Vic and Ellen, Sober Alcohol Free Stories , always knowing and sobriety bubbles!

Speaker: 00:00:02

Hi everyone and welcome to

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

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I'm Vic and I don't drink today.

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I talked to Ellen, who bravely made the

decision to stop drinking at the age of 30

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and just three months before her wedding,

she's never looked back and has swapped

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her drinking music for running music.

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Super inspiring.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: hi

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Hi.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

It is lovely to have you on,

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on this rather sunny evening.

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. I know you've listened to a few.

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and really it's just for

you to share your story.

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And the reason I ask you to do it

is because it will inspire someone.

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And I know that you have a milestone

coming up, so I wanna hear about that.

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I'm gonna hand over to ask if

you can just share the story of

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how you went from Ellen, who was

a drinker to where you are now.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Okay, so, yeah, I'm actually turning

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four years sober next Saturday.

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which is great.

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if you had told me that five years

ago, I never would've believed you.

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I'll preface it by saying that

I got sober at 30, which, at the

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time felt like quite a young age.

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I feel like a lot more people

are getting sober these days.

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So I maybe don't feel as young as I did

then to have done it, I started drinking

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pretty standard stuff when I was.

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not super young, like 16, 17.

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but I think for me, I, I

was quite shy growing up.

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but I didn't have a

lot of self-confidence.

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And I think when I started drinking,

even like the first couple of

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times, I thought, this is great.

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Like I, I felt like I could

talk to people easier.

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yeah, I, I just felt like it gave

me that confidence boost, but the

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problem with, with learning that

sort of straight away is that there's

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no sort of coming back from that.

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So I, I think like alcohol for me equaled

like being bubblier, being more fun,

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having more fun sort of very early on.

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I didn't wanna socialize without it.

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and I sort of got away with that

for like my late teens and twenties

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because that's what everyone did.

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but even like early on when people

wanted to do something else that didn't

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involve alcohol, I was always the

one that tried to make it about that.

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and yeah, like that kind of worked.

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For a bit like, like I remember going to

uni and thinking, oh, this is gonna be

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great 'cause everyone's just gonna want,

like, will want to drink all the time.

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and then like actually finding out

that people around me were happy

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not to drink as much as I wanted to.

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So I think that's probably when, that

was the first time I thought you,

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you want this more than other people

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: It

is almost disappointing, isn't it?

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When you were a drinker and somebody said.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah,

I thought I was gonna be like among, I

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mean, don't get me wrong, like we went

out, but I think when I first went to uni,

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like obviously you're on your own for the

first time and like I think that's when I

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realized I wasn't drinking on my own then.

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But that was when I realized I

wanted to drink a lot more than

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other people perhaps, or like

a lot more frequently I guess.

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But then, yeah, going into my,

like when you move from halls to

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being in a house, that's when I

actually started to drink on my own.

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so I guess that was a turning

point that I point to.

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But yeah, I sort of made it

pretty, my twenties is what you

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would maybe call like a sort of.

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Binge cycle.

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but yeah, that sort of got, I guess,

more problematic as I kept drinking.

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and then COVID happened,

well, no, I left uni.

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And fell into a sort of,

binge drinking cycle.

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I was unemployed for a while when

I was drinking, every day, drinking

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on my own, drinking in the morning,

like all, all the, the greatest hits

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of, having a issue with alcohol.

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and then, I, I eventually Got a job stable

and it sort of just went back to, I guess,

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socially acceptable drinking, but I was

drinking more, probably more than anyone

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: else.

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I would drink before, so

we'd still go out, but I'd be

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drinking before we went out.

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and after, and then, yeah,

essentially COVID happened.

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we were finding.

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Ways to not be at the

pub, but still drink.

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my drinking really went indoors.

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I turned my spare room into a

pub to not miss the pub too much.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Wow.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

and then I guess when lockdown was

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lifted, we had like a lot of things,

like we could do a lot of stuff again.

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like I had a lot of things

I was looking forward to.

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and with that sort of.

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The wheels really came off.

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Like I had a few weekends, in like summer

: 2021

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forward to like this thing and, but I

feel like my tolerance went down as well.

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somehow I think I had to drink so much.

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To feel anything that it was already

too much, if that makes sense.

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So by the time I felt anything,

I was already too far gone.

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God, that sounds awful.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: I don't

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: But

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

think that sounds familiar.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

does that make sense?

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: You're

not the only person that's said that.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Really?

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

Because you, you are used to

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drinking an awful lot, so you, you

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: up

not feeling tipsy, which is actually

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what you're probably looking for.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Yeah, that stage was sort of missing.

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It was like, oh, I don't, I don't

like recognize, this isn't working.

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And then suddenly I'd be like, gone.

