feeling of how embarrassing it is.

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It's hard to explain really to

someone who hasn't really been there.

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That is enough to make you

go, no, this isn't, this isn't

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something I can do anymore.

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It's just horrendous.

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I'd hate myself.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

there is an element to a feeling

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exposed, you know, I felt like, I

was flying under the radar Right.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Drakeson, transatlantic

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flight, not a big deal.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

She was a hundred percent onto me,

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yes.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

you know

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Busted.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

And I felt so, I felt so

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exposed and vulnerable.

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Like she knows.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

was doing quite a good job about

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being, kind of moderate with everybody

me and, you know, and I wasn't,

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: No,

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: so

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: You were

probably about five drinks ahead of them.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: I

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

probably was, you know, and I just,

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um, I think I didn't ever really

get super wobbly because would

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have a recollection like that.

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Now I'd be like, no, I don't

want to be that person.

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I really like, I really like my life now.

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I really like what I've created.

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I really like who I am right now.

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I love the energy I wake

up with in the morning.

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I love my routines.

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I love working in my garden.

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I love being outside.

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I love learning new things, I wouldn't

trade that for anything that being

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said, I don't begrudge anybody who

does like, you know, my husband can

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absolutely drink and not get weird.

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Like, for the most part, for the

most part, I wasn't like that.

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: so

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vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Oh,

it's a definite Taylor Swift.

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I'm the problem.

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It's me, isn't it?

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Here it is, because I

have the same thing here.

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he doesn't really drink either.

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Well, he does, but.

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He's one of those aliens

who can take it or leave it.

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And, you know, that's

his thing and it's fine.

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but like you, I wouldn't

swap it for the world either.

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Tell me a bit about, you

made a decision to stop.

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You said that first week was hell.

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What, what were the, if someone was

deciding to stop, what are some of the

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things that you might want to let them

know they could expect just in terms

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of how it felt or what you experienced?

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and then we'll go on to talk about

some of the wonderful joys that

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you've had ever since, because I

know that your life is really full.

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I want to hear about that as well.

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squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

yeah, I think, that first week,

354

:

my sleep was a little funky.

355

:

I had incredible sugar cravings

probably due to the fact that,

356

:

when you're drinking a lot of wine,

you're drinking quite a bit of sugar.

357

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yes.

358

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

and somebody in the group said,

359

:

look, just give into the sugar.

360

:

Cravings, you know, you want to have

chocolate, have chocolate, have ice cream,

361

:

have whatever it is, this will pass.

362

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm hmm.

363

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

of the decision and sort of going

364

:

down, Oh, I don't know this is hard.

365

:

Oh, can I do this forever?

366

:

It's sort of like this white

knuckling kind of feeling, right?

367

:

and then it just, as quickly

as it comes on, it goes away.

368

:

And so I, as anybody who's, who's trying

it, just stay the course, stay with it

369

:

because miracles are around the corner.

370

:

If you just stay with it and get calm

and wait for it to unfold, because

371

:

done quite a number on myself.

372

:

Um, During, it wasn't a very long

period of time, but it was, you

373

:

know, it was a period of time.

374

:

it took a little while for that

to come out, out of my system.

375

:

And then

376

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah,

377

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

it very quickly starts to feel so much

378

:

better that I would hate for anybody

to quit before the magic happens.

379

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357:

That's exactly what I think.

380

:

So it's so it is hard when you stop

and it's hard for lots of reasons.

381

:

There's, there's probably a bit of

your body going, well, what's going on?

382

:

Because I'm used to having wine

. And why is that not happening?

383

:

There's also a bit of a social element

because your circles that you're used

384

:

to being in have expectations of you

that you need to address and change

385

:

And that's can be quite complicated,

dependent on your situation.

386

:

and just your routine, the routine of what

you know that you do at that time , you

387

:

all of a sudden have this space to fill.

388

:

And it's very true that you get a lot

of time back when you stop drinking,

389

:

because there's the hours that you

were drinking and then the hours that

390

:

you were feeling rubbish the next day.

391

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: Yes.

392

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: And

what do you do with that?

393

:

And, and in those evenings where

for me, it was the evening and

394

:

I would be thinking about it.

395

:

What I did was that was had some wine.

396

:

So what do I do with that space now?

