Episode 8
Vic and Ellen, Sober Alcohol Free Stories , always knowing and sobriety bubbles!
Hi everyone and welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories. I'm Vic and I don't drink! Today I talked to Ellen, who bravely made the decision to stop drinking at the age of 30 and just three months before her wedding, she's never looked back and has swapped her drinking music for running music. Super inspiring.
Transcript
Hi everyone and welcome to
Sober Alcohol Free Stories.
2
:I'm Vic and I don't drink today.
3
:I talked to Ellen, who bravely made the
decision to stop drinking at the age of 30
4
:and just three months before her wedding,
she's never looked back and has swapped
5
:her drinking music for running music.
6
:Super inspiring.
7
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: hi
8
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Hi.
9
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
It is lovely to have you on,
10
:on this rather sunny evening.
11
:. I know you've listened to a few.
12
:and really it's just for
you to share your story.
13
:And the reason I ask you to do it
is because it will inspire someone.
14
:And I know that you have a milestone
coming up, so I wanna hear about that.
15
:I'm gonna hand over to ask if
you can just share the story of
16
:how you went from Ellen, who was
a drinker to where you are now.
17
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Okay, so, yeah, I'm actually turning
18
:four years sober next Saturday.
19
:which is great.
20
:if you had told me that five years
ago, I never would've believed you.
21
:I'll preface it by saying that
I got sober at 30, which, at the
22
:time felt like quite a young age.
23
:I feel like a lot more people
are getting sober these days.
24
:So I maybe don't feel as young as I did
then to have done it, I started drinking
25
:pretty standard stuff when I was.
26
:not super young, like 16, 17.
27
:but I think for me, I, I
was quite shy growing up.
28
:but I didn't have a
lot of self-confidence.
29
:And I think when I started drinking,
even like the first couple of
30
:times, I thought, this is great.
31
:Like I, I felt like I could
talk to people easier.
32
:yeah, I, I just felt like it gave
me that confidence boost, but the
33
:problem with, with learning that
sort of straight away is that there's
34
:no sort of coming back from that.
35
:So I, I think like alcohol for me equaled
like being bubblier, being more fun,
36
:having more fun sort of very early on.
37
:I didn't wanna socialize without it.
38
:and I sort of got away with that
for like my late teens and twenties
39
:because that's what everyone did.
40
:but even like early on when people
wanted to do something else that didn't
41
:involve alcohol, I was always the
one that tried to make it about that.
42
:and yeah, like that kind of worked.
43
:For a bit like, like I remember going to
uni and thinking, oh, this is gonna be
44
:great 'cause everyone's just gonna want,
like, will want to drink all the time.
45
:and then like actually finding out
that people around me were happy
46
:not to drink as much as I wanted to.
47
:So I think that's probably when, that
was the first time I thought you,
48
:you want this more than other people
49
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: It
is almost disappointing, isn't it?
50
:When you were a drinker and somebody said.
51
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah,
I thought I was gonna be like among, I
52
:mean, don't get me wrong, like we went
out, but I think when I first went to uni,
53
:like obviously you're on your own for the
first time and like I think that's when I
54
:realized I wasn't drinking on my own then.
55
:But that was when I realized I
wanted to drink a lot more than
56
:other people perhaps, or like
a lot more frequently I guess.
57
:But then, yeah, going into my,
like when you move from halls to
58
:being in a house, that's when I
actually started to drink on my own.
59
:so I guess that was a turning
point that I point to.
60
:But yeah, I sort of made it
pretty, my twenties is what you
61
:would maybe call like a sort of.
62
:Binge cycle.
63
:but yeah, that sort of got, I guess,
more problematic as I kept drinking.
64
:and then COVID happened,
well, no, I left uni.
65
:And fell into a sort of,
binge drinking cycle.
66
:I was unemployed for a while when
I was drinking, every day, drinking
67
:on my own, drinking in the morning,
like all, all the, the greatest hits
68
:of, having a issue with alcohol.