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yeah, basically.

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So, yeah, I had a few weekends that were

just off, like I just blackout weekends.

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and I was getting to the point

where I thought, you know what,

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like, I'm not even enjoying this.

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This is pointless.

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I'm getting in some awful situations.

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Like I had, like nights

where I lost my purse.

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I was waking up with like photos

on my phone that I didn't remember

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taking with people I didn't even

remember speaking to, like, just,

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just really not, not good situations.

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And I was also thinking, do you know what?

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I'm 30 now.

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and I think I always knew right

from when I first ever picked up

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a drink that I liked it too much.

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I think I always knew that

one day I would have to stop.

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I knew that straight away and

I thought I probably need to

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start doing something about this.

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so I started like.

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I started fixing a date and

thinking, right, I'm not gonna

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drink till this thing, like this

night out or this, whatever.

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and I think I got to, like, I

was doing Sort of two or three

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weeks at a time without drinking.

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And actually really not only really

enjoying it, but realizing that I had

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like, I guess kind of reverse anxiety,

like I was getting anxious for what

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I was going to do before it actually

happened as opposed to what I did.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah,

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Um, really.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

I would be like, before I would

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feel nervous about, an eye

out a hundred percent because

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

I'd probably take it too far.

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I'd lose my bag, I'd

miss the last train home,

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Oh

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

that stuff.

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And then I'd probably end

up in an argument because

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I'd been irresponsible and

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: yeah.

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It's like you get double hang, like

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah,

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

sandwich.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: It

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

And I just thought, do you know what,

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I think I realized in those sort of

stints of sobriety that I felt better

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just from like two or three weeks

because I thought I can do this.

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I feel better.

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Um, because I don't think you, I

think when you drink all the time.

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Or most of the time, like most days, you

don't realize what a big difference it.

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I thought I just felt like that.

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Like I thought, I just felt vaguely

anxious and sad and like I was

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sort of not quite living my life.

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Right.

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I just thought that was just me.

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I didn't realize if I took away

this thing that I thought was

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like, I used to think that I loved.

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Then just how much better I would feel.

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so yeah, basically I,

I had one last sort of

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week, Bender weekend, during which I find

myself sat on my friend's patio on the

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literal floor, talking about how I wish

I could quit altogether, I just like sort

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of drunkenly going on about how I, I would

love that to be me all the time, but , I

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just obviously couldn't do it because

how would I not drink at this thing

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that was coming up and how would I not

drink at that thing that was coming up?

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And one of those things

coming up was my wedding.

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and I woke up the Monday after that

barbecue, and I had downloaded,

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the audio book of the Sober Girl

Society Handbook by Millie Guch.

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And I was like, well, obviously

thought I needed to listen to that.

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So, I listened to it that Monday at

work and that was my day one because.

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I've realized through listening

to somebody my own age, sort of at

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my own stage in life, that, yeah,

actually, do you know what this thing

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you are doing that makes you feel

better temporarily can be permanent?

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And yeah, some well, not somehow,

like I, I did it because I wanted

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to, and I had to, but it's, it stuck

like, and I haven't drank since.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: that's.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

that, that's sort of how it happened.

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Thank you.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: It's so

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Um.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: it's

so, it is true though because you,

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because you hear so much positive

stuff about alcohol and especially

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as a young woman, you are, seeing

all of this sort of glamorized stuff.

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So you think

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

it's a good thing.

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You're told it's a good thing.

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It's a good thing.

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It's a good thing.

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It's fun.

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You are fun, it's, you are more

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Oh, totally.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

are all this stuff.

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And actually there's two

things with that for me.

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One is you are perfectly fine.

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As you are, and you don't need

to be altered by something to

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make you fun, but we are made to

feel like that might be the case.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

And maybe it's okay not to want

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to talk to somebody you didn't

talk to in secondary school.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Like

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

There was a reason you didn't

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speak to them in secondary school.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

right.

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Instead of going up to them and acting

like, you were mates and in a beer

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garden because you've had a skim full.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Oh God.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

But yeah, no, exactly.

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And honestly, they say.

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That adverts aren't supposed to sell

you anything other than the product.

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But there's this bloody advert where

this guy's on a train and he drinks

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this Spanish beer, even though I'm

pretty sure it's produced in the uk.

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And like he literally goes

through a portal to Spain.

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That's how great this beer is.

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And I'm like, how is this

not selling us an experience?

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: not the

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

You know?

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

through, that's for sure.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

No, no.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

Upside down through some portals and,

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Not to Spain.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Mm.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

And I just think this is not this,

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like you, you are telling me that

I'm gonna have a better time,

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and I believe that for so long.