397

:

I can't do that if I

want to be successful.

398

:

And I like you very much was determined.

399

:

This is something that I just want to do.

400

:

It was hard though.

401

:

You had to sit with some

fairly uncomfortable feelings,

402

:

but they do come and go.

403

:

They get described as clouds sometimes.

404

:

Don't they?

405

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: And

406

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Thoughts.

407

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

for me, towards the end, I was realizing

408

:

that what I was using the wine for.

409

:

Wasn't working.

410

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yes.

411

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

I wasn't feeling this delightful

412

:

numb oblivion social ability.

413

:

It was just something I was a bit of

a slave to, and I was just, it's just

414

:

taking up too much head space for me.

415

:

Right.

416

:

So, so in a nutshell, it wasn't

working a book that really

417

:

helped me was atomic habits.

418

:

and I love James clear.

419

:

I think anything he does is amazing.

420

:

His letters, Thursday newsletter,

especially as fantastic.

421

:

And I'm going But he, he talks about

when you're creating a new habit or

422

:

breaking a habit, you have to think

about yourself in a different way.

423

:

And so one of the things that

really helped me was like

424

:

an acknowledgement, like.

425

:

work the thing I was using it for.

426

:

It didn't work.

427

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yes.

428

:

Yeah.

429

:

Yeah.

430

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

to, I want to come.

431

:

I wanted to be relaxed.

432

:

I wanted to be entertained.

433

:

I want to laugh.

434

:

I wanted connection.

435

:

Well, the way I was getting

there wasn't working anymore.

436

:

Right?

437

:

So, it's sort of who do I want to be?

438

:

I want to be somebody who still has those

things, but isn't a slave to this thing.

439

:

And so re, framing it really helped

because I started living into that

440

:

new person of who I wanted to be.

441

:

And that made a huge

442

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: yes.

443

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: I

loved The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober.

444

:

I read, Glennon Doyle's Untamed.

445

:

I felt like that tiger

pacing back and forth.

446

:

of course, William Porter's Alcohol

Explained and, and, Annie Grace.

447

:

Alcohol experiment and, the snake in mind.

448

:

I mean, there are so many really

good books dry by Augusta Sparrows.

449

:

I mean, there's so many good books

where you're like, these are my people.

450

:

They know exactly what I'm talking about.

451

:

And they found their way out.

452

:

I want what they've got.

453

:

So, that really helped.

454

:

During the day, kind of reinforcing

it, especially in the beginning with

455

:

podcasts, if I was driving, I would

listen to, we can do hard things or

456

:

soberistas or, love sober awkward, or,

you know, just listen to a podcast that

457

:

sort of like, these are my tribe, they're

telling my story and they're laughing

458

:

about it and they've survived, right.

459

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Sober

Awkward was great for that.

460

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

it's so good.

461

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: I

absolutely love Victoria Vanstone.

462

:

With Lucy at the beginning and

then with Hamish afterwards.

463

:

I really did, I thoroughly enjoyed that.

464

:

I still listen to it now.

465

:

It's a laugh out loud.

466

:

Oh

467

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: and

468

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: yeah,

I've done that kind of thing.

469

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

with both with both of her co hosts.

470

:

The dynamic is so good and

471

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yes,

472

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

and so joyful.

473

:

And I think you would ask me, you

know, what is it that I found?

474

:

I found joy again.

475

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: yeah.

476

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

found joy that was at that.

477

:

I probably wouldn't even appreciate if I

hadn't gone through what I went through.

478

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah,

479

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: And

480

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: serotonin

would be working properly as well.

481

:

Everything is, all your dopamine,

everything's working now.

482

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: yes,

483

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: can, you find joy

in things that you may not have noticed

484

:

before because it wasn't working before,

485

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

exactly right, exactly

486

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

487

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

the world just feels bigger

488

:

and brighter and better.

489

:

I feel so energetic and

there's nothing I can't do.

490

:

I take on all sorts of crazy projects.

491

:

my husband's constantly

shaking his head, but it's fun.

492

:

And who cares?

493

:

You

494

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

495

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

it's just, I want to do it.

496

:

And I just, I wouldn't

give this up for anything,

497

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: No.

498

:

Okay.

499

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

before we went on, I

500

:

do want to mention the.

501

:

Biggest tools that helped me.