69
:and then, I, I eventually Got a job stable
and it sort of just went back to, I guess,
70
:socially acceptable drinking, but I was
drinking more, probably more than anyone
71
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.
72
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: else.
73
:I would drink before, so
we'd still go out, but I'd be
74
:drinking before we went out.
75
:and after, and then, yeah,
essentially COVID happened.
76
:we were finding.
77
:Ways to not be at the
pub, but still drink.
78
:my drinking really went indoors.
79
:I turned my spare room into a
pub to not miss the pub too much.
80
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Wow.
81
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
and then I guess when lockdown was
82
:lifted, we had like a lot of things,
like we could do a lot of stuff again.
83
:like I had a lot of things
I was looking forward to.
84
:and with that sort of.
85
:The wheels really came off.
86
:Like I had a few weekends, in like summer
:
87
:forward to like this thing and, but I
feel like my tolerance went down as well.
88
:somehow I think I had to drink so much.
89
:To feel anything that it was already
too much, if that makes sense.
90
:So by the time I felt anything,
I was already too far gone.
91
:God, that sounds awful.
92
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: I don't
93
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: But
94
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
think that sounds familiar.
95
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
does that make sense?
96
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: You're
not the only person that's said that.
97
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Really?
98
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
Because you, you are used to
99
:drinking an awful lot, so you, you
100
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
101
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: up
not feeling tipsy, which is actually
102
:what you're probably looking for.
103
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Yeah, that stage was sort of missing.
104
:It was like, oh, I don't, I don't
like recognize, this isn't working.
105
:And then suddenly I'd be like, gone.
106
:yeah, basically.
107
:So, yeah, I had a few weekends that were
just off, like I just blackout weekends.
108
:and I was getting to the point
where I thought, you know what,
109
:like, I'm not even enjoying this.
110
:This is pointless.
111
:I'm getting in some awful situations.
112
:Like I had, like nights
where I lost my purse.
113
:I was waking up with like photos
on my phone that I didn't remember
114
:taking with people I didn't even
remember speaking to, like, just,
115
:just really not, not good situations.
116
:And I was also thinking, do you know what?
117
:I'm 30 now.
118
:and I think I always knew right
from when I first ever picked up
119
:a drink that I liked it too much.
120
:I think I always knew that
one day I would have to stop.
121
:I knew that straight away and
I thought I probably need to
122
:start doing something about this.
123
:so I started like.
124
:I started fixing a date and
thinking, right, I'm not gonna
125
:drink till this thing, like this
night out or this, whatever.
126
:and I think I got to, like, I
was doing Sort of two or three
127
:weeks at a time without drinking.
128
:And actually really not only really
enjoying it, but realizing that I had
129
:like, I guess kind of reverse anxiety,
like I was getting anxious for what
130
:I was going to do before it actually
happened as opposed to what I did.
131
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah,
132
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Um, really.
133
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
I would be like, before I would
134
:feel nervous about, an eye
out a hundred percent because
135
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
136
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
I'd probably take it too far.
137
:I'd lose my bag, I'd
miss the last train home,
138
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Oh
139
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
that stuff.
140
:And then I'd probably end
up in an argument because
141
:I'd been irresponsible and
142
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: yeah.
143
:It's like you get double hang, like
144
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah,
145
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
sandwich.
146
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: It
147
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
And I just thought, do you know what,
148
:I think I realized in those sort of
stints of sobriety that I felt better
149
:just from like two or three weeks
because I thought I can do this.
150
:I feel better.
151
:Um, because I don't think you, I
think when you drink all the time.
152
:Or most of the time, like most days, you
don't realize what a big difference it.
153
:I thought I just felt like that.
154
:Like I thought, I just felt vaguely
anxious and sad and like I was
155
:sort of not quite living my life.
156
:Right.
157
:I just thought that was just me.