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But yeah, and I think that's the thing,

like when I listen to that book, it's

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not just knowing that you can do it,

but when you listen to some facts about

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alcohol, like there are things that

I just feel like I couldn't unhear.

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Like I, I couldn't.

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If you just learning what

it does to your brain.

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Like for me, I don't

think I could go back.

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Well, I know I'm not gonna go back,

but there's certain things where

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you don't really think about it.

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'cause, you know, you don't learn

about these things growing up.

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but when you hear what is actually

happening, like physiologically

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when you drink, it's terrifying.

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And nobody tells you that.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

no, nobody tells you that

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because it's too scary, isn't it?

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To confront

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

specifically as a, an

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entire society to confront

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Mm,

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

is really hard.

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There's something

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

exactly, exactly.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

pushing an addictive substance to you.

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This is, if you get addicted to this

addictive substance that's on you,

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: fault.

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You are.

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

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it's just a con and I think when you learn

a bit about it, or even when you just

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question it, like I said, towards the end.

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I couldn't imagine not drinking

until I stopped, but I was just

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thinking what is so good about this?

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why do I wanna keep doing this?

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is this fun?

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also I used to think, It is

such an unpredictable night out

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But there's nothing more predictable

than going out and having the

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same piss up night after night and

feeling like crap the next day.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah,

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, ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Yeah, there might be a different set of

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issues that you come across this time,

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah,

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

but like it's very predictable.

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vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: cry about

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ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Um, no, exactly.

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Exactly.

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Um, but yeah, so essentially, I

thought, well, I've ruined the last few

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weekends drinking, I can keep ruining

the ones coming up, including, so

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when I quit at my, my wedding was in.

277

: 00:13:09

Three months, like I was three

months sober at my wedding.

278

: 00:13:12

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Wow.

279

: 00:13:13

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

But that was one of those things of

280

: 00:13:15

like, oh, maybe I'll do it after that.

281

: 00:13:16

'cause you can possibly

get married and not drink.

282

: 00:13:18

But honestly, I think I really

saved, well, I know, I know.

283

: 00:13:24

I saved that like my wedding and also kind

of COVID did because it was meant to be

284

: 00:13:28

in 2020 and we postponed it for a year.

285

: 00:13:32

in that time I'd gotten sober, so

286

: 00:13:34

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: That was

287

: 00:13:35

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: I.

288

: 00:13:35

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

to happen for you then,

289

: 00:13:37

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

290

: 00:13:37

I kind of have to thank the

pandemic a tiny bit for that.

291

: 00:13:42

that was sort of, I think as well, like

I decided the things I had coming up.

292

: 00:13:46

because we'd had lockdown, and the

restrictions had been lifted, we had quite

293

: 00:13:50

a lot of things that we were going to do.

294

: 00:13:52

And they'd been postponed till after

we were allowed to do them again.

295

: 00:13:56

So we had like a couple of gigs

coming up, like another friend's

296

: 00:13:59

wedding reception and oh God, we

went to reading festival for the day.

297

: 00:14:04

but that was what I was , I

think about four weeks in.

298

: 00:14:07

Probably wouldn't recommend that,

299

: 00:14:10

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Well

300

: 00:14:10

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

but um, yeah,

301

: 00:14:12

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Well.

302

: 00:14:13

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

and I feel like, I think, thank you.

303

: 00:14:15

I think I thought, well, these could

be reasons not to do it, or these could

304

: 00:14:20

be a set of challenges when I do them.

305

: 00:14:26

It's probably gonna feel like things I did

that early on, so now I can, it is a bit

306

: 00:14:31

of a risk, but for me, I knew I was done.

307

: 00:14:35

I wouldn't necessarily say if

you're not a hundred percent sure,

308

: 00:14:39

or if you are wobbling, I wouldn't

necessarily recommend going to red.

309

: 00:14:43

but I was like, I'm done.

310

: 00:14:44

I told people straight away,

311

: 00:14:46

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

I did as well.

312

: 00:14:47

I'm done.

313

: 00:14:48

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

314

: 00:14:49

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: and I

315

: 00:14:49

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

316

: 00:14:50

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

on an all-inclusive ski trip,

317

: 00:14:54

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Oh, wow.

318

: 00:14:55

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

friends and their

319

: 00:14:56

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Oh, that's even bigger.

320

: 00:14:57

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

It was ridiculous,

321

: 00:15:00

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: wild.

322

: 00:15:00

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: it

was really good because at that point

323

: 00:15:02

I was listening to Grace 90 day.

324

: 00:15:06

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Hmm mm.

325

: 00:15:07

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

alcohol experiment

326

: 00:15:08

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

327

: 00:15:09

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

Porter on the go as well.

328

: 00:15:11

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Oh, the best.