502

:

I had read Julia Cameron's, um, I'm in

a creative field and, um, the artist's

503

:

way, she talks about morning pages and

this is something I picked up a couple

504

:

of decades ago and morning pages is just

like this, it's three pages long hand,

505

:

You know, where with no punctuation,

all sorts of spelling errors, it's

506

:

just, it's just train of thought,

just everything that's in your mind.

507

:

So sometimes shopping lists come

out to do thoughts about this or

508

:

rant about that, you know, whatever.

509

:

Right.

510

:

It's just, and I just feels like this.

511

:

It's the first thing I do in the

morning with a coffee in bed.

512

:

and I just, dump everything

that's in my brain onto paper.

513

:

And it kind of reminds me of,

Joan Didion an American author.

514

:

She said, I don't know what I

think until I write it down.

515

:

and that is me.

516

:

Like, I will write my three pages and I've

done this religiously every single day.

517

:

Nugget will be in there like, Ooh, I'm

noodling on this or thinking about that.

518

:

that was really useful to me in the

beginning catching some of the thinking

519

:

errors and some of the thoughts,

recently I got turned on to Elizabeth

520

:

Gilbert's, um, Substack account, which

is, you know, is absolutely gorgeous.

521

:

It's called letters from love

it's a weekly missile from her.

522

:

And I think it's better than therapy

she writes a letter to herself on

523

:

a theme from unconditional love.

524

:

she has different guests, introduce

different themes and it's their

525

:

letter from unconditional love

to them it's on video format.

526

:

Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote

eat, pray, love and numerous

527

:

other things, but she's a sin.

528

:

Beautiful, soulful,

incredibly kind person.

529

:

I watched it and then do this

exercise on Monday mornings.

530

:

is so grounding and it is so delicious.

531

:

And it's just the very best way to

start the week that, credit a lot of

532

:

my joy and sobriety to her as well.

533

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: huh.

534

:

I think I remember you mentioning Letters

from Love because I tried to write one.

535

:

this was a long time ago,

you must have mentioned it on

536

:

WhatsApp or something to us.

537

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Yeah.

538

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: it's when you,

so, am I right that it's, you're, you

539

:

write, you write yourself a letter,

540

:

but it's almost like hearing what

you would like to be said to you.

541

:

Is that right?

542

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Sort of like what unconditional love.

543

:

If you imagine unconditional

love is like an entity outside

544

:

of yourself, unconditional love.

545

:

unconditional love would say to Vic?

546

:

Like Vic, what do you need to,

what do I need to know today?

547

:

So you would ask yourself,

548

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yes.

549

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

love.

550

:

What do I need to know today?

551

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah,

552

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

know today?

553

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: okay.

554

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Just free form, right?

555

:

Just.

556

:

Whatever it is you need to know.

557

:

Um, what do you need to know about pain?

558

:

What do you need to know about shame?

559

:

What do I need to know about regret?

560

:

Whatever the theme is.

561

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm hmm.

562

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

And it's lovely.

563

:

when you read what other people have

written, it's so illuminating and feels

564

:

like the coziest, warmest hug of all time.

565

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357:

Yeah, it sounds lovely.

566

:

maybe that's something that I could

start as part of my routine You

567

:

do it every Monday, did you say?

568

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

she releases the video.

569

:

So it's a video of her

talking to you and then

570

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Mm hmm.

571

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

she reads her letter and

572

:

her amazing writing style.

573

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yes.

574

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

it's so inspiring and

575

:

she's so warm and so lovely

576

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

577

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

sober.

578

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Oh, she is?

579

:

Okay.

580

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Yeah, and it's just the very best

581

:

way, in my opinion, to start the week.

582

:

I just

583

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

584

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

so much.

585

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357:

It sounds nourishing.

586

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: Yes.

587

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

588

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

way to describe it.

589

:

Yeah.

590

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

591

:

What a way to start the week.

592

:

Good for you.

593

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Yeah.

594

:

Thank you.

595

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: you said

that you have different routines now.

596

:

Is there anything else that you do

that you think has supported you

597

:

or that you would recommend that

people give a go to help them?

598

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Yeah.

599

:

So for me, starting the day with

writing is that's a non negotiable.

600

:

And then as soon as I can get outside.