158
:I didn't realize if I took away
this thing that I thought was
159
:like, I used to think that I loved.
160
:Then just how much better I would feel.
161
:so yeah, basically I,
I had one last sort of
162
:week, Bender weekend, during which I find
myself sat on my friend's patio on the
163
:literal floor, talking about how I wish
I could quit altogether, I just like sort
164
:of drunkenly going on about how I, I would
love that to be me all the time, but , I
165
:just obviously couldn't do it because
how would I not drink at this thing
166
:that was coming up and how would I not
drink at that thing that was coming up?
167
:And one of those things
coming up was my wedding.
168
:and I woke up the Monday after that
barbecue, and I had downloaded,
169
:the audio book of the Sober Girl
Society Handbook by Millie Guch.
170
:And I was like, well, obviously
thought I needed to listen to that.
171
:So, I listened to it that Monday at
work and that was my day one because.
172
:I've realized through listening
to somebody my own age, sort of at
173
:my own stage in life, that, yeah,
actually, do you know what this thing
174
:you are doing that makes you feel
better temporarily can be permanent?
175
:And yeah, some well, not somehow,
like I, I did it because I wanted
176
:to, and I had to, but it's, it stuck
like, and I haven't drank since.
177
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: that's.
178
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
that, that's sort of how it happened.
179
:Thank you.
180
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: It's so
181
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Um.
182
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: it's
so, it is true though because you,
183
:because you hear so much positive
stuff about alcohol and especially
184
:as a young woman, you are, seeing
all of this sort of glamorized stuff.
185
:So you think
186
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
187
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
it's a good thing.
188
:You're told it's a good thing.
189
:It's a good thing.
190
:It's a good thing.
191
:It's fun.
192
:You are fun, it's, you are more
193
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Oh, totally.
194
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
are all this stuff.
195
:And actually there's two
things with that for me.
196
:One is you are perfectly fine.
197
:As you are, and you don't need
to be altered by something to
198
:make you fun, but we are made to
feel like that might be the case.
199
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
And maybe it's okay not to want
200
:to talk to somebody you didn't
talk to in secondary school.
201
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.
202
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Like
203
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
There was a reason you didn't
204
:speak to them in secondary school.
205
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
right.
206
:Instead of going up to them and acting
like, you were mates and in a beer
207
:garden because you've had a skim full.
208
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Oh God.
209
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
But yeah, no, exactly.
210
:And honestly, they say.
211
:That adverts aren't supposed to sell
you anything other than the product.
212
:But there's this bloody advert where
this guy's on a train and he drinks
213
:this Spanish beer, even though I'm
pretty sure it's produced in the uk.
214
:And like he literally goes
through a portal to Spain.
215
:That's how great this beer is.
216
:And I'm like, how is this
not selling us an experience?
217
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: not the
218
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
You know?
219
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
through, that's for sure.
220
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
No, no.
221
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
Upside down through some portals and,
222
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Not to Spain.
223
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah.
224
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Mm.
225
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.
226
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
And I just think this is not this,
227
:like you, you are telling me that
I'm gonna have a better time,
228
:and I believe that for so long.
229
:But yeah, and I think that's the thing,
like when I listen to that book, it's
230
:not just knowing that you can do it,
but when you listen to some facts about
231
:alcohol, like there are things that
I just feel like I couldn't unhear.
232
:Like I, I couldn't.
233
:If you just learning what
it does to your brain.
234
:Like for me, I don't
think I could go back.
235
:Well, I know I'm not gonna go back,
but there's certain things where
236
:you don't really think about it.
237
:'cause, you know, you don't learn
about these things growing up.
238
:but when you hear what is actually
happening, like physiologically
239
:when you drink, it's terrifying.
240
:And nobody tells you that.
241
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
no, nobody tells you that
242
:because it's too scary, isn't it?
243
:To confront
244
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
245
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
specifically as a, an
246
:entire society to confront
247
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Mm,
248
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
is really hard.