329

: 00:15:12

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: When

I was out, if we were having dinner,

330

: 00:15:14

I booked the particular hotel because

you got free wine, and it was on

331

: 00:15:18

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

332

: 00:15:19

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

like a bar thing

333

: 00:15:20

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Oh, I've seen that.

334

: 00:15:22

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

then I got there and obviously it

335

: 00:15:23

wasn't going to partake in that,

but it was interesting watching.

336

: 00:15:29

Just how the night would go.

337

: 00:15:30

And I've got a friend and

he won't mind me saying it.

338

: 00:15:32

I mean, my God, he does repeat

himself when he is had a drink.

339

: 00:15:35

He literally sat next to me and told

me the same story like four times.

340

: 00:15:38

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Oh God.

341

: 00:15:39

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

and I was like, right.

342

: 00:15:40

And I said to my husbands,

I'm gonna go up to my room.

343

: 00:15:43

'cause actually it's a bit boring.

344

: 00:15:45

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

345

: 00:15:45

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

you're doing it too.

346

: 00:15:47

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Yeah, totally.

347

: 00:15:48

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

they were very drunk.

348

: 00:15:49

It wasn't like a normal

night out, but yeah,

349

: 00:15:51

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

And I think like, if you can help it,

350

: 00:15:54

if you can stand to be around it, that

actually really helps to begin with.

351

: 00:15:58

it was for me, like we did a

similar thing like me and my,

352

: 00:16:03

well then fiance had booked who

do a stagger hen weekend together.

353

: 00:16:08

And obviously we'd booked it and

then I'd turn around and go, surprise

354

: 00:16:11

guys, I'm not drinking anymore.

355

: 00:16:13

But plan the head around that.

356

: 00:16:15

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah,

357

: 00:16:16

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

But we still had, we still had those

358

: 00:16:17

things like booked or like at least

we'd all booked to go away to at the

359

: 00:16:21

same time and like have the same hotel.

360

: 00:16:24

And like, yeah.

361

: 00:16:24

I mean, again, like he'll forgive

me for saying, but like they, well

362

: 00:16:29

they had had a stab do essentially,

and then like when I saw them I

363

: 00:16:32

was like, my God, this is awful.

364

: 00:16:36

and like also quite worrying

that if, so my husband's like

365

: 00:16:41

one of those unicorns that can

literally have a couple of drinks.

366

: 00:16:45

And if anything, like he

runs ultra marathons now,

367

: 00:16:48

so he barely even does that.

368

: 00:16:50

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Mm-hmm.

369

: 00:16:50

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

so I feel like he was, not that he had

370

: 00:16:58

to, but like he was sort of keeping up

with me and getting in these kind of

371

: 00:17:01

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.

372

: 00:17:02

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

states and I thought that's sort of

373

: 00:17:03

a knock on effect 'cause he's just

sort of happy to, to do whatever.

374

: 00:17:07

But I know now.

375

: 00:17:09

That all the times that I kept pushing

the envelope and saying, no, we'll

376

: 00:17:13

stay out for a few more or whatever.

377

: 00:17:15

Like, obviously he was like, well, it

makes my life probably probably thinking,

378

: 00:17:20

oh God, she's not gonna go home anyway.

379

: 00:17:21

I just as well.

380

: 00:17:23

but then yeah, I sort of seeing him

and think and thought, oh, right,

381

: 00:17:27

you know, you're, you're taking

people down with you essentially.

382

: 00:17:31

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

There's company in drinking and if you

383

: 00:17:33

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

384

: 00:17:34

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

that happened here as well.

385

: 00:17:35

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah,

386

: 00:17:36

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

a bottle of wine

387

: 00:17:37

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Exactly.

388

: 00:17:38

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: one.

389

: 00:17:38

Yeah, we don't, I don't have that anymore.

390

: 00:17:40

So actually it's interesting 'cause

earlier on today, I went into the kitchen

391

: 00:17:43

and the bottle was on the island and

it had one glass of wine out of it.

392

: 00:17:47

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Oh God.

393

: 00:17:49

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

I still can't

394

: 00:17:50

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: How?

395

: 00:17:51

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

understand that.

396

: 00:17:52

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

No, no.

397

: 00:17:54

I'm very lucky.

398

: 00:17:55

I think probably mainly because

of me, my husband's never really

399

: 00:18:01

drank wine and now he can't start

400

: 00:18:03

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.

401

: 00:18:03

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

he doesn't like, he says the sound of

402

: 00:18:05

it being the first glass being poured,

he hates 'cause it reminds him of,

403

: 00:18:09

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

when you were

404

: 00:18:10

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

What it used to be like.

405

: 00:18:11

Sort of like the Yeah, well,

the start of the end I guess.