601

:

I get outside.

602

:

Doesn't matter the weather.

603

:

I go outside for a walk with

my dogs, no matter where I am.

604

:

I just try to get light

into my eyes and exercise.

605

:

And that really helps.

606

:

in the afternoon or evening, when

it gets really cold in the winter

607

:

time and Epsom salt bath, enormous

hot bath is just, Oh, the best.

608

:

Right?

609

:

So those things have become my go to, sort

of you lean into, as James Clear would

610

:

say, a different version of yourself.

611

:

And I'm that person.

612

:

You live into that person.

613

:

So I'm now that person that does that.

614

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah,

615

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

I wouldn't trade it for anything.

616

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: no, I like that

bit as well I also have done this and

617

:

know lots of people who have, you think

about who you want to become and all

618

:

those things that you relied on alcohol

maybe to help bring you, you think

619

:

about all those things, actually what

they are and how you can achieve them.

620

:

And then you just tell yourself

that that's who you are

621

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: Yes.

622

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357:

and this labeling.

623

:

for me recently, it's been, I'm a runner.

624

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Yeah.

625

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: I mean, I'm

not really a runner, but I'm saying

626

:

I'm a runner because I am trying to be

someone who, who just runs and, um, and

627

:

obviously, you know, my, I don't drink

and that started in so baristas with

628

:

my site name I don't drink and I've

taken it through to this podcast and

629

:

I really find that making something my

identity labeling it up has helped me.

630

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: Yes.

631

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: And that

peaceful person, like I want to be at

632

:

peace, I want to be cozy, or I want to

be out in the fresh air, I want to be

633

:

that person who's, like you said, I get

up in the mornings I go out the door at

634

:

seven, and I march the streets, I don't

live anywhere particularly beautiful,

635

:

except that I could go to the river,

but I probably wouldn't walk down there

636

:

on my own in the mornings like that.

637

:

But I just marched the streets just

to get outside and have the fresh air.

638

:

I'm someone who walks.

639

:

So you start to tell yourself that

you are someone who, and then that

640

:

person who you were, that someone who

drinks and that party girl, there's

641

:

no need for that person anymore

because all of those other things.

642

:

are being fulfilled?

643

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Yes, that's exactly right.

644

:

I now don't assign any shame to who I was.

645

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: No.

646

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

it's a necessary journey to

647

:

get me to where I am right now.

648

:

a big part of that identity, when you

were talking about tools and tips for

649

:

people who are starting out is when

you are living into this, a question

650

:

I would ask myself what does somebody

who's healthy and calm and joyful and

651

:

sober, what would they do right now?

652

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

653

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

the person, asking your question,

654

:

if you're stuck in a moment,

what would she do right now?

655

:

The person who I want to

be, would she do right now?

656

:

that has really stood

me in really good stead.

657

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

658

:

Because then you start to trust

that person and you trust that

659

:

decision making that you're very

capable of, of making, you don't

660

:

have to make the decision to drink.

661

:

it's tough though.

662

:

It's tough at the beginning.

663

:

I think you're right to have

said those first 10 days.

664

:

I think Anybody could expect

that's going to be a challenge,

665

:

but great to hear it from you.

666

:

And I know from my own experience

that it is short lived and then you

667

:

will have moments throughout your

first year, two years, whatever, where

668

:

you think, Oh, actually, this is a

moment where I might associate it.

669

:

So we've got Christmas coming, haven't we?

670

:

And I know that there's a difficulty

for some people around that, but

671

:

identity wise, I'm kind of, I

think of Christmas now as that

672

:

lovely, like, cozy, hot chocolate,

673

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357: Yes.

674

:

Right.

675

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357:

Like, blanket kind of thing.

676

:

I don't think of it as this

booze filled thing anymore.

677

:

It's just how you label things and how you

see things changes so much, doesn't it?

678

:

It's hard to believe that will

happen when you start, but it does.

679

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

It does.

680

:

I think that having a community around

you and having people who are further

681

:

in the path than you are, right?

682

:

So people who, who are a mile down

the road, who are waving at you

683

:

going, Hey, it's fantastic over here.

684

:

Come over here.

685

:

Right?

686

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yes.

687

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

thinking about, okay, the

688

:

person I want to be, what does

Christmas look like for them?

689

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah.