249
:There's something
250
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
exactly, exactly.
251
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.
252
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
pushing an addictive substance to you.
253
:This is, if you get addicted to this
addictive substance that's on you,
254
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: fault.
255
:You are.
256
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
257
:it's just a con and I think when you learn
a bit about it, or even when you just
258
:question it, like I said, towards the end.
259
:I couldn't imagine not drinking
until I stopped, but I was just
260
:thinking what is so good about this?
261
:why do I wanna keep doing this?
262
:is this fun?
263
:also I used to think, It is
such an unpredictable night out
264
:But there's nothing more predictable
than going out and having the
265
:same piss up night after night and
feeling like crap the next day.
266
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah,
267
:, ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Yeah, there might be a different set of
268
:issues that you come across this time,
269
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah,
270
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
but like it's very predictable.
271
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: cry about
272
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Um, no, exactly.
273
:Exactly.
274
:Um, but yeah, so essentially, I
thought, well, I've ruined the last few
275
:weekends drinking, I can keep ruining
the ones coming up, including, so
276
:when I quit at my, my wedding was in.
277
:Three months, like I was three
months sober at my wedding.
278
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Wow.
279
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
But that was one of those things of
280
:like, oh, maybe I'll do it after that.
281
:'cause you can possibly
get married and not drink.
282
:But honestly, I think I really
saved, well, I know, I know.
283
:I saved that like my wedding and also kind
of COVID did because it was meant to be
284
:in 2020 and we postponed it for a year.
285
:in that time I'd gotten sober, so
286
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: That was
287
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: I.
288
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
to happen for you then,
289
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
290
:I kind of have to thank the
pandemic a tiny bit for that.
291
:that was sort of, I think as well, like
I decided the things I had coming up.
292
:because we'd had lockdown, and the
restrictions had been lifted, we had quite
293
:a lot of things that we were going to do.
294
:And they'd been postponed till after
we were allowed to do them again.
295
:So we had like a couple of gigs
coming up, like another friend's
296
:wedding reception and oh God, we
went to reading festival for the day.
297
:but that was what I was , I
think about four weeks in.
298
:Probably wouldn't recommend that,
299
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Well
300
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
but um, yeah,
301
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Well.
302
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
and I feel like, I think, thank you.
303
:I think I thought, well, these could
be reasons not to do it, or these could
304
:be a set of challenges when I do them.
305
:It's probably gonna feel like things I did
that early on, so now I can, it is a bit
306
:of a risk, but for me, I knew I was done.
307
:I wouldn't necessarily say if
you're not a hundred percent sure,
308
:or if you are wobbling, I wouldn't
necessarily recommend going to red.
309
:but I was like, I'm done.
310
:I told people straight away,
311
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
I did as well.
312
:I'm done.
313
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
314
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: and I
315
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
316
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
on an all-inclusive ski trip,
317
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Oh, wow.
318
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
friends and their
319
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Oh, that's even bigger.
320
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
It was ridiculous,
321
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: wild.
322
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: it
was really good because at that point
323
:I was listening to Grace 90 day.
324
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Hmm mm.
325
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
alcohol experiment
326
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
327
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
Porter on the go as well.
328
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Oh, the best.
329
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: When
I was out, if we were having dinner,
330
:I booked the particular hotel because
you got free wine, and it was on
331
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
332
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
like a bar thing
333
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Oh, I've seen that.
334
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
then I got there and obviously it
335
:wasn't going to partake in that,
but it was interesting watching.
336
:Just how the night would go.
337
:And I've got a friend and
he won't mind me saying it.
338
:I mean, my God, he does repeat
himself when he is had a drink.
339
:He literally sat next to me and told
me the same story like four times.
340
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Oh God.
341
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
and I was like, right.
342
:And I said to my husbands,
I'm gonna go up to my room.
343
:'cause actually it's a bit boring.
344
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
345
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
you're doing it too.