406

: 00:18:16

but yeah, I've never understood

407

: 00:18:19

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: No.

408

: 00:18:19

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

no, a bottle was a, a, a bottle

409

: 00:18:22

was getting drank in its full.

410

: 00:18:26

Yeah.

411

: 00:18:26

No, I didn't.

412

: 00:18:26

Never understood that.

413

: 00:18:27

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

no, me neither.

414

: 00:18:28

Who even does that?

415

: 00:18:30

I've got quite a few people in my

life that do that, and I just can't,

416

: 00:18:33

they can't understand how, I can't

understand, but, but I know you can

417

: 00:18:36

understand because that is something that

418

: 00:18:38

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

419

: 00:18:39

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

Where we just go and

420

: 00:18:42

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: No.

421

: 00:18:42

Oh, no.

422

: 00:18:43

It's like, what the hell is the

point of a, of a like bottle stopper?

423

: 00:18:48

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: so

you stopped about four years ago.

424

: 00:18:51

is there anything that.

425

: 00:18:53

you would want to have had

shared with you before you stop.

426

: 00:18:56

If someone was gonna stop now, anything

that you, advice, I suppose, that you

427

: 00:19:00

might give them that helped you or

that you didn't get, that you think

428

: 00:19:03

might have helped you if you'd known?

429

: 00:19:06

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

So for me it's two.

430

: 00:19:10

I would say it's two things, which

the first one is, like I said,

431

: 00:19:17

tell, you know, tell someone, have

someone you tell, but also like

432

: 00:19:22

tell yourself if that makes sense.

433

: 00:19:24

I think the language you use

with yourself when you first quit

434

: 00:19:28

is so important because if you.

435

: 00:19:33

Set.

436

: 00:19:33

Like I, I see people say, oh, I

hope, like, I hope this time sticks.

437

: 00:19:37

a bit of tough love around

how you talk to yourself.

438

: 00:19:40

'cause if you say, oh, I really want,

I really want to quit drinking, or I

439

: 00:19:44

really hope, that I can quit drinking.

440

: 00:19:47

You need to say, I have quit drinking.

441

: 00:19:49

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: I don't

442

: 00:19:49

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

I don't, I don't drink

443

: 00:19:51

like you, like you say.

444

: 00:19:52

because if you leave that

door open even a tiny bit.

445

: 00:19:56

It's gonna find its way back in.

446

: 00:19:58

Like, you need to be you.

447

: 00:20:00

Yeah.

448

: 00:20:00

Tell yourself you've quit drinking

before you tell anyone else.

449

: 00:20:03

'cause if you don't, then you're leaving

yourself open for it to come back.

450

: 00:20:07

And then secondly like, be

so, so nice to yourself.

451

: 00:20:12

Like, my thing was, and this is

what was happening when I was having

452

: 00:20:16

like little stints of sobriety and

then going back out there into the.

453

: 00:20:20

make your sobriety, especially

early on, something that you would

454

: 00:20:24

miss if you go back to drinking.

455

: 00:20:26

Like, I think you just need to make

your little sobriety bubbles so cozy.

456

: 00:20:32

Like buy some candles with the

money you're saving 'cause you are

457

: 00:20:36

saving money and just really treat

yourself really nicely because

458

: 00:20:41

you're doing something really hard.

459

: 00:20:43

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yes.

460

: 00:20:44

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

And I think so.

461

: 00:20:46

Like for example, my first sober night

out, I knew it was gonna be tough

462

: 00:20:51

and I bought myself like the nicest

pair of pajamas for after the gig.

463

: 00:20:56

and I knew like even if I struggled,

even if I had cravings, I was like,

464

: 00:21:02

focused on when you've done this,

you've got like that to look forward to.

465

: 00:21:06

But yeah, I think you just need

to be so, so nice to yourself.

466

: 00:21:11

But also keep yourself accountable.

467

: 00:21:13

That's, that's what I would do.

468

: 00:21:14

Like make it a thing where you don't

wanna leave that to go back to, quite

469

: 00:21:20

frankly, the crappy world of alcohol.

470

: 00:21:24

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

that was great advice.

471

: 00:21:25

I love the sound of the sobriety bubble,

like making it so cozy and comfy and.

472

: 00:21:30

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

473

: 00:21:31

treat yourself.

474

: 00:21:31

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

important, like to make that your

475

: 00:21:34

space and that thing that you said

around, the way that we talk to

476

: 00:21:37

ourselves and the way that we verbalize

the fact that we are not drinking.

477

: 00:21:42

me it was like, be like super proud of it.

478

: 00:21:46

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

totally.