690

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

a slurring, drunk, drinking all

691

:

day, not making Christmas dinner?

692

:

Well, Or is it just bright and cozy

sitting by the fire, really taking in all

693

:

the sparkle and all the love and all the

kindness, which I think is the whole point

694

:

of Christmas and being present for that,

695

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Hmm.

696

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

want to be, how do I live into her?

697

:

And I think just coming back

to that really helpful having a

698

:

community to support and guide

you and kind of shine the light at

699

:

the end of that, the road that you

700

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah,

701

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

I think that's really helpful too.

702

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: it is.

703

:

Jilly, we're up.

704

:

Our time's up.

705

:

Can you believe it?

706

:

This happens with every single podcast.

707

:

I go, oh no, look, we've run out of time.

708

:

Perhaps I should make them longer.

709

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

it's been delightful speaking with you.

710

:

Thank you again so much for having me

711

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357:

It's been so lovely.

712

:

And I really, I really love there's a

phrase that you've used a few times,

713

:

tonight that I'm going to definitely steal

and I think will be the title of this

714

:

podcast, um, for the live, live into, live

into that, to, to live into that moment.

715

:

So don't lean into it, live

into it, like do it, be it.

716

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

you want to be.

717

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Yeah,

I haven't heard that before.

718

:

And I really like it.

719

:

Because it is what, it's what I've

done and it's helped me immensely.

720

:

I'm so happy the way I am.

721

:

And I know that you are, and

it's lovely to see you smiling.

722

:

I know everyone else can only

hear us, but it's lovely to

723

:

see you smiling at me today.

724

:

thank you so much for joining

me and for sharing your story.

725

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

my pleasure, Vic.

726

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: I'm looking

forward to putting this one out.

727

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Awesome.

728

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Okay,

I'm going to say goodbye,

729

:

but thank you so much, Julie.

730

:

It's been great to have you on.

731

:

squadcaster-01ed_1_11-20-2024_100357:

Be well.

732

:

Take care.

733

:

Bye bye.

734

:

vic_1_11-20-2024_180357: Bye bye.

735

:

Thank you for listening.

736

:

To Sabre alcohol-free stories.

737

:

If this episode helped you, please.

738

:

Please like share and follow.

739

:

Or leave a review on pod chaser.

740

:

Dot com.

741

:

And if you've got a story to

tell, please contact me on Sabre.

742

:

A F stories@outlook.com.

743

:

And don't forget.

744

:

You can make your catch phrase.

745

:

I don't drink.

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About the Podcast

Sober, Alcohol Free Stories
"I Don't Drink"
If you’ve ever googled “do I drink too much” this podcast is for you!

This is for those of you who end up wondering what’s wrong with you, questioning how your friends can possibly drink so slowly, or worse can just have one with dinner (aliens). For those of you who have tried to moderate, just a Thursday, only red wine, not before 6, not after 9, not if I’m wearing blue 😊

For those of you who secretly don’t enjoy the theatre because you know the show will be an interruption to a booze filled evening. For those who fall out with loved ones, lose handbags, feel lonely or shameful the morning after, wear sunglasses on the school run, or enjoy way too many mints for an average human. For those who need something to change but feel it it’s impossible to break up with their loyal companion – booze.

The good news is you are NOT weird, or alone, there’s millions of us, just like you. You CAN stop drinking alcohol. I know this because until Jan 2022 I was all the above, and now “I don’t drink”.

In this podcast we will delve in to what it takes to become alcohol free in a society that’s quite frankly obsessed with drinking! I’ll talk to people just like you and me, some near the beginning of their alcohol-free life, and some further along, but all with one thing in common, the courage to stare booze in the face and say NO, NOT ME, NOT ANYMORE! They will share their sliding doors moments, regrets, loves, pink clouds and the tools that have helped them to succeed.

We will show you that life without the “wine witch” is actually pretty amazing, how we all thought we were losing something, but what we have gained is insurmountable. We will share how our lives transformed, skin began to glow, sleep became deep and relaxing, bodies became healthy, relationships flourished, careers progressed, and our minds were at peace. WE will show you that you deserve the chance to be happy and free and turn what may seem impossible into possible.

Listen along and join me in making your catchphrase “I don’t drink”.

About your host

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VICTORIA Banat