346
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Yeah, totally.
347
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
they were very drunk.
348
:It wasn't like a normal
night out, but yeah,
349
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
And I think like, if you can help it,
350
:if you can stand to be around it, that
actually really helps to begin with.
351
:it was for me, like we did a
similar thing like me and my,
352
:well then fiance had booked who
do a stagger hen weekend together.
353
:And obviously we'd booked it and
then I'd turn around and go, surprise
354
:guys, I'm not drinking anymore.
355
:But plan the head around that.
356
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah,
357
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
But we still had, we still had those
358
:things like booked or like at least
we'd all booked to go away to at the
359
:same time and like have the same hotel.
360
:And like, yeah.
361
:I mean, again, like he'll forgive
me for saying, but like they, well
362
:they had had a stab do essentially,
and then like when I saw them I
363
:was like, my God, this is awful.
364
:and like also quite worrying
that if, so my husband's like
365
:one of those unicorns that can
literally have a couple of drinks.
366
:And if anything, like he
runs ultra marathons now,
367
:so he barely even does that.
368
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Mm-hmm.
369
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
so I feel like he was, not that he had
370
:to, but like he was sort of keeping up
with me and getting in these kind of
371
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.
372
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
states and I thought that's sort of
373
:a knock on effect 'cause he's just
sort of happy to, to do whatever.
374
:But I know now.
375
:That all the times that I kept pushing
the envelope and saying, no, we'll
376
:stay out for a few more or whatever.
377
:Like, obviously he was like, well, it
makes my life probably probably thinking,
378
:oh God, she's not gonna go home anyway.
379
:I just as well.
380
:but then yeah, I sort of seeing him
and think and thought, oh, right,
381
:you know, you're, you're taking
people down with you essentially.
382
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
There's company in drinking and if you
383
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
384
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
that happened here as well.
385
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah,
386
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
a bottle of wine
387
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Exactly.
388
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: one.
389
:Yeah, we don't, I don't have that anymore.
390
:So actually it's interesting 'cause
earlier on today, I went into the kitchen
391
:and the bottle was on the island and
it had one glass of wine out of it.
392
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Oh God.
393
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
I still can't
394
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: How?
395
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
understand that.
396
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
No, no.
397
:I'm very lucky.
398
:I think probably mainly because
of me, my husband's never really
399
:drank wine and now he can't start
400
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.
401
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
he doesn't like, he says the sound of
402
:it being the first glass being poured,
he hates 'cause it reminds him of,
403
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
when you were
404
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
What it used to be like.
405
:Sort of like the Yeah, well,
the start of the end I guess.
406
:but yeah, I've never understood
407
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: No.
408
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
no, a bottle was a, a, a bottle
409
:was getting drank in its full.
410
:Yeah.
411
:No, I didn't.
412
:Never understood that.
413
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
no, me neither.
414
:Who even does that?
415
:I've got quite a few people in my
life that do that, and I just can't,
416
:they can't understand how, I can't
understand, but, but I know you can
417
:understand because that is something that
418
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
419
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
Where we just go and
420
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: No.
421
:Oh, no.
422
:It's like, what the hell is the
point of a, of a like bottle stopper?
423
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: so
you stopped about four years ago.
424
:is there anything that.
425
:you would want to have had
shared with you before you stop.
426
:If someone was gonna stop now, anything
that you, advice, I suppose, that you
427
:might give them that helped you or
that you didn't get, that you think
428
:might have helped you if you'd known?
429
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
So for me it's two.
430
:I would say it's two things, which
the first one is, like I said,
431
:tell, you know, tell someone, have
someone you tell, but also like
432
:tell yourself if that makes sense.
433
:I think the language you use
with yourself when you first quit
434
:is so important because if you.
435
:Set.
436
:Like I, I see people say, oh, I
hope, like, I hope this time sticks.
437
:a bit of tough love around
how you talk to yourself.