479

: 00:21:47

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: something

that you need to go, oh, you know,

480

: 00:21:50

like, I, I don't, like I don't drink.

481

: 00:21:52

You do.

482

: 00:21:52

So you say, no, I don't drink.

483

: 00:21:54

Thank you.

484

: 00:21:54

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: No,

and I love that now probably too much.

485

: 00:21:57

Like if somebody offers like free samples

at a, like a food fair or something.

486

: 00:22:02

I'm like, now I'm in recovery.

487

: 00:22:04

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

Yeah, no, thank you.

488

: 00:22:07

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Exactly.

489

: 00:22:08

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

that you feel like that because

490

: 00:22:09

this is the thing, like it is a

really positive thing and when you

491

: 00:22:13

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: I.

492

: 00:22:13

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: when you

are in the mindset that you are in and

493

: 00:22:15

that I'm in, it's not something you miss.

494

: 00:22:18

It's not this sad consequence.

495

: 00:22:19

It's not like I've had to

give up this wonderful thing.

496

: 00:22:23

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

I think as well, it's not that you

497

: 00:22:25

don't get to do it again, it's that

you don't have to do that again.

498

: 00:22:29

Like, 'cause if you think of the all the.

499

: 00:22:32

Like all the worst moments

instead of looking back and

500

: 00:22:35

thinking, oh, that was good.

501

: 00:22:36

And like you're really only looking

at a snapshot when you think

502

: 00:22:39

like, what was good about it?

503

: 00:22:40

Maybe the first drink, but the

seventh was really enjoyable.

504

: 00:22:46

like the anticipation is , if anything,

the anticipation's probably the only

505

: 00:22:50

good part, but the, the actual reality

of getting drunk is not fun at all.

506

: 00:22:57

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: No.

507

: 00:22:57

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Like it's that.

508

: 00:22:58

Creeping dread of, oh God,

I've gotta get myself home.

509

: 00:23:02

Or like, I've gone too far again.

510

: 00:23:04

Or like, there's really, yeah,

there's not, there's nothing

511

: 00:23:10

if you really think about it,

512

: 00:23:12

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.

513

: 00:23:12

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

I don't think there's as much to

514

: 00:23:14

miss as people think there might be.

515

: 00:23:16

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: The

truth is there isn't, but I think

516

: 00:23:18

that it's because of the constant.

517

: 00:23:20

This is a good thing.

518

: 00:23:21

This is a good thing.

519

: 00:23:22

This is a good

520

: 00:23:22

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

521

: 00:23:23

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

everywhere.

522

: 00:23:24

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

only is this good, this is inevitable,

523

: 00:23:26

this is like a part of your life as a

person in the west, this is what we do,

524

: 00:23:31

this is how we celebrate, this is how we

commiserate, this is how we feel boredom.

525

: 00:23:37

This is how we deal with stress.

526

: 00:23:39

Like yeah, it's, it's ridiculous.

527

: 00:23:41

And like we need to realize, and I think

what I really realized actually is that I

528

: 00:23:49

be like, it's okay not to be like.

529

: 00:23:52

Woo-hoo.

530

: 00:23:53

Like crazy.

531

: 00:23:54

Everything's like going on all the time.

532

: 00:23:56

what I've realized is I actually

just really like being content and

533

: 00:24:00

like the things that I love doing now

are actually like the things that I.

534

: 00:24:04

Used to think got in the way of

drinking, like sleep or like eating

535

: 00:24:10

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah.

536

: 00:24:11

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: or

actually it's like spending time with

537

: 00:24:13

people and actually listening to them

and not constantly thinking, oh, when

538

: 00:24:18

can I get another drink though, like the

bits that I used to think got in the way

539

: 00:24:21

are the best parts, especially sleep.

540

: 00:24:23

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.

541

: 00:24:25

I often

542

: 00:24:25

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: So.

543

: 00:24:26

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: say

that to me, 'cause I was the same with

544

: 00:24:28

the, you know, sit, you'd be sitting

with a group of friends who would be, in

545

: 00:24:31

your view, drinking incredibly slowly.

546

: 00:24:33

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Mm.

547

: 00:24:34

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

like they were.

548

: 00:24:35

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

549

: 00:24:36

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

these thoughts about, oh, I wonder

550

: 00:24:37

when I can get another glass wine.

551

: 00:24:38

I'm not gonna make me look like

I'm some kind of lush and um.

552

: 00:24:42

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Or like, have they poured themself more

553

: 00:24:44

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

Yeah, exactly.

554

: 00:24:45

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: oh,

555

: 00:24:45

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

That was a horrible thought.

556

: 00:24:47

My husband put more wine in his class.

557

: 00:24:49

I'd be furious.

558

: 00:24:50

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

oh, God.

559

: 00:24:52

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

But like all that stuff, and I think

560

: 00:24:54

imagine if you'd put you and me and

everyone else that's been on this

561

: 00:24:57

podcast all round the table, we'd

all just have been sat there going,

562

: 00:25:02

When do we get, much is she add?

563

: 00:25:04

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Yeah, right.

564

: 00:25:05

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

So funny because

565

: 00:25:06

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: God.

566

: 00:25:06

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

preoccupied and it's not because you're

567

: 00:25:08

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

568

: 00:25:09

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: just,

569

: 00:25:10

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

The need to drink is so loud, like it

570

: 00:25:13

takes up so much space and Oh, yeah.

571

: 00:25:17

And I mean, no wonder we end up

just, well, a lot of people end up

572

: 00:25:21

drinking alone because you've only got

yourself to worry about then, you know.

573

: 00:25:26

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah.

574

: 00:25:27

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Totally.

575

: 00:25:27

Like I used to think that I'd rather

drink on my own than socialize

576

: 00:25:32

with somebody and not drink.

577

: 00:25:34

And that is, I remember thinking that in

my early twenties and thinking, so it's

578

: 00:25:40

gonna have to be done about this one day.

579

: 00:25:42

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

you knew, didn't you?

580

: 00:25:44

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

So I feel like I always knew.

581

: 00:25:49

Well, I had two options basically,

and I'm never take for granted that

582

: 00:25:54

I took the right one and yeah, I

think, oh, it's just a new life.

583

: 00:26:01

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

a new life.

584

: 00:26:01

It is.

585

: 00:26:01

It's a whole different world, isn't it?

586

: 00:26:03

It's just a lovely, lovely way to be.

587

: 00:26:06

I had a tough week this week

588

: 00:26:07

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: oof.

589

: 00:26:08

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

It never crossed my mind to

590

: 00:26:10

have a glass like nothing.

591

: 00:26:11

It did literally didn't cross my mind.

592

: 00:26:14

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

593

: 00:26:14

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

I'm three and a half years, I'd say.

594

: 00:26:16

It probably wouldn't have crossed my mind

a year ago, maybe even a year before that.

595

: 00:26:20

You go from someone who, Has

alcohol, you know, just because the

596

: 00:26:24

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Mm-hmm.

597

: 00:26:24

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

just because

598

: 00:26:25

. Kind of go from someone who

just can't cope with like normal

599

: 00:26:28

everyday stuff without thinking,

oh, we should have glass fine with

600

: 00:26:31

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: yeah.

601

: 00:26:31

Of course,

602

: 00:26:32

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

big stuff and it,

603

: 00:26:34

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Because the more you do it, the

604

: 00:26:35

more you realize that you can do it,

605

: 00:26:37

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah.

606

: 00:26:37

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: and.

607

: 00:26:38

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: The

608

: 00:26:39

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Like it opens so much.

609

: 00:26:41

Yeah, exactly.

610

: 00:26:42

And do you know what, I have to share

this because this is the big achievement.

611

: 00:26:46

I saw Oasis on Saturday night and I

thought like, this is gonna be the test.

612

: 00:26:53

Like this is gonna be

the one where I missed.

613

: 00:26:55

Because, you know, it's, it's that, it's

like that culture personified, isn't it?

614

: 00:26:58

Like cigarettes and alcohol, but, I

got to sort of partway through the

615

: 00:27:04

gig and I just thought, you know what?

616

: 00:27:05

I never had that.

617

: 00:27:06

I was waiting for this.

618

: 00:27:07

, Oh, I wish I could sort of

join in with that or whatever.

619

: 00:27:11

But it never came.

620

: 00:27:13

And , it's not to say, oh, I'll

never worry about it again.

621

: 00:27:17

Like obviously you're constantly

facing different things.

622

: 00:27:19

But like that, I will say that's

not my coping mechanism anymore.

623

: 00:27:22

Like, that's not

624

: 00:27:23

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.

625

: 00:27:24

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

where my brain instantly goes.

626

: 00:27:26

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

of changed those pathways,

627

: 00:27:28

haven't you, for your brain

628

: 00:27:29

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: yeah.

629

: 00:27:30

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

takes practice and time, doesn't it?

630

: 00:27:32

and being really aware of just all

the good stuff that's come along.

631

: 00:27:37

You wouldn't choose it because

you know that, that you've chosen

632

: 00:27:41

to do has made you so happy.

633

: 00:27:43

Did I see that

634

: 00:27:44

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah,

635

: 00:27:45

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

a lot well?

636

: 00:27:46

You.

637

: 00:27:47

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: I do.

638

: 00:27:47

Yeah, I do.

639

: 00:27:48

I am a runner.