438
:'cause if you say, oh, I really want,
I really want to quit drinking, or I
439
:really hope, that I can quit drinking.
440
:You need to say, I have quit drinking.
441
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: I don't
442
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
I don't, I don't drink
443
:like you, like you say.
444
:because if you leave that
door open even a tiny bit.
445
:It's gonna find its way back in.
446
:Like, you need to be you.
447
:Yeah.
448
:Tell yourself you've quit drinking
before you tell anyone else.
449
:'cause if you don't, then you're leaving
yourself open for it to come back.
450
:And then secondly like, be
so, so nice to yourself.
451
:Like, my thing was, and this is
what was happening when I was having
452
:like little stints of sobriety and
then going back out there into the.
453
:make your sobriety, especially
early on, something that you would
454
:miss if you go back to drinking.
455
:Like, I think you just need to make
your little sobriety bubbles so cozy.
456
:Like buy some candles with the
money you're saving 'cause you are
457
:saving money and just really treat
yourself really nicely because
458
:you're doing something really hard.
459
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yes.
460
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
And I think so.
461
:Like for example, my first sober night
out, I knew it was gonna be tough
462
:and I bought myself like the nicest
pair of pajamas for after the gig.
463
:and I knew like even if I struggled,
even if I had cravings, I was like,
464
:focused on when you've done this,
you've got like that to look forward to.
465
:But yeah, I think you just need
to be so, so nice to yourself.
466
:But also keep yourself accountable.
467
:That's, that's what I would do.
468
:Like make it a thing where you don't
wanna leave that to go back to, quite
469
:frankly, the crappy world of alcohol.
470
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
that was great advice.
471
:I love the sound of the sobriety bubble,
like making it so cozy and comfy and.
472
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
473
:treat yourself.
474
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
important, like to make that your
475
:space and that thing that you said
around, the way that we talk to
476
:ourselves and the way that we verbalize
the fact that we are not drinking.
477
:me it was like, be like super proud of it.
478
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
totally.
479
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: something
that you need to go, oh, you know,
480
:like, I, I don't, like I don't drink.
481
:You do.
482
:So you say, no, I don't drink.
483
:Thank you.
484
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: No,
and I love that now probably too much.
485
:Like if somebody offers like free samples
at a, like a food fair or something.
486
:I'm like, now I'm in recovery.
487
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
Yeah, no, thank you.
488
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Exactly.
489
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
that you feel like that because
490
:this is the thing, like it is a
really positive thing and when you
491
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: I.
492
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: when you
are in the mindset that you are in and
493
:that I'm in, it's not something you miss.
494
:It's not this sad consequence.
495
:It's not like I've had to
give up this wonderful thing.
496
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
I think as well, it's not that you
497
:don't get to do it again, it's that
you don't have to do that again.
498
:Like, 'cause if you think of the all the.
499
:Like all the worst moments
instead of looking back and
500
:thinking, oh, that was good.
501
:And like you're really only looking
at a snapshot when you think
502
:like, what was good about it?
503
:Maybe the first drink, but the
seventh was really enjoyable.
504
:like the anticipation is , if anything,
the anticipation's probably the only
505
:good part, but the, the actual reality
of getting drunk is not fun at all.
506
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: No.
507
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Like it's that.
508
:Creeping dread of, oh God,
I've gotta get myself home.
509
:Or like, I've gone too far again.
510
:Or like, there's really, yeah,
there's not, there's nothing
511
:if you really think about it,
512
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.
513
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
I don't think there's as much to
514
:miss as people think there might be.
515
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: The
truth is there isn't, but I think
516
:that it's because of the constant.
517
:This is a good thing.
518
:This is a good thing.
519
:This is a good
520
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
521
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
everywhere.
522
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
only is this good, this is inevitable,
523
:this is like a part of your life as a
person in the west, this is what we do,
524
:this is how we celebrate, this is how we
commiserate, this is how we feel boredom.
525
:This is how we deal with stress.
526
:Like yeah, it's, it's ridiculous.
527
:And like we need to realize, and I think
what I really realized actually is that I
528
:be like, it's okay not to be like.
529
:Woo-hoo.
530
:Like crazy.
531
:Everything's like going on all the time.
532
:what I've realized is I actually
just really like being content and
533
:like the things that I love doing now
are actually like the things that I.
534
:Used to think got in the way of
drinking, like sleep or like eating
535
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah.
536
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: or
actually it's like spending time with
537
:people and actually listening to them
and not constantly thinking, oh, when
538
:can I get another drink though, like the
bits that I used to think got in the way
539
:are the best parts, especially sleep.
540
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.
541
:I often
542
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: So.
543
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: say
that to me, 'cause I was the same with
544
:the, you know, sit, you'd be sitting
with a group of friends who would be, in
545
:your view, drinking incredibly slowly.
546
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Mm.
547
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
like they were.
548
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
549
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
these thoughts about, oh, I wonder
550
:when I can get another glass wine.
551
:I'm not gonna make me look like
I'm some kind of lush and um.
552
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Or like, have they poured themself more
553
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
Yeah, exactly.
554
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: oh,
555
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
That was a horrible thought.
556
:My husband put more wine in his class.
557
:I'd be furious.
558
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
oh, God.
559
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
But like all that stuff, and I think
560
:imagine if you'd put you and me and
everyone else that's been on this
561
:podcast all round the table, we'd
all just have been sat there going,
562
:When do we get, much is she add?
563
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Yeah, right.
564
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
So funny because
565
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: God.
566
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
preoccupied and it's not because you're
567
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
568
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: just,
569
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
The need to drink is so loud, like it
570
:takes up so much space and Oh, yeah.
571
:And I mean, no wonder we end up
just, well, a lot of people end up
572
:drinking alone because you've only got
yourself to worry about then, you know.
573
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah.
574
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Totally.
575
:Like I used to think that I'd rather
drink on my own than socialize
576
:with somebody and not drink.
577
:And that is, I remember thinking that in
my early twenties and thinking, so it's
578
:gonna have to be done about this one day.
579
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
you knew, didn't you?
580
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
So I feel like I always knew.
581
:Well, I had two options basically,
and I'm never take for granted that
582
:I took the right one and yeah, I
think, oh, it's just a new life.
583
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
a new life.
584
:It is.
585
:It's a whole different world, isn't it?
586
:It's just a lovely, lovely way to be.
587
:I had a tough week this week
588
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: oof.
589
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
It never crossed my mind to
590
:have a glass like nothing.
591
:It did literally didn't cross my mind.
592
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
593
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
I'm three and a half years, I'd say.
594
:It probably wouldn't have crossed my mind
a year ago, maybe even a year before that.
595
:You go from someone who, Has
alcohol, you know, just because the
596
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Mm-hmm.
597
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
just because
598
:. Kind of go from someone who
just can't cope with like normal
599
:everyday stuff without thinking,
oh, we should have glass fine with
600
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: yeah.
601
:Of course,
602
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
big stuff and it,
603
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Because the more you do it, the
604
:more you realize that you can do it,
605
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: yeah.
606
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: and.
607
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: The
608
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Like it opens so much.
609
:Yeah, exactly.
610
:And do you know what, I have to share
this because this is the big achievement.
611
:I saw Oasis on Saturday night and I
thought like, this is gonna be the test.
612
:Like this is gonna be
the one where I missed.
613
:Because, you know, it's, it's that, it's
like that culture personified, isn't it?
614
:Like cigarettes and alcohol, but, I
got to sort of partway through the
615
:gig and I just thought, you know what?
616
:I never had that.
617
:I was waiting for this.
618
:, Oh, I wish I could sort of
join in with that or whatever.
619
:But it never came.
620
:And , it's not to say, oh, I'll
never worry about it again.