640

: 00:27:49

Yeah, I, yeah, I think I've got, like,

I've, I've kind of cracked it now, like

641

: 00:27:54

I've, I've ran for a couple of years and

thought, well, it's fine I guess, but

642

: 00:27:57

now I am that person that does marathons

and watches other people too marathons

643

: 00:28:03

on YouTube to see what they look like.

644

: 00:28:05

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

brilliant.

645

: 00:28:06

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

but yeah, I started when this

646

: 00:28:08

was another lockdown thing.

647

: 00:28:10

I was still drinking.

648

: 00:28:11

When I started.

649

: 00:28:13

you can't really commit to anything when

you're so fully committed to drinking.

650

: 00:28:17

so yeah, like it's only, obviously only

improved since I stopped, so, yeah.

651

: 00:28:23

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

What a turnaround.

652

: 00:28:24

Different life.

653

: 00:28:25

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: yeah.

654

: 00:28:25

I love it and it is nice

to have like something.

655

: 00:28:29

Yeah, and also, here's another good one,

like if you can't bear to part with the

656

: 00:28:35

music that you loved when you drank,

like you can kind of repurpose it for

657

: 00:28:40

sort of exercising and like there's some

stuff I could never listen to again,

658

: 00:28:46

but there's some stuff where I'm like,

oh, I used to go out and listen to

659

: 00:28:48

this, and now it's like a running tune.

660

: 00:28:50

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.

661

: 00:28:52

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

yeah, definitely.

662

: 00:28:53

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

time is up.

663

: 00:28:54

It just disappears, doesn't it?

664

: 00:28:56

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

That flu.

665

: 00:28:57

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: I

666

: 00:28:57

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.

667

: 00:28:58

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: It was

so lovely of you to share your story

668

: 00:29:00

I can't tell you how big a congratulations

you're getting from me for four years.

669

: 00:29:05

That's phenomenal.

670

: 00:29:07

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: you.

671

: 00:29:07

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

what a story.

672

: 00:29:08

And congratulations just on all of it.

673

: 00:29:11

you are

674

: 00:29:11

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Thank you very much.

675

: 00:29:13

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

will be listening to this and

676

: 00:29:15

thinking, right, she did it.

677

: 00:29:17

And particularly you are younger than a

lot of the people that I've spoken to.

678

: 00:29:21

So, you know, you stopped at 30

679

: 00:29:24

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

I do kind of hope to be a

680

: 00:29:27

bit of a voice for that.

681

: 00:29:28

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

and it's great.

682

: 00:29:29

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

because why wait, I just thought I could

683

: 00:29:31

wait another 10 years and still have

to do this, or I could get on with it,

684

: 00:29:34

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: And

685

: 00:29:34

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: so,

686

: 00:29:35

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

in 10 years you don't, know

687

: 00:29:37

what could have happened.

688

: 00:29:37

Like something could have happened to you.

689

: 00:29:39

You could have been in

danger, like you could,

690

: 00:29:42

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Exactly.

691

: 00:29:43

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

So it's just amazing

692

: 00:29:44

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Exactly.

693

: 00:29:45

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: And

I've actually got a friend, she might be

694

: 00:29:46

listening to this, and she's around 30.

695

: 00:29:49

She sometimes says, oh, one day

Vic, 'cause she listens to my

696

: 00:29:52

podcast even though she's a drinker.

697

: 00:29:55

But she says One day, Vic,

698

: 00:29:56

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Oh, that's good.

699

: 00:29:58

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

so she probably knows who she is.

700

: 00:29:59

I'm gonna leave this bit in,

say to her, you could do it now.

701

: 00:30:02

You know.

702

: 00:30:03

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Oh, totally hit me up.

703

: 00:30:07

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Well,

704

: 00:30:07

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

No, I love that.

705

: 00:30:08

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:

Thank you for your time.

706

: 00:30:10

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: you.

707

: 00:30:11

Thank you for having me.

708

: 00:30:13

vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: And,

we'll share it with all the listeners.

709

: 00:30:16

So, thanks so much and

have a lovely evening

710

: 00:30:19

ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:

Thank you.

711

: 00:30:22

Hi.

712

: 00:30:24

Thank you for listening.

713

: 00:30:25

To Sabre alcohol-free stories.

714

: 00:30:28

If this episode helped you,

Please like share and follow.

715

: 00:30:31

Or leave a review on pod chaser.

716

: 00:30:33

Dot com.

717

: 00:30:34

And if you've got a story to

tell, please contact me on Sabre.

718

: 00:30:38

A F stories@outlook.com.

719

: 00:30:41

And don't forget.

720

: 00:30:42

You can make your catch phrase.

721

: 00:30:43

I don't drink.