621
:Like obviously you're constantly
facing different things.
622
:But like that, I will say that's
not my coping mechanism anymore.
623
:Like, that's not
624
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.
625
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
where my brain instantly goes.
626
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
of changed those pathways,
627
:haven't you, for your brain
628
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: yeah.
629
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
takes practice and time, doesn't it?
630
:and being really aware of just all
the good stuff that's come along.
631
:You wouldn't choose it because
you know that, that you've chosen
632
:to do has made you so happy.
633
:Did I see that
634
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah,
635
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
a lot well?
636
:You.
637
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: I do.
638
:Yeah, I do.
639
:I am a runner.
640
:Yeah, I, yeah, I think I've got, like,
I've, I've kind of cracked it now, like
641
:I've, I've ran for a couple of years and
thought, well, it's fine I guess, but
642
:now I am that person that does marathons
and watches other people too marathons
643
:on YouTube to see what they look like.
644
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
brilliant.
645
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
but yeah, I started when this
646
:was another lockdown thing.
647
:I was still drinking.
648
:When I started.
649
:you can't really commit to anything when
you're so fully committed to drinking.
650
:so yeah, like it's only, obviously only
improved since I stopped, so, yeah.
651
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
What a turnaround.
652
:Different life.
653
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: yeah.
654
:I love it and it is nice
to have like something.
655
:Yeah, and also, here's another good one,
like if you can't bear to part with the
656
:music that you loved when you drank,
like you can kind of repurpose it for
657
:sort of exercising and like there's some
stuff I could never listen to again,
658
:but there's some stuff where I'm like,
oh, I used to go out and listen to
659
:this, and now it's like a running tune.
660
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Yeah.
661
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
yeah, definitely.
662
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
time is up.
663
:It just disappears, doesn't it?
664
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
That flu.
665
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: I
666
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: Yeah.
667
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: It was
so lovely of you to share your story
668
:I can't tell you how big a congratulations
you're getting from me for four years.
669
:That's phenomenal.
670
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: you.
671
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
what a story.
672
:And congratulations just on all of it.
673
:you are
674
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Thank you very much.
675
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
will be listening to this and
676
:thinking, right, she did it.
677
:And particularly you are younger than a
lot of the people that I've spoken to.
678
:So, you know, you stopped at 30
679
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
I do kind of hope to be a
680
:bit of a voice for that.
681
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
and it's great.
682
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
because why wait, I just thought I could
683
:wait another 10 years and still have
to do this, or I could get on with it,
684
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: And
685
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: so,
686
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
in 10 years you don't, know
687
:what could have happened.
688
:Like something could have happened to you.
689
:You could have been in
danger, like you could,
690
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Exactly.
691
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
So it's just amazing
692
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Exactly.
693
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: And
I've actually got a friend, she might be
694
:listening to this, and she's around 30.
695
:She sometimes says, oh, one day
Vic, 'cause she listens to my
696
:podcast even though she's a drinker.
697
:But she says One day, Vic,
698
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Oh, that's good.
699
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
so she probably knows who she is.
700
:I'm gonna leave this bit in,
say to her, you could do it now.
701
:You know.
702
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Oh, totally hit me up.
703
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: Well,
704
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
No, I love that.
705
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316:
Thank you for your time.
706
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317: you.
707
:Thank you for having me.
708
:vic-host129_1_07-08-2025_180316: And,
we'll share it with all the listeners.
709
:So, thanks so much and
have a lovely evening
710
:ellen--she-her-_1_07-08-2025_180317:
Thank you.
711
:Hi.
712
:Thank you for listening.
713
:To Sabre alcohol-free stories.
714
:If this episode helped you,
Please like share and follow.
715
:Or leave a review on pod chaser.
716
:Dot com.
717
:And if you've got a story to
tell, please contact me on Sabre.
718
:A F stories@outlook.com.
719
:And don't forget.
720
:You can make your catch phrase.
721
:I don't drink.